Present for Big Brother When Baby Arrives?

Hi K.,

When I had my second son, my first son was 2 and was really into matchbox cars. Every time he came to visit us at the hospital, he got a new one from brother.
When I had my third child (girl!), she brought her 4 year old brother a baseball glove and her 2 year old brother a train.
We just picked things that they enjoyed and could actually play with. My daughter is 2 1/2 now and my 6 year old was just talking about the glove that his sister brought him. :)

I made his a special "big brother" shirt, and just made a big deal about what an important job big brother is. There were still some jealousy issues, especially when I breast feed, but we worked it all out.

Hi K.
My gave birth to my daughter 3 month ago and my son is 21 month old.
I didnt had a problem at all with him, he doesnt have a problem with her. I include him in everything i do with the baby he can help me bathing her, throw the dirty diapers away, he can hold once in a while but also when the baby is sleeping i take my time only for him and have some fun with him.
I thought he is going to be way more jealous because he is a big mamasboy but he is very good with his little sister.

I'm going through this now. My son is 6 and I just gave birth to my daughter on 9/11/09. Was quite the transition. Something you can do is include him as much as possible in the pregnancy. You don't have to give details...just enough so he goes along with the flow of things. I not only did the books for my son, but I made sure to show him videos of being a big brother. I also took my son to a pottery shop and had him decorate his own thing for the baby. I also plan on getting a t-shirt made for him (he doesn't know this yet) that says I'm a big brother. When the time does come for baby to arrive, include your boy in all that you can in helping with the wee one. Believe me, so far...it helps. :D Congrats!

Congrats K.!

My oldest son was 3 1/2 when my second son was born. I also wondered what would make the transition easier. I received alot of good advice from a friend of mine. First have Leo get a present for the baby to have, something special. We took Reece to make a Build-A-Bear, and he got to pick out the animal and outfit. When we got home he placed it in the crib. Another thing I have heard and I tried, was when your oldest comes to vist you and Baby in the hospital, don't be holding the baby. I had my baby in the hospital bassinet, that way neither Mommy nor Daddy was holding him and we were able to give attention to theoldest for a few minutes. Reece climbed up next to me and immedialty asked where his baby brother was. We also had him a present from Riley, we purchased him a Transformer (Reece was huge into Transformers) and he opened it there in the hospital. Also, we allowed Reece to hold Riley at home, and even let him give bottles. He really enjoyed helping out and loved getting diapers and pacifiers. As long as Leo is included, he should do fine. My youngest is now 16 months and my boys are the best of friends! Good Luck!

Hi K.,
When my second was born my first was only 15 months, what I did was to make sure I spent extra special time with him. I always put the baby to bed an hour before him and spent that hour doing special projects, playing catch, whatever he wanted. When I fed the baby I'd give him a cup of milk and put on a movie and we'd cuddle on the couch together (all 3 of us). Now that he is a little older he has a big brother shirt, and I know he loves that shirt a lot. Good luck!

My son was also 2 1/2 when his little sister was born. He did get a gift (a toy wooden drum) from her at the hospital that he still remembers and cherishes even though it happened 18 months ago!

There are a lot of great suggestions out there, but I'd say THE BIGGEST THING is that you make him believe that this baby is HIS. My doctor gave me the idea and it was the smartest thing I could have done. Make sure your son knows that this is HIS baby and he will want to take care of and protect him/her. To this day, my son, who's now nearly 4 still whole heartedly believes that Tatum is HIS baby sister and it's HIS job to take care of her. He has always helped, and jealousy has NEVER been an issue. So I would strongly suggest you let your son know how important a role he will play in this baby's life.

I think that making a "Big Brother Preparedness" kit is perfect. Including "I'm the big brother" shirt and books that tell him how important being a big brother will be are important. Also get him a special toy that his baby bro/sis will give him at the hospital for coming to see him. Get him a special DVD to watch when the little one needs more of his attention time and be sure to spend extra time one on one with him and letting baby cry it out a bit will not be so terrible if he needs help with something. You could also get him a special healthy treat that you could teach him how to make on his own that you can eat together while you're breastfeeding or tending to baby before baby goes to bed that would require minimum supervision but he could feel like he's helping Mom. Something like ants on a log where he's got the cut celery stalks, peanut butter or cream cheese and raisins easily accessible with a kids plastic knife and he could make these while mommy's putting baby to bed for you two to spend quality time together while baby is napping having a snack together.
Mostly, making sure he doesn't feel replaced but feels like he simply has a blessed baby brother or sister is most important.
I still remember going to the hospital and seeing my brother for the first time (23 years ago) and they brought him close to me (I'm 5 years older) and the nurse told me to put out my pinky to be gentle. My brother grabbed it and she said OH WOW He does like you! He's been wrapped around that pinky ever since even though before he was born "if I get a brother he's going in the trash" was my motto. Good Luck and Congratulations!!

I would recommend something that will hold his attention - not necessarily something BIG, but something that will keep him busy when you need to be with the baby. 2.5 is a great age for matchbox cars and trains...We had our son give the baby a blanket that he chose, and the baby gave him a watch, but he was almost 3.5...so it was more age appropriate for him...But, we also got him several little things (as did friends of ours) to keep him busy while I had to feed the baby. These included little cars, legos, art projects...all things that are probably a little better for a kid who is a little older, at least to do on his own (or with little supervision). There are some great animal figures that you can find - perhaps he would play well with those...

I think its a wonderful idea to get your son a "big brother" present, but also for your son to buy a gift for his new sibling. I bought my older son a gift that was at the hospital with me and when "big brother" came to visit he received the present then. Now I wish I would have had him buy a gift for his new baby brother. Another thing I did for several years was buy each boy a small gift to receive on each others birthday, it worked really well in our family. My son was 22 months when I came home from the hospital with #2 and he promptly went into his bedroom and shut the door, it crushed me. A sibling is the more wonderful gift, but it can be very hard in the beginning. Good luck!

First, if your hospital has them, attend a sibling class with your big boy. Even at 2 1/2 he will gain some knowledge and be with other big brothers and sisters.

Second, even little boys want to help Mom with the new baby. So get him a doll to care for when you come home from the hospital. I had gotten my son a little baby boy Cabbage Patch doll. So he had his own baby to hold. I did this for my daughter, who was older, as well with each of her baby brothers. That was their 'gift' when their new brother was born, we all got new babies. I also made sure that we took them shopping before the baby came so they had a small stuffed toy to go in the hospital bassinet, so that when they looked in the nursery window they would be able to pick out their baby. This is a big deal for little big brothers and sisters. Or take their picture and put it in the bassinet by your name tag so they can recognize themselves. What really helps with the potential for any attention deficit when you come home and every one comes to see the new baby bearing gifts is that you have a bunch of small gifts wrapped and ready to give him when baby gifts are opened. Make them small things, like washable crayons and color books, small stuffed toys, books, etc. Quiet toys but ones he will enjoy.

Carve out one on one time with your big boy. Dad watching the baby while you go to a show, the library, to lunch at McDonald's, or an ice cream at Dairy Queen, etc. But give him some one on one at least once a week after you're up to it, at about 4 weeks. You'll need it as much as he does. Seeing as how you're due around Thanksgiving, time out just to see holiday displays, to see the lights would be a good thing, he's getting old enough to appreciate them.

I wish you all much happiness. It's an awesome time of your life!!!

We had a nursing box that was full of new or novel things that our older daughter could do for the most part independently. They were special and could only be out of the box during nursing (or other times I was too busy with the twin babies) and then had to go back in that special box after. My husband often says, "part of special is rare" and I think making the items in the box only used during certain times made them seem more special and helped our daughter's attitude towards it be more positive. Another piece of advice - remember that having another child will most likely be a wonderful gift for Leo, even though there will very likely be times earlier on when you feel you've ruined his life. At least that's how I felt. Even the difficult lessons of realizing that he isn't the center of the universe will be very good for him. Congratulations and good luck!

When my second was born, my first was 21 months. We made a huge deal out of her being a big sister and saying your baby. We also had two stuffed animals the same, but different colors and presented them when she met her new sister and let her choose one and give the other one to her baby sister. She did really well, better than I expected. Its when baby started being mobile the sibling rivalry really began.
Congrats on baby #2.

Congratulations on your baby-to-be. When I had my second child, I gave the first a big brother shirt "from the baby". He was six so he was really excited to have a baby. My mom and husband and friend also took him to do fun special things while I was resting with the baby. My mom stayed with us for a few days after the baby. I made sure to never say she was there to help with the baby but there to be with big brother. When I had my third child, I forgot about the whole gift thing. At that point older brothers were 8 and 2. Our 2 year old ignored the baby for a couple of weeks. My mom stayed with us for a week and treated the older two very special. I think the extra attention from others really helps.
Now my youngest are 3 and 1 and play great together. I have to remind the older one to be gentle but I see the making of life long friends.

We gave our 2 1/2 yr old son one of those acquarium type things- It goes around and around and is back lit. He could turn the button on and off. He loved it for years. He was pretty non-plussed by the baby. We "practiced" with a doll and got books about being a big brother from the library- you can also find them at thrift stores. He wasn't that interested in his baby - she just folded right in to the family. We had some issues with potty training when she started crawling around age 3. Otherwise he is 6 and she is 3 1/2 now and they are friends. Enjoy, you will figure out what is best for him. Just follow his lead as I'm sure you have been doing all along. You are his best parents.

Lots of great ideas but I had to respond because I have a Leo too who was 2 when his baby brother arrived. We also read the "big brother" book frequently before and after the arrival and gave him a shirt declaring him the big brother. Another idea is to find a doll with a bottle and diaper action (actually pees) so that Leo can mimic you when you care for the baby. My Leo loved helping me with things like fetching diapers and burp cloths which I put on an accessible shelf and I loved having an extra set of hands! I let him know how much I appreciated and needed his help. Still, I think what most helped me with his adjustment was when family members offered to take him on some special outings. He was so excited to come back and tell us about what he'd gotten to do and we emphasized how lucky he was that he could do these things since he was a big boy. The baby is 14 months now and Leo is 3. Though they have their quarrelsome moments, they really love eachother and Leo still helps me care for his brother.

Hi K.,

You have a lot of good information here, but just to share a few quick thoughts...

I definitely second the recommendation on the "I'm a Big Brother" book by Joanna Cole, if you don't have that one already. It's a really good book that's written simply and helps the bigger brother to understand his position.

Another thing that my oldest was excited about was we got both boys a "Big Brother" and a "Little Brother" shirt, which my older son got a big kick out of.

His preschool at the time also did a thing where they put a few simple toys in a box (some books, cars, puzzles. etc.), and when I was nursing, that was my older son's special box to go play in.

Having the baby give a gift when they first meet is a great idea too, although we didn't try that one. I will probably do that this time around when my third baby boy comes in 8½ weeks, to give both of my older boys.

Finding the right time and having the energy to spend that quality time with your oldest on a regular basis can be challenging, but if you can do it - even if it only works out for 30 or even 15 minutes every other day... DO IT! :o) You can only do what you can do, so just do what you can.

Best of luck to you!! :o)

There is a book called, "I'm a Big Brother" by Joanna Cole. I read it to my son every night before bed during the last half of my pregnancy. It got to the point that he had the whole book memorized. "The baby is so little. Too little to eat pizza and apples and ice cream." It talks about how the big brother can do all sorts of things the baby cannot. Its short and sweet and even after the baby came, he still liked to hear the story.

Another thing we did was had him sing to my tummy a little song of his choice. He'd do this 5-6 times a day. Shortly after his sister was born, he sung it to her and she totally responded. From then on, if she was crying, he'd sing his little song and she'd immediately stop crying and look at him. It made him an important part of taking care of the baby because he knew that she really liked him singing to her. If anyone else sung that song to the baby, she wouldn't respond... only to him.

Good luck and have fun! It'll be a wonderful time.
S.

truly, no present will change his feelings about a little brother. Just remember that he is not the first child in the universe to get a sibling. whenever the baby did something good, i would say he did it for his brother. i would ask his advice on what we should do with, where to put, how to feed the baby etc. as for toys, anything that gives you some peace. special food treat, 1/2 hr. videos, magna doodles, nothing that has to involve you! have fun, he will be fine! oh, and congratulations.

I think that the absolute best present for big brother or big sister is a baby of their own. Cabbage patch kids come in boy and girl dolls. It really helps you bond with your older child. They can take care of "their" baby while mommy takes care of hers. Our daughter was 2yrs 4 mths when we had little brother and we bought her a baby boy as well. She loved her baby. I am sure your son would feel the same. My little guy now 2yrs 4 mths has 2 babies of his own (both cabbage patch). Dont get me wrong, he is ALL boy, loves football, baseball, fire trucks, trains. But he also cares very much for his babies and takes great care of them! Best of luck to you and your up coming surprise!!!

my two are 17 months apart. The best thing we ever did was get a baby doll. This doll would sit in a car seat in the car, bouncy chair, on my lap, in the crib, I would even carry it around the house in a sling pretend to feed it and change it. My Son got all of his initial jellous behavior out on the doll and when baby came it was no big deal because all the baby stuff had been out for weeks and it was not a 'new' fun toy to play with. Then once the baby came we gave him the doll and he would carry it around, hug it, change it, just like mommy and it was a way to 'play' with him while I was tending to the baby.

Good luck!

Not sure how your hubby will feel about this, but we got our son a boy baby doll and called him Bobby. Our son wasn't old enough to name him. Anyway, it helped us that Bobby was "born" the same day as baby because our oldest was such a helper... whenever I would feed, bathe, change, cuddle his baby sister, he would do the same with Bobby. Bobby was so important to our son that he is in our keepsake box for him to have when he grows up!

Whatever you do, have fun and enjoy. They grow up sooooooo fast! I'm sure Leo will love whatever it is that you get him.

Brookstone used to have small bears that are very soft and cuddly. My daughter picked one out for her brother and also got to choose one for herself. They exchanged bears when she came up to the hospital to see her brother for the first time. She was 28 months old. We had a few problems with potty training and acting out for awhile, but things did improve.

Some advice which I was given a bit late (son already 10 months) was to make sure if the oldest needs you, take care of his/her needs first. Let the baby cry a bit. The oldest is used to getting his/her needs met, where as, the baby doesn't know that crying a bit isn't the norm.

Also, make sure you spend at least an hour a day doing something fun with the oldest - quality time. My son didn't like to take very long naps and the hour was hard to find during nap time. I also don't have a reliable partner that would come home at a decent hour in order to have my hour with my daughter. I think this is part of the reason my daughter acted out so much.

I wish you all the best and it will be a learning curve to figure out the best way to juggle the little ones.

Congrats and good luck,
D.

We are going through the exact transition you are about to experience right now. I had my son 6 weeks ago (4 wks early) and daughter is 2 1/2. The best advice we received was from the pediatrician who encouraged us to be easy on our daughter for awhile when she acts out. Also, make sure you have a few minutes of quality time with your older child a day, even if its cuddling on the couch while you feed the new baby. One thing I really noticed was my daughter had a lot of trouble, tantrums etc. when visitors focused their visits solely on the baby...she was almost completely ignored by my in laws and they even forgot to feed her meals!! That's when it got really difficult for her (and me!!!). Try to maintain your older child's schedule of regular meals/naps/bedtime and he will be much better at controlling his emotions during the day and try to prep your guests so Leo doesn't feel neglected. We also allow our daughter the kinds of interactions with the baby she prefers...we let her decide when and how and just make sure her hands are freshly washed if she wants to touch her brother. We didnt buy a special book or toy for our daughter (although the book sounds like a good one) we prepped her daily on our own and included her when we brought out the old baby toys and crib..she helped us pick out new blankets and a special teddy bear for her baby brother. We tried to involve her in every aspect of our preparation for our son's birth. We even took her to most of our doctor's appointments so she could hear his heartbeat and see him on the ultrasound. Now she calls him "my baby", breastfeeds her dolly, and comes running with concern written all over her face when she hears him crying. Granted, a lot of that behavior is personality-based but I think the key is helping your older child fall in love with their new sibling.

K.,

My oldest son was 1 1/2 when we had our second son, I also was concerned about how he would take it so we included him in everything. When I went for my ultra sound he went and saw the baby on the screen. When I went and knew we were going to hear the heartbeat he went and got to listen. After the baby was born he got to come to the hospital and sit on my bed with me and hold the baby (with supervision and an extra pair of hands of course). When I needed to change the baby he got the diapers for me; when I fed the baby he got to help hold the bottle. One of the biggest mistakes I've seen made is parents telling the older sibling the baby is "off-limits" because they are afraid the older one will hurt the younger one. Make him a part of his baby siblings life, don't be afraid to let him be around the baby or touch the baby, include him in the daily care and I bet you'll find you have little to no problem.

K.

Great question. Our son is 3 and we are due in 5 weeks also. Our plan....
He has a big brother jacket he wears everywhere, He knows the babies names-we don't know boy or girl either-and talks to them. We have a special big brother ribbon for the hospital and we will have him get his sibling a present and the sibling has one for him too. Also my sister who had 3 boys suggested we throw a "big brother party" and make him the center of attention. Little gifts, his favorite dinner and have his closest friends and family come and say "isn't it so cool that your baby could come to your party too"! Other then that I'm totally gonna wing it. I figure my husband and I will have special days with him doing "big boy" things that the baby can't and try to include him as much as possible.

Good luck!