Question for Moms with Three or More Kids

I drag the younger ones whereever we need to go. I don't think the lives of the older ones should stop or be put on hold because of a new baby. Babies are pretty easy and resilient. By doing that, the baby will most likely sleep anytime, anywhere, through anything.

I did limit activities, with 8 kids I would never have a moments rest if I didn't.

They never resented it. They picked one or two things they really like and worked at those, instead of a bunch of different things.

I just raised my younger two in a minivan. I lost number three in a corn field next to the soccer field once but he seemed to have enjoyed that experience more than I did. :p

At least to me you do what you can do and if you find you hit your limit then you cut back.

I'll be totally honest. With #3 and #4, I dragged them ALL over town. Day to night. I did more than any mom I know (sports, music, etc.) for my 2, 3 and 5-year-old. And they didn't even do team sports yet!

Now, with #5 on the way, I hit a limit. I hit it pretty hard. I cancelled ALL of our activities because driving around town, waiting in lobbies for ONE kid to do something (and bless those that actually accommodate 2 kids at once) is getting old! I feel like life was JUST getting easier now that the current baby can sleep better at night, and I know what's coming! I am not complaining. I am just saying that life is very different for us now.

Instead of all those activities, I put the preschoolers in for 5 hours most day. So they get plenty of stuff to do there. I put the oldest (first grade) in an after-care program he LOVES. The kids are still busy, but I don't have to drive around and wait in lobbies.

I had no problems driving a newborn around all day. It was easy (unless they woke to scream). It wasn't that aspect that was difficult. It's now just too many little people to do so much. Life was crazy. We were not getting time to cook dinner. It's better now. I would not have kids give up stuff just because I had a newborn. But with 5 kids under 7, I can't handle going all over town. It would take 20 minutes to load the van for a 30 minute activity! I know my limits. :)

p.s. I didn't ask or expect it but moms have come out of the woodwork to help carpool with my eldest. He actually has been able to do a sport because of it. Without their help, I could not handle that. I am actually throwing up daily right now so waiting around in lobbies with 4 kids while 1 does a sport...no thanks!

I grew up never involved in organized sports or activities until High School. We played outside and organized our own games with very little parental involvement.

Now that I am grown I see the good that comes from letting kids learn new skills and find their passion/hobby. We let our kids each pick one or two activities(a sport and a music)...but at about age 8. They don't always choose 2. Yet, during the summer when our time opens up more than we participate in day camps and other activities and limit the organized sports teams. Our kids are 13,10,6.

I don't like hustling and bustling around from activity to activity because it puts a strain on family time,dinner time,down time and homework time. I find everyone is feeling pressured and stressed on the weeks when all the activities collide and then there are other demands on top of them. Everyone feels rushed and tempers flair because outside forces are dictating when and where we need to be.

We just try to take inventory often on how the kids are doing, how peaceful our home feels and then make decisions to first and foremost protect the peacefulness in our home.

When I had a newborn then we definitely let up on our outside commitments...and my kids tended to enjoy that time most. Meant for more cuddling and reading, playing outside with friends and endless hours of Lego&Bionicle building. And baby was able to sleep in own bed and nurse when needed.

I wouldn't worry about resentment of the new baby. Being in a family means give and take. It would be a good lesson for them to learn that sometimes we have to do what is best for someone else.

I think if you approach the subject with them that it is for a short time and that mommy and the baby need to make certain changes for a while then they will be more accepting. Make sure that when baby is napping you use that time to spend some bonding time with the older kids. That time might not be spent on the soccer field with a team and coach...but in your backyard kicking the ball with them and talking about their day,joys,fears,friends etc.

Have a special treat together when baby is napping..make it a special time...and they will feel like it is a special time. A load of laundry can be going while you are playing with the kids. Dinner quickly whipped together with the kids in the kitchen and then send them out to play in the yard while you put your feet up and take a breather and cheer from the patio.

Congrats on baby #4 coming!!

I always limited my kids to 2 activities at a time. What they wanted to do changed from year to year but there was never more than 2 activities per child.

A lot of parents seem to feel that if their kids are involved in a lot of stuff it'll keep them out of trouble. They also seem to feel like if they expose their kid to a lot of different things it'll make them a more well rounded person. And more over they think that if they give their children all these experiences then it somehow means that they are great parents.

From my experience I found that it's better to give them experiences without overwhelming them. My kids were able to play a season of sports without having to commit to it for years. They were able to take music lessons for years because that's what they loved. They tried all different things before finally deciding what they really liked. No pressure to be the best or participate because everyone else was doing it.

I would limit them to one activity each at a time. We do that even when there isn't a new baby. Look for other ways for your kids to be active. I think kids today are way too over scheduled. Everyone enrolls their kids in "enriching" classes and activities and between that and homework overload kids don't get enough time for just being kids and playing freely using their own resources. (Which is excellent for so many skills like creativity, ingenuity, leadership, etc. and no class or sport can offer in quite the same way.) At their ages they should living outside as much as possible: riding bikes, building forts, exploring nature, playing at the park, and coming up with their own fun games to do. Invite friends over and let them play basketball or send them on a scavenger hunt. As winter approaches bundle everyone up well and talk walks together as a family, build a snowman, and have a snowball fight. Go ice skating and sled riding. Finish whatever activities out they are in now, but then cut back to just one each - before the baby is born. And tell them it is because you want them to enjoy playing more on their own and you feel like you need more family time. Don't blame it on the baby at all and they won't be resentful of the baby.

We limited the kids to one sport or main activity per semester/season. Especially in HS, there's so much - AP classes, homework, may be a PT job...one was enough, and the sks never complained about being limited to one. So I wouldn't say they have to quit everything, but I think that having them focus on one thing they love vs two that are OK is good for everybody. My SS was usually in a sport and my SD usually in theatre. When DD came along, we took her with us. I would lay it out not as "the baby is coming" but "wow, this is crazy. ONE activity per semester, please!" Try to take back some family time.

And there's another thought - is it really more important to have a child in an organized sport or is it more important/better use of time to take ALL the kids on a walk, bike ride, to the park,etc? Some of our best moments have been unstructured. And sometimes if you want a real change, you need to not say "you go do this" but "let us all..."

You could still do all the activities with the older kids and bring baby along. Just sign you and baby up on the weekend or while there in school for a class the baby and you can go to by yourself. That way the baby gets to join in on all fun of doing a class too. You can even sign your 3 year old up for a drawing or sport class at a park center it will make them feel like a big kid.

Its time to start networking with other parents. You can make up car pools for the practices and take turns going with hubby. Bringing baby along is not an issue if the 3yr old will behaving and stay close. is he a runner? I had a 13yr old in basketball, volley ball and cheerleading and a 7 yr old and 6 yr old both in soccer and baseball as well as chess and choir and a new baby . When the youngest hit 2nd we had him in 2nd, older boys 1 in junior high and one in highschool and daughter in college. so all those activities in 4 different schools. it was hard. but we did the divide and conquer thing. it works out but you need to share rides. or give another parent money for gas and have them pick up and drop off the kids for practice then you only have to shuffle actual games. it helps a lot

Keep doing what your doing life doesn't end when you have a new baby it can become more complicated when there is lack of routine or not on a schedule.I have 4 my baby was a newbie when t-ball & baseball began last season.I'm also a ft sahm so I get to play the field as to what & when we do things.Everday I tell my kids what the plan is when they come home from school so for there are no surprises.

I always dragged baby along. It was only h*** o* me, not baby. The kids enjoyed staying active, and the baby could care less. Congrats and sending you strength!

Four kids. One activity each. However, they could join anything after school as long as they could take the late bus home. Worked well for us.

It may depend a lot on the temperament of the baby. I had one who cried nonstop if we were in the car after dark. That meant even as early as 5pm in the winter. A crying baby in the car is h*** o* everyone. I had another who didn't mind being nursed on one side, getting in the car to take brother to school, then coming home to nurse on the other side. I think it also depends on how busy you are right now. Do you have an hour or two between things to attend to the baby if needed or are you already running from one thing to the next? For how long are you typically traveling? What I ended up doing was to cut down a little on the activities and then ask a neighbor to take care of some of the transportation-- especially during the afternoon, which is typically nap time and I needed the nap too. You'll figure it out.

I've got five kids ages 2 through 7, and we don't have the kids in many activities at all. We value our lives being family-centric, rather than peer-centric. Also, a lot of studies show that competitive activities before the jr. high years do more damage than good to a child.

We are still very active and all go out for long walks or to play ball in the yard together, and my kids still have a lot of friends, but our focus is on having a simple, happy life together as a family.

We do a lot of divide and conquer. My oldest two are both 14 (son and step-daughter) so in addition to them both being in activities, she lived almost an hour away until 2 years ago, adding to the logistical challenges. My husband used to have to drive 2 hours round trip every Friday night or Saturday morning to bring here here and then the same trip Sunday afternoon, plus going to her important events during the week when he could. When our youngest was born, the next oldest was almost 2 and the older kids were 7 & 8. We used to often have one of us with the baby (usually me due to breastfeeding) and the other would take our 2-year-old when we would split up to get the older kids where they needed to be.

I can say that my younger two are much more flexible and easy-going than their older siblings, because the world hasn't revolved around them for even a minute of their lives. They have both been more eager to start sports and activities and school and a younger age because they're already familiar with things. School was so easy because by the time they got to Kindergarten, they had been there so many times they felt like it was their second home. My youngest (now 6) played soccer and hockey at age 3. My 8-year-old has done t-ball, hockey, basketball, soccer, karate, ground fighting and has played drums and takes art classes.

My oldest kids have continued to do one sport per season. My SD has actually never played a team sport, but has a black belt in karate and now does kickboxing, boxing and MMA so that's three times a week, year-round. My oldest son plays hockey 8 months a year and then plays lacrosse for 5 months.

It's a lot to juggle, but just take it day by day. There have been some nights even recently when all 6 of us needed to be in different places - in those cases, mom & dad's commitments take priority, the older kids baby-sit if we need them to, and we lean on friends to see if they can give one of the kids a ride somewhere. Carpooling is an option you'll use as your kids get older and they don't want/need you there for practices and then you only stay for the games/meets/final show/recital. Your 10 year old is probably at that stage already, and your 7-year-old is old enough to not have a parent there if another parent can be your emergency standby. When I was pregnant with my youngest, I got in the habit of finding a parent at a practice who had my cell number and could call if anything was needed, then would let my 7-year-old know that I would be back in an hour and go to Mrs. Smith if he needed anything.

Congrats and best wishes on your pregnancy - don't stress about this too much, make each decision as it comes up.

One of my friends/distant family member has 6 kids ranging in age from sophomore in college to 5 yrs old. Her eldest kids were VERY active in sports in high school, so she took the baby with her to every wrestling tournament, etc. The baby pretty much grew up in a gym, but he is now very into it himself. I don't know many 5 year olds who can run 3 miles on a treadmill, but this kid does! Her 9 year old can do 52 chin-ups, and also runs all the time. They've really adjusted, and it hasn't hurt any of them.

I think the biggest thing is that as a parent you'll have to be creative and willing to be on the move with them.