Online Community for Expecting Dads

K.,

All of the online stuff is fine, but remember, you are ONLY 9 WEEKS PREGNANT! You probably only found out in the last month and it is a lot to adjust to. I don't want to be a downer, but please try not to be one of those people that is like "I'll never let my kid do (fill in the blank")! You have no idea what your child, birthing experience, husband as a father, etc. will be until it acutally happens...and you could be up for major disappointment. I don't want to delude you...parenting is great and probably the most important thing you will do in your life. Having said that, it is probably the most difficult, frustrating, challenging, rewarding, happy/sad, scary thing you will go through! Please don't put such expectations on things!! Just some thoughts from someone who has been through it! E. (two sons, age 6 1/2 and 8 years.

1 mom found this helpful

Congrats!
My husband and I share all of your same intrests. We studied Bradley Meathod with both of our children. Our Bradley Doula (sp?) had classes 1 time a week at night for 12 weeks. I cannot even tell you in words how amazing the experience was for us as a couple and parents. I recommend finding a Bradley Meathod class. We did not live here back then but I am sure you can find one. Some people will have bad feelings toward the B Meathod but we found an instructor that was very open and informative, we will be friends for life with her and her family. It is wonderful and makes your husband a crucial role in your labor... as partners.
Good Luck,
M. J
Mommy of 2 children

1 mom found this helpful

K.,

This is T's husband responding. The Dr Sears books and What to Expect were both great helps to me, as was our midwife ( we also had two home births), easily one of the top 4-5 people I've ever had the pleasure to meet and work with in my life. Books by Michel Odent are also fabulous. Our midwife used a book called "Special Delivery" as our "textbook" for our classes, another wonderful resource.

Parenting can be a hard adjustment as it is a completely unique experience -- there is literally nothing at all like it -- and there are many, many resources out there. Cosleeping was also a hard adjustment, but in the end easily one of THE best parenting experiences we had. Dr. Sears' book "Nighttime Parenting," published by the La Leche League, was excellent with this.

I would like to respond to the "after three mos. it's husbands' time" post. Actually, after three weeks, after three months, after three years, etc., it's always family time. There is no substitute for close connection with you guys and your baby in the early days, weeks, months and years. Study after study after study shows this, but more important than that, your innate sense of what is right as a mother and father will bear this out. You don't have to be the most attached of the attachment parenting followers to know this. In addition to La Leche League support, there are also Attachment Parenting groups around the country that can provide support, and best of all information. We found that the number one thing we had to encounter was our own concerns mixed in with many peoples' fears. When you are operating out of fear, all sorts of things look reasonable, except perhaps what actually IS reasonable. And the only way to counter this is with information and support. If you're in the Houston area, check out the BIRTH Web site (www.houbirth.org) for more great information and contacts. (I was one of the founding members of BIRTH, which stands for Bringing Information and Resources to Houston.)

It sounds like you guys are well on your way to establishing the birth experience you want to have. You have a long way to go and you guys are going to have a wonderful time together, all three of you. Just keep asking these questions and the support you need will keep coming.

It's not online, but it is in person and FREE. The JCC has free Parenting Classes (with free materials meals and childcare) for expecting and recent parents. It's called Precious Minds New Connections. I think some of the materials include free books for the kids. To sign up call ###-###-####.

Some parents read to the baby in utero or play him/her music. Don't know if that would help him adjust or if he'd enjoy picking out music or books for the kid. (Jerry Garcia has a great CD called Not for Kids only) Taj Mahal has a good kids music cd too. good luck

Hi Congratulations on your pregnancy!

Sounds like you're getting into the research phase. I hope the dad to be finds a good group. I am of the same "vibe". But on the co-sleeping note,
I've mentioned this on another board too, but co-sleeping, especially for such small babies is very dangerous. I've done it myself occasionally and I'm not judging anyone, but this info doesn't seem to be common knowledge as it should be. My brother is a pediatrician and he had a patient (and knows of several others) who died because they were suffocated in their parent's bed. These cases are so awful. Little babies can't fight their way out if we roll over on them, or they can get stuck between the headboard and the mattress among other things. The parents always think they will wake up, that they could never possibly not notice something like this - but there's no way to be responsible for our actions as we sleep.

Those who advocate co-sleeping talk about how it's common throughout history and other cultures. I read that research too. Well, they didn't have headboards, a bunch of pillows, duvets, plush mattresses, etc. There's just too much complexity in modern beds and opportunity for a little one to get trapped or smothered.

Again, sorry if I freaked anyone out, and I'm not judging anyone. I just had a huge pit in my stomach when I learned of this danger and think everyone here should have the info for themselves.

Austin Attached Families on Yahoo Groups would be a *great* fit for y'all. There are a few dads on the list, & they may know of a group with more testosterone.

I want to add that if the posts here have you second guessing your decision to co-sleep, I would be more than happy to share my experiences with you as someone whose child has survived & benefitted from three years in the family bed.

Congratulations!

subscribe to www.enjoyparenting.com/dailygroove
written by another Dad, nice self-reflective advice, even for parents of older kids.

In town, Carrie Contey leads classes (highly recommended). www.earlyparenting.com or .org

Hi K. - Check out www.dadlabs.com. They are great guys and great fathers. I know them and have worked with them before with my company www.babblesoft.com. Feel free to send me an email if you have any questions. DadLabs also has a social network for new dads.

A.

# Tips for New Dads - BabyCenter
... Expectant Dads > ... And you can connect with other new dads on our online community boards to discuss the questions ...
http://www.babycenter.com/fatherhood-tips

# New Dads, Advice for Dads, Articles, Community, Family Photos, and More
... .com is an online community for Expectant Dads, New Dads and Any Other Dads. ... An online community for expectant dads, new dads, and any other dads, where they ...
http://www.yoozadaddy.com

# GreatDad.com
Join the community of dads for exchanging fathering info and newsletter. ... GreatDad Newsletters for Expectant / New Dads and Dads and Small Kids (4 – 8 year olds) ...
http://www.greatdad.com

Morning K.;

Only one thing>>>Forget the co-sleeping!
There are times when "men" need space and sleeping is one
of them! After 3 months it is also "husbands" time!

I know, I know, this sounds cruel, but, think about it later
when let's say the child is 4 or 5!
Your husband will automatically adjust as you grow bigger and
when the baby starts kicking he'll start to become ready for the
big event and total change in your lives!
B. C

K., I don't know of any online communities. However, I do have a close friend who is a Neonatal Nurse Practitioner. I'll e-mail her right now and get back.

God Bless !

R.

Mothering.com has a great discussion board, and there's a section for dads. It's an online community that supports the parenting values you outlined in your question - nobody there will tell you to forget cosleeping or any of your other great ideas! Good luck with the pregnancy.

We had a natural birth, with a midwife, but in a hospital setting because of some medical problems I was worried about. We attended Bradley childbirth classes together to prepare and my husband really enjoyed reading "Husband coached childbirth" by Robert Bradley. Search "Bradley Method" for online resources and to find a class locally. We went to La Leche Legue meetings together before the birth as well. I think preparing for the birth together so that we were on the same page really helped us. There were other dads at all the classes we attended, so a good support group to go through the pregnancy. We also spaced vaccinations, refused some of them, used cloth diapers for 14 months. Also, go to askdrsears.com. It's a great reference, any book by Dr. Sears would support what you are trying to accomplish, especially "The Baby Book". Good luck!

When I was pregnant, my hubby and I frequented Babycenter.com a lot. Even 8 years ago they had a bulletin board for expectant dads, and they have expanded quite a bit since then. They also have boards specifically for your due date and for all kinds of topics.

Good luck and congratulations!!

Have him go to www.chron.com and browse for Daddy Daze, the dad blog. Or www.fatherhood.org, www.dadlabs.com (very cool)or check your local online newspaper for their versions, too.

I would suggest reading What to Expect When You're Expecting, in the meantime of looking for one of these online groups. It has a section in there specifically for Dads that he'll benefit from.
And this book will also help you, if you do not already have it. Also, there's another book called "Your Pregnancy and Birth: Fourth Edition". It's written by The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists. It's got everything from Prenatal Care, the steps through pregnancy, what to expect at visits, to Labor, birth, breastfeeding tips and PostPartum Care. And I believe this book also has a section just for Dads.
I would get him to read these books first before attempting to talk with other dads---at least he'll know a little and won't be walking in blind. My husband didn't read these books and he would have been much better off and more adjusted when our little girl arrived...like i was.
Congratulations on your baby!