Hi and welcome to this new world of being a parent of a kid with a peanut allergy!
There are a few great resources out there if you haven't already located them. The FAAN (Food allergy and anaphylaxis network) is a great place to start in terms of research, practice and resources.
www.foodallergy.org
On that website, you can learn about local support groups like POCHA, POCA of DuPage and MOCHA which are all for parents of kids with food allergies. The Oak Park-based POCHA is having a meeting in a couple of weeks at the Oak Park library, Dole Branch, if you are interested. Dr. Mary Tobin from Rush will be presenting and then we all get the chance to share resources, stories, worries, etc. Email me if you are interested. It is free and a good resource.
RE: Epi-Pens, it is imperative that they are used at the first sign of a severe reaction, as it is harder to reverse the effects once the reaction has escalated. So, we keep 2 medical kits at home, three medical kits at school (one in classroom, one in lunchroom, one in director's office), one kit at grandparents, and one in his backpack which travels with him at all times to/from school and playdates. Each kit contains two Epi-pens (in case one fails), liquid Benedryll, topical hydrocortizone and our emergency contact info.
He wears a Medic Alert bracelet linked into the system, in case of emergency. Also, it is a nice visual reminder to people.
We have a plan in place at school, but since he is in a private school, it is not a formal IEP or 504 plan, just a written plan of care for the staff and safety parameters for the environment.
Now that our son is old enough for playdates, we have trained those parents (about 5 families) as well as anyone who babysits. All of our sitters must be able to communicate in English in case of emergency and agree to go through the training with us. All are at least 18 and have written permission to go with him to ER if needed. He has had one overnight visit with a friend whose parents are both nurses. He has also stayed overnight with an aunt as well as his grandparents.
Peanut allergies are the least likely to outgrow, unfortunately. There is a huge study (800 families) through Children's Memorial that is looking into this. Contact them via their website if you wish to enroll, or to get more info. Duke just released preliminary reports of their study, which looks at "exposure therapy", or basically treating children with ever increasing amounts of peanut dust in hopes of decreasing the onset of a reaction. I have read that some children are up to tolerating the equivalent of several peanuts. It is not a cure, of course. But, gives hope to parents who fear even trace exposure!
Email me if you need more info!
Good Luck!