Potty Training Problems, What to Do?

Okay, mama. I think the biggest problem here is that you are sooo concerned about what he feels like doing, almost so much so that he is being made to make choices that he's not qualified to make. ("where he's willing to consider school" - honestly, this shouldn't be his choice - you know he needs to go to preschool, so he will go. Period. Not his choice. He will adapt, they always do.) Potty training is not some big spiritual ordeal. You're just training him that from now on, when he needs to pee or poop, he needs to do it in the toilet. Take the diapers away and have him run around naked from the waist down for a few days. Take him to the potty every 20 minutes all day long. He'll get it eventually. I would just make it very matter-of-fact. This is not really something he can choose to do, or not, right?? And it's not something he really understands, anyway - I mean, all he has ever known are diapers, so why would he make the choice to do anything different? He doesn't have any perspective in life for making the right decision here. You're the parent - it's up to you to make it happen for him. He will be a lot happier once he understands that the decision is not his to make, and once he's not pooping on himself anymore (can you imagine how unpleasant it must be to poop on oneself multiple times every day? Ewwww...) :) Good luck!

Maybe try the Mister Rogers books about potty training and day care? (There may even be one about preschool, I am not sure.) I avoid the "big boy" talk at my house because I think kids have mixed emotions about growing up. But I do talk to my son about doing new things and being more like Mommy and Daddy. I feel like the Mister Rogers books take an encouraging tone about mastering skills in a kids' own time. They are reassuring books. You can get then used through Amazon.

He's not ready. He's fighting it. I would take a short break and then start again. Maybe even just a few weeks or a month. I had to do that with my second. We just dropped it for a few weeks and came back to it and she was happy to try again after the break. Also I hear from all my friends with boys they have this same problem with #2. Most of them did it until 3 1/2 years old. They were really jealous of my girls potty trained at 2 1/2. Not saying boys can't train earlier - its just a common thing I have heard from friends with boys. I think he is pretty normal for his age and I wouldn't worry too much. Good news is my friends also report very few accidents once the boys do decide to do it! I did have one friend have success with switching to training pants with plastic pants instead of pull ups at night. Just get a mattress protector!

My 2, going to be 3 year old in March, is going through the exact same issue. She showed early promise when she was just turning one, then it quit. Now since Thanksgiving as well, she started showing interest. She has been fairly good about saying she has to go. Then for days it will seem that she wants NOTHING to do with pull ups, underwear, or diapers. We were always talking about going to pre-school or being a big girl, and lately she's screaming at us that she wants to be a baby again. Its frustrating but we have given up all together for now, I am going to wait till she starts to tell me again, I will only gently push every day, like saying something "are you ready to go potty today?" with a huge smile and hug. If she seems ready then she gets all excited and will run for her potty chair. Its so disheartening cause 3 weeks ago she was going all buy herself with out even telling us about it. It was being so consistant for a couple days I was breathing that sigh of relief. Then the literal poo hit the fan, and in this case, the chair-table-floor-wall. After a momentary lapse of judgement on her part.

Stop for now, wait a few weeks (hopefully HE will bring it up and you can play on it being his idea) and try anew.

Here's a site with lots of info for you to arm yourself with before you give it another go:
http://www.rogerknapp.com/medical/pottytrainingrefusals.htm

Refrain from asking him if he has to go, TELL him "it's time to go potty." As far as holding his poop for his nap diaper the site above has ideas on how to deal with that. My poop holder (26 months at the time) was literally running to poop in the potty after a little over a day of using the info from this site because of his "power incentive" : )

Don't push him. I have a lot of things that say that pushing boys will often lead to bed wetting. My husband wet until he was 12 because he was pushed as a kid. The old school rule of thumb for boys was not to even start until they are 3. I personally would stop and start again in a little while. Also school won't be until September right? so give talk about that a rest unless he wants to bring it up.

On the other hand, I have a almost 2.5 year old girl who can poop in the potty, but can't tell when she is going to pee, so we have diapers on most of the time for that reason. She will try more at grandma's but not at home. I can't wait to see what other answers you get cause I need the advice too. Good luck!

I would also stop trying to potty train him. It sounds like it's become a control issue. I would tell him that you're stopping and suggest that you'd try again when he was ready. Tell him that it's his decision when he wants to stay dry.

If he doesn't want to try within a month or so, he will at least have made a separation in his mind from the previous experiences. You could then gently start over being sure to give him positive support.

I've found that it rarely works to ask them if they need to go. I would take the child to the potty every couple of hours to train his bladder. With time his body will learn when it's time to go. They're finding this method often works with adults and incontinence.

I would stop altogether for now. My son showed some interest right before he was 3, but any successes he had were just because he was at the right place at the right time. He wasn't making any connection that pee and poop goes in the toilet only. It wasn't until he was about 3.5 years old that that realization clicked for him. However, his motivation was hit and miss. When he started preschool last fall, he would always go when out in public places, but at home was lazy about it. Finally just in the last month (he turned 4 on Dec. 2nd) he is fully potty-trained, including at night.
You can try the sticker chart or giving a piece of candy, etc., after each success to motivate. We had a treasure box full of prizes from the dollar store. My son kept a sticker book. Each time he went potty successfully he got a sticker, if he got 5 stickers in a day then he got to go to the treasure box. It helped with motivation, but didn't quite solve the problem. The important thing is to not get frustrated. If it is going well, keep it up, but if he starts to regress or either of you get upset, then stop for awhile. It is a biological thing and it just has to happen when it happens! Good luck!
HTH,
A.

If I were in your shoes, I would drop the subject for at least a couple of weeks to allow your son's anxieties to settle a bit. And as Mamazita suggests, put less emphasis on what will happen in the future, since school is probably still off in a fairly distant future, and you don't want him thinking it's looming right now. The little guy is still pretty young, and it's not uncommon for boys not to be trained before three years or so. He may simply need a few weeks or so to let his reasoning and emotional control skills mature a bit. Mental and emotional development can go through surprisingly fast change at this age.

Then you might wish to try this very sensible program: http://www.rogerknapp.com/medical/pottytrainingrefusals.h...

For a very good source of general information on potty training, this site is excellent: http://www.parentingscience.com/potty-training-tips.html.

yes i would stop. my son picked up peeing really quickly but pooping was an issue. he stressed himself out to the point where he started getting facial tics even though we were trying our best to not pressure him. so we just backed off and made it a choice - do you want to poop in the potty today or do you want to poop in your diaper? he always says diaper but the other day he said potty and pooped in the potty! unfortunately that was a one time deal and now he's back to diapers but we're not pressuring him and the tics have gone away. he wears underwear since he's pee trained but will ask for a diaper when he has to poop. i've heard horror stories about kids holding in their poop and getting medical issues so i'm just happy he's not holding it in like he was when we were actively training him. he'll get it when he's ready.

My advice is to stop all the "future" talk. Young children have very little concept of time, and they get easily anxious with concepts like going to school. Parents frequently make this mistake regarding an impending sibling, too much talk of "oh you're going to be a big brother, you're going to be a big boy now" can actually make things worse. Same with potty training, preschool, moving, etc.
I may take a break for a few weeks, and then casually start again. He clearly has the physical ability as he is controlling it now. Do not ask him if he needs to potty, just take him several times a day. Don't make a big deal out of it, just do it. If he goes in the potty, praise him, say "great job buddy!" and if he doesn't just say "that's okay, we'll try again later." Be calm and consistent, no punishments, rewards or big boy talk, he'll get it.
As far as preschool goes, that's YOUR decision to make, not his. Don't ASK him if he wants to go, don't talk about it too much and don't even tell him he's going until about a few weeks before he starts (take him for a visit of course.) And of course he will love it and he will be fine, it's a VERY rare kid that doesn't love preschool :)

I would put him on the potty at normal times - like when he first gets up, before you leave somewhere, before a bath, before bed. Just make it a "hey, we're going to sit and see if anything happens and let's read a book or talk about your dreams" or whatever. I have my DD sit on the potty while I start the bath. I would try to keep him in underpants (and do laundry!) but just try to be "hey this is what we do" you might get him back to where he was. I wouldn't even talk about school or anything else that might worry him.

If it results in a big screaming mess, you can take a break. He'll get there. My DD was just shy of 3.5.