Possible Bad Relationship?: Could Use Some Advice.

K.,
There comes a sense of security and confidence knowing that when push comes to shove, you can provide for yourself and children without help from anyone else. Having said that, you have to go back to school and get a degree. Otherwise, you will be dependent on him and others like him your entire life. You can apply for need-based federal and state grants to attend community college or a university which will cover a good portion of your expenses. (My mom was a single mom with a high-school education- grants paid for a good part of my education.) It takes a little effort to fill out the paperwork, but you can do it. Some colleges also offer affordable health insurance while you are in school. To me, this seems like the only solution in this case. You have to empower yourself- don't let anyone else talk you down!

3 moms found this helpful

K.,

Let me get this straight, you two live together, and are having a baby but don't think getting married is a good idea. I think the very way you are living is a bad idea. You two are basically living like a married couple without the legal contract. I'm not sure how you are working full-time plus drawing unemployment that baffles me. At any rate - you two need to sit down and plan a budget. Babies cost money. I've never known anyone to get everything they need for a baby for free. You may have a baby shower and get a lot of what you need but that is temporary. Quit arguing about money. You two are not married. He is not responsible for keeping you up, he is only responsible for the baby. You are responsible for keeping up with yourself and the baby. Your insurance is not his problem if you two aren't married. You either find a plan you can afford with a high deductible or you do without once the baby delivers. Plan your budget together. If you two are sharing expenses in the household you should sit down and figure out how much you two bring in a month combined. Decide who is going to pay what out the expenses and plan accordingly. If you have to pay utilities, phone, cable, and groceries he may pay rent/mortage, groceries, gas, and child care when it comes. You two need to rein in the spending now especially if you plan on returning to work after you have the baby. You will have to buy diapers, formula, baby food, clothes, and pay child care. It's not cheap to have a baby. Formula alone can cost you up to $300/month. Unless you plan to breastfeed you guys are going to struggle. Save now at least 20% of what you bring home so when you are on maternity leave things won't be so tight. If he has issues with your spending habits it's because of 2 things - Responsible men want to make sure that the household is taken care of financially so he is already worried about how you two can afford things with a baby. Secondly, he's observed your spending habits and thinks you need to slow down on the spending. The sooner you both realize that the world doesn't revolve around you and it's all about the baby for the next 18 years the better off you will be. My honest opinion is that you two have a tough road to tow. You've known each other for 9 months and are living together and having a baby. My guess is that the baby was not planned and that you guys were having problems before you got pregnant. You as the woman have accepted already that he doesn't want to get married and you are telling him that you are okay with that when you know as well as I do that you would prefer to get married. Any woman that is pregnant and living with a man that tells you they are okay with not getting married is feeding everyone a load of crock. It's not true and my guess is that you are feeling a little resentful that he doesn't want to get married which only makes this situation worse. You've been ready to commit as is evident by the fact that you've moved in with him which was a mistake. If a woman wants a man to commit she doesn't move in with him until she knows he's ready to commit. You know he's ready to commit when he proposes and not a day before then. You two are going to have to be grown ups and start planning and get it together now before you have the baby. And no, don't move in with mom and dad so they can bale you out. You are an adult and wanted to do what you wanted to before you go pregnant. There had to be signs of his controlling nature before 7 weeks ago. It's not something that you just picked up on and it's not for mommy and daddy to take care of. My mom was a single mother that raised 3 kids by herself without help from her parents. She managed to do it, get a nursing degree, and make something of herself. You need to be a responsible adult and provide a place for you and your baby to live without mom and dad. You're going to be a mom in 9 months you'll see how it feels. You have options to help you - Go to DSS and see what they can do to help you. If your mom and dad are good parents they will not let you do without but for you to ask to come back home and live is putting them out. Congrats on the baby and good luck with the situation you've got yourself in.

3 moms found this helpful

He sounds like a narcissist. You might google it. I don't believe he will change. Sad but true. He always believes he is right and never sees anyone else's opinion. I believe I am married to one and regret it. Think about getting out of that situation, it will not get better.

2 moms found this helpful

As a Marriage and Family Therapist, I aplaud your hard decision not to get married just for the baby. Getting used to another person in marriage or having a baby are difficult enough when done separately but incredibly stressful when done at the same time. The time for setting boundaries with your boyfriend is NOW before you get into habits that are harmful to you and your baby. You need to be clear with him about what are appropriate ways to interact with you and what aren't. To quote Eleanor Roosevelt, "Noone can make you feel bad about yourself without your permission." If you don't think you are making bad decisions then quit apologizing and defending them. He doesn't have any say in your life now and will only have a say in the baby's life which will be equal to yours as a co-parent. As tough as it is, you need to look at this as a single parent in charge of your and your baby's life. A child does do best with both a mother and father in its life but only if there is limited conflict. This does not sound like your current relationship. Please don't get any further involved on the hope he will "change". Require the change before it goes any further. Any good therapist will not automatically "side" with either of you. It isn't about right or wrong but if its working. I would take the advice offered about looking into your options. Living with him at this point will only put you more under his control and make it more difficult to get out later. Taking care of yourself is the highest priority in taking care of your child. Take care and good luck.

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I can't imagine how hard it must be to do, but the best chance your baby could have at a good life would be to let a happily married man and woman who are financially secure adopt your baby. That would solve all these problems. You wouldn't have to deal with this joker any more - he has a whole lot of growing up to do, and a whole lot of life experience to get, and he's not likely to adjust his attitude any time soon. His attitudes are not compatible with taking care of a wife and family (which you would have to be his wife to get any military benefits). You do need to get an education to support yourself better, but it isn't fair for the baby to be in daycare 12+ hours every day while you go to school and work for many years. The baby could be with a loving family - and you would be able to pick out the family. When you really are ready to settle down, and you've found a GOOD man that you really want to be with, then you'll be ready and can raise children. This would be very hard, but it would be the least selfish thing you could do for this child. There are so many people who are truly ready to have a family, who can't. Most single moms keep their babies these days, and the babies grow up in poverty without dads much of the time. You could give your child so much more than that. Best wishes to you.

2 moms found this helpful

The two of you need to be on the same page as much as possible. It seems that you are mostly having communication issues, with you trying to figure out exactly what he is meaning when he says you won't need to work *then*, but you do need to work *now*; and some of the other questions you're having. It may just mean the two of you sitting down at the kitchen table, laying it out on paper, and reaching an agreement, where you clarify some of these questions you're having, and saying things like, "Ok, when you say I won't need to work for six months after the baby is born, but then complain that I 'don't contribute enough financially' now, it confuses me, and I need to know -- are you planning on financially supporting all three of us for six months after the baby is born, so I won't have to work, but I need to work now? I'm a little confused."

Marriage (or pre-marital) counseling would be in order with a good counselor, so you can work through these issues now. Like it or not, you are stuck with this guy for the rest of your child's life, whether you get married or not. What will be best for you and him and your child, is for the two of you to have a happy marriage, but you've got to work on better communication now, or else you'll likely split up, whether you get married or not. Even if you don't get married, it will be best for your child to be able to communicate with his/her father and be on the same page as much as possible.

If there is a church in your area with a counseling ministry, that may be your best bet.

2 moms found this helpful

Yes you are right, that is a bad realationship, and i'm sorry he's a jerk. By saying he doesn't CARE if you have insurance..he is saying he doesn't CARE about you. that is so ugly! Now I am a military spouse, I have 2 kids, and go to school full time. Now the perfect senario I think you are looking for is that you guys will be together and the baby will be covered and that is enough? If yall got married(which i doubt he would do) you guys would get a house from the military, and insurance for both of you. You could still work and go to school PT. Seems like he doesn't want you to suceed. So I say the best thing for you to do it just leave! You have a job and you still have quite a few months to save up $ for your own place(which i'd start doing now) even if things seem ok..alot could happen in 8 months and he may not want either of you. So...if you were on your own he would HAVE to pay child support! so that is a for sure source of income! The baby would still be covered. and you CAN go to school and work. FAFSA, is financial aide. You can get school paid for 100%! then you get the $ that is left over after classes and books...which can be like $300 or more.I'm sure there are local community colleges where you can go pt or do online classes. and there are schools that are 100% online like APUS and offer free books which means even more $ back from financial aide. I think the best thing is for you to get use to being independent before baby comes, because once the baby is here it will be harder to work or start school or anything. and I know it's hard to think of doing it all alone, but lots of women do, and being alone is better than being opressed. IF you DO stay with him...then think about still trying to go to school at least part time, probably online so that you can still get the financial aide $..then he can't complain about that. good luck with everything!

1 mom found this helpful

As u said DO NOT marry him because of the baby. Keep your Tn Care, but let him find out what it is like to raise a child on just his income.Make sure the child has his last name when it is born, that way IF anything should happen HE will be responsible for the raising of the baby.He is in the military and the baby will be eligible for military doctors, and basically anything else it needs. Stand your ground sis, he will learn. I am married to a once upon a time control freak. Its been 32 years and he found out that I wont be told what to do.We had 2 kids and raising them was my job while he worked.Do what you feel is best in your heart, and God bless.

1 mom found this helpful

I think you need to see his side also. To me he is not a controller or abusive person, maybe he is just very worry that he may not be able to provide for all. Therefore, you need to consider how to help financially even pregnant. (I did it) baby sitting or something else see your possibilities, because $900 a month is not really enough for this days specially when you have it all committed to your expensives So how much you really put in? In these days both parents need to help. See the other side. He seems to love you both.

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You just made your own case. You say that you 'THINK' that he 'MIGHT' be 'controlling'???? DUH! He has no respect or honor for you. It's all about him, and it WON'T get better; in fact, it'll probably get worse unless you both DO agree and go to counseling. Most men do have trouble admitting that they need help, but you can at least broach the subject and tell him that you both need help to make this work (no two people get along without both of them trying -- HARD).

If he's unwilling to 'submit' to some kind of guidance from a third party, I'd suggest that if there's any way that you can not even have his name on the baby's birth certificate as the father you'll probably be better off for the rearing years. I expect that if 'child support' and 'visitation' are all this guy contributes for those years, he's going to be resentful and make your and the child's life a living hell. Some people we're better off 'without'. Living your whole life on a 'hope' that it'll get better is wasting your life. You can do better.

1 mom found this helpful

I am so glad you have asked for advice. He will probably not be a good father and he may not even pay child support later on. He sounds like he needs someone else, a professional counselor, to talk to him. Try and find one -- I think a previous person told you how you could get one for free. If he won't go to the counselor then give him an ultimatum that gives you the upper hand. Please don't let him make you feel bad..... he is the one that should feel bad because he thinks that taxpayers should pay for his family.... that is immoral, especially if he has his own income!

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I think things will get harder after the baby is born. It was a very exhausting and high stress time in my life. My husband and I had troubles then, and we have a good relationship! You sound too smart for this! I think your heart is telling you what you need to do. But you need to be brave and listen, and have the courage to follow through. For yourself and your little one.

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Well, you answered your own question, and yes, he is controlling, and will become more abusive as the relationship continues. Decide what direction you want your life to go, now. You could place in open adoption. Having this baby is going to cause unbelievable hardship, financially, and if you end it with him, you may need to move to get away. Please , in the future, remember your birth control. Start with counseling for yourself. Go and see someone at a community college, and find out how to get enrolled. Don't let anyone EVER, hold you back! Good luck and God Bless.

1 mom found this helpful

I got pregnant with my daughter by my boyfriend at the time. We were not living together, but he did help support me. He was very controlling the same way and it eventually ended our relationship because of it. He seems very controlling and like he doesn't care much what happens to you. Does he know that you have MANY appointments you have to go to AFTER the baby's born? This will NOT be a good situation once the baby's born. He will most likely be just like every other man with no true "commitment" [[a ring or vows]] and just leave. He wants the baby, but not necessarily you. I hope that doesn't sound extremely mean. But having been there, I know how it feels. I doubt your parents would really dislike you living with them. You seem like you have a good head on your shoulders and can take care of yourself. By the way, have you heard of WIC? It's for women who are pregnant or moms of kids up to age 5. You get free milk, cheese, juice, etc. Not every piece of food is free, but it helps out a lot! I hope this helped!

1 mom found this helpful

Just curious, but where / from whom does he think you'd be able to get free baby items? I don't think you're stupid AT ALL for wanting to save money for baby stuff or save for an emergency fund. I think that makes you very smart.....you can't expect people (even family) to buy the big stuff, like a crib or carseat. I can't tell you moving home would be best because I don't know every single detail but I can tell you this: All that stress isn't good for you (pregnant or not) and it isn't good for the baby. I think counseling is a good thing. I don't know what branch of the service he is in but I know the Marine Corps offers classes for first time parents and offers budgeting classes. Maybe he's just stressed and scared. And I don't say that to discount how he is acting, I just bring it up because if that's the case--and you guys to go into counseling--maybe that's something that needs to be addressed. If it was me, I would go to the local Public Assistance office (or whatever they call it nowadays) explain my situation and see what you qualify for. As for insurance, if he's military then the only way he can add you is if you are his legal dependent (meaning you'd have to be his wife). If he isn't willing to help you pay for insurance then you're gonna have to see what resources are available to you. As for school.........OMG........go. Go now. Go as soon as you possibly can. You aren't married, about to have a baby..........Girl, there are grants and scholarships and help out there for you. I made the mistake of waiting. Two kids, a constantly deployed husband.....it makes it hard. Not impossible just hard. So go now, while you can. I wish you the best of luck with everything and feel free to PM me if you just need to vent.(((HUGS)))

1 mom found this helpful

OK I'm gonna generalize here about military men in general. I have been married to one for 8 yrs. They are a different breed of humans. They have someone telling them when, where and how they are gonna do things so they think they have to be in control of things at home. God knows that half the time my husband is not even home but wants to control what is going on. He was in Iraq trying to control things here. It takes someone with a lot of patiences and I will tell you up front that the divorce rate is very high for military couples. It is a lot of stress. It is a lot of give and take. I love my husband with all my heart and we have come to a meeting point where there are things I will deal with and things I wont. He knows my point and does not push. The down grading I would not put up with. He should be trying to build you up not tear you down. He may want to give you advice but to call your ideas stupid is bad on his part. If he is against consulting a third party before you even do it then it wont work. Maybe you should talk to someone close you can rely on and just explain your thoughts and get some advice. Im not in your shoes so I dont know. I can only tell you my experience. I can tell you that relying on your baby to hold you together will never work. It not only takes love but a lot of patience and a lot of work. Marriage and relationships are hard work. Anyone that tells you different is lying.

1 mom found this helpful

Hello K., it is very hard when you feel that you are at the mercy of someone else. There are resources out there to help you take back much of the control in your life. One of those is Birthchoice. I am a member of The Gabriel Project in Raleigh. Our mission is to help pregnant mothers and their babies. Birthchoice can refer you to us ... where are you?

Even though The Gabriel Project is a catholic program, it is available to all. We help you get the resources you need ... including any services, and items like maternity clothes, baby clothes, car seat, crib, etc.

You are not alone. Please do not feel that way. Check this program out ... or maybe another by searching on the internet. The ladies that I volunteer with are very caring. We would love to assist you.

D.

1 mom found this helpful

You are young so you have not experienced many relationships but I will tell you, this one is no good. You will learn that your gut is always right. This guy does not love you the way he should. Love is not that hard. Truly, love is easy if it is true. He does not respect you. You have gotten pregnant and now you have a child to take care of. The best thing you can do is to move home with your family and find a night job while they watch the baby. You need to make ends meet AND save for your own place. There are houses that you can rent pretty cheap when it is the right time. You will need to get the baby on Tenncare after it is born and then worry about getting a job with insurance. You have got to start thinking like a mom, not a 24 year old girl who NEEDS this man. You do NOT NEED this man and if you continue to let him think you do, he will continue to disrespect you and take advantage of you. Go now while you can

W.

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This does not sound like a healthy relationship for you to be in and it sounds like you are unhappy with it which is a good enough reason to end it! You need to do what is best for the baby. You're lucky that he is in the military because he can be made to take a DNA test, provide child support and medical benefits, and if he slacks off on doing it they will take it right out of his pay check! The military does NOT mess around with dead beat dads.

I have a daughter with a man that I am no longer in a relationship with and my advice to you is to try to find a productive way to communicate with him even if you don't plan on staying in a relationship with him. The two of you will be connected forever as parents to your child and it makes things so much better for the little one if things are not nasty between the parents. I would try counseling just to see if it works because I think it will be helpful whether or not you continue to live with him. Good luck. You'll be surprised at what you are capable of when it comes to giving your child the best life possible!

Honey, I didn't even have to read your entire post to know that YES! you are in a soon to be very bad for you relationship. Control is not something one needs to assert over another person nor does it show or imply love. Anyone who tells you that your decisions are stupid does not respect you in any way, shape or form. And to suggest that you don't need to further your education is wanting you to stay right where he wants you... dumb and in need of him. Please end this relationship and set up mediation for how to split custody and care of your baby. This is the best thing that you can do for yourself and your child. As these are not qualities that you do not want your child to learn!!!!! And they do learn early and see and feel it all. Even in the womb, your child can feel when you are stressed. Love and respect yourself enough to recognize that he does neither of these things. LOVE IS NOT CONDITIONAL! As you will soon learn when you become a Mom. Good luck and congratulations on the upcoming and REAL love of your life!

I hope that you will move back with your parents for now. Seek counseling and if he will go with you that will be great. If he chooses not to go to counseling and is not willing to work on having a relationship that entails mutual respect for one another then by all means do not move back in with him and do not consider marriage. Children do best in relationships in which both parents treat each other with respect and resolve conflicts peaceably. Marriage is not always best for the child nor is simply living together. My parents married under similar circumstances and they have stayed married because of the children. I am an adult now and often feel horrible. I don't really feel close or loved by either side of my family. On more than one occasion a relative has told me how much better off my parents would have been if they had not married each other and if they had not had children with each other. I did not cause their situation. I have been happily married for more than a decade. I have watched many of my friends go through what you are going through. It is tough - you can do it.
I have many friends who went through this - all of them went on to get their education. In some instances the guys matured and turned into wonderful fathers, but in the situations where the guy did not mature - those friends have been better off without the guy. Move out, seek counseling, go to school and be the best mother you can be! You can do it! Your parents may be inconvenienced for a little while, but they will rest better at night knowing that you and their precious grandbaby are safe.

Just an afterthought FYI. When I was in college many girls I knew bought rings to wear, because they were self-conscience and did not want others to be aware that they were pregnant and not married. If you are thinking of doing this - save your money. When I got pregnant my hands and fingers swelled and it was impossible for me to wear my wedding rings. When my son was two I took them to a local jeweler and had them sized larger. Even though I had them sized larger I still could not wear them when I got pregnant with my second child because of swelling. I know many women who have had to have rings cut off their fingers when they were pregnant. If your relationship changes and the father gives you a ring you might put it in a safe place or wear it on a necklace. You might have to explain so that he understands it is just part of pregnancy and that after the baby is born you will have the ring sized and begin wearing it so that there are no hard feelings on his part.

No "possible" about it.
GET OUT

He sounds to be degrading, uncaring, unconcerned and controlling. I am not sensing any type of love or support there. He sounds like a sociopath. I am not making a joke.

Honestly,
You really do not want to be tied to this person for the rest of your life. I would hate for you to come to senses 3 years from now & realize that you do not want this kind of person raising your child. It will be a lifetime of fighting, custody battles & misery. That is no way to raise a child.

The kind of person you describe will make your life miserable for the rest of your life. Do you really want your child to see that his/her father treats you like that?

Get out of the relationship. Get as far away from this guy as you can. Give your self the opportunity to find a worthy partner that not only wants your baby but wants you & a good life for you & is loving & caring & supportive of you & your ideas & self improvement.

You have 20 years left to have a baby. TWENTY. that is a long time. Please, give your future and your life a real chance.

My advise is offered to you with love. I am in my 40's I have a little perspective. I wish you the best possible outcome.

P. : )

Hi K.. I'm sorry that you having difficulties in your relationship during such an exciting time. I'm probably in the minority when I say I'd get married for my child. I'd die for my kids so it would be an easy choice for me. That's just my opinion. I'm sure you realize the financial benefits of being a military spouse, but if that's not an option, Emily(?) had some good advice on you helping yourself.
Every relationship will have arguments. My husband and I have been together a long time and when we were younger and use to fight, we were terrible to each other. We've grown up quite a bit since then and I think the difference is we are more effective at communicating and solving our problems. We some how managed to figure it out on our own, but we had a lot more time together before we started our family. Since your time is short, I would highly recommend getting professional help. I would look for someone that is not going to try to solve your problems, but facilitate your relationship in way that gives you and your partner the tools to solve your problems on your own.
Some of the advice on here is down right frightening. I don't doubt those women were abused, but I hope that's not what's going on with you. I agree with you, children are better off when they receive their father's love on a regular basis. It may take some sacrificing on your part (some pride swallowing too) to make sure your child has it, but it should not cause you physical harm or loss of self esteem. I would just do mini checks when you are communicating to make sure he (or you) is not over stepping boundaries. Ask yourself "is he speaking or behaving in a way that is harmful to me?" or "does he make a good point and I'm going to have to swallow my pride?".
Also I'd make a list of reasons why you feel "stuck". Then I would figure out things that I could do to stop or lessen those feelings. You may find out that your partner has nothing to do some of those feelings and cause you to have less resentment towards him. Best of luck and congratulations!

Sounds like my first marriage minus the baby. He never said anything, but it showed in his actions. My father payed for my college, even after we married. I think he knew it would end otherwise. It took my stubborn self 7 years to admit to myself and others that the marriage was a loss and I had really known it for years. (He was exmilitary)
Also, my father--controlled my mother, didn't want her to go to college- actually hit her when she inrolled anyway. She had seen the writing on the wall. Dad was cheating, drinking, etc. He didn't want her to work, but he was in control of all of the income(when he was in the military and when he retired). She was a mouse. Now divorced for 28 years, she has always owned her own home, raised 3 kids into well adjusted, successful adults. After divorcing in '96 I moved to TN for a teaching job (that I wouldn't have without a degree), met a great (younger) guy. We are now married with beautiful twin girls. I had to wait until I was 40 to have my girls and be in a great marriage (we dated for 10 years)but it was worth it to be with a great guy and a phenominal father!
Take your time, he can be a father without you being with him and you will have the bulk of the time with baby and therefore more influence in not being like the father. You can do it, we are all stronger than we think we are!
I agree with Lynn! Oh, and the military will make sure he pays child support or he gets in BIG trouble. (I used to teach on the airforce base in Sumter, SC)
Good luck, be strong, believe in yourself and your gut!

I have been thinking about your post and think you already know in your gut that this man is not respecting you. If he's not respecting you, he's not loving you. If he's not loving you - it's time think about what is best for you and the baby.

I have been really close to your situation. Get out before your child get caught up in the vicious cycle your boyfriend is in. This person WILL NEVER CHANGE. I know that as women we carry the hope that this one will change and mature, but the don't. Write things down that help you to remember that you are doing the right thing, it will help you stay true to YOU and Your Child. You 2 are the most important things in your life. I do know how hard it is, but it's so much better. My Mom made it with 3 kids.

I think you already know this relationship is not good for you because you said you feel stuck. This guy sounds like trouble for you. You may have to tolerate some things from him since he is the father of your child, but that does not include being made to feel like a loser when you aren't one. Talk to your parents, move back home if possible, and get out from under this guy. Keep being financially responsible: go to school and further your education, keep saving for things like necessary items for the baby and tires for your car. You know these things are only common sense, and you are allowing him to make you second guess yourself. It is ideal for a child to be raised by both parents, but anyone can tell you that this does not include a situation where one parent belittles the other or where financial stresses and disagreements lead to frequent arguing. That is not a healthy situation for a child. My advice is to get out now before you become any more beholden to this man.

Hi K., I married my husband because we got pregnant, worst mistake of my life by the way. I knew better but my husband is a very very good manipulator and could make me believe just about anything. I am now going through the very beginning of what looks to be a very ugly divorce. I have moved back in with my mother along with my 19 month old son. I am going back to school at Chatt State next semester to finish my RN. I am going to be able to get caught up financially. The most important thing is that I am now able to provide myself and my son the kind of life that I want for us(all of the things that I used to dream of having or accomplishing are up to me now). If it were up to my soon to be ex then we would be in a rural town, behind financially(almost bankruptcy), no chance of finishing college, ect. The worst thing about it is that my son was going to grow up looking up to his dad and learning that his behavior is acceptable. What finally made me see the light is alot of prayer for one, but knowing that I am allowing that behavior to be around my son, and causing him to potentially grow up to behave in similar ways. My mom asked me one day "Would you let someone else behave like that around Cannyn and let the behavior slide like you do with his father". And the truth is that it doesn't matter who the person is if they do not provide a positive environment and their behavior is not up to your own personal standards do they really need to be involved in your life. I do not want my son to learn that it is ok to treat women like they are less, nor do I want him to think that anything is free(yes he has that same mentality). Manipulation in any form is not appropriate and trying to control some one goes along with that. My husband would try to control me and if for some reason I spoke out or tried something else then I was stupid or what ever he could think of to call me that would make me doubt myself, then the manipulation side would kick in and it would be 'Why didn't you listen to me baby, you know I will take care of you'. It all sounded good until I saw(in most cases didn't see) the results. I hope this helps, every situation is different. The main thing is that put your trust in God, and yourself. You and only you can make the best decisions for yourself and you baby.

YOu should probably at the very least seek counseling - If he won't go, go yourself. Money is the most divisive element in relationships, if you can't work it out before you are exhausted by infant care, chances are things will be worse when you are tired. School (i.e., college) can be accomplished in a multitude of ways, student loans, scholarships, grants etc. If that is what you want to do, contact your local community college enrollment office and speak with a college recruiter. - there is also on-line learning, i.e., Phoenix and Walden - Look into it, the reality is that without a college education, in the course of your working life, you will make 1 Million dollars less than someone with a bachelor's degree. Worth spending some money on it up front, don't you think?