Pay 4 Y/o for Doing Chores?

Updated on February 21, 2011
A.Q. asks from Lombard, IL
11 answers

I have made a list of things my 4 year old son should be doing in the morning and at night such as... go potty, brush teeth, change clothes, put dirty clothes in hamper, pick up toys before bed, and reading time... I am not paying him for these things because I think that these are things that should be expected of him.. my question is.. do any of you pay for your young children for doing other things around the house? I was thinking of giving him 10 cents for easy chores and a quarter for harder chores... I'm having a hard time making a list of things for him to do.. any suggestions would be helpful, thanks!

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So What Happened?

Thank you everyone for your suggestions! I think some of you read it wrong and think that I was planning on paying my son for the things I listed in the first sentence (potty, bruth teeth etc...) I definitly will not be paying him for those things that are expected of him. I was always against paying my children for doing basic household chores because as many of you said it should be looked at as helping out around the house and not a job. I was never paid for chores when I was a kid and neither were my 2 sisters. I'm looking at in a way where my son knows that if I do this or that I can EARN my train that I want instead of thinking that whenever we go into a store mom will buy it for me... but I think maybe I will stick with the sticker routine in the beginning and once he gets the concept we can move on to 10 cents for doing harder things around the house.. thanks again for all your input (love this site for that!)

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L.D.

answers from Dallas on

I wouldnt pay him - but I would make other privleges (ie - tv) conditional upon completing chores.

For example, my three year old is not allowed to watch a show before bed until he picks up his toys.

Also - I think listing "reading" as a chore is not a great idea. Reading together is a fun treat!

I think paying for any of the chores sends the wrong message - that you only have to do things if you get money for them. He should help around teh house because its the right thing to do, because it feels good to help and have a nice clean house, because he is part of the family and its fair that he does his part - NOT because he will get 10 cents.

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S.B.

answers from Redding on

I personally don't agree with paying kids for things like brushing their teeth, getting dressed, putting their toys away.
Those are things a child should do as a matter of course every day anyway.
I also think that a 4 year old is young to be paid for chores.
Little kids can do things like dust, vacuum, rake leaves, help put groceries away, help with laundry.
I'm not saying kids should never be paid for doing big things like helping build a fence or mowing the lawn once a week. But paying them for every little thing they do can set up a bad precedent.
I have friends whose kids won't do anything unless they are paid for it. One mom asked her son to go to the garage and get something out of the freezer for her and he wanted to know how much she was going to pay him. He wasn't joking. She ended up just doing it herself. His brother is the same way. Even if the parents offer to pay them to do something, if they don't think it's enough money, they simply won't do it.
The parents didn't mean to, but their kids got the idea that everything they do has a price and now if they don't get what they think is enough, they say forget it so money as an incentive backfired.

If you want to give your child some type of "allowance", based on chores, I think it should only be done if everything on the list is completed at the end of the week and with a good attitude. But again, paying kids for things like personal hygiene and picking up the toys they played with isn't a good idea.
Also, little kids usually love helping with things. Find things for your son to do and encourage him to help because everyone in a family does things to help out. At 4, the dusting or vacuuming doesn't have to be perfect, getting the table set perfectly doesn't matter. What matters is that they help and they feel good about doing it. That can be a reward in itself.

Just my opinion.

Best wishes.

2 moms found this helpful

B.D.

answers from Philadelphia on

Chores (Family Jobs) are important because they teach kids how to be responsible and that the are part of something larger than themselves, a family. "go potty, brush teeth, change clothes, put dirty clothes in hamper, pick up toys before bed, and reading time," these sound less like Family Jobs and more like taking responsibility for oneself. Jobs could be, set the table, feel the dog, empty dishwasher, bring laundry to laundry room.... These jobs should be done at a set time every day or week to keep things consistent. If a child would like to earn money they can receive and allowance and/or have a "Paid Jobs" list. These would be a bit out of the ordinary. Taking out trash, sweep, mop, vacuums, older kids can run errands... Be carful about paying for Family Jobs or personal care, you may find kids who will only help for money. "Can you grab that last bag from the car please?" "How much do I get for that?"

B. Davis

http://www.ChildAndFamilyCoaching.com
Because nothing is more important than family

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K.S.

answers from Portland on

You might consider just adding some more chores to the "exspeced" list. You don't want him to be thinking about $ (or rewards in general) as a reason to "go above and beyond."
"Do as mommy says" should be on the exspected list, too. That way he knows his "regular" stuff but also knows that he is exspected to listen to what you ask even if he doesn't see it on the list.
If you start "upping" his reward now, all the "Good job, son"s will fly right out the window in his mind as an accepitable responce to his efforts. Once he learns that he can get more by doing less (ie. mom will offer more if I take longer, do less, ect because she wants it done ASAP) he will exspect higher and higher "rewards" and start riding the "bribing train"...good skills for a salesman but not so great for a kid/parent relationship.
Anyhow, I hope this helps. Good Luck! :)

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A.S.

answers from Spokane on

My children get an allowance but it's not hinged on their chores. I don't want them to get the idea that they should only do things for monetary gain, especially for something as important as home maintenance. However, and I even do this with my 4 yo, if they don't do a chore in a timely manner or if they don't even try to do it well, that is a waste of resources, time and money (used to buy cleaning supplies, etc.) so they pay me a small fine. This ranges form a nickel to a quarter depending on the age of the child and the chore. They don't get a lot (my 4 yo only gets $4) so this can add up quickly. They REALLY don't like that.

A 4 yo can do lots of stuff. They can take out the garbage, feed the pets, take the laundry basket to the washer and even put the clothes in or take the clothes from the washer to put in the dryer, help put dishes away (I keep that stuff in a low cupboard so they can reach it all), help put their clothes in their drawers, wash walls (at their level, just give him a squirt bottle with vinegar water in it), swish toilets, wipe down the table after meals, help clear the table, etc. I'm not saying giving him all of those chores but it's entirely possible for him to do them. I had never thought of half of these chores as being possible for children to do, especially one that young, until I met a Mormon friend. She has 7 children ranging in ages from 17 to 4.
They do all of the housework, even a lot of the baking (her 12 yo daughter makes the bread for the whole family every day and she's already winning ribbons at the county fair). I saw their chore chart once and was amazed at the system as well as the work each child does.

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M.L.

answers from Colorado Springs on

I don't know that you MUST pay him. Some parents do it because they want their children to learn how to earn money.

I, too, don't think personal jobs like brushing teeth need to be paying jobs. One needs to do those things no matter what. Perhaps you could make some sort of chart for getting things done at night and in the morning. He could put stars on it to show that they were done at the right times. Some youngsters look at that as a reward in itself.

It's sometimes of question of learning how to work for money versus learning how to work for the family. Which one do you want to teach him? He needs to learn both. In a family, everybody helps. For instance, you don't get paid by him for fixing breakfast; that's part of your family job. Daddy does (what?) not to get paid for it but because that's part of his family job. Your son's family jobs include making his bed, picking up his toys, and (fill in the blank). It's good to learn how to work as a team at home.

On the other hand, three of my granddaughters (the youngest is a year older than your son) each have a chart of things they need to do during a week. When they have done those things, they get their weekly spending money.

So you want to decide what your focus needs to be right now. When he's a little older, of course, paying jobs will become a more definite focus.

P.S. Just found this a minute ago - maybe it will help:

http://www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/parenting_chall...

M.C.

answers from Phoenix on

I think a reward system is important, but 4 years old is a little young for money! Try using stickers and have special rewards he can "save up" for. Once he learns to count money and understand its value then incorporate money instead of stickers.

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S.E.

answers from La Crosse on

I would recommend a list of expected duties (for no pay) ...like hygeine and straigtening up his own messes. or you are going to get "what are you going to pay me" every single time you ask him to do anything. You can then offer small amounts for doing extra things. You start paying him for every little thing, and you will open the door to bargaining him into cash to go to bed and shower regularly as he gets older.

Just wait until he gets a job and his boss asks him to take out the trash or something new...you will be setting him up for some very unrealistic expectations. Or his poor wife someday asking for help with the kids, and he refuses unles she allows him to purchase the flat screen they can't afford.

Life isn't about being rewarded for every contribution you make...It's a nice gesture, but he needs to learn responsibility over reward.

PS: I do think it is terrific that you are teaching him these things at a young age...I think your idea is great, just needs some fine tuning! :)

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D.K.

answers from Pittsburgh on

We do not pay him. When DS (5) is older, we will give him an allowance so he can learn about money but we will not tie it to chores. Responsibilities around the house are part of being a family for us, not jobs for pay. Right now he begs to help fold laundry, put away dishes, make breakfast, wash dishes (from his perspective it is quality time with mom and dad). Four year olds can sort laundry, help put it in the machine, set the table (yes they can carefully carry real china and glass), clear their place at the table, wash dishes, sweep the floor (ok, perhaps not to everyone's standards), fold rectangular things like placemats and napkins (again depends upon how perfect they need to be), feed the fish (with supervision). We still do all of these things together.

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D.S.

answers from Fort Walton Beach on

I answered a similar question a few months ago so I've just copied & pasted my answer from that to here -

Our 5 year old gets $5.25 a week but that is tied to chores. We are doing the Dave Ramsey Financial Peace Jr. idea. Each chore = a certain amount of $ per day/chore. Certain things will result in fines (e.g. leaving shoes around the house at night is a 25 cent fine per pair). After getting paid he takes out his tithe (10%), savings (at least 10%), and fines (whatever he owes us that week) then the rest he can choose to save, spend, or give.
As far as the chores go, they don't include normal "part of the family, helping around the house things." We don't pay for keeping his room neat, helping when asked, bringing his plate to the kitchen, personal hygiene type things. His chores are to feed & water the dog & take out the trash & recyclables. His responsibilities & "commission" will increase on his birthday.
Our middle daughter helps out but doesn't get commission yet - she's only 3 so she would rather have stickers than money!
Hope you find what works best for your family!

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A.H.

answers from New York on

help you fill the dishwasher.... things like that.. and buy him a small clear bank.. so he can see how much money he is making.. i think giving a child money is a good thing.. it teaches them early on how to save.. maybe at the end a few weeks.. go for ice cream or something... good luck.

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