Question About Alcoholism

F.,

As Ginger and Rebecca said as well, Al-Anon is a wonderful place to start. As much as we would love to label others alcoholics, it is a self diagnosed disease. Al-Anon has information about alcoholism and more importantly the effects it has on the friends and families of people who drink. The only requirement for attending meetings is that someone elses drinking bothers you. It's a safe place to go to get information from others who have been through the same situation.

I wouldn't worry about it right now. My father was an alcoholic and the part that is harmful is when his mood changes when he drinks. My dad was a jerk when he drank and I'm sure he drank when he wanted to avoid problems he had. Just to be sure that your hubby is drinking to wind down just ask him if anything is bothering him. I stay home with my kids and some evenings I like to drink to calm me down. It really doesn't sound harmful to me at this point as long as it doesn't cause any problems between the two of you.

D.

Hi there!

I come from a LONG line of alcoholics! Both of my parents, my uncle, my grandfather. I have watched all their different patterns and how it effects each of their lives. My dad and his father before him were and are the raging alcoholics. Drinking bring out anger in them. My mother makes the wrong decisions while drinking. Like driving and losing her CDL then her job. She also meets her boyfriends at bars, so they are always drinkers as well and their relationships always end badly.

Anyways, the way to tell if you should be concerned about your husband is if he generally has an addictive personality. Meaning, does he easily get hooked on doing things? It could be anything - gambling, playing a sport, eating, spending money, fixing up a vehicle, etc. If the majority of the things your husband involves his self has become an addiction - then you should be very concerned and nip it in the bud!

Because of my parents I do have an addictive personality. Food, shopping on ebay, collecting things - I easily get out of control with. For that reason I rarely drink and quit smoking years ago. Once you realize what your "issues" are it is easy to watch yourself closely!

Lastly, addicts almost always say they HAVE to drink or do a drug for a reason! If you ask someone why they drink and their answer is I like to have a few occassionally to celebrate - you know they are in control. If you hubby says he needs it to sleep, buy him a bottle of Tylenol PM and tell him to try that. If he fights you over a simple solution - you should really seek help! It is also better to get his attention on the possible problem as soon as possible. People that have drank as long as my family - it is impossible for them to see the error. They feel they have lived life this long and it hasn't hurt anything so they are okay to drink.

I have been through a lot with alcoholics and am always available to chat! I know the entire thing is scary, so message me if you need anything!

Best of luck and stay strong!

H.

I am not sure this will help much but here goes. It really depends on the person. My ex started the exact same way and most of it was just a release for stress and relaxation. Within let's say 9 months he was a full blown alcoholic and I never saw it coming. He was in and out of rehab for the next couple of years. It started with a beer after coming home from work. Social drinking on the weekends with friends. Before long he could not do without. I am sure there were underlying factors however it is going to depend on the person. Does he have an addictive personality? You have to look at other factors of his life. NOt everyone is going to end up an alcoholic however this would be something I would stay on top of you don't want to be blindsided. Hope this helps a little.

This is a form of alcoholism. It is an excuse that he uses it to fall asleep. Trying doing something to your husband (intimacy) that will make him fall asleep instead of him using the alcohol. If you get my drift.

I would say that there's reason for concern. Have you tried talking without any criticism or judgement in your voice? Ir's hard for a wife to do that sometimes when our husbands are doing things we disagree with. Sweet communication and prayer are good routes to take I think.

Best wishes!

oh honey, yes, this is sounding a lot like alcoholism to me. my mother was an alocoholic, and that's how she started, saying that she needed it to help her calm her nerves to help her sleep. honey please be careful, this would be a major concern for just about everybody. don't force the issue with him, becasue at this point he doesn't think he has a problem. i wish i knew what to tell you to do, i really do, but right now the important thing is to try to find a way to make him see that he has a problem. i'll pray hard for you!

Dear F.:
My 2 cents: Any REGULAR daily consumption of alcohol paves the way to alcoholism, even just one or two beers. And if you are tired enough, you can sleep without it. Or alternate with a sleeping aid. If he cannot or will not go without it for a week, he may be addicted already.

Before the physical addiction comes the habitual addiction. He may feel that he could do without (and he may be right), but he does not want to miss out for whichever reason (sleep, happy hour, etc.). Then it is a matter of time and higher doses until it gets physical.

Finally, alcoholics are grandmasters of making excuses why they drink. Unfortunately, I encountered dirty looks and disbelief when I had a beer or two and switched to coke because I had to drive later, so society doesn't always make it easy. Luckily, if he drinks at home you don't have to deal with that - public daily happy hours would be worse.

If all else fails, make a tempting bet with him to be dry for a week. Wager something you can afford and that he wants. If he fails that bet, you should be very worried. Make it a week without special events that typically include a drink, like birthdays or a company Christmas party.

Regards,
W.

I would be concerned about this situation. I would continue to discuss how you feel about this with him (mention the negative impact of drinking as role model for his kids). Are you at home when he gets off work to be his support system? Maybe he would consider going on a walk or jog or watching t.v. before going to bed to relax and unwind. Does the bedroom have room darkening shades and curtains? Is the house quiet during the day?

I hope that this doesn't get too long... my father is an alcoholic. I am 34 years old and he has drank my entire life. However, my Mother never said a thing... because... he was what she would call a 'functional' alcoholic. He drank EVERY day, but NEVER missed a day of work, never raised his voice, never became violent, never cheated...(you get the picture). But he came home from work every single day and drank... then quietly went to bed. In her words... "his drinking isn't hurting anyone". This went on for about 30 years. About 7 years ago his father died... prior to his death... we were dealy with Alzehiemers... the stress of my father changing his own father's diapers.. sent him over the edge and the drinking picked up and picked up and picked up. Before long he was drinking a 5th of Rum a day. Then he lost job after job... was sleeping all day and drinking at night. After 36 years of marriage and after many a day/night begging him to stop, my mother packed her bag and prepared to leave him. This scared the ____@____.com out of him and he checked himself into the Tau center. During the course of his treatment he suffered a stroke. The stroke was the result of SEVERE DT's... He is better now, but still has memory loss, seizures and is unable to work (can work a little) But at least he knows who we are now (he didn't in the beginning). My point is... even though his drinking seems harmless, IT'S not and in the long run WILL AFFECT everyone in HIS family... and like the other poster said... if he is dependent on it.. then he is addicted. However, there is nothing that you can do about it! That sounds harsh... but he is the ONLY one that can decide to change. When my Mother prepared to leave she did not say to him that she was going to leave if he didn't stop... What she said to him was..."You know how I feel, You have made your choice. Based on that choice I am leaving." Never once in 36 years had she threatened to leave (it was something they NEVER threw into each other's faces).. so he knew she was for real. And the only thing is to let him KNOW in no uncertain terms how you feel about it. He has to make his own choices.
You are in my prayers... and I wish you and your family the best!

F., you have A LOT to be concerned about! He is becoming an alcoholic. Any time you become dependent on something...it is called an addiction. I am going thru something similiar with my husband. Unfortunately I haven't found a solution to the problem. The more I push to get him to stop, the more I become the "bad guy". Be careful and I wish you ALL THE LUCK in the world!!! Pray a lot!

I am somewhat having the same problem with my husband. He has always been a drinker since he was in high school. His father also drinks all the time, so I blame his father most of the time because he hasn't set a good example. When we first got married my husband would drink with his friends almost every night and most of the time I would have to drive him home. He also is not abusive, but he doesn't know when to stop. I finally got him to stop going to his friends after many arguments, but he still drinks when he is at home. Whenever we do anything with friends or family he still gets pretty drunk so I end up having to take care of him. He also has never missed work over his drinking so I don't like to talk to him about it, but it really bothers me. In the last year and a half he has changed jobs about 5 times. Not because of the drinking, but because he did not like the job or his boss. This has put us behind on most of our bills. He just recently started a job in Robstown and said that he was going to stick with this job. Then last night they stayed in a hotel that had a restaurant/bar in it. After talking to him I could tell that he had been drinking and told him that he needed to go to bed because they had to work the next day. A couplt hours after that he called me again and this time I could tell that he had way to much to drink. He was also mad at his boss and was talking about quiting. I got so mad and told him some things that I probably should not have said, but I am at my wits end. With both his drinking and the way that he keeps changing jobs. I have not talked to his since last night so I hope that he did not do anything stupid. I know this is long and probably doesn't help you out any, but I needed to vent. I just can take this anymore, but I am a SAHM still going to school, so I could not support my kids if I left him. I love him very much, but he just does not listen to me. Thanks for listening and good luck with your husband.

Hi I am a recovered alcoholic and to me it sounds like he might have a drinking problem.. you said he has to drink to fall asleep and is drinking everyday but he is not violent that is good but alcoholism is a progressive illness which means it will only get worse never better I would just watch his behavior and maybe mention to him that you are a little worried about his drinking. The problem with people who are alcoholic drinkers they are in such denial and are so scared that they may never be able to drink again.. The best advice I can give you is just try to be as calm and understanding as you can, remember this is a disease and he is your husband you will love him through sickness you can always go to Alanon which is a group that meets that has family members that are alcoholic... I hope this helped AA is awesome here in SA as well..
bye G.

he is a "functional alcoholic". i think it is a cause for concern because this isn't normal behavior. he may be a great hubby but the constant alcohol consumption isn't. would he be open to counseling?

My husband does the exact same thing. He doesn't claim it helps him to sleep. Lord knows he doesn't need help falling asleep. His job does that to him. He grew up around alcohol, drank at an age starting in high school and really hasn't quit. He may have an alcohol problem, I believe, but is not an alcoholic. My husband doesn't need a drink as soon as he gets up in the morning. I do not approve of the need to alter his state of mind while he's at home, and certainly not when he's out. He only drinks heavily around his heavily drinking family. I think they all try to be responsible drinkers, but they do let themselves get carried away some weekends. I know it's nothing you can change in your husband. He has to want to change. He's definitely got an alcohol problem and there's no way to say for sure he'll become an alcoholic. I think it's unfair to label him that way or assume he's going to be. I think some people just have a gene that predisposes them. Is anyone in his family an alcoholic? If so, I'd be concerned. If you're not happy with his choice of drinking in the evenings at home and it's just a drop dead deal breaker in your marriage, then you need to confront him with this in that way. If he sees it's putting your marriage at risk, he'd probably do what it takes to fix it. If he'd rather drink than worry about his marriage, there's a red flag. You just need to figure out what you're willing to put up with. He's not violent, he's at home, he's working and functioning just fine. Some people would love to be in your situation rather than dealing with a true alcoholic's life.

Dear F.,

It sounds like you have reason to be concerned. But when it comes to alcoholism, I know enough that I would encourage you to seek help for yourself (rather than try to 'convince' your husband, which would not be effective). Al-Anon is a group which helps family members of alcoholics. I encourage you to find a meeting. At least you could talk to people there and ask the questions that you have. This will be the first step in getting the support you need in order to truly help your husband. Drinking is not something your husband will be able to 'decide' to stop doing on his own (or through your convincing). Here is the info for San Antonio: ###-###-#### www.san-antonio-alanon.org

The general Al-Anon website is http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/

I pray that you find the help you need!
Blessings,
R.

First there is a opener you can use called the CAGE questions. C-has anyone shown concern for your drinking
A- Do you become angry when someone addresses your drinking habits?
G-Do you feel guilty about your habits
E-Do you ever have an "eye opener"- a drink first thing upon rising.
IF he answers yes to two or more tell him that signifies the need for help.

Also if he is consuming daily and in such large amounts he should not try to go cold turkey. The DTs as illuded to in prev. responses can be life threatening and usually require intensive care. You might try some books on co-dependency. You will get tips to avoid enabling him and in the long run will help him.(hopefully)

F.,
You need to seriously consider what everyone here is saying. It is very important to something about it now and not wait to 'see what happens' or give it any chance to get any worse than it already is.

Like most people have said already, it only takes one thing to push your husband 'over the edge' and go from a few beers at night to a 1/2 bottle of rum. Believe it or not, soon his body will become tolerant of the few beers a night ... so he will not get the same 'feeling' with it he used to. This will cause him to start drinking more.

I know this all too well. My father was an alcoholic and started out the exact same way as your husband. My mom tried all she could and decided that it was best for her and us to get a divorce. We were still very close to my father for the rest of his life. Yes, he died when I was only 17 and a junior in high school. He died from the alcohol causing his liver to shut down. It happend quickly and much sooner than any of us could have ever imagined.

Through the course of his life we tried everything to get him to stop. He even went into a treatment facility several times, went into the hospital many times to DT ... although the alcoholism just could not be stopped once it took root many years ago.

My father missed out on life because of alcohol. He never got to see my sister, brother, or myself get married. He never got to see any of his grandchildren ... never even got to see me graduate from high school!

Please, for your husband, yourself and especially your children. Do something about this SOON! It is really not worth letting more time go by. Sadly I know.