Picky Eating: Need Reassurance/success Stories

I have a 3 year old and a 4.5 year old, and I'll be honest, the only thing that really worked for me is time. Somewhere between 3.5 and 4 my older one started willingly trying bites of new foods, and eating almost everything I put on his plate. My 3 year old is still "scared" (he actually says that) to try bites of things. And even things he knows he likes, if they have a tiny speck of something else on them he will melt down until it is wiped off. I'm just trying to feed him the foods I know he will eat for the most part, and keep putting bite sized servings of other things on his plate, and I know that one day he will start eating a more varied diet too.

My son is SUPER picky and has been since starting solids as a baby at 6 months old.
He is now recently made 4 years old... and on his own, his palate has expanded.

As a Mom, I do not force him to eat or to eat what *I* want. Nor how much I want him to eat.
Rather, I rather have him know his hunger cues, know when he is full, and know himself. Which he does.
He does not eat for emotional reasons, nor when forced.
But I KNOW him... and what he will or will not eat. And he is healthy, is in the 97-98th percentiles for growth and grows like a weed and is VERY healthy.

On his own, he tries things, or not. But as he has gotten older, he has NATURALLY gotten to eat more things, more variety and... especially when hitting growth-spurts... he eats more.

We NEVER have food battles. And he always eats with us at the table.
He also grazes throughout the day and snacks. Its fine. MOST kids do need to snack. They are so active... they can't wait several hours until the next meal time. Their tummies are tiny.

I do NOT withhold food, nor punish with food.
I do not use punishment or scolding him.
That is negative.
I RATHER have him know his body and cues... and to ENJOY mealtime WITH the family. NOT have a battle just for food.
I do not want him to grow up with food hang-ups....

I do encourage him verbally... but I NEVER force nor do I give 'treats' or 'rewards' just to get him to eat. That to me, puts the wrong focus on 'eating.' It makes it DYSFUNCTIONAL. Eating should NOT be that way. Nor should eating be "punitive."

MOST kids, get quirky with foods. It is normal. It happens. Their taste buds are changing.
I personally do NOT know ANY adult grown-ups... who have the SAME diet as when they were children... NOR the same likes/dislikes as when they were children. Eating and preferences are NOT "static" and it always WILL change. So you learn that about your child... not 'battle' about it. Even Adults, change food preferences and cravings. Even Elderly. Even Teens. Even College kids.

Food should not be a battle.

My son, is a good eater. But he IS picky. Uber picky. BUT he does not have the same tastes as me, nor do I expect him to. I cook what I cook... but I don't 'cater' to him or his food picky-ness... nor do I cook a whole other meal just for him. He does eat what I cook... albeit he is picky.

all the best,
Susan

MOST picky eating in toddlers is a neurological function. Meaning that any new chemical signiture introduced between the ages of apx 2yo-5yo gets tagged as "poison" by the body, and creates a disgust or gag response. For disgust, think dog poop... for gag... well I'm sure you've seen kids this age spit things out or "choke" or even throw up.

The GOOD news, is that this ends aproximately at age 5. The BAD news, is that this response (to any foods tagged as posion/gag/yuck) lasts for 10-20 years.

The theory behind this neuro thing is that age 2 is when most kids would be more mobile, independent, and have a new sibling (meaning mum has less of an eye on them). So evolutionarily speaking, those that had this response as they were more on their own, spat out the actually posionous thing and lived, passing the gene on to their kids.

There are ways to work around this response (like by hiding food in other foods they already like), but it *does* sometimes backfire and the "good" food gets lumped with the bad.

OTW... if she has a nutritionally balanced, just boring, diet LEAVE IT ALONE until she's 5 or 6. Then start reintroducing foods again.

"Toddler" food, and indeed babyfood are the number 1 cause for "picky eaters". There are hardly any proteins (3-4 tops), ditto veggies and fruits, and nearly no spices or herbs in them whatsoever. People used to make their own baby food... so their kids ate what they ate. Gerber/NaturesBest/Etc have whittled down what toddlers are willing to eat down to a list of about 12 -20 things. However, even those who made all their own foods can run into an early responder, where barely anything makes it onto the "yummy" list. So take heart. It doesn't last forever.

So patience. In a few years, new foods won't taste and smell like dog poop any more, and she'll eat great. You sound like you've been doing a GREAT job making sure she doesn't have nutrition issues, or food hangups. Now it's just the waiting game until her brain develops more.

It sounds to me like you are reacting in just the right way to her "pickiness"...not making a big deal out of it and not catering to it by cooking a seperate meal for her. The only thing that I think I would change would be the snack issue...children at this age do much better if they are able to "graze" and keep their glucose levels at a more consistent level. Offer her healthy snack choices through out the day...fresh vegetables and fruits, hummis and chips, yogurt,trail mix.
You daughter is old enough to be involved in the preparation of a meal and maybe this would make her more willing to try new things if they are "her" creation!!! Let her help you measure, mix, pour, make dinner preparation a Mommy and Me time.

hi
I work with many kids with feeding issues for almost 10 years. From experience the younger the child is when trying to expand diet the easier it will be. Many of the children make significant progress. Some kids are faster than others but I always warn parents that it may take a VERY long time (e.g. a year) to expand diets (depending on how picky they are. However there are a number of factors to keep in mind. for example does she just refuse a food or does she gag? any allergies (e.g. I can't eat sweet potatoes because it makes me nauseous - I like them but can't eat them. I found out that my dad is the same way). how are her bowel movements - is she regular or constipated or diarrhea ?

Tips to try:
1) Make sure you do NOT force feed her
2) Try your best not to feel overwhelmed/stressed during meal time (she will feed off your stress (i know easier said than done - I'm sure this is VERY stressful for you)
3) place a food that you are eating (that is safe for her) in front of her (without ANY expectation that she will eat it).
4) let her “explore” food – this allows her to learn the properties of food (smell, feeling, sight) – try art projects such as cutting apple dipping in paint and making a picture, take cool whip and smear on a plate and draw in it
5) offer foods she eats and try to expand within the same food area (e.g. if she eats banana and yogurt. You can also mix banana with the yogurt or have him dip it; if she eats teddy graham and pudding pretend that the teddy grahams are going for a swim and have them ‘jump’ in the pudding then encourage to eat o r lick it). Place a spoonful of peanut butter (if it is a safe food for her) on the plate with her bread and encourage her to dip it – letter her put as much/little as she wants. Other ways to expand try mixing brads of foods she will eat (e.g. some kids only eat kraft mac and cheese – try mixing with another brand)
6) encourage her to touch new foods to cheek/lips (WITHOUT expecting her to eat it) – cheer/provide positive feedback when she does this. Eventually encourage her to lick it, then eventually bite it (this may take 10-20+ exposures before she bites a new food) ** may need to wait for this step until you are able to have a feeding specialist support you

just as an fyi I find that some kids (typically the ones I work with) who are severe picky eaters will not eat even if they are hungry. If you do not see an improvement (e.g. increase foods using above strategies and you have concerns over health nutrition or weight gain) you may want to consider asking your pediatrician for an occupational therapy or speech therapy referral for feeding. It is MUCH easier to work on feeding issues when they are younger verses older.
Remember it takes time (sometimes as many as 20 exposures before trying a new food). Encourage your child, praise your child, and even though it is hard try not to show your child your stress.

I hope that helps! Good luck!

One of my granddaughters, who is several years older than your daughter, is very picky. She has always been. Perhaps it's part of her personality! (Happily, she's polite about it - she doesn't push her plate away and say, "Yuck!") She's quite healthy, so she must be getting proper nutrition somehow. Her parents expect her to eat what everyone else does, and they don't provide anything extraordinary. She is an active girl and a good student. When she comes to visit me, I know in advance she'll be this way and I don't comment on it; on the other hand, if she lets me know that she tried something new, then it's lots-of-praise time! Who knows whether she'll grow out of it or not. Perhaps when she gets old enough to start learning how to cook, she'll take an interest in other foods.

Food is just a battle parents can't fight very well; a person certainly has control over what will go into his/her own mouth. All parents can do is to provide good choices. Your daughter could change her mind about food in months, or weeks, or not at all. Try not to make it a major battle (you don't want her digging her heels in!), but keep the nutritional level high.

You are doing the right thing. Keep doing what you are doing.
Once she hits school, things will change --- peer pressure can be a good thing.
My now almost 18 year old son was extremely picky. He had only a few things he would eat from age 2 to age 13 - then he discovered girls and wanted to impress them.
He now eats almost everything... and lots of it.
LBC

I think you are on the right track. Making sure that you do not make separate meals for you children is a life saver (I knew a mom once who had to make 5 separate dinners!) My boys are still going through stages of what they like and what they don't and they are teenagers, but I began early making one dinner and making sure there were at least 2 things they would eat at that meal.

Hi E.,

First, let me say that your description of what you are presently doing sounds very balanced. You are providing healthy options which she likes, and making good boundaries as to 'how' the meals will go.

When my son was younger--super picky in regard to texture. He still goes through temporary phases of "I don't want that--I want this", etc., but this is usually treated with "Well, I know you don't want the grapes this time, you want the apples. I don't have apples for you right now, but let's write a note :'Kiddo wants apples tomorrow'." and follow through that way.

It does get better, and it fluctuates. Some kids will struggle with this for a while, as they try to figure it out themselves as well. I can tell you, personally,what didn't work for *me*. As a mom, making separate meals didn't work, but at dinnertime, when the meal might be later than what my son's little stomach can handle, I offer a healthy snack at the table: apple slices, almonds, cheese, frozen peas (he loves them like this)--anything that he will eat that I won't be concerned will "spoil his appetite", because they are healthy foods, and who cares if he has more of that than the salmon, roasted potatoes and chard, if you know what I mean.

What didn't work for me as a child, and so I never do it with my own son, is forcing the issue. I was forced to eat a few foods I had strong (but, as a child, unexplainable) aversions to, and it has literally ruined these foods for me as an adult. Because I perceive my child's body to be his, the only time I'd ever force him to eat/take something would be for medical necessity, and we have no "one bite" rules in our house. I just try to model good eating habits, include him in meal prep whenever possible, and keep offering new things in a friendly way. Last night, he did try the chard on his own, and promptly spat it out. We didn't force it--just offered him a napkin to put it in and encouraged him to keep enjoying the rest of the meal, which he did.

Lastly, and I think everything above points to this, I really avoid making food into a struggle of wills, because this is a lose/lose situation. I try to be strategic with snacks--if my son is in the stroller, maybe I'll pack red pepper slices and carrots because I know he likes them and there's no way that fruit can compete if we aren't at home. That would be my last piece of advice--look for opportunities. Kids are often more amenable to eating their less-favorite (but still tolerated) foods when there aren't other choices around. (and "carrots or red pepper'"can be a choice.) I don't make dessert contingent upon finishing meals; if he's asking for a little treat, I usually serve it around 3:30, after his afternoon snack (small serving, too, and not every day.). Taking the dessert aspect out of dinnertime helps kids be able to eat until they are full, because they aren't trying to 'save room', and have already had their treat.

Keep it up. As a nanny, I've seen plenty of kids who would ONLY eat yogurt at three y.o. grow into kids who have a pretty healthy attitude about food, as long as their parents also model this and set good guidelines at home. Many of the tips I have given you I've gleaned from working with mothers and families who had much healthier approaches to eating than my own parents did. I'm still trying to get around some of my food aversions and retrain my brain, so let your little girl progress at her own pace, keep offering friendly, healthy mealtimes and relax. It does get better!