S. asks from Waukee, IA on September 07, 2006
Potty Training - Waukee, IA
I am at my wits end. I have 5 children and the only one giving me problems is my 3 1/2 year old. Potty training with the first three was easy. I have tried everything from making her clean up her messes, running around naked, wearing underwear, giving her stickers, rewards,and read all of the books to her. She will go pee just fine in the toilet but she will not poop in the toilet. When I talk to her about going poopy in the potty she either says, "I can't it's too hard or I will go next time." She doesn't show any notice of when she has to go, she won't tell you when she has to go, she is not regular so I don't know when she has to go, she refuses to announce when she has to go, will deny to everyone that she has pooped her pants, and she doen't even care about sitting in her poop. She could literally sit in her poopy pants all day and not care. The preschool is working with me and allowing her to come to preschool, but how long this will last I am not sure. I know eventually everyone gets potty trained but I don't want her to get kicked out of preschool either. She has a twin and he did just fine with potty training. Any other suggestions on what I can do?
M.R. answers from Terre Haute on September 07, 2006
i guess they are right when they say "every child is different".
as i read your letter one thing came to my mind:while i was potty training my now 14yo i asked my ped for advice and he explained to me that a young child sees their poop as part of their body.i know this sounds weird,but that is what he said.when i started paying attention to that i could see,that she would get nervouse when i carried the potty to the toilet to flush it.
ask your daughter if she feels that the poop is still part of her and if she is afraid of flushing it.and maybe then you can explain that it is leftover food that her body does no longer need,kind of like the wrapping of a lolly-pop that she throws in the garbage-can.i know this sounds wierd,but maybe its worth a try.
H.B. answers from Charlotte on September 08, 2006
My sis-in-law's daughter did the same thing. Her ped told her to not be so worried about it and not to push her so hard. He said to just let her go when she wants and reward her for it and pay no attention to accidents. This method worked for her. Within one week she was fully trained and going on her own after about a year of training with no luck. Also, pooping for my son was hard also and alot of it had to do with either being constipated or not being able to relax on the potty. It took about 3 months after he was pee-trained before he was poop trained.
K.D. answers from Salt Lake City on September 08, 2006
When my son was potty training he did the very same thing. I was changing poopy pants once a day for at least 2 months. It is so frustrating. The thing I learned the hard way is that you can't show them the frustration even in your facial features. Take a deep breath and relax before dealing with the problem. Try telling her when she goes in her pants that you know she is trying really hard and really wants to do it in the potty. This positive talk can help her to start to think that way even if she doesn't at first. The other thing that I found that really worked was buying a huge pack of toys that you can give them in pieces. For instance, I bought a car set. I kept them in a very visible place up high enough that he could see them but not get to them. I then reminded him constantly that he would get one piece everytime he went poop on the potty (he was already trained to go pee so didn't get a reward for that anymore). This worked like a charm! He was going poop on the potty every time by the time I got halfway through the pack. He hasn't had an accident since. Good luck!
S. answers from Spartanburg on September 08, 2006
My daughter didn't potty train til she was around 3 1/2 either. It was mostly a she didn't feel like it so she wasn't going to do it behavior, and I was looking at her needing to be potty trained for K4 and was concerned that she was not going to do it. I searched online and found this product called PODs. It looks like a long maxipad, and sticks on one side. They wear normal underwear with them and it is so much better than a pull up. This way they are not messing their clothes everytime, but somehow in the design or the way they make it, children start potty training. I think you can go to www.pottytrainingsolutions.com and find them. It worked for my little girl, and she was in the same situation as your little one.
A.D. answers from Charlotte on September 08, 2006
Wow sounding just like my current story! I have 5, but under 11 and the twins are 3 1/2. One twin is fine but the other twin is not regular and takes a laxative to help him out. Never know when he is going to go. So to catch him, I have been making him stay in the same room as me, we have a rec room that he loves to play in, but hates staying downstairs and not playing with his twin. It seems to be working, He has only had 1 accident in the past two months. After having his bowel movement I give him a treat and then he can play as he wants. I can tell when he is ready by his face expression and make him sit on the potty, sometimes 15-20 minutes, we talk about how it has to come out and only he can make it. It's all in the head! I know how frustrated you must be but just be consistent and try not to loose composure. Good Luck and I'll say a prayer for you!
A. answers from Lexington on September 08, 2006
I don't have any advice because I'm going through the same thing with my 3yr.old son. Like you, his pre-school is working with us but I don't know how long that will last. We thought the peer pressure from the other kids would help but it hasn't. We have tried the same things as you and nothing has worked. We are even having problems getting him to pee in the potty. I'm about ready to go crazy.
I know this doesn't help but I just wanted you to know your not alone.
L.F. answers from Charleston on September 08, 2006
I think that you are pushing too hard and she is digging he heels in and refusing to poop in the potty. Yes you are right everyone potty trains. I wouldn't let pre-school be the driving factor as to her being potty trained. Also don't compare her to her twin, even tho he is a boy and ususally it is the boys that are in this situation, not the girls. Don't do anything negative to her. You want her to continue to go poop every day and you want it to be soft. Make sure that you are pushing the fiber in her diet to keep her stool soft. She has told you why she doesn't want to go, it is because it is hard and it hurts to go. Unfortunately, if she is stool holding her stool is harder, bigger, and it hurts even more to go. You may even want to add some Benefiber to her food to add some extra fiber to soften her stool even more. Give her the opportunity to go every day, be it in her panties, or in the potty. Let her dictate where that occurs. Once she realizes that it doesn't hurt to go and that her poop is no longer an object that she can use as a control issue, the potty training will follow. Usually if you can really drop the subject, she will be potty trained totally in a couple of weeks. It is very important tho that you continue to keep her stool soft so that this doesn't become an issue again. Remember dairy, especially milk and cheese, bannanas, applesauce, and junk food are constipating. Back off on these and push the raw veggies and fruit with skins ON, and that will help. Don't forget that your Pediatrician is also able to help you with this situation. Good Luck and be patient.
J.F. answers from Elkhart on September 11, 2006
My son has the same problem. After a year,I finally went to my pediatrician and found out it can be a medical condition.
See the attached web -site http://familydoctor.org/166.xml
I had to put my son on a fiber supplement after clearing his bowels with an enema. We are still working through the problem but it has gooten a lot better, now that we know how to help him. They hold their bowels, until they get constipated, then when they try it is painful, so they hold it more, thier bowels get stretched, they leak poop and don't even feel it. It's a horrible cycle. What starts as a behavioral issue, becomes a medical problem. After you get rid of the impacted stool and give the bowels time to come back down to size, you can start to retrain the behavior. My pediatrician says it usually takes about 3 months. We're in month two right now.
Hope this helps.