Overprotective Parenting

It could be that her child's reaction is what is causing her over-protectiveness. It could just be that her child has difficulty swallowing foods without choking. I refused to give my son chips for until a few months ago (he's now 2)... because everytime he did.. he'd choke. Some people may have seen it as overprotectiveness when I told them not to give him chips.. but I was only reacting to what I had seen him do over and over.

The truth is.. that a child does not fully develop the ability to chew until they are 4 years old. I will cut up my son's food for him until he is 4. Especially at 10 months... they usually don't have any molars... so the best they can do is gum the food. At that age, they are simply biting off chunks with their front teeth and swallowing the rest whole. Some children may be able to do this without a problem... and others may simply still not be ready for solid foods yet.

-A.

I think you saying something will only cause tension between you. It's really not any of your business, the way she raises her child. If she were doing something to harm the baby then you should call CPS, but that isn't the case at all. Continue to be her friend but definitely do not take it upon yourself to give her parenting advice.

I was pretty overprotective, too, with my first, but one thing that I've really learned since my first is that every baby is different. Yes, there are certain milestones that they need to meet, but if one baby starts eating chunky food a little later than another, that's okay. Or if one baby walks at 10 months, and the next is 12 or 13 monhths, that's okay. But specifically on this issue of the chunkier foods, my 2 1/2 year old had that same problem when she was that age, and my now 9 month old has the same problem. They just have really strong gag reflexes, and with both of them, sometimes they would actually throw up everything if I gave them something too hard for them to chew. I asked my baby's doctor about it at the 9 month check up, and she said some babies are just that way. To this day, my husband has a really strong gag reflex, too, so maybe it is somehow hereditary or something. I have even tried giving my baby canned peaches cut up VERY small, and she just gags on them. She is still on 2nd stage foods, too. My doctor said there is no need to push her to eat more "solid" foods, so long as she is getting a variety of the baby foods. She said to just let it go at her pace, trying a little bit here and there.

One thing that has worked well for my baby is those fruit puffs made for babies, because they dissolve really quickly. But even those, I have to break in half or she chokes on them. But I think she actually does better with those than just thicker food, because she knows when something hard is in her mouth, that she has to chew it a little before swallowing. Also, my doctor suggested little butter crackers that dissolve easily. They are not the most nutritious thing in the world, but they can at least help her get used to more solid foods. I have actually heard apple is one of the worst things to give a child, because they are so hard, and I didn't give my oldest any apple until she was like 2 years old. Some people might say I am too overprotective, but all that it takes is for something to get lodged in their throat.

Anyways, sorry for the long response, but I hope that helps.

Some babies do choke more than others, but your friend will most likely outgrow her worries, especially if she is a first time mom. I know I did lots of weird stuff like that with my first and when I had my second it was all out the window! I wouldn't go so far as "holding the child back" because my kids wouldn't have anything to do with a sippy cup until 12 months. just relax and be thankful your friend isn't feeding the baby beer or junk food!
all the best, liz

Try to bring it up if she has mention this to the doctor. If not the doctor needs to look check it out.
One of my gd's who is now 8 gag alot, we found out when she was little she had a gag reflect and it took her longer to be able to digest her food than other babies did. She fine now.

Other things could cause this, and if it is nothing then the doctor can tell her that and it would ease the mom nothing is wrong and she being over protected of the child. Yet if there is something wrong they will learn this and get the baby help.

I guess it would depend on how close of friends you are, but if it was a close friend of mine I would have told her not to feed the baby apples in the first place. Not at that young of an age. I don't think she was being overprotective in her response though. I think I would freak if my kid was choking too. As far as her being on stage 2 baby foods, my daughter didn't like anything with texture in her mouth and was on stage 2 baby food until she was well over a year old. In fact, she would never eat stage 3. She has a very sensitive gag reflex too. My son on the other hand could strip a chicken wing at 9 months and has never choked on anything. He only gags when he overstuffs his mouth full of food. Having #2 really made me realize that 'normal' encompasses a very wide range when dealing with babies.

Nothing you mentioned in your note seemed overprotective to me. In fact, I think giving apples in any size other than applesauce to a 10 month old is too early myself. That's one of those foods that kids not only need all their teeth for, they need to have lots of experience with eating so they don't take too big a bite and choke or swallow before the food is fully chewed. Out of all the stuff you mentioned, that would be the thing that concerned me the most and would be the only thing I personally would mention to her.

In regards to her still being on baby food, bottle, etc., my first child followed all the regular time tables when it came to eating. She took to cereal at 4 months, was off the bottle at 12 months, eating table food on schedule, etc. My second child, however, didn't get off baby foods until well past the "normal" time table. He didn't let go of his bottle until well after 18 months. He didn't take to table foods until well after most kids his same age either. It was just his preference and I wasn't about to push him into something he wasn't ready for. He too has a very sensitive gag reflex, much like what you described your friend's child as having. I think some kids just mature more slowly in regards to eating different textures and there is nothing wrong with keeping them on baby foods until their abilities mature. Each child is different and I don't think your friend is holding her baby back at all.

I understand her fear when it comes to choking. I used to not only cut up grapes for my daughter, I would peel the skin off of each one of them individually as well. I didn't do that for my son though. That's the second child thing that another mom mentioned. Some of us are much more protective with our first, but learn with our second that we don't have to be quite so careful.

It does sound like your friend is being protective of her baby, but I wouldn't say overprotective. There's probably nothing you can say that will get her to "relax" when it comes to her baby so you'll probably offend her rather than help her if you're not careful in how you express yourself.

My mother-in-law was great about making me feel better about things when I wasn't sure I was doing something right with my son. I told her how bad I felt that my son was still on the bottle well after most babies had moved on to sippy cups and some beyond. She told me that she thought her daughter would go to the first day of kindergarten with her bottle she held on to that thing for so long. My sister-in-law gave up her bottle well before kindergarten of course, but the message was to let your baby mature in their own natural time frame and don't be so hung up on what other babies are doing and when. After we had that talk, I stopped worrying about my son being behind and now, he's eating the same as any other 2 1/2 year old. They all tend to catch up in the end. :-)

Years ago we fed baby food to children starting at about 3 months. They hold off now. I had a chart but have no idea what happened to it but it was great. Told when to add food to it during what months. By the time they were 12 months old they ate by themselves and drank out of a cup and we did not have sippy cups. I just had a 6 mo old in my day care and he was chomping on a sippy cup while trying to ween from nursing. I think you are right about her paranoid stuff. Maybe something really happened.

MY neighbor blew up on a neighbor a few years ago because she was letting her children to close the our lake. When her child was young she had a trike around the pool and she turned around and back and only saw the child in the pool. The lake water was so dark and she said a child in water with clothes on is so heavy. She saved her child but her hubby was also there to help pull him out. I am wondering if this mom had a choking experience and that is why she is reacting this way.

G. W

No real advice ... but I'd say you could gently mention something to her .. but after one mention .. then you'll just have to drop it and let her do her thing. :-) I do have some friends that only breastfed their kids until a year and the kid didn't have any real food until she was a year old. She's now a fine 5 year old .. so people do do things differently sometimes. I will say, that if she's primarily only had baby food, then a piece of apple, no matter how small, probably isn't the best food to start with especially if it's not cooked a bit. Raw apples, IMO, are once kids are chewing and have that down pat ... not a first food. Perhaps you could suggest a softer 'better' first food and one that wouldn't promote choking. :-/

Hmmm ... w/ my friends that did that .. I asked them about it .. we talked, and then I drop it ... they usually have their reasons ... and most likely their kid will eat eventually. Some moms are certainly quite nervous to move on to that next stage of eating.

I have 10 month old twins and one of them eats great and my other little girl has had a much harder time. I would say that she is being overprotective because I thought the same thing about myself. I actually went and spoke to an Ocuupational therapist and asked if I am being overprotective because my daughter also gags and vomits and I asked if I should continue to do it. She said I was not being overprotective and that she is probably not ready to move past baby food yet. If you push to hard, you can create food aversions so I think your friend is alright for now. I don't think she should stop trying to feed solids but I also think she knows her baby and she will know when she is ready to progress into more difficult foods. I hope this helps.

Your friend is probably being a little overprotective, but better safe than sorry, right? No one wants a baby to choke. However, raw apple probably isn't the best choice either. I've read in several books that some babies have a gag reflex so strong that they aren't apple to start solids for quite a while longer than other babies. Maybe you could suggest something to her like, "You know, you should ask your pediatrician about her gag reflex since it seems like hers is over-reactive. I bet it scares you when she chokes on food." That way you can make her aware of it and transfer the responsibility of remedying the situation to someone else.

When my son was that age, I gave him an enitre peeled apple, not cut up and he was able to gnaw on it... hence, no pieces to choke on.

I had a friend as well that did not start feeding her child until after he was a year old, and even then it was rare.

One thing that is great to start on is saltine crackers (they melt in the mouth practically and are not too small of bites, or the other prepared baby starter foods, like the gerber meat sticks.

She can also offer her items such as steamed carrots, mashed potatoes... something with a bit of heavier texture. With a lot of children, it is learning how to chew and get used to a thicker texture.

Also, the way the mom is shoving her finger in the mouth can CAUSE choking. To remove an item, she needs to gently sweep the mouth with the finger, otherwise, she will just push the food/object further down the throat and cause more of a gag reflex. I would definately make sure she understands this.

Hopefully, she starts her child on the sippy soon, b/c it's best to want to say goodbye to the bottle around a year.