Ex Would like Me to Be Friends with New Girlfriend?

being "Friendly" and being "Friends" is two different things. being "Friends" - out of the question. being "Friendly" - difficult, and a LOT for him ask of you. how about continuing not to trash her behind their backs, and being politely diplomatic when you see her? i think that's fair. there's zero obligation on you to be friendly toward her. none.

Are you divorced? It sounds like you are separated. Now is probably the time to do so. Good luck!

Well, of course you are not going to be her girlfriend. What a strange request. But you can be civil and polite to her.

You are obviously doing a fine job with your kids, so don't worry about her "influence."

Just know that you are a bigger and better person than either of them are, and keep raising your kids well.

He's your ex, so you shouldnt care. He was gonna get involved with someone some day anyway. Sounds like he just didnt want to hurt anyones feelings in the beginning, two years has passed. Let it go and let him move on. The kids shouldnt hold it against him, if they dont like her and never have, oh well, it's not their spouse, it's his.
But, no, you dont have to be friends with her. But you should be able to communicate about the kids.

It's highly possible they both weren't lying to you in the beginning. I've had many male friends and things were platonic, but that's not to say that after being roommates or something 2-1/2 years after divorce, things might change between people. It's possible that their feelings for each other changed over time.
I can understand the temptation to put two and two together, but it might not be the way you're thinking of it.
You're divorced. You had to know he would likely find someone else eventually.
You don't have to like her or be friends with her, but you can be friendly and civil.
You can assume your ex was lying to you all along, but you're divorced now so it doesn't really matter. If she's not a good person, let them have each other.
Your kids know he has a girlfriend and they don't have to like it.
Unfortunately, you're just going to have to see how things play out and try to keep your personal feelings out of it. If your kids don't like her, that will work out or it won't.
Do your own thing. Work on your own happiness. Don't get bogged down by wondering what was or wasn't true years ago. And, like I said, it IS possible they just were friends in the beginning.
He's moved on. You should do the same.
A man having a "girlfriend" status situation doesn't mean he's going to marry her. And, if he does, let him have her.
Hold your head up. Do right by yourself and your kids. Be civil.
You might find a guy that your kids don't like and your ex doesn't like.
These are some of the pitfalls of divorce.
I'm divorced too. It's not always easy.

Hang in there!

Um, no. You do not have to treat her any certain way. You do not have to be friends, and you do not have to be friendly. You have been the bigger person all along by not trashing her, and if you keep that up, you've gone above and beyond the call of duty.

Whether or not they were lying the whole time, or just now fell in love after 2 years of being roommates, either scenario is unsavory. And if she is a bad influence, just tell your ex you have no interest in her and all the reasons why. Really, his asking anything of you at this point is a bit much.

If I had to deal with someone like this because of my kids, I would always be diplomatically brief and "polite" (barely) and nothing more. The less energy you give her in your thoughts and time the better. Snap yourself into thinking of better things when you find yourself feeling down and angry. Try to let the kids know there is nothing you can do and tell them what you're trying to achieve by not getting too involved with her. Be honest with your ex and also keep your higher ground. Good luck, it's not easy.

I don't blame you for being upset. And I'm thinking that if you don't like her personally as it is, you probably wouldn't have become her friend on your own, so it's unrealistic to be her "friend" now.

For your children's sake I would take the high road, continue to not badmouth her, be civil towards her, and allow your children to make their own choice in the matter. Being the outstanding young adults they are, I would guess that once they are of age they won't be having much to do with their father.

God bless you<3

You have no obligation to be friends or even friendly to his girlfriend. Yours teens will only be forced to be around him for a short while longer - so no reason to try and cause yourself stress over it.

Just say "No thanks"

The first thing I have to say it that karma is strong. It is a sad situation but she will come around and show her true colors and by that time he will be hurt. You owe this woman nothing and you don't have to pacify your ex. My ex. married a woman that was 11 years younger then he was and he thought he was the stud of the neighborhood. My kids tried to tell him that she was no good and nothing helped. Well, long story short, she cheated on him with his friend. Nothing you can say will make a difference and your teenagers will be gone soon and not have to deal with this.

There's a big difference between being friends & being civil...

be civil, but you dont have to start hanging out with her. It sounds to me like you are already doing everything right. Teens can make up their own minds, but you can encourage them to at least be polite to her, even if they dont have to like her or be friends with her.

Not every platonic room mate situation is a lie. Some really do just share a living space and not the same bed. It also can change after being around eachother so much and friendships change. They may have started out just friends, and it grew into something more. Not that you have to like it, but maybe they really werent lying to start with. You dont need to be friends with her, but you can, for the kids sake, be polite and nice when around her. Be the good M. and your kids will always know the difference. They are probably old enough to handle swearing, and bad manners and will know whats right and wrong. They will see her for what she is, and also will see dads choice in women as inferior to you. If you end up having to spend time in the same company as her, for kids things, such as birthday partys and graduation, you better be the one to stay gracious, kind, cool and in control, so any snide or catty remarks, or bad behavior is never from you. She may end up being their step M. someday and you will have to put up with it for a long time. Your kids can tell whos really good, and who isnt.

I agree withmost everyone. No way would i be friends with her, but for the sake of keeping communications going between you and your children's father i would be civil. And nothing more.

Friendship is built on trust. If you feel no trust towards her, then you can't have a friendship.

I wouldn't be her friend unless I found her worthy to be my friend. It doesn't sound like there's much of anything that you find friend worthy. I wouldn't either!

I think it's important to be pleasant with her and mature and such (though I'd probably feel a bit immature and would want to be MEAN to her...hehe). And I wouldn't bad talk her to my kids either.

Sorry you're in this situation! Taht would make me crazy feeling.

It is easiest for everyone involved if you at least get along, you don't have to hang out! I do know a couple that are now together but were not in years past when he was married. He thought she was pretty and liked her, didn't leave his wife for her per se, but because he had reached a point in his marriage that it was time to leave. It is possible they weren't together all this time, or at least tried to put off the inevitable. And best friends first makes for a pretty good relationship!

Maybe the kids or you could let her know that you realize she's going to be part of your lives and in order to deal with that were wondering if she could work on her language, etc at least when the kids are present?

.

I wanted to offer some information, from a personal experience. I had a purley platonic male friend for well over a year before it turned into more. They may well have been 'just friends' until recently, you don't know. Remember what happens when we ASSUME things.

BTW: Are you just seperated or actually divorced??

Well your KIDS seem tons more mature than they are.
Good for you.

You don't have to be 'friends' with her.
There is a difference between being civil though. But that does not mean you have to be 'friends.'

Go with your instincts and radar.
And they are not trustworthy.
ALSO go by your kids' cues.
You seem to know them best.
Not your Ex.

You can be cordial but a friend? No.

No, you are not obligated to be her friend. You can be cordial & mature, but it doesn't need to be anything more than that.

You need to have a private discussion with your ex (no kids or "female friend") and tell him point blank that you and the kids feel he lied to you about the nature of their relationship and that he has to deal with that i.e. mend those fences with his kids. Then tell him that, while you will be cordial and polite, you and the girlfriend will never be friends. She is not the type of person you would be friends with even if they were not together so he needs to not push it. The kids are old enough to make up their own minds and you will not influence them one way or the other. End of discussion!

I see no reason why you have to be BFF with this woman. You DO have to be civil and cordial when you meet her in the street for the sake of your kids, but nothing more.

I have to agree with the majority here. If you are in the same place and run into her be civil and polite. Friendship is not required. Not badmouthing her is a good choice. But if you don't agree with specific behavior, your kids are old enough to distinguish between the person and the behavior.

You have known about your former husband's living arrangements for over two years. It is possible but not probable that "in the beginning" the relationship between him and this woman was platonic. More likely, after 15 years of marriage, he didn't want to drop the bomb on you that in addition to not wanting to live with you any longer, he also had a girlfriend.

I'm sorry that this is not a comforting thought, but if my man left and moved in with another woman over two years ago, I would have smelled a RAT! The RAT is your former husband. The LIAR is your former husband.

If your former husband is a good father to his children and his girlfriend poses no threat to their safety, I would suggest that you be civil to the woman. There is no need to form a "friendship" with someone with whom the only thing in common you have, is your former husband.

Your children love you and their father. They have seen your pain and anger and don't want to be disloyal. If you say and do things to turn them against their father's girlfriend (who may become his wife), it will only cause them additional pain and to be torn between mom and dad.

Don't live a life of bitterness, start building a new life of your own. If you do not wish to date someone else, get involved with other things that will get out of the house and socializing. Be good to yourself.

Blessings....

Take the high road- you are right she will never be a real friend to you as based on past behaviour but just smile and say of course. The better you can get along the better it is for the kids.

I'm assuming friendly means being polite- if he expects you two to hang out when the kids aren't involved (like with school functions, b-day parties etc) frankly that is ridiculous.

Keep your friends close but your enemies closer, lol. And kudos to you for not badmouthing your ex and his gf to the kids, sounds like they are smart enough to figure things out on their own.

its possible it turned into a relationship BUT I have to ask...at this point why do you care if he lied...I mean obviously he wasn;t the best husband if he left you...But you can choose to forgive him and not dwell on it and go out to lunch once with her and try and get to know her...she will have an influence on your children...I'd want to get to know her...you dont have to be great friends but its better to work as a team parenting your children, and you can adress any issues you have in a nice way. The kids will pick up on your feelings towards ehr and your husband/ex and that won't be a good outcome. I hope to be friends with my ex's future gf/wife when he finds one...so that we can all love and parent my daughter together

First of all, I say if you have no desire to be friends with the woman, then DON'T!
On the matter of them just being friends for the first 2 years, I would like to say that my ex husband and I were friends for many years before we became romantically involved, we were also roommates before we became romantically involved. When we did become involved and then when we decided to marry, ALL of our family and friends kept trying to get us to 'admit' we had been together all along...we HADN'T been! IMHO, it is quite possible that they have been friends all along and only recently decided to become romantically involved. I don't live in their house, of course, so I can't say for certain, but I do believe it is possible because I've been there, done that.

Sounds like you were duped - sorry..he is now reaping what he sowed...

You don't have to be friends with her - you can be nice and polite and set a good example for your children - however, their deed is cast...the lie is out and now instead of fessing up from the beginning - they have lost credit in EVERYONE'S eyes...

He, being the duper, will NOT understand this.....I would tell him that everyone would've been able to "accept" his relationship with her from the beginning if there had been no lies...now that the lie has been exposed...it's hard to accept...the kids need time to adjust...

THEY have to be the ones to tell their dad how they feel about this girl...I won't call her a W....as she doesn't sound like a moral individual.....

You need to tell him that any trust he had with you is NOW GONE...he won't understand it...but you NEED to tell him this....he NEEDS to hear it - at least once...he won't like it. But that's NOT YOUR FAULT!!!

Good luck. I'm sorry that he is such a turd!!