Our Baby Items Being Rejected by Expectant Relative

They want their own stuff and just don't know how to tell you. Don't take it personal, and don't bring it up.

I'm sure in a year or so they will love hand me down clothes once the reality sets in, but for now, they are probably so excited to pick out their new gear and everything.

Think of it as a wedding... if a relative offered you her wine glasses and veil and bridal favors sets, and cake topper, even if still in new condition, you'd probably want to have fun going and picking out your own things and creating your own memories of 'firsts'.

8 moms found this helpful

Just quit offering. Some people appreciate hand-me-downs, others don't. Drop the subject and pass on your stuff to someone who will appreciate it.

8 moms found this helpful

Don't be insulted.

This is their 1st baby.
They want everything new.
That's fine.
Everyone is simply different.

Its no biggie.
They are probably just picky.
And want to do things their way. It being their 1st baby and maybe they want everything new and first, for their first child.

Don't make a mountain out of a mole hill.

Let it be.

6 moms found this helpful

Yes, you are over-reacting, but I understand it. You want to be generous and helpful, and it seems they would rather do their own thing than let you do these things for them. That's a real personal letdown.

But it happens all the time. I knew one young mama who turned down scads of new and near-new baby clothes for her nearly-born daughter because she didn't like the style or the color - and expressed her dislike for them in no uncertain terms.

Let it be their problem, not yours. Don't say anything. Let them find the stuff they have decided they must have (and pay for it). Offer your things to a friend, a neighbor, a charity, or the local pregnancy center. Somebody is going to be SO thankful to have them!

6 moms found this helpful

Yes, you are overreacting, especially if this is their first baby. They want new stuff, whats the problem? I myself am SO picky when it comes to stuff like carseats, I would never use a used carseat or base. I bought my 3rd baby a new one after MONTHS of research. I even made sure it matched my car interior!! Maybe the one she has her heart set on isnt the brand you have. No big deal! Im sure after they have a few kids they will be willing to accept hand me downs, but if its their first, they are entitled to new stuff if they wish. Please dont say anything, you will look silly and petty.

5 moms found this helpful

Some people (like my sister) just like new things. It's hard not to feel slighted but I think you should not feel rejected. Don't take it personally and don't say anything to them. Other people (like myself!) just LOVE getting hand me downs. I'm all for "reduce, reuse, recycle" and not consume consume consume. Also I love that it saves you money. I think you should simply put it out of your mind.

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Wait till the new-mom-itis wears off and they really know what they want/need. Some people do the new baby/new stuff thing - till they see how expensive everything is! LOL. Give them some time to settle in and get handle on things. Don't take it personally.

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I offered my SIL a crib and changing table when she was pregnant, and she actually said, "We are not excepting hand-me-downs."!!!!! It amazed me how fast they were looking for hand-me-downs when they figured out how expensive a baby really is. I bet it will be the same for you.

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I, personally, think you're overreacting.
When I registered....a ton of people offered me stuff, but I wanted to pick out stuff on my own. It was part of my joy while being pregnant. Getting to go and shop around and ohh and awww over all the cute stuff, and imagining the space (nursery, room, crib whatever) that the baby will be in.
Let your family member have the joy of creating her baby registry, and after the baby shower offer again. If she still says no, leave it alone.
I don't mean any of this to be rude, I just think it's not personal to you. Meaning they aren't rejecting YOU (or YOUR stuff) they just want to pick our their own stuff.
Good Luck.
Good Luck.

4 moms found this helpful

Yes you are over reacting - No don't say a word. It's their time with their new child. If you have all those things, give/donate to a family who needs and can't afford

Blessings...

4 moms found this helpful

I wouldn't feel insulted...

They are having their first baby boy- and they want new stuff... it probably has nothing to do with trying to offend you!

I registered for all new stuff with my daughter... some of it I got, some I didn't... After I had my shower, then I took a bunch of hand me downs from freinds and family! Also, I was offered SO MUCH in baby toys it was overwhelming... I ended up getting boxes of toys and it reached the point where I had to toss or donate them! I felt bad because they were perfectly good toys... but a little girl can only play with so many stuffed animals!

Chances are they just want the opportunity to "see" if they can get some of those baby things they really want.

As far as the car seat bases, most car seats come with a base... so they'll probably get one if they get a new car seat anyways- so why not take their pick? Also, They may have chosen a different car seat than what you had because it would be "compatible" with specific accessories they wanted.

Unless you HAVE to get rid of your old stuff "right away"- wait a little bit until after their baby is born and they settle in... but keep the offer open. After the baby is born they'll have a better idea of what they still need... having already received any gifts. You only get to have your first baby boy once, why not dream a little?

By the way, it doesn't mean they don't "like" your stuff... maybe it isn't their style, maybe they had different gear they had their hearts set on, maybe it doesn't match their colors. Would you rather have them take the stuff just to make you feel better, and the throw it out or not use it because they got something they like better? If they end up NOT ever taking your stuff.. offer it to the next family with a baby that comes along... or take it to a consignment store or thrift store- there it will surely find a home!

-M.

4 moms found this helpful

Perhaps they are just thinking that they will take you up on anything that they don't receive??? Wait till after the shower. Ask one more time if they need anything else from your stash and then drop it. It's NOT a big deal! Don't be offended! She's just excited and wants a chance at getting some things brand new!

And they probably just liked a different brand seat. I would not register for a carseat based on someone's extra base they offered me. They all come with one base anyway. We never purchased a second. When we take my husbands truck, we just buckle the seat in without the base.

PS> And did you offer them the items to USE or KEEP??? I'm not big on "borrowing" things like that from people. I know we will need it for future children and don't want to have to worry about finding another the next time around. OR have to worry about staining or breaking it!

4 moms found this helpful

I think you are over-reacting, but it's understandable.

Try to picture it from their point of view though--nearly everything you read says "buy a new one... don't get a used one, your baby could be at risk." So, they are doing what new parents do-- getting nice and freaked out about it. And frankly, some families want their own. I went with mostly used stuff, but did feel this way about both our bigger carseat (when he outgrew our secondhand infant one-- and for the first, we went to a carseat clinic and had them check for recall) and our umbrella stroller. I told my husband that I wanted one with OUR stains, not someone else's.

If it were me, I'd find something on the registry that you would want to give them that fits your budget, and include a card. "The offer to come pick-and-choose from our stash still stands" and let it go. I loved that my sisters had passed stuff along to us-- it saved us so much money and shopping. Even if the clothes weren't perfect-- great, playclothes! I have bins in the attic that go up to size 12, and my son is almost 4. We are nearly set for years! Too bad they're choosing to miss out, but it is their choice.

Maybe they think money grows on trees? They might have a change of heart after they get the hospital bill and add a child onto their insurance. How quickly things change!:)

PS: Your local women's shelters and transitional housing will very much appreciate any lightly used (ie- not stained or damaged) items. These woman often leave bad situations with just the clothes on their and their children's backs. You won't be sorry.

3 moms found this helpful

It's their first and they are simply excited. They simply want everything to be brand new. I wouldn't worry. I remember being soo excited about registering and washing all the clothes. Its PART of the process :)

3 moms found this helpful

some people like buying everything new. But i will say this after they realize just how expensive having kids are they might NEED to go shopping in your basement real soon. don't be offened let it ride. reality may not have hit them yet. good luck.

3 moms found this helpful

I just had a baby girl and we bought all new stuff. We wanted our little baby to start out with her own items. We were very thankful that people offered to give us their baby items but we felt that like giving our baby her own new things. Also, carseats expire and since this was a safty item, we felt safer with a new seat that meet the new safty standards. It was nice of you to offer the items to them and I am sure they are grateful. Maybe you can keep the items at your house so when the baby comes to visit, they wont need to bring a pack and play or toys.

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I wouldn't worry about it. Some people are delighted to take used stuff and others just don't want to. It is also possible they will be knocking on your door after a shower and baby comes for stuff they did not get. A friend of mine wanted to wait and see what she had before accepting hand me downs for her first.

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Truthfully, I would rather have brand new things instead of hand-me-downs as well. They probably want to see what they can get off their registry, and then use you to fill in the gaps since you offered. I see nothing wrong with that.

I personally refused to use old car seats AND bases when I was pregnant with my first. My daughter used the same car seat because I could GUARANTEE the condition personally.

3 moms found this helpful

It's possible you're being a little sensitive to the issue. Don't be offended; just find someone else who would be more appreciative of the items you don't need. I think some people just like to have new things, especially things they've picked out. (I know, I have family members like that who we wouldn't dream of offering even gently used items to.) It's really nothing personal and is no reflection on you, your things, or your tastes.

3 moms found this helpful

Some people just want everything NEW for their first child. I'm not saying it's right, I'm just saying it happens. Sell your stuff.

3 moms found this helpful

It is not a reflection on you that they want brand new things for their brand new baby.

Some people think new and shiny means better, even though you and I know that it just means more expensive.

My sister and SIL sound like your relatives. I was given used baby things from one of my husbands business associates. I was thrilled. They only had one child and had purchased or been given top of the line everything!
I am talking expensive imported furniture. I felt like I had won the lottery! I hardly needed anything for the nursery.

Our daughter only slept in the crib about 9 months. She had slept in a bassinet (borrowed) for about 3 months and then was climbing over and out of the crib at 12 months. The crib was in Perfect condition.. I offered it to both SIL and sister, but they went out and purchased brand new, very expensive nursery furniture. It was not much different what I had been given.

I thought it was silly, new to me, is great, but I am too thrifty to waste money. They are still the same (and it has not brought them as much happiness)

3 moms found this helpful

Let it go...some people just want all new stuff. I wouldn't take it personal. I was the same way and I wanted everything to match. I know...weird! I'd just say, "I'm going to have a garage sale so if you want any of our baby things, you'll have to let us know by then."

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Its their first baby and they probably just want new stuff that they can continue to use for all of thier kids. Plus they will get lots from their baby showers. I bet after the baby shower she will ask if they can see what you have to get what they didnt get brand new. I wouldnt be ofended by the car seat. Maybe they think another one is safer. Let it go and be happy for them.
I offered a nieghbor a bunch of clothes and she didnt want them. Its okay someone will use them eventually. Good will takes everything!

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I agree with all of the others that have posted. Don't be insulted by this. There is just something about brand new items for such an exciting event like this (even if your items are in mint condition). I was that way with my children. If you want to hang onto the stuff to see if your relative comes around at some point then do it. Otherwise, sell it or donate it. Someone out there will appreciate your generosity!
Sincerely,
A.

3 moms found this helpful

i would try not to feel insulted. you don't say whether you are close to them or not, but it kinda sounds like not. some people just want new shiny stuff. seriously. depending on their financial situation, how they were raised...some people truly don't "get" hand-me-downs. (not me, i LOVE them, honestly my son had very few "new" things when he was born, which is almost kind of embarassing...but hey...we saved a ton of money!) maybe they didn't like the carseats of that particular brand. maybe they don't feel the need to save money. who knows. but keep your stuff for someone who will appreciate it - you never know, you may need it again too.

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If it is their first baby, they just want new things. I would not be insulted. Do
you remember the excitement of your first and buying new things. As far
as the car seat goes, rule of thumb is, do not pass them down. Be excited
for her. If you are looking to get rid of your things donate them or take them
to a consignment shop (although they will not take car seats).

2 moms found this helpful

I love hand me downs. Some of my friends have no interest in second hands. I would email them and say please me know either way if they want the stuff. Then I would find a kids consignment and make some money on your stuff.

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Wait until after the shower and tell them whatever they didn't get they are welcome to yours.As for the carseat bases maybe they didn't like the car seats that are compatable to them. I wouldn't pick out a seat based on free bases I would get the one I liked the best. Don't be offended it's fun to get brand new stuff for a brand new baby. What would they need a shower for if you gave them everything. What would you say to them...why don't you want my used stuff? Again just wait till after the shower.

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I agree with Meredith. Try not to be insulted. Understand that they are just excited to be having a baby! It is so much fun registering for all those baby things. I would just wait until after they have their shower and what not and then ask her if she still needs anything.

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you didn't say if this is their first child or not, but if it is, that could have something to do with it. being a first a lot of parents like to buy everything themselves. or might have a completely different style than you. i wouldn't be insulted at all. for my daughter we got most everything new. for my son, i reused her things being as they were only 2yrs old. i LOVE hand-me-downs, but not everyone can be like me :).

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Late response:

It also depends on their age. Young moms want everything new and matchy matchy - some even feel that their baby is entitled to new stuff.

Older moms that have waited for a long time to have a baby want new stuff since they've waited so long to get to buy it. (does that make sense?)

Before you give EVERYTHING away, wait a bit until they have bought diapers and formula and have paid for a few months of daycare. Then they will be VERY grateful for a shopping trip in your basement.

M.

2 moms found this helpful

Don't say anything. The seats aren't supposed to be mix and match. For SAFETY purposes you are suppoed to use the same brand bases and seats. For Safety it is advised not to use second hand car seats and cribs and some people rightfully take that to heart. As far as the other items, they may just be excited to get something that is new. It was nice of you to offer, but don't take it personally that they declined.

2 moms found this helpful

I wouldn't feel insulted, A first child brings A LOT of excitement. It's the excitement of buying baby stuff for the first time. I was mad when my ex hubby brought home an infant seat because I wanted to have the excitement of shopping for the oh-so-perfect one. They aren't implying your stuff sucks or anything lol they just want the excitement and joy of baby shopping.

I agree with pam, I bought fisher price rainforest then and now that she's 2 realized I could've bought them in primo new condition for cheap at a yard sale lol. Its a first time mom thing lmao

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Please don't be offended. First babies are special and they want new stuff. No biggie.
C.

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No reason to be insulted. It could be as simple as they are excited...they registered for "everything" and will see what they get. Maybe they have a different preference in car seats because of the size, color or safety rating. I offered some stuff to a friend who was struggling and she turned me down because it didn't match her decor. And I have several friends who simply don't like used baby items. I have a neighbor that purged everything as her child got older. I knew they wanted more children and mentioned that the second baby could use it and she shook her head and said "No. We'd prefer all new stuff. It's odd, but it's just an issue I have." Sure enough when baby two came along, he doesn't even wear hand me downs. Some people are just that way. I have no problem with second hand anything, I often shop garage sales and thrift stores, but even I insisted on a new car seat and a new crib. It was a very kind offer, but don't take offense to them not using it. If you just want to pass it on, find a shelter or pregnancy center. They will gladly take your baby items and will be appreciative . It was a very kind offer, but don't take offense to them not using it.

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I wouldn't say anything, especially since she hasn't had a shower or anything yet. I mean that's what the shower is for, is to let people decide what to get her. She may be thinking a little along those lines. I understand that that is a!! backwards, that if you gave her those things then she could register for others, but she probably isn't thinking that way. She may change her mind after the shower.

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I wouldn't take it personally. Many people who are expecting their first child just want new things. Safety standards are constantly updated and I know there were a few things my daughter had that three years later I couldn't use for my son. I agree with the other posters that you can always find organizations to donate to or resell! Don't worry about your relative :)

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don't know of too many first time moms satisfied with hand-me-downs no matter the condition! I wouldn't be affended. I'd just leave it be. Save the tthings for when she pops out her third and will take anything even used paci's...lol O.K. maybe not the used paci's but most anything :)

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They are first-time parent knotheads at this moment in time. Let them get a little experience - and a very flat pocketbook - with buying their own stuff. Once they realize how expensive these things are and how quickly their little one grows out of them, they will probably be interested. Give them a little time and space to get some experience and then repeat your offer.

I am going through the same thing with my son and daughter-in-law, and the above approach seems to be working well.

1 mom found this helpful

Oh, don't say anything to them. You are a saint to be so generous to them; however they are excited to be having their first kid. They want the experience of shopping for all that stuff themselves. We just had our baby 7 weeks ago and my mom and mother in law were constantly getting used baby items that I didn't want. (I selfishly wanted new stuff). Only I said something to them about it and it made them feel bad. They were excited to be having a grandchild and wanted to be part of the process and I hurt their feelings by rejecting their help.

If you don't want the stuff you have and think it could be helpful to them, maybe you can take it to them and say that if anything is helpful they can keep it or they can donate it if they can't use it or take it to a consignment shop.....you get the idea. Honestly, they won't really know what they are going to need until the baby arrives and they say "OOOHHHH.......that's what they were talking about!"

1 mom found this helpful

I have a friend who hates anything used. Maybe they are like that. Personally I LOVE hand me downs. I mean it is better for the planet, and our wallet. But don't take it personally, you already offered, now drop it.

1 mom found this helpful

Oh my gosh - there are so many people who would GREATLY appreciate your nice baby stuff! I would stop offering with this bunch and either 1) sell it and make some cash; or 2) donate it.

I would try to not be insulted (who knows what they are thinking - people are freaked about bed bugs right now and perhaps not as likely to welcome gently used items?) and just let it go.

Good luck.

1 mom found this helpful

You should not be insulted. Every new parent hopes for new stuff for the first baby. Let them have the showers etc and then see what they need afterwards. If you have a lot of stuff donate it to catholic charities they always need stuff. Its good of you to offer it. But they may just want different items than what you had/used. I know my sister and I had totally different ideas of what was a must have and what was a pain in the butt. I hated the carseats with removable bases so it could be that they just don't want that type of seat. could be that they just don't want second hand stuff. doesn't make them bad people. doesn't reflect in any way on you. except that it looks like you don't want to buy them something you could give them used. so just get something for them off the list that is not something you can donate to them. and everyone will be happy. might be they realize how much they will need and might take you up on it later.

1 mom found this helpful

I wanted everything NEW that I purchased or was given.I did accept hand me downs after they were getting into the toddler years & now shop garage sales I have 3 now & I like getting new things for them but next to free is better than spending hundreds of dollars on the same item that is used next to perfect condition clothes/toys

1 mom found this helpful

I had a dear friend go out and buy me a beautiful crib set for my baby, but I didn't like it. I tactfully refused it, and still feel just awful about that 11 years later! But expecting a baby is such a personal and incredible thing, it's no wonder we want it to be exactly right. I'm so thankful my friend wasn't insulted.

1 mom found this helpful

They are being foolish, but you shouldn't say anything. This is their first baby and they are falling into the trap of wanting "only the best" for their child, hopefully they will outgrow this mindset! I want the best for my children too,l but to me that does not mean all-new-fancy-brand-name-stuff. Some parents seem to think that their love for their child can be measured by how much money they spend on them, but as I said, they may outgrow this idea. If they bring up the subject of using some of your old baby stuff tell them they are still welcome to it, if not then don't mention it again. Buy one new outfit or blanket for their baby to give as a shower gift and leave it at that. Don't feel pressured to buy them somehting really expencive that they have registered for. Have fun being an aunt!

1 mom found this helpful

Don't forget that they may want multiple kids, thus making new stuff more appealing because they don't have to worry about how much wear and tear the item has already experienced, regardless of visible condition. Also, registering is fun. If a family is going to have a baby shower, or baby showers, why shouldn't they be able to register and receive what they want in new condition? After their shower(s), perhaps shopping in your basement for what they did not receive but will need will be more appealing.

1 mom found this helpful

Don't be insulted.
I wouldn't say anything.
There's nothing wrong with you offering and thinking practically, but many people want things that are new for their baby. I can see that side of it too.

If you just want to get rid of your stuff, try consignments shops in your area or consider donating to a women's shelter or church.
There are lots of families who are truly needy and could benefit from your baby things.

Best wishes.

1 mom found this helpful

I see you updated and feel better :). Personally I love hand-me-downs and we have friends we "get" and friends we "give" to. I usually ask new friends if they "do" hand-me-downs and then I know who is interested when we are done with something and who is not. I do have a few friends who I never asked...it was just very obvious that they prefer all new! Anyway I started to respond because even the bases will expire for carseats. Plastic only is safe for so long, undrr the stress of an accident it does not perfrom as it should when the plastic ages. The belt or latch can bust through. We try to avoid violating any safety issues, but by and large we try to "recycle" our items as much as we can with folks who are willing.

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Don't be insulted! When we had our first, we wanted all new stuff that we picked out. We had offers from people, but politely declined. When I offer stuff to expectant families or moms, I always say -"We have such and such if you're interested, but I know you may want to pick all of this stuff out on your own!" Some people want the stuff and some don't. It's no reflection on you -just that they like different things -including different carseats and bases.

1 mom found this helpful

Nope, don't say anything and yes, you are over reacting. many people, especially if they are having their first want everything to be brand new.

How do you not know that they are insulted by you wanting to give them things? Maybe they think that you don't think they can afford the things for their baby. I'd let it go and stop taking it personally.

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I think that if they've made it clear they are not interested, then don't take it personally. Find a new home for it, like a women's shelter or pregnancy support center.

One of my cousins gave away all her baby stuff and bought brand new between kids - something about her 2nd being jealous about having handmedowns, like an infant would care. But it was her choice and her money and we just routed stuff to others who didn't mind. I asked my sister straight up, since it's her first kid, do you want some of our stuff or do you want new because it's all new to you?

There were some things I felt strongly on with DD and some things I did not. I don't care about clothes or most toys, but I wanted my own new travel system. Everybody has preferences. And it may be that your bases won't fit the new seat or there are new features (even in the last year our carseat has been upgraded) that they want on the newer base. Or maybe they figure that a car seat closing in on 4 yrs won't last them the length of time they think they might use it. Many seats expire in about 6 years.

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Don't be insulted at all. Some people are funny about "Used" stuff especially for the first baby. I would just offer one more time by saying "Don't forget I have tons of stuff you can have, if you don't want it, its going for sale or I'm giving it away." There are plenty of people who would love to get it. My neighbor gave me all kinds of stuff when I was pregnant with my first, and I'm still using it for baby #3

You really need to chill about this. Some of us just like knew things. I like to use new things for my daycare babies when they start with me and I'm not even their mom. I dislike garage sales and I HATE thrift stores. It gives me the creepy crawlers to even think about used things. It's okay. We can buy new things if we want! :) Just save your stuff for someone that wants hand me downs.

Yeah, I was going to say the same thing. lol. It's a first-time-mom thing. The excitement is there to go shopping, have showers and get brand new stuff. After a couple of kids, that all changes and you appreciate used. lol. Sorry that your feelings were getting hurt, I'm sure it's not a purposeful thing.....just a weird first time mom thing. :)

Hmm I'm kinda late to the party here, I didn't see this response, hope this is not a repeat: When I was expecting my son everyone and their friend's friends were trying to send me their old baby gear. I don't know about anywhere else, but baby gear is hard to get rid of in California. Charities are not allowed to accept it and it is technically illegal to resell it. Now I have no problem with second had items but I despise having a cluttered home. I had to say no a lot to prevent my home from being filled to the rafters with stuff I may or may not need but would have a hard time getting rid of later.

I think you're being offended where no offense is intended. They obviously would like new stuff for their baby! Who wouldn't!?! I would happily register for new things because people love to buy gifts for new babies. And I would probably ask to borrow things from you if I did not receive them. I think you're making a big deal out of nothing. You offered, they haven't accepted. Move on.
Incidentally, I would never use a car seat someone else had already used. Brand new is always better in car seats.