My three year old daughter started preschool three weeks ago. She has been home with me since she was born; so this is her first taste of being involved in structured activities. She turned three at the end of July. She has difficulty transitioning from one activity to another. When her time is up in one area and she needs to move on in order to let others play, she acts up, cries, and throws fits when she is being re-directed. Today, for the first, she hit her teacher. I am at a loss on how to help her realizes this is wrong. I tired to get her to appologize to her teacher for what she did, but I don't think she remembered and did not understand. She did give her teacher a hug before we left. What I was wondering is if anyone has any suggestions on how we can work with her at home to help her learn that she needs to comply at school and share with others. Thanks for any feedback.
The only thing I would add to Patty's advice is to give her a two minute warning, "Okay sweetee, in two minutes you will have to change activities." Then remind her at one minute. Then when the change comes it will be easier for her.
My son needed this for a time. You will be able to wean her from the warnings. It just takes time and practice.
Ask the teacher how she indicates to the kids when it is time to rotate - does a bell ring, does she give a verbal 5-minute warning? Then, take the same approach at home. Get your daughter used to having time limits. Get a timer with a bell if that is what's needed. Maybe you can head off the bad behavior at home by getting your daughter used to the rotation schedule. Also, ask her why she acts up - is it that she is enjoying too much what she is doing and not wanting to share/move on. Explain to her that everyone needs to have a chance and there is a new adventure at each station she goes to. Find out what the stations are and have it be an adventure with her of all the neat things she can do at each.
I was a kindergarten teacher before I became a Mom and this is a common problem for children that did not have structured activities prior to entering school. My suggestion would be to try and set up a series of activities at home, like reading a story, playing with blocks and coloring. Actually set them up in different places, just as would be set up in school. Tell your child they will have 5/10 minutes to work at each station then she will move from one to the next. Be sure you tell her when her time is up, and that it is time to move on and help her make the move until she is comfortable enough to do it on her own. Children thrive with routines but when we throw something new into the mix, it confuses them, so practice, practice, practice at home will make it easier for her to transition at school. Hope this helps!
Your daughter is expressing fear in the form of throwing fits and hitting. When my son was this age I began to teach him how to express himself appropriately. I would begin by empathizing with him by expressing how I understand how much fun he is having when he is doing a certain activity, however, his behavior is inappropriate and must control himself. I explain he can always do the activity again at a later time, if that is the case. Then I finish by teaching him how to verbalize what he is feeling such as, "That was fun...", "I really enjoyed that", "Thank you, I had fun". He can tell us he would like to do it again sometime, but he can't tell us no or grab or throw things or throw himself or hit. I don't ever call him bad, or degrade his character for doing these things. I just inform him that they are bad choices for behavior. Always model good behavior and give examples in how to behave in a situation. Choose a special time during the day, like when you read together and tell your daughter a story about when you were younger and how you behaved when something you didn't like happened. You can even tell her stories about what can happen when you make bad choices and the consequences that come with them. I home school, so when my son behaved inappropiately when moving from one activity to another I would give consequences - like not being able to participate. Teachers in schools give similar consequences. So talk to your daughter about consequences. It takes time, but your daughter will soon be a great model of good behavior herself.
Try play a switch game with her and tell her if she switches games 2-3 times without fussing, she will get a surprise. Games....play a card number game, then switch to a color block game ect, let her play with others this way and see if it works, let her know that others can also win and that she should clap and be happy for them too. Make it more fun, maybe play with an adult and have the adult lose and act not so happy and see what she does, then whisper in her ear, to tell her or him, its ok you will win maybe the next time. sounds fun to me.
Don't worry. This will pass. The good thing is she is starting school early so when she gets to elementary, she will already know how to interact. I have 2 girls and both of them went tru that. The smallest one was the worst! But the teachers and friends from school will get involve to help with this kind of things.
Best of luck, and it only gets better. Never a dull moment when you have kids!!!
AS FOR THE HITTING, ASK HER IF SHE WOULD LIKE IT IF SOMEONE HIT HER? DOES IT FEEL GOOD WHEN SHE GETS SPANKINGS? THATS WHY IT IS NOT NICE TO HIT ANYONE, THEY DON'T LIKE IT EITHER AND IT IS VERY MEAN AND BAD. IT ALSO HURTS THEIR FEELINGS.
MY DAUGHTER WAS AN ONLY CHILD AND DID NOT LIKE SHARING. PRACTICE AT HOME SWITCHING TOYS WHEN YOU WANT, NOT WHEN SHE WANTS. MAKE HER, IF SHE GETS UPSET, EXPLAIN THAT EVERYONE NEEDS A CHANCE TO PLAY, SHE CAN PLAY WITH WHAT YOU HAVE AND AFTER YOU ARE DONE SHE CAN HAVE IT BACK. INVITING OTHER KIDS OVER TO PLAY ALSO HELPS WONDERS! TELL HER SHE MUST LISTEN TO THE TEACHER JUST AS SHE WOULD LISTEN TO YOU.
Hello R.. Your daughter's problem is not that uncommon. How od her teachers deal with her? What is the ratio in the classroom? She definatley need an extra 5 minute warning that the classroom activity is going to change. Perhaps she can be the bell ringer and have a special responsiblity to single the change. Often when a child is involved in the change, they can adjust better.
This is very typical behavior - some kids just really have a hard time with transitions, especially at age 3.
I recommend this group:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/PositiveParenting-Discipline
It's phenomenal and has helped us so much!
I think I need your help. I just read your message about your daughter in preschool. I see it was a while ago, so maybe you can tell me how she is doing now....I just wrote a message about my problem w/ my son. He just started school 2 days ago. The first day he was very pushy, and today he was pushy and attempted to bite a kid. They put him in the office twice. They said he spit on the teacher also, but I have never seen him do that. I don't know how to handle this, do you think things will get better?
