Potty Training- Am I Giving in Too Soon? Help!

Have you tried to let him pee standing up or straddling the toilet backwards? That way it won't get his leg. Also, throw some cheerios or fruit loops in the bowl for him to aim at, it takes a while for them to get the aiming thing down, but having a target helps. That will help with the pee, but not the poop unfortunately. You need to be careful with the stubborn child since my friends daughter was so stubborn that she refused to poop in the toilet and held it so long and was so constipated that she actually started to vomit. It had become a power struggle for them and eventually the child won since she had no choice but to back off. The doctor recommended giving her prune juice to keep things soft so she wouldn't be able to withhold, but they had to back way off. They told her she had to wear underwear all the time, but if she felt like she needed to poop and didn't want to go in the potty that she needed to go get a pullup and put it on then go in the bathroom and go. Then they had her "help" with the clean up when she was done. She did this all independently so it put the control back in her court. They completely backed off and within a couple of months she just decided to poop on the potty. (by the way, she was well over 3). After watching my friends go through this with their child, I backed way off the potty training bandwagon. I made it available, but I never pushed and continued to put my son in diapers. One morning, he just decided he wanted to wear underwear and he has been day and night trained ever since. We have had a handful of accidents in the last 2 years and it was so easy. We did let him pee outside to encourage him to want to stay dry (he thought this was great) and we did do a reward system when first starting before he decided to wear underwear. We also told him he couldn't go to school until he was trained since it was a requirement for school, so that was a motivation factor. We used a jar of stones and moved them back and forth for success and accidnets. Once all the stones were moved, we signed him up or school. My daughter is 2.5 right now and I am following her lead. Some days we wear underwear some days we wear diapers. I am sure if I stayed on her for several days I could have her all trained, but I don't want the stress for either of us. We use a simple sticker reward chart with prizes for so many stickers. I know she is capable, but am avoiding a power struggle for now. You may just want to back off for a few weeks and then try to reintroduce it and see how he does. Good luck.

3 moms found this helpful

You are doing a great job. I would say that maybe a portable potty might be an easier start for you, as it is smaller and less intimidating for him. Like you say, he is scared of getting pee on himself, and before you know it the habit of holding on will stick (and become more likely that he will pee in his undies!!). Don't forget the 2 sets of spare clothes whenever you go out (and we had to have spare shoes and socks for a while!), some baby wipes to clean up if he does misfire. Keep at it, he is well on track!
By the way, I know it's tempting to keep him on for as long as possible on the toilet in the hope that something will eventually 'click', but I've found children completely lose any concentration after a few minutes, and you might as well give up and try again in 10! I know...it's a pain and it's tempting to go back to diapers. But I promise you it will come eventually!

1 mom found this helpful

no I think you did the right thing . YOU COULD DO DAY PTTY TRAING AND PULLUPS FOR NIGHT FOR A WHILE. One thin g that might help is to get a big coffee can and have him pee in it .they like the nose it makes and then he is not sitting one the potty. If you hepl him aimhe won,t get wet. good luck. S.

1 mom found this helpful

I have an almost 3 year old daughter, and we have been doing the potty thing since she was 18 months, when she started taking an interest in the potty. She is now just beginning to go on her own without us asking her if she needs to go, consistently in the last couple of days. It's just like a switch went on and she is doing it. Our pediatrician said about 2 1/2 is when they are emotionally ready to potty train, so we have not been putting pressure on her. One of the things that has worked for us is giving her little rewards and stickers when she goes potty. For a long time, it was not everyday that she would be interested in the potty. We created a potty chart with the days of the week, and made boxes in 2 hour increments. When she goes pee-pee, she gets to put a sticker on the chart (it hangs on the wall by the potty). Also, I have a goodie jar with little presents ( I get little things from the dollar bins at Target), and she gets to pick one thing out of the jar when she goes poopy. Also, we have been keeping her in pull ups all this time, and that seems to not be deterring her from going to the potty on her own, but we do let her wear her new panties when she has a day without accidents. We plan to go all panties this week if all goes well. My advice is not to make a big deal out of all this. When I would ask our daughter every 10-20 minutes if she had to go, she would get frustrated with me that I was asking her too much. If we don't act stressed about it, then your child won't. I would have him stay in pull ups, just mention occasionally to him that if he needs to go potty, that he should go, and when he starts going without you saying anything, put him in undies. If you give him an ultimatum, it may make him regress. Also, use rewards, it does work! Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

Hi N., I think the child potty's you can buy have little cups in the front to help prevent the pee from coming out or going down your little guys leg. Every 20 minutes is probably to often, how often does he normally go? I'd wait at least 2 hours after you know he has gone.... A friend of mines son was always going in his pants, seem to be always waiting to long to go. Come to find out he had somethig wrong, and he had pain when he went. So that's why he held it all the time. You might ask him if you feel he can understand the pain concept, and if not you might consider a Dr. visit just in case. Otherwise, Keep it up and good luck. N.

1 mom found this helpful

THERE IS NO GOING BACK once you begin with the potty training... get training pants. If you want to use a pull up use those for night time, but please don't regress with the pampers. Please get a potty with a front shield for boys. This will help on getting on his leg and make for a more satisfying experience for him. PRAISE PRAISE PRAISE... my oldest was so used to PRAISE that she would priase herself have asleep "yaaaay" even if I left the room for a quick minute...smile. She was so used to it being a part of her "going to the potty experience".
Hang in there it will get better. Concerned about the holding it for ...did you say 17hours... my goodness! That does not sound good. Please get a guard cup in front even if you use the real stool there are seat attachments you can use for the times he goes, but you have to place it there each time. Get a little potty for him to sit on himself.

1 mom found this helpful

I was going to give you some suggestions, but Debbie H. already did. However, rather than the reinforcements as a target in the toilet use cheerios or fruit loops. Also, with my son, (although he too is in the process of becoming potty trained) we let him run around in the nude part of the day. He will pee or poop in the big boy pants, but he won't go freely in the house. When it's starting to come out, he runs to his little potty.

Also, we use many toilet choices. He seems to prefer to sit while with me, but when around daddy, he stands (we have a step that gets him high enough).

1 mom found this helpful

Hi N.:

I just wanted to say that when I started potty training my little guy this past summer (he's almost 4), I too felt like a failure and like I had no idea what I was doing -- he's my first child. We had a day toward the beginning where he was just peeing his pants all day long. I was getting frustrated, he was not liking it...so I just offered the diaper to him and told him that mommy needed to think about what I was doing wrong. I suspect he was SO happy to go back to a diaper that particular day.

I waited so long because he wasn't really ready sooner than that AND baby # 2 came along in February and I couldn't handle potty training and sleep deprivation.

My mistake, I realized, was that after a couple days of relative success I had forgotten completely to set a timer and make him sit on the potty at regular intervals. Duh! I think we sometimes did 35 minutes, sometimes 50 minutes...

I never used rewards with him...I tell him I am so very proud of him when he goes potty and his underwear is dry. He will ask me if I'm so proud of him... and he wants to make me proud. We've had lots of struggles with potty training too...and here it is November...about four months later and he's getting it down pretty well.

My point is that you are not a failure. You are a mommy who is learning a new skill too (potty training SOMEONE ELSE)...all us moms have good days and days we'd prefer to forget. In the grand scheme of things four months (for me) is nothing. It's a blip. So figure out your plan from all of the wonderful suggestions offered here...ask your kid what he thinks of mommy's new plan to help him...ask for his input (he probably won't have any, but it's always a good idea to ask them for their ideas too -- maybe he'll surprise you!) and then implement the plan...relax about it...revisit to adjust the plan in a few days or a week and don't worry about it.

I think you're doing fine...Good luck and be kind to yourself. :-)

1 mom found this helpful

HI! I bought all the books etc... obsessed about it too! Than I was at my son's school and his teacher said "when he is ready he wil let you know"! I thought OK I mean what's the hurry! In some way diapers are convenient! Litteraly within in a few weeks that was it! No more diapers ( just at night)! It's amazing! Also having a boy there are some fun ways to allow him to "pee" freely outside making this a very fun process. Now that my little guy (3) is potty trained fully we save the outdoor "pee" to only when there isn't a potty around. Main point is there isn't a rush unless he was alot older. It's really quite an accomplishment when they go in the potty don't need to give bribes etc just doing it is a huge accomplishment. We "knuckle bump" every time! Very exciting. Now he wants his privacy he tells us.

Enjoy the process and no rush and do make sure he see's his other pals who are potty trained go to bathroom. That was one thing my friends with older boys (4) let my little guy see them go litterly. He now does the same for his younger friends!

I wished I would have known not to stress about this before! Also one thing I do notice is if I ask him "do you need to go ypotty"? He ALWAYS say's NO! Although a few minutes later on his own he will get up walk in bathroom and pee ALOT! He likes to make the call. This is all good stuff- independance! We were on our way out the other day for a long drive. I asked him to please try and go potty before we left. He said he didnt have to go. I than said to him.. Ohhh bummer I sure wish you had to go potty this tree really needs something to drink (in our backyard) he than whipped down his pants and watered that tree like there was no tommorow!

Take care!

1 mom found this helpful

FIRST off- Dads really should get more involved with the boys, they have the same equipment. And boys are generally harder to potty train. They teach them how to hold it and shake it, etc, and to put the lid down for the ladies.
Secondly, you took a step backward to the diaper.
But you are right it's not good or healthy to hold it. Did you Know urine is STERILE when it leaves the body? That's right, no germs. It is not like poop, but remember it's just poop and pee, we wash up no biggie.And so here is some advice:
Make it FUN! My son took appx 1 yr. We hung construction paper in the bathgroom, every time he tried he got a sticker (his choice, and let him pick several kinds when you buy them., I rememebr it was this time of the year too, we had turkey stickers :D at first.) If he does pee or poop, big WOOHOO pipi dance or poopoo dance! TWO stickers! Three, who cares!? but be consistent.
You can put food coloring in the potty (yellow and blue make green) or cheerios (target practice)but here is good boy advice because many kids are scared of the big potty: SIT HIM ON THERE BACKWARDS, that's right, facing the wall. For some reason, they feel more in control. Trust me, they'll stand when they are ready. Let HIM flush (good time to teach only pipi and poopy goes down the potty, because trust me, they will put hair clips etc down there later) and holler BYE BYE PIPI! GOOD JOB, Davey (his name of course)!
By the time we were done, there were MANY. like 6 or 7 sheets with stickers. They were hung in his room till he was like 5.
And if you need a nightime pull up, who cares? sounds like you don't though. Just be careful not to get too into the germy thing, they do that enough at preschool. Make light of his poop and pee, it's part of him so it's all good. aND REMEMEBR TO TELL HIM, oh I AM SO GLAD YOU ARE LEARNING THIS SO YOU CAN HELP ME POTTY TRAIN yr BROTHER IN A FEW YEARS.
bUT HANG IN THERE, AND EXPECT MISTAKES. it is a long process, mistakes are normal. But you gotta relax, so he can, ok? Don't worry, he will have it all figgered out by kindergarten, promise. btw, you are doing the right thing by taking him every 20-30 minutes. Reward him extra when he TELLS YOU he needs to go, part of this is "listening to our bodies", and his identifying the need to urinate is the key. (Girls are better at this, big surprise huh?!:D) GOOD LUCK!

1 mom found this helpful

I have 2 suggestions for you. I raised 2 boys, and have 6 grandsons. The first one is, get a stool and let him stand up to pee. Throw something in the toilet as a target, and make a game of it. In the stationary dept of any store, they will have reinforcements, for binder paper. Those are small, and will work great. The second is, when you set him on the toilet, set him facing the back of it. They feel more secure sitting like that, and can hold on, if they need to. And he won't pee through the lid, and onto his leg. Good luck

1 mom found this helpful

Is he tall enough to pee standing up? He should be able to do that without getting any on his leg. I would not back down with him. Peeing on his leg is something he will have to face wheather it be now or in a few months. You will both have to go through this so just do it now and get it over with.

1 mom found this helpful

Poor guy! Sounds like he's now associated going potty in the toilet with getting his leg wet! Not fun for anyone at any age! I think I would do one of two things. either start using a potty chair or teach him now to pee standing up. You might have better luck with that one - dad can teach him and make a game out of it! You won't get him to go poop in the toilet until he's comfortable going pee so I wouldn't even worry about that one for now.

1 mom found this helpful

Wow, your going through "IT". Dont worry, youre doing great. It sounds like you gave in at exactly the right time. there's a psychological aspect to this and that sounds like what you and he are struggling with. If the pee on the leg is such a huge issue, get him to pee sitting down ( or standing up if he was already sitting) and tell him that is so that the pee will go into the toilet, and try again. and again, and again and again. It's a process that takes time, and youre doing great. Keep at it. BTW, mine is 4, he wasn't completely potty trained till 3 1/2, and he still wears pull ups to bed (although he has only peed in them once) so that he can feel like accidents are no big deal. They really aren't.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi, N.,
as frustrating as potty training can feel, it is important not to let it become a power struggle, because inevitably, your son will win, since he is the one in control of his bladder!!! There is nothing wrong with taking a break for a week or so and then get back on track again. I disagree with the person who said that there is no going back. We started our son when he was 3 months shy of 3 and then we had to totally back off after only one weekend, because it was becoming a power struggle. It sounds like that is happening to you, too, with your son holding his pee for so long! We picked up again in a week or two and it was much better. The important thing is to make it pleasant for the child. It should NOT be a struggle. There are many ways to do things, so choose what works for your son. If stickers work, then great, if praise works, use that! If he likes getting to open small gifts, then have a bowl of tiny gifts (bought at a $1 store) all wrapped up and he gets to open one every time he pees. What worked for my son was stickers and having him run around without pants or underwear on for about a month as long as we were at home. it was the only way for him to recognize that he needed to pee. He is the kind of kid (and still is at the age of nearly 4) that will pee or poop as long as he has a diaper on! So we had to put him in underwear in order to train him. Just a few days ago, I finally decided that he was probably ready to sleep without a diaper on, even though his diapers in the morning were always very wet. I figured he was peeing in them after he woke up, because he could. Well, I was right! As soon as we took off the night time diapers, he stayed dry all night! So far, 3 of the past 4 nights he has been dry. So good luck. Don't make it a power struggle. Make it fun. Once it stops being fun, then you need to stop, reassess what is going on and maybe take a break for a few days until your son is relaxed again. Don't give up! It will happen soon.

1 mom found this helpful

Yes you gave in to soon. You have to stick with it and get one of the seats that goes on the regular toilet then place him backwards so he can see himself go and it won't go through the seat on his leg. You can take a little cup of water so you can show him how it will sound when he goes and that he can see it hit the water. Don't try to teach him the standing up to pee just yet.

Make it fun!!!!!! There is a great book that has been around for ever, How to potty train your child in less than a day. I used it for my son at 2 1/2. It worked very well. Don't give in. This will happen with patience. Start by giving him lots to drink and every time he goes potty a little treat. Make it fun, through him a potty party. Have him call his grandparents or someone that will be excited for him. We used candy, gummies and also special toys.
The book is great goes through having your child teach a doll to potty and then how to go about with the rest of the training.
Sometimes it becomes a battle of wills because of the age of your son. Have fun, keep it fun. With your next child you might want to start training earlier.

Hope this helps