Question for Women Who's Husband Left Them

No one did ANYTHING for me. Well, my mom helped me out financially, while telling me she had it worse cuz she did with 3 kids and my life was easy because I only had 1 kid.

What WOULD I have liked?

Someone to listen to me. Someone who can take my kids if I can't stop crying. Someone who can call me on my bullsh*t when it's time for me to get my sh*t together. Someone to be excited for my first date. Someone who can explain to my kid that mom is doing everything she can and that everybody is trying their hardest, but you know it's hard for them, too.

I think you're doing all you really can. You could treat her to some salon services or something, having your husband cheat on you has to really hurt your self esteem and maybe a new haircut and manicure will help her feel more desirable. Maybe she's okay in that regard, but I think most women would feel like they weren't desirable, they didn't have the "oomph" to keep their husband faithful, even though it is not her fault at all. As parents we often put aside our own needs (or wants), and it's amazing what the smallest thing can do for our self esteem.

However, if she's like me she won't want you to spend money on a salon service for her, she'll feel guilty and bad that you're spending your hard earned cash on her, so I'd tell a little white lie and say you got a spa treatment for two as a gift or you won it or something, and wondered if she'd want to join you. That way it doesn't seem like you're doing something out of pity, but more like you just got a surprise for yourself and a friend and would like to share it with her.

honestly the one thing that helped M. was the few people that offered to go out with M. to J. have fun and be an adult and talk about things or avoid talking for the day and J. enjoy a friends company.

A few friends and I went to coffee and walked around a mall
another friend went to the bar with M., i had been to the bar many 2 times since i was 21 and i was 26 and it was something to get my mind off of things

but mostly the times without my daughter were sepnt with M. being bummed and alone in the begining because my friends were married with kids and an intact family ....so the times where they made an effort to distract M. on nights my daughter was with her dad in the begining helped ALOT

You are doing a great job being a friend...a listening ear and giving her a break from kids.

My dad left my mom. It was a horrible time in all our lives.

Our church(meaning the collective offerings from kindhearted people. God doesn't need the money contributions..it is to help the needy) helped with our family's bills and food for a substantial amount of time. Ladies reached out to my mom to make her feel included.

I am so sorry your friend is going through this...it makes my heart ache remembering what my mom went through. And continues to go through. It turned her world upside down and she has never recovered emotionally.

I wish you the best.

My husband didn't leave me. I left him.
Totally different scenario.

I wasn't having affairs, but he was.
I was strategic, I got out, with help, I never looked back.

15 years later, we get along now so that part is never too late. We share kids and a grandchild.

It was my experience that the churches we asked for help from wanted us to save our marriage at all costs..........meaning me letting everythng go.
I wasn't prepared to do that. Forgiveness is divine, but what was my husband supposed to do to gain back my trust:?
I very much felt like it all fell on me to make it right when I wasn'r the one wno had strayed. Ever.
The church thing didn't help me too much. My husband didn't believe in it anyway.

Just let your friend know that she can do it on her own if she has to. She has lots of options. She doesn't need a man to complete her. Espeically if he's not an honest man.

If he wants to go....let him.
Survival is the best possible revenge.
I bet she can survive just fine and he'll want to come crawling back.

That part is up to her.

Just my opinion.

Just be there like you are, supportive. Same with the church, though they might be better able to help with financial assistance if needed, mine did.

What meant the most to me is that people loved me for me, not dwelling on the fact I'd been half a couple. Her world is undeniably crumbling apart around her, allow her to sort it out, it may take a long time. Include her and her children in your activities from time to time, stay a friend.

just be there regardless of her decision. There were days where I felt accomplished bc I kept breathing. I functioned for the kids and then fell apart with my friends when the kids weren't around. If the kids spend any time alone with their dad, take her out of the house. It helped me when friends took me out (even if I wasn't sure I wanted to) to get me away from the situation. There was so much tension and uncertainty at home, it was a relief to be out of the house and not have to be "ok" for the kids.
My church wasn't helpful in this regard. A friend once told me that people know what to say when you get married, have a baby, even when someone dies, but no one knows what to say when you get divorced or are having problems. That was true for me. Our split was very public and people asked a LOT of questions. Going out to the bar wasn't always easy bc I knew I would get questions. Be there and cut off any questions if you can.
There's some great resources and boards Online for your friend and that helped me a lot. I also did counseling - as a couple and by myself. It's a very long road to become whole again and she'll need your continued support for a long time. I had awesome friends who supported me while I tried to figure out what I wanted. They took care of the kids when I struggled and took care of me. Your friend is very lucky

Just let her vent even if she says the same thing over and over.