Reality Check -- Kindergarten Dynamics

Updated on October 30, 2013
J.R. asks from Washington, DC
14 answers

Hi All,
I am trying to process some recent events at our kindergarten. (We live abroad) My son loves it. Is happy. Has lots of friends. I love it. The parents. the community....

Just wondering if the dynamics are just a part of kindergarten life...and I should think nothing of it....
And/or any similar stories you feel like sharing....just so I can try to put into perspective...

As an aside...some of the children involved are good friends of my sons:
Over the past month and a half
-- 2 children peed in the garbage can in the playground
-- one child made a very big scratch on another child's face...
-- one child hit another on the face with his lunchbox
-- one child scratched another with fork tongs ...
-- some children were ripping up books...writing on the wall...

Thank you in advance for any perspective....

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K.C.

answers from San Francisco on

Most of those behaviors sound fairly typical for five year olds. The hitting and scratching, while not acceptable behaviors, certainly are not abnormal behaviors. The teacher should respond quickly and firmly to any physical action of one child against another.

Ripping up books and writing on the wall is probably a way of testing what is and isn't acceptable at school. Kids this age want to know what they can get away with and how their teacher's rules differ from their parents' rules.

Peeing in the garbage can is one I haven't heard of before. Pretty gross but, then again, little boys can be pretty gross sometimes! :D

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J.C.

answers from Anchorage on

While all that behavior is inappropriate, you have to remember we are dealing with 4 and 5 year old children here, and some bad behavior is to be expected. Hopefully the school is handling these issues as they come up.

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C.O.

answers from Minneapolis on

Wow, sounds like a volatile kindergarten class. I hope the teachers dealt with this behavior and things improve.

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S.G.

answers from Grand Forks on

These are all very normal behaviours for kindergarten kids. They may not be acceptable behaviours, but they are normal.

ETA: Most little boys I know love to pee outside, because they can!

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M.J.

answers from Sacramento on

My son and his best friend peed on each other in the kindergarten bathroom. They just thought it was funny. At least those boys chose a garbage can. :)

The rest sounds like typical stuff. Keep in mind that kindergarteners are still very young children. They just mastered potty training, and some, just barely. They're going to make bad, impulsive decisions.

The big question here is how the teacher and administrators handle the bad behaviors. If you're satisfied they're doing all they can to correct the bad behaviors, then all is well.

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M.B.

answers from Seattle on

Nope, none of that is normal at either of my children's schools. This behavior sounds more like 3 year old behavior, not 5 year old.

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C.S.

answers from Las Vegas on

I would love to say this is horrible and unacceptable behavior, but 2 years ago, my sweet little girl punched her now (and then too) friend in the arm. She cried and had no reason for doing it.

The teacher just said they get frustrated and do stuff. She didn't condone it, but let us know, it happens.

Not one, but 2 kids peed in the trash? Where the heck are you? This has to come from an adult who said it was okay because they couldn't get to a restroom in time or had to pay out in public. Question...how did a kindergartner reach a playground trash can?

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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

Okay:
so no matter where in the world you are, things like that... need to be corrected. And the kid(s) disciplined etc.
No matter where you are in the world, there is "right" and "wrong," appropriate/inappropriate.

AND if this happened in school (at my kids' school for example), AND another kid got INJURED and/or it drew blood or caused bruising or a lump or whatever... the SCHOOL/Teacher/Health Aide, would be processing this/handling it, per their role at the School and PER the school policies and procedures. AND the parent(s) hopefully, are also informed of it. Schools need to also fill out an "incident" report per certain situations.
All schools here, whether it be private or public, have, policies and procedures.

In Kindergarten, being this is Elementary SCHOOL... a child is expected to know and follow school rules etc. And to learn not only academics, BUT about, behavior too.

Now, I have in-laws from Europe. A cousin of my kids came here once to visit. She also spent a day at my daughter's school, for a day. Now, she made a comment that during lunch at my kids' school, that "lunch in the cafeteria is boring...." So we asked her why? And she said "because no one makes trouble.... at my school at lunch the kids are all loud and throwing food and making trouble, just kids having fun...." and nothing is done about it. The cousin even said "it is CHAOS.... " The cousin noted how the kids here at my kids' school is "so behaved..." and she was surprised.
Um okay! She even told my daughter's Teacher that. And growing up, my Husband who is also from Europe, said that kids behaved, much like the description you noted in your post. Um, okay! But he agrees, that it is bad rude behavior. But the Teachers there are different. The schools there are different, etc. Not that it is "better." It is just that the kids are pretty much on their own and off on their own. No matter what age.
Again, not that it is "better." Even my Husband said that. And he is from there.

ETA: the Kindergarten Teachers at my kids' school... do not just blow off behavior like that. They don't say oh well they are young and kids do that. No, the Kindergarten Teachers, are very proactive in ALSO teaching the young kids, who have just started Elementary school... HOW to behave and what is right and wrong, appropriate and inappropriate. And they DO, correct those behaviors, as much as they have to. Why? Because, these Kindergarten kids, will then go on... to 1st grade/2nd grade etc. and behavior like that needs to be, addressed.
Not just blown off.
It is, school.

If your own kid was doing that, at home... it would not be "allowed" right?
If it were my kid that was being scratched, I wouldn't like it.
And ripping up school property, and making graffiti... that is not nice.
It is school property... it costs money to clean up and replace things.
etc.
It is school.
Not daycare.

As for peeing in the garbage can... well, my Husband who is from Europe said, they did things like that as kids too, as teenagers too, and adults too. He said if they had to pee, they did. Sure, they can go to a bathroom, but peeing like that is lazy. Disrespectful of the place etc. Now, it is no wonder, that some places in Europe, reek of STINKY pee. They have a different... attitude about it. Or whatever.
Once my son when younger peed in the yard. And tried to do that at a park once, just in a corner of the grass. NO I told him. He said "But Daddy said they did that when they were kids...."
I tell my Husband, SEE what you taught him. He thinks it okay and fine and cool. Ahem.
No. You don't just go around peeing wherever you want.
Even a Toddler can learn that.
So a Kindergartener, can too.

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S.R.

answers from Washington DC on

I would only follow up on things that actually happened to your kid....some of this stuff might be hearsay etc. Most of it is regular kid stuff...the scratching and fork tongs sound like issues for the parents of those kids to follow up on.

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C.T.

answers from Santa Fe on

I guess you need kindergarten teachers to answer...to tell you what their classes were like. My son's Kindergarten he started in was a little chaotic bc the teacher was a softie. But all the kids seemed to get along and there was nothing like this going on that I knew of. It was just kind of loud with talking at some times. Then we moved half-way through the year and his 2nd Kindergarten teacher was better at keeping kids in line. That said she said she had some really unruly boys that year and it was hard for her. She developed an awards system that helped with most of these kids. In both classes our son had lots of friends and enjoyed himself. I never heard of any hitting/etc, but I think just the parents of the hitter/hittee find out and it's not announced to anyone else, so who knows what happened. I can't tell you if your son's class is normal or not but it sounds like they are a bit out of control to me. Do they have enough adult's in the classroom and playground? Maybe they need more supervision.

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S.L.

answers from New York on

Yes the kids are normal. No the amount of supervision in the school is not up to par.

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J.O.

answers from Detroit on

Sounds not too abnormal.
I saw a lot of this in Asia for some reason. The kids clobbered each other!
It would not be tolerated here in our school, meaning it'd get dealt with and fast.

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M.L.

answers from Cleveland on

I recognized your question and went back to look at your previous posts I have to say, I can't tell if you are just a new mom of an only or if you kid's schools are crazy.

when I was in kinder in the ahem 70's my mom tells me I had to see the principal because I tackled a boy that was drawing on the wall back in the little cubby area we hung our coats in. I have no memory of this, but i'm sure I was just trying to get him to stop defacing school property.

my dd's teacher accidentally scratched her on the face today when dd walked by and teacher was holding a sheaf of papers in her hand and she wave them right when dd walked by.

When I taught preschool there was a little girl that had pooped her pants and not told the teacher and left a little trail of nuggets as she ran across the playground and they fell out her pant leg.

stuff happens, like others have said, it depends on how it is handled and what the overall vibe of the class is like.

Kid are going to get hurt, kids are going to be mean, life happens, and we shouldn't over react to little things. this is time to teach life skills like standing up for what is right,-appropriately by telling the teacher not tackling like me, how to do what is right even when others are peeing in the garbage can, how to say sorry when you accidentally clock your friend w a lunch box,

I'm glad you asked for a reality check and I can see from your posts that you are becoming more relaxed about the little things like this. I hope your son is enjoying his class and learning a lot. lol, that reminds me of the Robert Fulgrum books Everything I need to know I learned in Kindergarten.

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M.M.

answers from Chicago on

This sounds 100% average for my son's kindergarten class. The same kind of antics happen. The kids either get happy faces or frowny faces from their teachers, depending on behavior.
Mine got a few for playground rough housing/fighting, until he learned to keep his hands to himself.
We also see "inappropriate use of art matierals" a lot...which means writing in the wrong places, etc...

Sounds normal to me.

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