Picky Eaters

Pick your battles carefully but the important thing is that if you really want him to eat "a bite" of something (a battle you are willing to fight for) -- then you need to be willing to follow through with the "line" you have drawn. You need to finish what you have started and be the one that "wins" in the end -- not him. If he continues to not do what you want him to do, you are teaching him to "disobey" the authority that is over him -- that will translate into school, work, and any other authority that is over him in his lifetime. Another issue here is "gratefulness" for what is put before him -- food in this case). We have friends in Haiti that take care of children off the street that will go without food for days. Mothers will hand their children over to you because they have a better chance to live with you than with them -- we have so much to be grateful for and our children need to learn this as well!

May you consistently draw your lines and win the battles.

N. S.

1 mom found this helpful

I., I completely feel your pain about being frustrated when your son won't even try something. I have to tell you, though, it sounds like you've got a leader on your hands! I highly recommend the book "You Can't Make Me" by Cynthia Tobias. It is about how to help you cope with a strong willed child. I read it because I have a strong willed 3 year old and it has helped SO MUCH in understanding where she is coming from. Strong willed children are pre-programmed to change the world. Count this as a blessing!

Your son sounds exactly like me as a child. If something seemed even the slightest bit funky to me, I wouldn't touch it, no matter what punishments my dad threatened me with. Part of it was a control thing, but the other part of it was that I just had (and still have) a very sensitive palate. Things with very strong flavors overwhelm me and I simply cannot eat them - they activate my gag reflex.

My angelic mother would make me a separate meal if the family was having something that I didn't like. I cannot tell you how loved this made me feel. She understood and sympathized with my plight and went out of her way to help me. Because she did this, whenever possible, I would try a new food for her. But only because she never pushed me into it.

Over the years, I have slowly added new foods that I previously couldn't eat. As long as you don't come down on your son too hard, I'm sure he'll eventually get more adventurous.

You are such a great mom to try and get help for your precious son. He is very lucky to have you!

Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

My children are grown. But my granchildren, now 5 and 8, were very picky eaters as you describe your son. Their parents and we, the grandparents, insisted they at least try everything and if they don't like it they don't have to eat it. If the same thing is served at another meal, even that same week, they have to try it again. If they refuse to try it there are consequences such as no tv, taking away a favorite toy, etc. These children's eating habits completely turned around after a short time. There is still a lot they don't like, but they try everything and found they even like broccoli and spinach which surprised me!

Gosh, I dunno, but I do know that there are 3 things that you cannot force a child to do: eat, talk or use the bathroom. They actually do have control over these things. What does he eat for lunch at school?? My little one was pretty picky, too and when she went to preschool, the policy was that they all ate together family style and the school prepared the food. (unless of course there were allergies.) She went for about a week without eating much and then started to eat the food. I was surprised and thrilled!! Then when she went to Kindergarten, she wanted to bring "home lunch" but the majority of kids ate the school lunch, so now she eats that. It has really broadened her horizons. She is still picky at home, but she tells me that at school, she eats celery with "dip" which turns out to be ranch dressing, so I got some dip and now she eats raw veggies!!

Don't stress too much about it, and if you try and force him to do something it may become a power struggle which is bad for both parties because he has control of what he eats. Anyhoo, just try and put him into situations (i.e. school lunch) where he has no choice and see where it leads...

Dear I.,

I believed in trying one bite - then eat it if you like, but once you've tasted it you don't have to eat it if you don't like it . . . my battle with my son was veggies - especially peas. I used to make peas with American cheese, and after watching my little girl gobble them up one night, I insisted my son try just a bite. Well, after he vomited the peas on the rest of his dinner, I never pushed him to try anything again! (= You've got to pick your battles, and this sounds like this is fast becoming a test of wills. I would wait this out. Make sure he's getting his vitamins . . . You can try one of the books out right now about using purees to hide vegetables in kids' foods . . . but if it's an issue of trying anything different than what his kick is right now, that may not help. When I was dating my ex-husband, my mother-in-law kept things on had for my very, extremely picky brother-in-law - frozen nuggets, corndogs, etc. She didn't make a different dinner for him, but he could do it for himself instead of eating what the family was having. The other thing he would eat for dinner frequently was peanut butter toast. He was obviously older than you son is (I think he was 11 when I met the family) - but this was her option to not making two separate meals, and to fighting with him over eating things he didn't like or want to eat . . . I think your son will grow out of this stage if you sit back and NOT make it a control issue - but you might want to keep my mother's-in-law solution in mind for later, just in case . . .

Good luck!
B.

Your son sounds just like mine (he's 4 1/2). Even the foods are just about the same. My son is very strong willed and it does not matter what you threaten to take away it does not sway him. He will even tell you "taking that away will not make me change". I think you just have to stick to your guns. If there is no other food made for him he will eat if he is hungry enough. My pediatrician always tells me unless there is a bigger issue, "children do not starve themelselves. As long as he has energy and is not laying around all the time without the energy to play, then he is doing fine". Another reminder he tells me is to look at his food intake for a week rather than a day. Kids often naturally know what they need so they might eat a lot of one thing one day and something else another to fill their bodies needs. It's a tough battle, but as long as he has energy to play i am sure he's fine! Good luck!

I.,

I did want to point one issue that might help (I am dealing with a picky 5 yr old again). Children's taste buds are constantly maturing and changing. So something they tried last week and hated might be just fine today. That is why I go by the one bite theory. It is fun to watch their faces when they realize that they liked what they just put in their mouth.
I am also trying to patiently go through this with my 5 yr old (I also have an 18 and 2 16 yr. olds that are healthy eaters now) but sometimes I must tell you I just want to scream out of frustration with the whole thing. Hang in there, be loving but firm and one day you will cook a meal that everyone eats.

I also am dealing with the picky eating husband but we have gotten to the point that if he doesn't want to eat what I make he puts together something for himself. But I have him take a bite first so his son can see that the rules apply to everyone

Hope this helps,

Evelyn

I.,
My oldest son was the same way. Infact he and your little picky eater only ate the same things. All i can say is they grow out of it. It is ok if he only eats peanut butter three times a day. Eventually his body will require more nutrition and he will crave more and more foods as he grows older. (My son use to throw up right at the table when we made him try new things.) I finally relaxed and soon he added more and more varieties of healthy food to his lists of things to eat and now he will try anything at least once and usually likes it!! This didn't happen overnight, he is now 14... very healthy and active.

Honestly, it sounds like he's got a pretty decent diet. Have you tried "hiding food"? Like veggie nuggets instead of chicken. Does he like pancakes? I used to make "veggie cakes" alongside dinner-pancakes with frozen veggies like corn and carrots mixed in...or veggie and chicken pizza?
It could also be his age. That he's trying to exercise some control over his life. I noticed that he's the middle child, could this be a bid for attention? Not that he doesn't get plenty I'm sure, but sometimes kids are funny that way (I cite my oldest when my toddle was born).
In the meantime, rest assured that he'll come around eventually. But sometimes it can take a while. New foods can be scary, it's kinda like having a security blanket with familiar foods. It took me until adulthood to eat oatmeal, bell peppers, jelly other than grape, ranch dressing, Thai, and too many other things to count. But I'm healthy, I'm happy and your son will be too. (I know what a pain it can be, and how frustrating it is, I'm not dismissing your concern, I'm just trying to give you hope.) He'll get there when he's ready.
Good Luck,
K.

You've got to get the book by Seinfeld's wife called "Deceptively Delicious". Here's a link...http://www.deceptivelydelicious.com/site/
I have a picky eater too, and she LOVES the mac and cheese. What she doesn't know is that there are carrots, sometimes butternut squash, or pumpkin mixed in with the cheese!

I.,

I think you've received some great advice. Here's one thing I'd like to add:

If your child is trying something in a restaurant for the first time, make sure it's something that you would be happy to pack up and eat at home if he does not finish it - especially if it's meat. My boyfriend's son is a picky eater, and I have made it a rule that he is not allowed to experiment with meat dishes unless someone else at the table will eat it if he does not. The reason is that AN ANIMAL WAS KILLED - and if it goes to waste, that is unconscionable.

Also, the idea of "trying" something, should be specific: You have to eat 1/2 of it, or 5 bites - otherwise you are setting your self up for an automatic "I don't like it" - which is a waste of time and it will continue to be frustrating to you.

Good luck!

He'll grow out of it! The most you can do is keep a bag of chicken nuggets in your freezer for him so you know he's not hungry. I wouldn't stop trying to offer him other foods since you never know when something will spark his interest. I don't agree with grounding a child for eating or not! Next time you go to a restaurant, limit his choices to the things you know he'll eat, and then praise him for doing so. Talk about nutrition and growing to be big and strong like his dad, a superhero etc. Tell him things like carrots will help him see better like superman, spinach will help him grow muscles like popeye etc. Good luck and don't worry.

I'm 50ty with two grown girls and a 6 year old with medical issues so must be on a gluten free diet. I really wouldn't make an issue out of it. He will find his way and he is old enough to decide what he likes. The less pressure he feels the more he will come around. Alot of the time kids will try what they see other kids eat. Ask some of the other moms what there kids have tried. Have a play date with an asortment of different things. It may be fun to leave them alone and see what's eaten and what is not. Listen if possible but don't make it obvious,they like their secrets.
The resturant thing i would suggest getting a menu first and talk it over and if he only wants french fries so be it. It's less stress for the whole family. It's not bad on the wallet either. Good Luck

I have a 4 year old that is the same way. I can sometimes bribe her to try new things, but not very often. I've read that if you just put it (whatever the new "it" is) on their plate and say nothing... and if they don't eat it, fine, but you keep putting it on their plate and after 10 times (approx) they will eventually try it. It's hard to do this so I don't know if it actually works yet! I also heard about a book called The Sneaky Chef by Missy Chase Lapine (simple strategies for hiding healthy foods in meals that they already love). I am planning to buy this book this week. :)K.

He may be more inclined to eat something that he has involvment in making. If you make spaghetti, let him put the pasta in the pot, or stir the sauce.
Good luck!

Sounds like your son has made food a battle ground and you are now on the losing side. Try to pull back over battles over food for a week or two and see what happens, it's probably a phase, a way to assert himself in an area he feels he has control over (and you). If you can add some quiet time alone with him at night, 10-15 minutes of floor play of anything quiet (puzzles, etc) he can choose to play, for a week or so as well. In terms of nutrition, it's better to look at nutrition as a longer term thing as opposed that each meal needs to be balanced. If at the end of a week, you feel there is balance over all, then he's probably fine.

Hi! It can be very exhausting but I had 5 girls and the last one was so picky that it drove me crazy, I went to a doctor and a nutritionist for years because I was so concerned that she have her vegies and eat healthy, the doc told me not to stress myself and the other family members out one month she would only eat mac cheese and the other month she would eat a packed pot with plain yogurt and another month somethings else... I would continue to put creamed style corn on her plate and broccoli, peas and steamed carrots with honey and now she eats them, example is everything when she saw us eat like that eventually now she does and even to this day is still picky , I made a lot of healthy milk shakes to fill in the blanks, also, I found that when she spent the night over at some one else's home that I trusted she ate just fine over there, so sometimes seeing her friend or cousin eat whats on their plate she did too, the bigger deal I made of it the harder it was for me and the more separated our relationship became . I would have a certain day that each child could request supper each child having their day to put in their request and when it came to the picky child she too had her day to request her meal for the week on her day. Now I have 4 grand children and some of them are picky too. I as a child had a parent who pushed me to eat everything on the table and too many nights I went to bed hungry and every one in the house was upset, its not worth it and no child should go to bed hungry , that happens to much in third world country's and sadly enough here too.God bless.

Why does he even know what a chicken nugget is? They are garbage and he never should have had them to begin with. Why would you sit and bargin with a child, at five he shold have been taught what the rules are about meal time and if he does not obey he sits in his room and enough time in there and things will change.

Hi I.,
A couple of things I've tried with my children is giving them their fruit or vegetables first while I'm getting their main course ready. Usually they're really hungry and then they're more likely to try something new. One tip that Dr. Bill Sears recommends is putting out an ice cube tray with healthy foods and that can be a "nibble tray" where your children can come and graze. You can put out sliced up raw fruits, vegetables, raw nuts, etc.

Another thing we've done is Juice Plus+ gummies with our children. I started this 2 1/2 years ago when my children were 3 and 13 months. Juice Plus+ is just fruits, vegetables and grains in a tasty gummie (or chewable or capsule). It just gives me peace of mind b/c we get 17 fruits and vegetables a day in addition to what I'm feeding them. That way when they refuse to eat something I know they've had healthy food going into them from the Juice Plus+. It has also helped to retrain their palette to crave more fruits and vegetables. Last night my 5 year old had 3 helpings of brussel sprouts! I was only going to have her eat 3 little ones...she ended up having 8 by the end of dinner! Dr. Sears talks about how this happens.

If you'd like more information you can check out: www.JP4GoodHealth.com

It's really made a huge difference for our family. I hope this helps.
Thanks,
J.

I wouldn't worry too much at this age, many children are very picky. As long as he is eating a vitamin and getting protein, carbs, fiber, etc. he should be fine. There is a book by Jerry Seinfelds wife called deceptively delicious, and it shows ways to sneak veggies and such into everyday foods.

A couple of things....I have 3 kids...all girls and sometimes they are picky but my motto is...if I make it that is all there is for dinner..I dont make different meals....They have to eat what I make or else they are hungry. Have you also tired the cookbook by Jessica Seinfeld. It incorporates veggies into all the foods that kids love and they won't know the difference.....

HI I.,

If I were you I would just continue what you're doing. Offer him food that everyone else is eating. If he won't eat it he'll just have to be hungry until the next meal. Believe me, he won't go hungry for long!

It's often been told to me that children need to see a new food 10 times before they will try it. I have seen this happen with my own children and I think it's completely true. I think it's also true that children have much more sensitive taste palates than adults. Spicy foods really freak my kids out. I know this and I never serve anything spicy at home. If my husband and I want spicy we put hot sauce on our food.

I wouldn't ground him or punish him if he doesn't want to eat if I were you. Food can easily become a power trip for kids. Just make sure he's not filling up on something else after meals. Obviously if he doesn't eat he shouldn't have dessert or other treats.

Pizza, if it's a decent quality frozen or homemade, PBJ, again decent quality on whole wheat bread, fresh fruit and yogurt are all pretty good for you if you think about it. Peanuts are filled with Niacin and protein. The regular peanuts are also filled with pesticides and many peanut butters are filled with added trans fats, so look for organic peanut butter. It doesn't cost that much more in the scheme of things. Use good quality all fruit spread rather than the regular stuff. Try to increase the healthy qualities of what he will eat rather than forcing him to try stuff he doesn't want to eat. Eventually he will come around and in the meantime you won't have to worry too much.

Good luck,
H.

Have you tried the reward system? Get a poster board and a bunch of stickers. Have him get involved in decorating it with paint or sticks and leaves etc. Then divide the poster board into a graph. Every time he tries something new he gets a sticker to put in the box of his choice and a coin 25cents...or whatever. When he has saved up enough money you can go to his favorite toy store and pick out a special toy. You may be surprised. He may just decide to try 3 new things in one night.
Be prepared with lots of coins. Good Luck,

Jamie S

Dear I.,

From what you say your son will eat he will not starve! There is a possibility of him experiencing real problems from the pressure it sounds like he is under at five years old! I am a mother too and I know the feeling of contentment we mothers experience seeing our child eat :) but coercion or pressure + food is almost never a good combination. It can lead to all kinds of problems including eating disorders (even for boys), unnecessary power struggles, and a whole lot of unhappiness. Just keep providing healthy choices without pressure and over time I'm sure you'll find he'll be adding new foods to his plate and you can relax... he will not starve in the process! ; ) All the best to you & your family!

p.s. Just one more thing I want to share that I hope for our children's sake we'll all try to remember: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." (Luke 6.31) applies to our own children too!!

Here's a short article that shows how we can put this into practice in our roles as parents:
http://www.nara-licensing.org/displaycommon.cfm?an=1&...

My oldest was a picky eater when she was young. It was a real power struggle. I tried everything to get her to eat. At one point, I believe she stopped eating food altogether because she wanted control. She lost weight, it was scary. Finally, I told her (she was almost 3 at the time) "Fine, if you want to starve, go ahead". It seemed when I gave up, she was ok with eating. It was a real struggle and I really was at my wits end when I said that..I think she knew I meant it. Anyway, she's definitely the kid in the family that keeps us on our toes - she's now 15 - and we're still going through the struggle (just not w/food).

So, my advice would be, don't make it an issue. He may not get any satisfaction out of the attention he gets (or lack thereof) once you and your husband don't make it an issue anymore.

I don't really know if it will work, but maybe your son just thrives on the negative attention he's getting w/the food for now. If he doesn't get the attention, maybe he'll change his perspective on food?

Hi. I have sons, 5 and 3. My 3 year old is the picky one, or just plain stubborn. I've found that turning mealtime into a battleground just makes him dig his heels even deeper. What worked recently was a reward chart that I used for both kids. The chart hasn't worked as much as the sibling rivalry: I started putting extra stickers and praising my 5 year old enthusiatically whenever he ate something nutritious or new. The younger one wasn't being punished, but felt ignored and that bothered him. Although he's still not licking his plate clean, he takes bites out of things he normally wouldn't and that's the whole point, right?
Hope this helps...
L.

Hi I.. You know his diet doesn't sound that bad to me. I think it is just a phase and it may pass....or it may not. My brother is 23 and is still eating just like your 5 year old. I would think that eating these things is better than not eating and going to bed hungry...trust me I have been desperate too, only to find that my children are stronger willed than me also. As long as he is developing fine I would let him be and try occasionally to get him to eat new things.

:) C.

Try adding new foods to the ones he already eats. Have him help make food. Start with one food. For instance try different types of jelly in PB&J or new toppings on pizza. Even adjust Ramen to make it more authentic. Slowly add leeks, carrots, corn, broccoli, cabbage or baby bok choy. Make it fun!

My six year old was a picky eater too. I tried everything to get him to just take at least one bite but nothing helped. It seemed to just take patience. I just kept putting a little bit of everything on the plate and I would encourage him to try. My husband and I would tell him that we liked it. He never really tried any of it but sometime he would taste it with his tongue. I really think it is a phase that most kids go through and you just have to wait it out. I think it helps as they get older and they can understand the concept of trying new things.

I. - here are some tips to try:

1. Read some kid-oriented books about healthy eating (Fruit FLies Picnic and Eat Healthy, Feel Great - these will open up some dialogue between the two of you.

2. We have something in our home that is called "The Chicken First Then The Crap" rule - I make our plate as usual and then add something new I want them to try. Potato chips were always easy. They will eat the chips and then want more - I would say - piece of new food please - this needs to be immediate gratification so have the chip in your hand ready to give - as soon as they ate the chicken or whatever it was they got the chip. I make the piece on the smaller side. We had maybe two meals where they would not eat the new food and they were excused without dinner. Once they got the message that I was serious they participated begrudginly.

My twins are not 6 3/4 and are phenomenal eaters. They eat greek, sushi, indian, raw fruits and veggies - and they will try anything we give them.

It is hard at first but the payoff is fantastic. Let me know if you want more ideas! S.

Hi ! Oh dear , to give a 5 year old spare ribs for the first time and then ground him - because he made a mistake ...
oh my ...how to start ... I always had a little altar in my home , a place with fresh flowers and a very old icon of Christ & Mary and other beautiful reminders of God ... so when we make food , we always make a decorative plate with a tiny piece of each item , and offer it to GOD first , ring the bell ...wait for some moments and with Thanks and Praises we put the food back in the big pot - so it mingles , and that's what we eat . Food that has been offered to God . Other families pray before they start eating together .
To have the whole family-quality-dinner-together-time become a competition -
makes it all so harsh and so forceful - how can anybody enjoy food and eating together if it's a eating - competition ....and ground a child who cannot imagine to eat those ribbbbbbbs .....
Oh Dear , Good Luck !

Try the cookbook- Deceptively Delicious by jerry seinfeld's wife Jessica. I have 2 that are picky with veggies and they have loved her recipes. My 2 year old has had more veggies in the past 2 weeks than in the past 2 years. (she even hated baby food that my other picky one loved). I found it at Costco for about $14. Its all about pureeing veggies and hiding them in foods kids love. Good luck.

Hi I.,
I think you will enjoy this article entitled, "How do I Deal With My Picky Eater." Here is the link: http://www.frugalparentsonline.com/Picky_Eater.html

Stick to your guns. If he goes to bed hungry, he will eat what you put in front of him, guaranteed. I have a 4 and 2.5 year old (#3 is on the way). They must try everything once, no way around it (unless it's too spicy). You are the parent, you decide.
I always keep in mind that if I lived in another country, especially a poor one, he'd be eating anything put in front of him. Don't let him dictate to you. It's called manipulation.
good luck

Do you like to cook? if so, i recommend picking up the cookbook Deceptively Delicious by Jessica Seinfeld (Jerry Seinfeld's wife). She give you tride and true recipes on how to hide vegetables in food that kids DO eat! last night i made chicken nuggets with broccoli puree...they were SO good and the kids gobbled them up! Give it a shot.

I am not trying to sound mean, but you really need to choose your battles, its not the end of the world that he doesnt want to try new foods, I really think you should let it go, he will eat more one day, I promise.
As far as grounding him for that, I think thats very very mean, I feel like if your going to ground him for this, what will you do when he really does something bad?
Choose your battles,
Good Luck

It's pretty cruel to ground your 5 year old because he didn't know what ribs are. He is still new to the world. Think about how what you do and say to him will shape his world view. Be compassionate!

I am lucky that all 3 of my kids are good eaters and love veggies, but my husband on the other hand is like your five year old. My mom turned me onto Jessica Seinfeld's Cookbook. I purchased mine at Costco. She has three picky eaters and has devised a way to include more veggies as well as meat into meals that she knows her kids will eat. It is very helpful and full of great tips. Since I am dealing with a picky adult a lot of the recipes don't quite work, but her methods can be used with almost any dish. My husband is now getting lots of veggies without knowing the difference and my kids are getting EXTRA veggies. I now have no problem with the 5 servings of fruits and vegetables.