Oh No 6 Month Old Is Using Me as a Pacifier

Hey J.,

I agree with the other moms, they grow up so fast and then we look back and sometimes regret some choices we made. We all do this. I would enjoy this time with her knowing that it won't always be this way!

Hope this helps,
T.

Though she may hate formula, maybe you can try mixing breast milk with formula to start weaning her. At first make the breast milk ratio larger and slowly reduce it until its all formula. overall it will probably take a few weeks to get to that point, but better than letting her keep using the "mommy pacifier". hope this helps:)

I would keep up the bf. If you say she has have problem with reflux and gas formula will just mess her little digestion up. Will she take a bottle at all? Can you pump? As for being a human pacifier I was in that same boat with my oldest. At seven months we did the crying out method. Here is what worked for us. Once she was on a good napping schedule during the day we gave her a bath and read and rocked her a little. i would nurse before bed. Then we would leave her for 3 minutes then go in and check on her maybe rub her back but no talking. Then leave for 4 min and so on til we were at 10 min intervals. In 45 minutes she was asleep. We did this for about a week. You will have success and defeat with slepp for some time but eventually she will get it. As far as books, I never found a good on on sleep for bf babies. I didn't like Babywise, even though others raved about it. I truky believe bf babies are very different in there sleeping habits. It is not normal for a infant to go with out food for 9-12 hours. So bf babies do wake more that formula just because they need to eat. Breast milk is easier to digest and digests faster than formula. I know it seems forever but in a few months once she is on solids the nursing will decrease. In 6 months she will be eating finger foods and able to drink milk. Do not give her milk now. Keep up the good work. My girls are 2 years apart so I know how hard it is. You are doing great!!

As far as I am concerned, cows milk is for calves and there is no good time to do formula. If you want her to go to grandma's pump your milk. And if you want her to sleep without pacifying on you, just slowly offer yourself less. You have both been through a rough time and of course you deserve a break, but don't want to be too harsh with her now that she is finally content. Listen to your heart and your baby, you don't need any books. And contact La Leche League for a free lactation consultant if you want to chat on the phone with someone for specific ideas.
As for your husband, the very best thing you can do for your marriage while you have your hands so full with babies is TELL him often and in many different ways how much you miss the intimacy that you have less of now and how much you are looking forward to more of it. Your kids will only be this young and needy for a short time. I know it feels overwhelming, but believe me, it passes!
all the best!!
: )
s

First things first: You can begin offering cow's milk when your baby is 12 months old. It's nothing compared to the benefits of breastmilk, but if you are serious about weaning, then I'd wait until your baby reaches her first birthday. You can always contact your local Le Leche League for help with the weaning from breastfeeding.

Secondly, do you own a breastpump? You could pump enough milk for your daughter so that a friend or family member can watch your baby while you and your husband get out for good quality time together. If your baby has never taken a bottle before, she may be reluctant to take one now but that's ok. You could use a sippy cup that doesn't have the spill proof valve intact (in case she doesn't know how to suck from the sippy cup) or she can take her milk from a spoon. Yes, a spoon! That is how my husband offered my breastmilk to our first daughter when I HAD to get out for a while but I didn't want bottles offered.

Ok, it could very well be that your baby is attached to you because she is with you all the time...not because you spoiled her. As a full time stay at home mother myself to three children, I know first hand how much our children love their mommies. It could also be that she is beginning to enter separation anxiety and being close to you (holding her and nursing her) brings her intense comfort. I would suggest that you begin weaning her from sleeping with you. This will be a challenge but you must begin doing it now because if you don't get her to sleep on her own in her own bed without you, it will be very difficult once she gets a bit older. And this will ultimately intensify any friction you and hubby will have. Some people people believe in the family bed thing. It works for them, great but as you are witnessing, it's not working for you. So, does your daughter have her own room? A crib? If so, then begin introducing her new sleeping quarters tonight. Yes, it will be difficult. She will cry for you but I don't recommend ever letting a baby "cry it out." Do you nurse her to sleep at night? If so, then once asleep, place her in her crib and quietly walk out of her room. If all is good, then great! If not, is she wakes up right away, go to her, comfort her with your voice, rub her back or tummy and reassure her that "mommy is here but she must go to sleep." If need be, rub her back/tummy until she falls asleep (but I caution you to not allow this to become a routine...she must learn to fall asleep without you having to be next to her every night). A crib toy with soft baby music is sometimes helpful to help relax a baby to sleep. Eventually your goal is to get her to fall asleep without you. It will happen just be patient and sometimes it helps if the baby's daddy puts the baby to bed. It's worth trying.

J.,

I would suggest pumping and try the playtex bottles. They are a lot like a mothers breast. My kids loved them. But just like the other moms said, with the reflux problem, do not switch to formula you will do more harm than good. As for crying it out, there are other methods you might try. Put her in her crib and play soft music or white noise.

Hope this helps.

S.

Congratulations on being a good mommy and wanting to do what's best for everyone in the family. I never knew how tough being a stay-at-home mom would be! For your little one, I am very pro breastfeeding so I say keep at it! She is at an age where she will nurse like crazy for a bit to up your supply as she's probably going thru a growth spurt. You guys need and should get out and be together as husband and wife. Pump and use the playtex nursers with the latex nipple. It is most like the breast. I went thru the same thing at nighttime with my son. We co-slept until neither of us were sleeping. When I was sure that he could sleep thru the night(he had a good nap routine,was sleeping pretty well in the beginning of the night ) he started out in his bed, when he'd wake I'd feed him and even let him fall asleep on the breast and here's the best trick I EVER learned-when they fall asleep on the breast gently use your finger to take them off and then immediately put your finger under their chin to keep their mouth closed and they stay asleep! This tip is from The No-Cry Sleep Solution book. It works amazing. Now it may be a couple weeks of up and down at night for you but you will get her sleeping! She just has to learn a new routine without crying it out. Also, make sure you have a good bed time routine that is exactly the same every night. It took my son about 6 weeks of literally doing and saying the same thing every night and he got it. Hang in there mom! :)

You don't have to wean her to spend time with your husband. Pump milk and give her a bottle and go out or go out for a 2-3 hrs stretch after you feed her. Give the grandmother babyfood to ease her hunger. I know what you are going through I have a 3 1/2 yr old, an almost 2 yr old and a 6mth old, plus work part time. My husband and I still find time for each other, whether it is 30minutes cuddling on the couch or talking on the phone we do it. We too have gone out for a dinner or two, normally it only takes 1-2 hrs and my son doesn't need to eat at that time. As for the pacifier, at 6mths it is hard to say. My second child cried 24.7 for the first 3 mths she had acid reflux and colic as well. She never slept through the night until she was 14mths old and nursed constantly. It was because she had constant ear infections. She use to cry so much that we never knew it. My doctor kept telling me to let her cry but I coulnd't. Once she got tubes in her ears she slept pretty good. As a mother you know what is right. I knew something was bothering her and I was right. I am so glad I never let her cry it out. My theory...a child wouldn't wake up screaming from a dead sleep if something wasn't bothering them and they are too young to tell us.

My youngest ( of four) is almost 3 and I would give anything to have those pacifiying of nursing. At six months old she is entering her fear/ separation anxiety stage where she is realizing that the 2 of you are two individual beings and you could leave her. She is also starting to up her milk supply needs to accomidate a moving crawling growing baby. Often babies don't take in to much during the 4-5 month time period, but when they are ready to grow again, it seems like they are ona nurs-a-thon. This tells your body that the milk amount it's producing isn't lasting long enough and to produce high volume amounts. As for night time, you may need to keep pushing a pacifier. The non-silicone, latex bigger nuk style ones are preferred by BF babies. Keep offering it, especially when you have been nursing and she is falling asleep, just slip it in and try to let her use it for at least a minute or two. Even if she refuses it, she may accidentally use it and begin to realize she likes it. My kids all didn't become paci experts until 5-6 months and they all stopped using them around 14-18 months. This is a good time to have her sleep in her own crib as well. For one, you won't hear every little whimper and movement. Often babies go back to sleep with little to no crying. If you know you have fed her within the last 2-3 hours, you can come in, if she's really crying and pat her back, talk softly and sing to her, start up her soothing machine ( I LOVE the First years one that hooks on the crib with ocean sounds, music and heartbeats, it goes ALL night long). Then walk out before she is all the way asleep. Only feed her every 2-3 hours at first, then within a week, stretch that time to every 4 hours and keep this schedule for about 3 months. She may surprise you and sleep through the night. In the evening, after 5pm, let her power nurse as often as she wants. This will also help her body prepare for nightime. This crazy nursing machine time will pass and you WILL miss it. Hang on to these baby times, let the house go, ask for help. Prepare dinner during the day and just heat it up in the evening. Many nights your hubby may have to make sandwhiches, but your baby will only be a baby for a few months of her entire life. Relax and enjoy it.

Hi,
I can't help but think about Raegan and how she's feeling. Like life was all cozy warm food on demand perfect temp.ect. Then she's born bright lights; cold or hot, feeling of hunger and feeling of stomach pain and the only way to tell you is to cry. Four months to a baby may feel like an eternity (who knows). Now she's feels better snuggled next to that memory of a heartbeat and nursing (heaven) to her. Remember how fast this phase passes and enjoy. You and your husband should find someone the baby is comfortable with and someone who can handle a crying baby for a while and have your dinner or movie. The baby will survive a little time away from you both. I know I have 6 kids and have been married 17 years. So breathe, enjoy this baby time and give lots of love to all of your family and don't forget yourself! M.

Does your husband help out?? I have a 3, 2 and 6 month old and my husband is in the miltary. We both make time to go to the gym, on seperate occasions a day, I read roughly a book every2 weeks and we also spend time together when the kids go to sleep.
All of our kids are in bed by 8. That schedule words VERY well for us! If it's past 8, my kids practically put themselves to bed.
My daughter is totally breastfed but she recently she started taking 1 bottle every other day due to a supplement I take. We use the Playtex Drop in bottles with the wide nipples. They're supposed to be more like the breast. It may not be the formula she doesn't like, but the bottle. Also have you considered pumping? If it is the formula try that! Have you started her on baby food yet? Maybe she's just not satisfied with breastmilk anymore.

I weaned my babies once they started "looking around" and getting distracted from the breast. It seemed an opportunity to shift the routine...and it was typically 5-6 months.
Absolutely give you and your husband some space...Men don't know or offer anything unless we ask them for it.
(a generalization; but hey, they are men)
So, ask him to walk the baby while you take a shower...Ask him to finish chores so two can have a special time together.
Best Wishes

Hi! My 7 mo old uses me sometimes as a pacifier, but i finally broke him of it. I had to let him CIO for two nights to get him to sleep through the night, and yes, bf babies can sleep through the night w/o waking. he goes to bed at 7pm and gets up between 7 and 8 am. And he is healthy, at 21 lbs. Have you introduced solids at all? I give my son cereal and any food besides meat that he wants. I know this is controversial b/w breastfeeding moms, but my son was BEGGING for food, grabbing it off my plate, etc. If Raegan is ready for it, let her eat some. This really helped Andrew to sleep better and not use me as a pacifier. Also, if you get her on a schedule for sleeping, you and your husband can go out a bit later but still go out. We get to go out after 7. I put him to bed then the sitter comes and just watches TV so he is not home alone. Don't ween yet just so you can have more time with hubby. Breast milk is so much better for your baby if you can still give it to her. I know it is a stress, but so worth it. Oh, and the schedule Andrew is on is
7: get up and Nurse
Diaper Change
Play time
8: Cereal/food
Outside play time
Errands with Mommy
11:Nurse
Diaper Change
Read Books
12:Naptime
2: Get up
Play time
Snuggle with mommy
3: Nurse
Diaper Change
4: Play with mommy in kitchen while mommy cooks
5: Dinner time! he sits at table with us and we all eat together
6: Bathtime
Baby Massage
Read books
Say Prayers
7: Nurse and Go to bed...I do lay him down awake though. He usually falls asleep around 7:30 on his own.

Some people my fault me for putting him on a schedule, but babies thrive. He does so well!

Hope this helps some!

If you are going to pump and can't pump enough milk try using a lacation pill they are safe for babies and you can get them at health food stores, along with a tea! they aren't too bad and they really helped me with what you are going through right now. I give my daughter oatmeal baby cereal with banana's right before bed and then nurse and down she goes for just about all night! good luck!
Liz

If the only reason you want to wean is to be able to go out once in awhile, I don't think it's neccessary. My two month old takes bottles of breastmilk when I am gone with no problems. She will also take formula. I don't normally supplement with formula, but I have given it to her when we have run out of expressed milk and I can't nurse (like in the car). She doesn't like it as much, but she will eat it.

I sleep with her for half the night too, and I think I will try to move her to her room over the winter break for the same reason. I work and I love having her close to me at night, but I need a little alone time with my husband as well. In the long run that will be just as good for her as it is for us, as I think it's part of a healthy relationship.

Good luck!

J.- There's just no easy way through this. I agree breast feeding is most important, but I also understand the absolute strain it can put on you. Try to stick it out a little longer. Add small amounts of formula to pumped breast milk and increase it over the next several months. As far as the pacifying goes, although its a sweet notion that she just loves her mommy soooo much, a baby over 6 months doesnt NEED to suckle anymore. I, personally, would stop breast feeding and only give her food through a bottle. Dont cut her off completely from the suckling, that's cruel. But nighttime and using it to sleep is off limits. You can let you suckle to calm down and get ready to sleep, but dont allow her to fall asleep on you breast. Let he cry. Hold her, hug her for hours if necessary, but do not give her your breast to pacify. Try different pacifiers on the market (neither of my kids would take any), but if she wont take them, then its nothing. I tried putting the pacifier between my breast and the mouth, so she was in the same position, but it wasnt my nipple. Try to find a different "pacifier" for her. (e.g. patting the butt, rubbing the back, etc.) Ultimately, after a little while you have to walk away and let her cry it out if she wont respond to anything else. My daughter was doing the same for a while and I had to cut her off. I still put her on my breast during the day to suckle, but it is so wonderful for both of us now because it is our special time to bond, play, laugh and be close. Before it was getting so I just felt like this thing in her life. Plus it is really unhealthy for you physically to be breast feeding that long. You must be in so much pain. Also, it is very unhealthy for your marriage if she is in the bed with you all night. I too recommend the baby whisperer. I wish I had gotten this email two weeks ago, as I had given away two of her books to a local second hand shop. Her methods work well though, without being too harsh on the baby. Good luck.

Hi J.,
I have 4 children and nursed them all for over a year, (still nursing my 18 month old). They all used me as a pacifier at one point or another and it's okay. Just enjoy the closeness you have with her. It's a stage they go through and it passes. (I promise!) You and your husband will get your private lives back, just be patient and enjoy them while their still young. My children are 6, 4 and 1/2, 3, and 18 months, and so my husband and I never feel like we have any private time or get to talk about grown up stuff, but we put the kids to bed around 8:00 and then we have a few hours to ourselves everynight.
Pray about it, God will help you, and talk to your husband to make sure that he is understanding about it all and you will get through it. They are so little for such a short time!
Enjoy them! And take care!
V.

Breast fed babies do this but they all love to snuggle. My son is almost 2 1/2 and I am still breastfeeding. I started to try and wean him or at least cut down on the breastfeeding when he was 9 months old.

Have you tried pumping? My son refused bottles after four months but may be your baby will take one.

Also, I read that you need to get your baby where you want them at 6 months otherwise it's going to be a long toddlerhood for you. I'm not one for crying it out. We did try a couple of times and thought that is was mean. If you can handle it, then try it and stick with it; not that I'm for it; I just know what you're going through; sleep is so important as these days I just nap a couple hours here and there. My son is very active.

By they way, I decided to let him wean himself. I do turn him away at times but at certain times such as in the morning and before nap time and bed time he has to have it. If you think about it, it's what they have known since birth. Who am I to take that away from him.

If you need any help, I suggest you try a support group. I go the breastfeeding connections once a month at the Mailman Segal Institute at Nova.

I highly recommend the books "Babywise" and "Baby Whisperer." Some consider them controversial since they put the baby on a schedule, but I would consider it more of a routine. Like any advice, just take it with a grain of salt and use what works for you. My son (now 6 months) used me as a pacifier until I realized even babies need more than just love, they also need parenting. He went from nursing ~ 2x an hour to once every 3 hours. I now know when he is hungry vs. tired vs. bored and he is mostly predictable making it much easier to go about my day. He sleeps from about 7pm to 7am, waking up once or twice to nurse during the night. I agree that breast-fed babies can't "sleep through the night." My breasts wouldn't like that either! One last tip- I highly recommend moving him into his own crib in another room. It is much harder on the mother than the child. My son moved into his crib at 3 months and slept SO much better without the sleep noises of my husband, myself, and our 2 dogs. Good luck!

I'm a reflux expert, lol. but seriouly, I am:
http://www.mamasource.com/business/14059862321568677889

I say keep breastfeeding her & check out more reflux info:
not sleeping well can be an indication of intolerances or allergies to proteins in foods (both what you are eating as well as what she may be eating)

I would NOT do any form of Cry It Out unless I knew FOR SURE that ALL reflux/intolerance issues have been resolved...