Potty Training Issues - Arp,TX

If you are worried about something being wrong, talk to her doctor. Too me, it sounds like she just likes having control over the issue. Take away the pullups. When I did this with my son (at 24 months) he had a ton of accidents the first day and wanted his pull up, but I knew he knew what to do, and I said no, you are a big boy now. The second day he had 2 accidents, and than none. Once he know that I would not cave and give him his pull ups, he shaped up and did what I knew he could do. At 4, she knows what to do, and is just not wanting to. Sounds like it could be time for some tough love.

Definitely take away the pull-up. I agree that it's a control issue and at 4 this can become a slippery slope. I have a 4 year old daughter and she is ALWAYS pushing boundaries. Sometimes it's tough, but I have to show her that I'M the parent and make the rules that SHE must abide by. To put your mind at ease get her checked out by the doctor, but it sounds like 'testing' to me - especially if she's throwing tantrums about it.

Hello!

My daughter had the same problem. She would pee on the potty, but was terrified to poop on the potty. She would just walk around the house on her tip-toes holding it in if she wasn't in a Pull-Up or diaper. The "holding" would cause constipation and pain, and we didn't know what to do. She would walk around the house crying from trying to hold it in and knowing it was going to hurt when it came out (because of the constipation.) We tried potty charts and promises of treats and toys. Even the teachers at pre-school were willing to drive to the grocery store and come back with a cake just for her if she would poop on the potty, but no such luck. She wasn't going for it. We even considered hypnosis (too expensive) or taking her to a child psychologist to see if they could "cure" her fears. We were truly at our wits end!

When she was three years old we took her to a pediatric gastroenterologist to see if there was something that could be done about the holding and horrible constipation that resulted. The Specialist said there are two things you cannot make a child do...eat and poop. She said the more you emphasize the issue, the worse it will become. It will turn into a power struggle that you won't win. She said it is up to the child as to when they feel comfortable pooping on the potty. Until that time, she said not to focus on the issue and allow the diapers/Pull-Ups (only when Maddie asked for them). She said the only thing we could do is make sure the poop was soft when she did decide to finally go. We tried all of the normal remedies (apple juice, prune juice, high-fiber foods, etc.), but nothing seemed to work for her. The Specialist recommended daily doses of MiraLax (one capfull in the morning and one capfull in the evening).

On August 21, 2009 (a day that will live in infamy in our house), my husband and I were in the living room and she started calling my name. I asked what she needed and she announced that she just pooped on the potty and needed me to wipe her. My husband and I both JUMPED up and RAN to the bathroom. Sure enough, there she was, sitting there grinning from ear to ear. We all cheered and clapped. It was crazy!! We called and texted people to tell them the good news...seriously, this was a HUGE accomplishment! She said she just decided to try pooping on the potty. She saw there was nothing to be afraid of and hasn't stopped since!

Maddie was 4-1/2 years old when it FINALLY happened, so just be patient. The Specialist said it is not uncommon problem and there are even some kids in Kindergarten that hold it all day and come home and ask for a Pull-up. Hopefully, yours won't get to that point...since it does become hard to find diapers/Pull-ups to fit them as they get older.

MiraLax has been a lifesaver for us and I know it will work for you. It is a white powder that can be mixed into any drink. It dissolves completely and has no taste. It is safe for all ages, it is not addictive and you cannot overdose on it (per the Specialist.) It is not a stimulant, so it will not cause tummy aches or cramping. It just causes the body to hold more water in the stool making it softer and easier to poop. Once you start giving it to her, it will take two to three days for results. Just be consistent with the doses and he will feel much better. You can also find generic versions of it at Walmart, CVS and Walgreens. I checked with the Specialist and she said the generic versions were just fine (and cost quite a bit less!)

If you want to talk or have any question, please feel free to e-mail me. I know how frustrating this can be.

A.

My son had a similar issue when he was potty training. Granted, he was younger, but he refused to go #2. He even went 5 days one time and then it was so painful, he would just scream and jump up and down. It was a miserable time. We would sit on the potty for at least an hour with tears flowing and us begging him just to try. My pedi said to not fight him on it. If he wants to go #2 in a pull up, let him. Fighting would be a losing battle. So, we went with that for a while. Then we started just making it routine that after bath, we go sit on the potty. We tried with mixed luck bribing him with little treats if he went #2 in the potty. We celebrated like CRAZY if he was successful. Eventually, it just became routine and the battle was over. But, on his terms. A little something you might try also, we gave him Miralax powder everyday (per his pedi, of course) to kinda loosen things up and make the urge to go a little stronger. Just a suggestion. Hope your daughter is well. I promise, this will pass!

Boy this sounds familiar! My daughter was 4 and would go #1 no problem, but not #2 at all, well she would occassionally, but it was rare. I was getting really nervous because it was the summer and she was going to be in preschool in the fall. What was I going to do?!!! Let me back up and tell you we have something in common here - my daughter had also had a heart transplant! Strange correlation, huh? Perhaps there is just something extra emotional going on with them , for goodness sakes, they've had open heart surgery and now we want them to learn a new task! Happy ending - she started doing it on her own by the end of the summer. It just took a lot of practice and prompting and keeping on her. Bottom line is that kids do it when they are ready, and when they've had something else traumatic happen with their body, its no wonder they're not ready. I would advise to just go on doing normal potty training, don't show that you are stressed about it, don't pressure, and be sure and use a reward system. It will happen. I know how frustrating it is though - my daughter was 4 1/2 when it finally did!!! Good luck!

i agree w/peg. maybe she is feeling the pressure about using the potty and its affecting her. i was very lucky my daughter was potty trained by 2- the peeing part anyway. the pooping- not so much. what i did was put her on the potty w/a couple of her books and leave her alone in the bathroom to try to "get the poops out" as she says. it worked like a charm! i dont know if maybe the books kind of got her focus off what she was supposed to be doing or what but it sure did help! granted, its kind of funny to watch your 3yr old heading to the potty w/a book tucked under each arm but hey, whatever works right? anyway, give books a try- let her pick them out and maybe leave them in the bathroom for her.
hope this helps!

Wow, what an amazing history your little girl has had. I hope her health is good now.

I would guess that she's refusing at home BECAUSE it's such a point of contention. It sounds like she's been pressured quite a bit at day care, and that would be for most children an issue-oriented, not place-oriented. Potty training is really a huge deal for kids, a major turning point in their physical and emotional development. She may really, really need for all pressure to stop so that she can regroup emotionally and choose for herself. Having a history of constipation will just complicate things that much more.

May I suggest that at your daughter's age, she may be perfectly competent to take the lead in solving this problem? There are some wonderful and practical techniques offered that show you how to help make this possible in the book How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Faber and Mazlish.

The authors will teach you how to make your needs known to a child without creating new pressure, how to help the child recognize her own needs, and find a way to move forward. This approach is supportive to both parent and child, and can completely change the tone of discussion around any issue. I've seen near-miraculous changes in several families who have started using these techniques.

Good luck. I'll bet you can hardly wait till your daughter gets trained. I'll bet she can hardly wait, either, but she's too busy resisting to notice that yet.

i definitely think you should be concerned. Have you talked to your pediatrician about this? I had a similar issue with one of my twins when they were 2. She was holding it in also and my doctor said that some children can do that for a long time and eventually need therapy for it. There are many emotional issues involved with children and their bowel movements. Some consider it a part of them and don't want to let go. This is a very common problem.
I don't mean to scare you with that as your daughter is only 4, but I wouldn't wait any longer to seek professional help from your pedi. She will be going to school soon and must be potty trained in order to do so.

I agree with what everyone else said, but thought of one more thing... has she seen you go poop in the potty-- and not just watch you sitting there, but seen your poop and everything? That seemed to help my daughter. She always said the poop scared her and we really had a hard time with it too. I hope everything works out.

I just posted this to another mom with the same question (see, you're not the only one!) but it seems worth repeating here:
I don't really have a suggestion but I wanted you to know I'm going through the same thing with my son. He turned 4 in June and flat-out refuses to go poop on the potty. He knows the "Poop in the Potty" song (search for it on YouTube), you can ask him where poop goes and he'll say in the potty, before turining out the light at night he goes tee tee in the potty and says "No tee tee in the bed, no poop in the pants". But when it comes time, he always goes in his underwear. As I'm cleaning him up, he'll say he's sorry and says "I love you". I'm doing my best to keep from punishing him when he does this because I don't want him to think he's doing something wrong by going poop. Sometimes I'm able to watch his signs (hiding in a corner, telling me to leave him alone) and then set him on the potty but once he's sitting, it's almost traumatic for both of us. He starts clawing at his legs, crying and screaming hysterically to the point he starts gagging, pulling at his clothes and tugging on himself, saying "I don't like it! I don't want to go poop!". All the while I'm sitting there almost in tears myself telling him he has to stay there and he has to go poop in the potty. I hate it and it's become an almost daily thing. His doctor said to put him on the potty for at least 10 minutes every hour and a half but when the result is the previously-mentioned behavior, I find that very difficult. We've even tried really cool rewards from a chart where he gets a star and then he picks out a toy when he gets so many stars to shooting off a bottle rocket in the back yard when he goes poop in potty (we live in the country so fireworks are allowed). Anyway, like I said, I don't have a solution for you, but please know there are others out there just like you that are going crazy over poop, of all things. Just hang in there.