Can someone who has successfully done this please tell me how this works? Nothing I have tried works and he refuses to poop on the toilet. Hes afraid to sit on the seat and he's turned his nose up to the little potty on the floor. I'm at my wits end and I can't figure out for the life of me, why anyone would go through this, and turn around and opt to go through it again with another child....ONE AND DONE. Please help, I'm so over diapers.
Thank you everyone for the great advice. Unfortunately, I have tried bribery--which seems to work so well for all kids except my own. Not to sound so pessimistic, but I am just over this. I guess I need to step it up with the incentives and kind of put them in his face, maybe let him pick out yet another potty seat (he's had three)...I don't know. I wanted to enroll him in k3, but it doesn't look like its going to happen. I really wanted to avoid the nightmare of a 4yr old in diapers but what can you do with such a stubborn child? I wish I had started the 'elimination communication' everyone's raving about, when he was a few weeks old. Everyone I ask senses my frustration and reminds me, "hey, its just a stage...it'll pass eventually." All the while I'm thinking, "will it really?" Perhaps I have the kid who will be in diapers until he's 10.
probably the best way to potty train an older child is to make them carry their own diaper bag around. if they refuse to carry it, then just tell them they can stay home then, since they dont want to carry it, or they can be potty trained.
K. h.
my friend was having a lot of trouble getting her son to go on the potty, so they bought a toy he really wanted, a lightsaber, and put it on a shelf in the bathroom so he could see it. His dad would occasionally take it down and turn it on and take a few swings, then put it back. He REALLY wanted that toy, and he knew the only way he could get it was having no accidents for a week. It worked out really well, although it took 2 weeks.
Have him sit facing backwards on the toilet--like he's riding a horse, a dinosaur or his interest du jour! They feel more secure.
Explain to him what poop IS and why it needs to go into the toilet.
Make sure he knows it is not "part of him."
And if you can ... kind of....catch him in the act...hurry, put him ON the toilet and um....sort of....knock it off his bum into the toilet then go full out CRAZY and make the HUGEST fuss. (That worked for us. We sag "He's a Super Dooper Pooper" to the tune of "Glory Glory Hallelujah" and marched around like crazy people. Including my USMC husband. :) I can still see it.
Good luck!
(p.s. I'm O. and done myself! LOL)
Maybe not the best method but we bribed him. M&Ms are his vice of choice and we would give him 2 for urine, 3 for feces. Also, if he has any little friends who are starting to use the potty, having a play date where they go potty is huge. My son had 0 interest until the little girl at his sitter started pottying then he had to do it too! Have you tried making him go diaper/underwear less for a weekend? I warn you, you might end up with messes on the carpet but they usually get it by Monday. You have to stand firm with the no more diapers! As for ONE AND DONE, I always thought I wouldn't want more children. We are one and done for other reasons but I would love another even after 6 weeks of bedrest, 15 hours of labor, 6 months of waking up every single night, tons of reflux vomiting, diarrhea, mucus, potty training and now TERRIBLE 3's kicking in full force... It all melts away every night when I kiss that sweet face and he says, "I love you Mama." Just the thought makes me want to go home and kiss him and hug him right now! Soooo worth it all! Remember Mama, this too shall pass.
Maybe if you go to the dollar store and spend $10 on toys and things your child would like and show him and tell him if that if he goes to the potty, then he could pick out a toy. Hopefully he would get the hang of it and do it on his own. Doesn't hurt to try.
I found with my daughter that she had bonded with the poop and was afraid to send it on its way. We made up a silly story that it was going to a party and would be back next time she had to poop. Then it was getting the right reward. For her, hostess ho hos. For my son, it was letting him pick a piece of candy out of a jar. You can help him out by sneaking a lot of fiber into his diet so he doesn't try to hold the poop in and get constipated making it harder to go. At age 5 we still have challenges over the seat. You may need to let him pick out his own potty or little seat (that also helped with my daughter). It seems like it takes forever right now, but in 6 months you will look back and realize that it is all over.
BRIBERY! See the post below regarding the lightsaber bribe. I did something very similar with my son (3-1/4 at the time), who absolutely refused to poop in the potty. Stickers or candy didn't do the trick. I took him to KMart, told him to pick out a toy he really wanted, bought it and put it up on my closet shelf. I told him he could have the toy after he pooped on the potty. He did it the NEXT day - no joke. He knew how to do it all along.
He actually picked a double toy out and I saved the 2nd toy for the next day and told him he could have that one if he pooped on the potty again. Of course, he pooped perfectly again and he got the 2nd toy.
After that, since I couldn't afford buying him a big toy every time he pooped :), I promised him something he really wanted to do - like going to McDonalds - if he would poop on the potty all week. After about 3 weeks of that, I could safely drop the reward system altogether. He never had a single accident after that.
I am writing more to tell you that you aren't alone than to provide advice. We have tried everything everyone has suggested but my soon-to-be 3 yr old son still does not poop on the potty and doesn't always pee on the potty either. After all the bribes and frustration and many talks with his day care teachers we have come to accept that he isn't going to be potty trained on our schedule alone, HE has to be ready and willing. We still offer a reward for using the potty, make him sit on the potty at regular intervals, and talk to him about the importance of using the potty but we no longer stress out over the fact that he doesn't do it regularly. Since we have calmed down, my son has gone from pooping in his pull-up and not saying anything, just sitting in it, to telling us when he has pooped and needs to be changed. It doesn't sound like much but we know it is one step closer to him telling us he needs to poop before doing it in his pull-up. We just have to be patient and work according to a timeframe that he is comfortable for him. Hang in there...and don't measure your son's progress with other children. Good luck!
I agree with BVic, but would advise that you retain ownership of the item, allow him to use it 30-60 minutes after he successfully goes poop on his own (no reminding, nagging, etc. from you, he has to initiate and go on his own, potty or toilet, his choice.) This way he still has something to work for, the privilege, and you still have bargaining leverage.
Have you tried the potty seat inserts that go on the the regular potty seat? I took my son who was 3 and in diapers to Kmart - a liesurely shopping trip, just the two of us, no rushing, special just for him. We picked out a potty seat (they are cushie and he picked out a Sponge Bob one). While we were there, we also visited the boys underwear section. He saw all the cool character undies and picked some out that he really liked. Then I told him that I would buy him the Spiderman undies that he really liked once he had 2 dry days in a row, but the undies had to stay at the store until he could do it. I then picked up a set of training undies - those really thick cotton underwear that were boring blue. He had a fit, but I explained that he needed to practice. That these were practice undies and I would get the Spiderman ones later. He had played soccer before and understood that you have to practice to make a goal, so I said that it was just like soccer, but wouldn't take as long. I made the return trip to Kmart with him 3 days later to get his Spiderman undies. Yes, that fast!
I think the reason it worked so quickly was because he was invested in it. HE had made the decision to go on the potty, with his special potty seat, and, honestly, I think he was afraid someone else was going to get his Spiderman undies if he didn't do some hard core practice.
One thing to remember... Daytime dryness does not mean they are ready for nighttime undies. My son (now 5 1/2) wore a night diaper for 2 more years. Only pee, but nighttime dryness isn't something they can control. It's a body maturity thing and for boys this can take until they are 5 or even 7.
I'm just finishing training my son (3.5 yo). He only started pooping on the potty about 2 weeks ago. Honestly, it was when he was ready and no sooner. I hated when people told me that when I was trying to train him, but it was true. I tried EVERYTHING. One day he decided he wanted to pee on the potty and we put him in underwear and he's done quite well. (A couple of accidents, but that's to be expected.) He was, like your son, afraid to poop on the potty, so, for a while we pee-pee trained and then gave him the choice when he had to poop: potty or pull-up. He chose pull-up only for the longest time. I thought he'd never go on the potty. And then we kept talking to him about it. Casually, no pressure. (Someday when you go poop on the potty. . . .then mention some benefit.) Eventually he decided to do it. For the first few times we sat in there with him, holding hands, reading books, etc. Now he's getting braver. He still wants company, but it happens much quicker and with far less anxiety.
One thing that helped some is the book "Everyone Poops." My son really likes it. He thinks it's funny. But it's given us opportunity to talk about it and discuss that 's normal/not scary. It was a slow process for him, but it happened. Trust me, if my son actually did it, yours will too! Hang in there!!
Try leaving him naked on the bottom, at home.
But in the end, HE has to be ready, for all of this.
"Nagging" them about it, will not make it work.
My son, didn't start using his potty chair, until he was 3.
Then HE on his own, went.
It goes in phases. Not all at one time.
Going poop, is often the last phase of pottying.
And for naps/bedtime, a diaper is still used. They don't get confused about it.
Night time diapers, are still needed until even 7 years old and this is normal.
Night time/nap time and day time pottying are 2 entirely different, stages. And it is biological based per organ/brain/bladder/nerve development.
With my son (who was close to 4) We got a toy car carrier (like the big semi's on the road) and he got the truck when he put his first poop in the toilet. Then, every subsequient time, he got another matchbox car to go on the carrier. By the time the truck was full of cars, pooping on the potty was well established. Good luck!
