Please Help!!! How Do I Deal with His Girfriend?

I completely understand how you feel.

My father did this to my mom.. and My sisters ex did it to her..

If you want him to stop bringing her around your son.. remind him of the divorce decree and tell him you will take him to court if he continues to break the agreement. And then Do it if he does not honor your request.

If you do not want to put your energy or money into this, then.. I suggest you put on your best.. "strong woman in charge" face on and act as though butter could not melt faster in your mouth.. You will be so warm and kind, it will scare the poo out of her.. She will be looking behind her back for the knife..

When you see her and her son.. introduce yourself first, with "Hello Sally, good to see you again. What is your sons name? Hello______ I am A. (or I am Ms. L). I am (insert your sons name here) mom.."

And each time you see her, be gracious, try to always be the one that greets her first.. I promise it will freak them out..

You will be known as "Lady Gracious" and she will forever be known as the other woman who broke up the marriage.

People will wonder why on earth your ex left you, you are so amazing and kind..

The best revenge is to live well and be happy,,

FYI, this will also be a great gift for your son.. He will always remember that you handled the whole situation with grace.. And do not worry, he will figure out on his own what a skunk his father is.. Just sit back and wait.

This is your chance to put on the show.
If you are nothing but kind and logical, she is really going to wonder why he ever left you in the first place.
It will make her extremely insecure :)

After your SWH: That's awesome that it turned out like that :) I am proud of you. Things are never as bad as they first appear to be. I bet she is just as intimidated about being around you as you are around her. She didnt show which means she must have been having a bad hair day OR your ex is already showing his true colors and she might be pulling away.
Karma is a wonderful thing.

I am so sorry that you have to go through this. Glad you got rid of that insensitive jerk!

That being said, you have to put your game face on and be as gracious and kind as possible. Practice an introduction in the mirror. "Hi, I'm A.. It's very nice to finally meet you. Hope you enjoy the carnival today. I know I will." You don't need to say anything beyond that. Just smile and move on.

It's going to be tough, but I know you can do it. It's important that you show your child that you don't have to like people to get along with them. A very important lesson to learn!

Good luck and let us know what happens.

A.,
I'm sorry. I have not been in this situation.

But I do know this.
Your kids make you strong. And brave.
And able to do things you otherwise would never consider doing or enduring.
For their sake.

Just keep that in mind.
And never let those two shallow, small-minded people get in the way of your son's happiness.
Good luck!

You don't have to walk around the carnival with THEM, do you? Let your son spend part of his carnival time with his dad, and part with you. While he's with his dad, just find a quiet place to sit, or walk around and see the sights.

I urge you to find a way to stop being critical of their choices. Yes, you are hurt and angry. Deal with those feelings directly without focusing on what they did to you. I suggest that until you're able to do that you'll always be miserable around them.

Accept that you cannot change the situation in any way except in the way you're looking at it and feeling about it. You can have control over your emotions. Every time you start to think a judgmental thought about them, replace it with a positive thought about yourself and your son. A good mantra is to say, I am angry and I will think of this as a transition time during which I will think good thoughts about the situation.

Did you want to stay married? Focus on how glad you are that you're no longer deceived. Focus on how much better you are without this man. It might even help to think about how he'll deceive her one day. All will not remain sunny and light for them. Focus on the positives and let the negatives slide out of your view.

I suggest that fighting for making the situation right will only cause you more pain. You're feeding your anger. Let the anger go. Accept your ex as he is. Don't try to change him.

I also suggest that your not accepting that he can do as he wishes and harboring angry feelings for him is not good for your son. He is his father and needs to think that he's a good man so that he can feel like a good kid too.

I know it's extremely difficult. It is selfish for him to bring his girl friend and son to events. Have you tried telling him in a calm, non-confrontational way using I statements about how uncomfortable you are when she's around and ask him to not bring her to school events, for both yours and your son's sake? He may be the selfish so and so you're describing and not be sympathetic but its worth a try.

If you can talk with him without anger and accusations he just may be able to find a way to work with you on this.

Remember that you cannot change him. You can only change the way you're reacting to him. By continuing to be judgmental and angry with what he does or doesn't do you are allowing him to be in control of your feelings. You can let go of the anger and be much happier.

Fake it till you make it. Put on your best "I'm totally ok with this and very, very happy with my new life" face. Before you get out of the car, take a deep breath and remind yourself that for the next 2 hours, you're cool with it. He's with someone else, no biggy. If you bump into them, just say hi, smile and make polite chit chat. Do not let them know anything about the situation bothers you!!!

It's not going to be easy, but you really have to rise above it. There is a better, happier life out there just waiting for you. You are going to be just fine! Believe that, smile and have fun with your son.

I have never had this issue with divorce but when I go around my son's father I make sure Im looking like a MILLION BUCKS and I'm super nice. I would always speak and never cause any drama. With my oldest son father he broke up with me, now when he sees me Im always looking great and not he's the one wanting to come back. He will eventually realized the grass is not greener on the other side and try to come back especially if you are going on with your life. Yes its new but try and get your life back, don't let yourself go and just step your game up. I promise you will feel better, I promise he will cheat on her so she is not walking around with a superstar!!!
Don't dread going to the event look forward to going, OMG I would be the baddest mom there...LOL
Good Luck!!!!

You are still freshly wounded from the divorce but you must realize that you do share a child together. You are going to find times where you have to SHARE your child with him and it doesnt mean you have to be there too. You will occasionally miss an event and let your son share that event with his dad.

Unfortunately you cant control your ex's life and you shouldn't waste time stressing on his personal life as long as your son is being cared for and his adjusting.

Be careful on what you limit as it will affect your child in the long run.

This new gal is getting your leftovers, he's not a man of character.

If you must be at the carnival with them, be a good mom, smile a lot, let her know by the way you act that you arent someone that deserved a cheating man as a husband.

I agree that if you put your best foot forward and be strong (not easy but doable) it will make her second guess herself about being a tool in the breaking up of a family unit.

But please keep in mind you don't want to play games, this is not about trying to make your ex uncomfortable for the rest of your lives, this is about allowing your son to feel comfortable whether with you or dad or both of you at the same time. Do not let your son feel your tension.

Be friendly for your son's sake. Don't complain about her or be uspet around him. You do not want to put him the place where he feels he needs to choose which parent to love. Besides that might backfire on you. He KNOWS you love him and would move heaven and earth if you had to for him. He doesn't know about his dad though, his dad was never there for him in the past and is only superficially there now. Your son may do what I call dancing in the dark to get dad's attention, he may say I want to live with dad, or I love my daddy more than you --- not because he really does but because he would do anything to get his dad attention. For your son's sake keep the peace. Rant and rave to your girlfriends but not so your son can hear.

As far as ex and new girlfriend --- remember ---- once a cheater always a cheater. She may have him now but soon he will be out looking for a new woman to cheat with. Keep this fact tucked in your mind and keep it as your own private laugh. If the new girlfriend says something along the lines of I knew I would get him eventually -- whisper 'once a cheater always a cheater' smile and walk away. --- She will never have a moments peace --everytime he is late or she can't get a hold of him she will wonder who he is with.
Then let it go and live your life as a place of joy --- be happy this man is gone.

Laurie's response 100%- I would just add a fabulous outfit to it! My grandmother always told us to dress our very best when you KNOW the day is going to be tough... at least you'll look great while biting your tongue!

Jubee said it.
avoid sharing time with them when ever you can, and when you cant, put that game face on. and know, that all our hearts go out to you.
he is slime and you are better off with out him.
be the better person, and teach your children how make it through tuff situations and hold their head high.

Let your son have his time with his dad, theres really no reason that you need to be there at the same time.Split your time up at the carnval,dont put your self in a unconfortable situation.This is what its going to be like for now on,your sons time going to be split up.Another thing, this is going to be a big adjustment for your son as well and you dont want him to feel any tension,when hes just trying to have fun at his school event.Who knows he might even have fun with the other lil boy..Its just a hard time and I completely understand where your coming from its just going to take alot of time to heal.

I agree with Laurie, 110% percent.

Smile. Genuinely, after all she is now the one having to tend to your old dirty laundry. Isn't it nice you no longer have too. Smile, remember, she is getting what she deserves. Smile, Because they look the fool. And when you are done, reward yourself with a great big, whew, I am glad I am not them.

I can give you many more reasons to smile. I know the hurt and pain is hard. But maybe a new perspective on it might help.

I have so, SO much empathy for people in your situation, having to deal with the "other woman". Mostly because there is literally NOTHING you can do, you just have to suffer in silence, if for no other reason, for the benefit of your son, my heart breaks for you.

Your ex-husband and Miss Tramp did an AWFUL thing to you. I cannot understand how women who do that can sleep at night. She destroyed a marriage, a little boy's family, a home. I have literally NO respect for people like that. And that's not even mentioning the lack of moral responsibility that your husband displayed. All in all, what an awful thing that happened to you. I am so, SO sorry that that happened to you. :(

I can only imagine that time will start to take the sear off the burning sting of shattered dreams. Gather strength in knowing that you are doing the right thing by your son, not drawing attention to your feelings publicly. In the meantime, I hope that you seek counseling to deal with them in your time. You have a right to happiness. Seek that actively.

HUGS to you.

If it is in your custody arrangment that he cant live with her unmarried, you could stop allowing him visits until the situation changes. You cant stop him from parading her around at public events unfortunately.

well, if its in the divorce decree, you file something that he's in violation. However, I'm in a blended family, both my husband and I have kids with our ex's. In situations like this, think of your son. He probably wants both his mom and his dad there. However, you don't ALL have to hang out together. If the carnival is from 1-3pm say, then split the time, you get him the first half to run around with him, dad and his *girlfriend* get him the second half. Done. That way you don't have to see him other than swap him 1/2 way thru it. Good luck.

A.,
What a discusting pig,I am so sorry to you.I couldnt do it,I just couldnt.How can someone marry you,have a child with you and then hurt you that bad and leave you to emotionally figure out how to just "deal with it"after 13yrs?No way.I know you have to deal because of your child,so try to make it about him as far as "shes"concerned.Is she good to your son?Thats whats most important at this juncture.As far as you n her?Just make it very clear that little boy better be taken care of.God will do the rest,what go goes around comes around,karma's a b****