Possibly Moving and Custody

I am a family law attorney and these "geographical restriction" clauses are very real. The Court can very much say, "You can leave, but you need the leave the kids here." There are a number of factors involved and ways to defeat the clause, but there are ways to enforce it as well. E-mail me off this list and I will give you some advice specific to your situation. ____@____.com

D. Kimbriel
Grandma to 2 beautiful boys

If you are really "trying to do the right thing for my family always" you will find a way to stay where you are, in Kaufman or surrounding counties. I don't think a judge will look favorably on your move based solely on your hubby's employment, especially if your ex-husband pays his child support on time and sees the kids as much time as he's allowed. Thankfully, the State of Texas is beginning to understand that children need to spend as much time as possible with each parent and it's up to the parents to do what's best for the children.

Unless there are other circumstances, you might have a really hard time moving unless your ex agrees to the move. The point of that clause is to keep both parents close so each can have close access to the children. Imagine how YOU would respond if HE had custody and wanted to move the kids... Probably not a good situation.

If your ex fights the move, your options are limited... 1) you could let him have custody. The moving clause is really only for the kids, you can realistically move wherever you want, but the kids stay here. 2) make a deal with your ex so he agrees to the move.

Obviously, if you are moving, you should offer to pay for all transportation costs related to the now long distance visitation. You should also read up on what long distance visitation means in TX since it could mean you are without your kids for 42 days in the summer. The visitations are less frequent, but much longer.

The other problem with your scenario is it's really your husband who has been offered another job out of town... not you. Have you considered getting a job so your kids can remain near their father? That would be the right thing for the kids... not moving them to Austin and away from their dad.

He certainly doesn't and should never offer to pay your bills so you can remain here, especially since you aren't working either. If $600/month is appropriate for his income, then there's not much you can do there either. The TX Child Support calculation is pretty straight forward. Not much room to fudge numbers...

Sorry, but the law is on his side here, just like it would be on yours if the situation were reversed.

The previous poster gave you a lot of good advice. I would just add that you should talk to a good lawyer ASAP, and whatever you do DO NOT MOVE WITHOUT YOUR EX'S LEGALLY BINDING WRITTEN PERMISSION. I had an acquaintance lose custody of her daughter because she took bad legal advice and just moved and figured they'd sort it out later. Because she'd left without permission, she was considered to have violated the custody agreement and had to fight even to have visitation. DON'T MESS WITH THIS!!! Please! I'd hate to see you go through what I saw my acquaintance go through! And whatever the financial advantages of moving, they will disappear quickly in the face of legal fees if you have a drawn-out battle over your kids!

Sorry, J., I'm afraid the courts will probably side with your ex-husband. Unless he is in arrears for the support and is otherwise completely out of the picture, they will take his parental rights and the divorce clause under consideration.

You may be a split household until you can get this worked out with him. I would take the initiative and contact him first and see if he would be agreeable to the kids moving away from him. Don't assume the worst. Be honest and humble with him because you are asking more of him than you realize.

HI J.! I know exactly what you are going through as I had to go through it to move to Texas. My husband has been through this personally and professionally and is excellent and getting things resolved, preferably out of court. Give him a call at ###-###-#### to set up an appointment. His website is www.haugenlawfirm.com. Best wishes and God bless!

my husband let his ex take their daughter to live in Austin (they were not together) before there was any custody arangments. Later when there were, they had to drive halfway (Waco) every 1st, 3rd, and 5th weekend of the month on Friday and again on Sunday to exchange her. And it was mandatory for her to do this, she finally after 3years got tired of it and moved to arlington. I'm sure you think that would work now, but how long are you going to want to do that, and do you really want to put your kids though that? Additionally he did get her for 42 days in the summer. Also he wasn't obviously able to do dinner nights, which he did once they moved closer which has been so benificial to their relationship. I would think long and hard about what your trying to do, kids shouldn't be taken away from their parents. It is NOT in their best interest.

Hi J. -
Please pray and be open to other options. God can work miracles in your life - including a new job locally. The best thing for your children is to have the opportunity to have a close and loving relationship with both parents...and I know your "mothers heart" would be crushed if you were on the flip side and your ex was moving your children away from you.
I pray God's wisdom for you and your husband as you consider all of your options and make your decisions.
God bless you and your sweet babies.

If he will agree to the move, you're in the clear - just a few thousand dollars to have the divorce decree amended. Even so, there is a definite change if PC (primary conservator) leaves the county and JC (in this case dad) doesn't. You have to go to his house to get your kids, he comes to you to pick them up.

If you leave without his permission, you've just given him custody.

Good luck
S.

An old neighbor of mine lost custody of her son because she moved with him without the court's permission. She never got it back, even when she moved back to the city where his dad lived.
Also, please consider how this will affect your children and their relationship with their father. I have stepkids and my husband allowed his ex to move out of state with her new husband. His relationship with the kids has been affected and his daughter blames him for the distance, not the mom.
Good luck.

Troy Reimer
###-###-####

He is in Rockwall but does work in Dallas county courts too. That's where I had to go. He's very reasonable, and easy to work with. Give him a call, and tell him I sent you. He worked with me through my almost divorce and all the custody issues involved.
J. Bates

Maybe, if you talk to your ex husband about the job circumstances and point out the fact that his $600 monthly is VERY LOW for 2 kids, he will agree to just continue the custody arrangement as it is and remove the requirement that you stay near Kaufman county. If he won't budge, then I'd say your best bet is taking HIM to court to increase the amount of money he must pay each month (unless, of course, his $600 is already 25% of his income, or whatever Texas requires ... then you're pretty much at his mercy, I would imagine). Either way, you'll want to have the new agreement in writing so there won't be any surprises.

Texas family law will not make you stay if it is for a reasonable and unmalicious reason. So, for employment and the ability to support your family they will not make you stay....but they will look at adjusting the visitation time to ensure that he gets to see his children an equal amount of time or as close as possible. They can also require that you pay all transportation costs for a period of time. You need to seek an attorney and file the motion to change your residence as soon as possible. IF he files first it looks like you were trying to keep it a secret from the courts. Of course you have to have the job first. The new employer can give you a letter of employment that will help with evidence in the court room. Good luck!

Talk to you ex husband if he is not understanding and will not work it out. Get a lawyer to change the divorce degree in custody. Hopefully you and your ex can change the custody arrangments. For example he could have the kids during spring break, long weekends, one week during Christmas break and a least one weekend a month. And a month during the summer. And remind him it not far from fort worth just a couple of hours.

Yes you have to stay unless you want to give him custody. You will have to go to a lawyer and set a court date to appeal to the judge. God news is most judges are sympathetic to the economy right now, bad news is some just don't care. If he agrees to allow you to move like if it has been long enough since the divorce and you agree to transport the kids to him or something you can just get an attorney to draw up an amendment he can notorize and get the judge to sign out of court just in chambers which is way cheaper. If you are on good repor with your ex I would try that first before the attorney but be ready with one just in case he is already taken this step since you notified him of the move.

You are fortunate he is consistent in his payments. Only $600 is very good especially if you are a mom out there with a non paying ex.

As for the move, I am sorry to hear that. We have felt the crunch too with a pay cut so my heart goes to out you and your family.

As for the children? Why don't you just come out and ask their father? Would he mind if you did this? Can you arrange an amicable arrangement without returning to the courts?
If he is paying he will feel he has rights and if he sees his children and loves them, he will be fearful of missing them.

Try alleviating his fears by letting him know you will do what you are able to be sure he can see the kids but will need his help on working this out.
Here are some ideas:
Use what you want and disregard the rest:
You will be very disciplined in letting him see his kids. (Maybe meeting halfway or flying them out with Southwest-very inexpensive and great airline for kids flying alone).
You will provide links to their school schedules and grades.
Send pictures and make sure the kids call every weekend. Keep your promises too.

If he cannot stay on track when you talk, have him speak with your husband about the details - as if it were business. He will more likely behave when speaking to him than you and you will not bring up old issues either.

I think you also have to put your request in writing 45 days before you leave. He will need to respond to your letter either by court papers to object or amend the custody agreement. Be sure to have this certified or return receipt for proof. It might be worth a call to an attorney to see if a notarized letter from him would be acceptable for his agreement for your move.

It's a tough time out there and unless he is willing to have custody of the children, and fight for that (very very costly) I am sure he will concede.
Don't forget to think about what is best for the kids.

Good luck. I look forward to hearing how it went and pray that it works out for you peacefully. C.

If your papers say that you cannot move - DON'T even if he agrees.
Get a lawyer, go to court and get it in writing from the court otherwise you are in contempt and you will loose the kids.
Also, be prepared to pay most of the cost of transporting the kids to and from visits because you are the one causing the move.

I don't agree with this but this is the way the courts handle things and also he is not paying enough child support - if you are going to pay a lawyer then have them check that out too.

You've already received good advice. I'd just add that you may want to document how many jobs your current husband has applied for here in this area without success. It may help explain why you're being "forced" to move.