O .... This Is a Taste of What Puberty Will Be Like?

She's five - she probably still believes in santa, the tooth fairy and that rabbits lay eggs.

I'm coming to understand that parenting is a lot like a good marriage. Long on commitment, short on memory.

You can either burn this episode into her memory by banning visits with the neighbor, or you can be the bigger person and brush it off.

Mommies are special because they are ALWAYS our mommies - not because they vanquished all the opposition. :)

Since you can only control what happens in your house I would stop allowing her to go to the neighbor's or on any outings with her, this neighbor isn't helping you at all. Your daughter knows the rules are different there and is using her stubborn, smart self to try and manipulate you. Decide if you will enable her to do this or not...I wouldn't.

And I would acknowledge you can understand that she would like two mommies, but that she only has one, you : )

She's FIVE YEARS OLD. You are taking this like she's 10. This isn't puberty. This is her being a child...when honesty reigns and WAY BEFORE they are "taught" to be politically correct.

I'm sorry - you need to let it go. she's five. She's voicing her opinion. She still wants YOU. She didn't say "I want Ms. Sally to be my mommy". She wants YOU and Ms Sally to be her mommy - she wants the best of both worlds.

Since I don't know the situation - does this W. have children? Is she older and more like a grandmother? My red flags would be going off that this W. is grooming my daughter...plying her with gifts, etc...that's the EVIL side of my brain from watching too many shows and movies and reading too many books.

yes. children will say things that hurt. All of my children have told me "I'm the meanest mommy EVER!!" and "I hate you" - both hurt - but that means I'm doing my job - setting boundaries and limits.

You will get through this. it WILL be okay. Tell her that she can't have two mommies - that you are her mommy. You are happy that she enjoys her time with Ms. Sally and don't press it...you don't need to get into details. Just tell her that YOU are her mommy.

This neighbor is being like a friend to your daughter....so that does not equal a mother. No this is not puberty....but my biggest suggestion for when that time arises....don't be friends with your children....be their mother.

OMG! Get a grip!
Rule #1: You can not ever let them see you sweat!
What is wrong with having two mommies - one who spoils you rotten and one who grows you into the good person you'll become? Everyone needs someone who will love them and spoil them... we all had the favorite auntie who did that.
Relax. She didn't tell you that she's moving out! When she's a teen, you'll be glad she has this relationship with this woman -- who will probably be able to give her good advice. I assume you know this woman well and that you trust her. Continue to nurture your and your daughter's relationships with this woman... She can and will become a very powerful ally for you. She will be the one who can tell your daughter that her clothing is not appropriate, or that the boy she is dating is no good, or that she needs to not be mouthy or whatever -- your daughter will take the criticism from her much better than she'll take it from you.
YMMV
LBC

It can only get to you if you let it.
The only head games going on here are in your own head.
Kids never show their true colors to others like they do to their parents.
Believe me, the neighbor does not get the whole show that you get.
And you love your daughter warts and all in a way the neighbor never can.
Your position as supreme Mommy is not being threatened so don't act like it is.
And DO NOT get into a competition with trying to buy your daughter's favor.
If your daughter wakes up barfing in the night, I'm betting it's not the neighbor she'll be calling for.
The neighbor gets to play Good Time Charlie but it's not all there is to parenting kids.
And how does your older daughter feel about her little sister being the neighbors pet?

Be glad she didn't say she wanted this woman INSTEAD of you.

I've gotten "mean Mommy" before and in truth, I rather be "mean" and be doing my job teaching her, then "fun" and be neglecting her true needs.

She loves you, really she does, but honestly put yourself in her shoes. You would prefers massage and long baths over running after kids and laundry any day.

Just remember she said she wanted both of you. She still loves you.

She's five. She does not have the maturity and vocabulary to express her feelings and all the nuances that go with it. She really digs this neighbor, and this is her way of saying that - relating her feelings to something she knows (you). I don't think she is trying to hurt you or mess with you. It's just her child-like expression of how she feels. There is no way the neighbor comes out equal to you in her eyes!

I know it's hard once you already feel that way, but you've got to just let it go. She probably just means she has fun there so she wants to enjoy both worlds. I don't think she's "testing" you or trying to rattle your cage, unless she said this after you told her "no" or did something else "mean." And, like others have said, she didn't say she wishes the neighbor was her mommy, she just said he likes her too!

My almost 3 yr old has said "I love Daddy/Grandma/Poppa, but not mommy." Then, two days later, it's "I love mommy, but not daddy." We just laugh it off and wait a couple more days (or until she wants something!). They're exploring feelings and relationships...not trying to manipulate.

Some of the responses here are a little harsh for my taste.
Love what DadOnPurpose has to say. I fully agree.

Things our kids say sometimes hurts us to the core. The fact that it hurts your feelings makes you human....its OK. This woman will never take your place. Mommies are there for the fun and good things as well as the 2 AM fevers, skinned knees and the many hurts she will have both physically and emotionally throughout her lifetime. Enjoy the ride along the way. They are only young for a little while. Blessings!!

Try to let it go. It's hard but be happy she didn't say she only wanted one mommy and you weren't it.

YOu are right, she knows what buttons to push and is pushing them. I hope you can try super hard not to let it show too much,

I wish we could all be glad that there are people in the world that love our families, but yeah sometimes i wish they would just back off. I'm sure it comes from insecuries on my part, but that doesn't change how i feel.

I'm laughing as I write this, so I really hope you understand that I'm am trying to be light-hearted as I say this. I felt like this as a teen about an older teen who drove and dressed to the 9's and had highlights in her hair and wore great makeup. I was 4 years younger than her and watched her date different guys and hung out at the pool with her. She was my heroine. I wanted to be just like her one day.

My mom knew I thought this gal hung the moon, but it didn't hurt her feelings. She knew it was normal. And it's normal for your own daughter to have these feelings too. She is too young to be discerning and say that she wishes the gal were her aunt to spare your feelings.

She isn't testing you or trying to rattle your cage. She's just being 5. If it's hard for you to see this, look up child development and 5 year olds, and I promise you that you will feel better.

I would be a little careful about letting her hang too much with this 8 year old if she is really never told no. That's bad news down the line when this kid gets older.

Dawn

You know... I have a friend my children adore. Always have, always will. And I love it. Brenda is their special person. Has been from the day they were born and still is. Mine are 16 and 19 now BTW. She has her own special way with them, she indulges them (yes, still), she presents a different way. I guess it is all how you look at it. Your daughter is your daughter, she knows you are her mom, what's wrong with a special friend? I personally feel very blessed that my kids have such a rich relationship.

I don't think your daughter is saying these things to hurt you. She is just expressing the utopia she is feeling next door - a temporary, no rules, nothing but fun situation. I would limit these visits though, a bit, but not completely cut the woman out of her life, but don't let her overstep her bounds. It's good for a child to have another adult she can trust (as long as you trust her too). It takes a village and any responsible, kind, trusting adult is good.

Maybe plan a day or afternoon where you and your daughter can do some bonding. Do something you know she loves and try your hardest to be a "friend" for an afternoon. Your daughter may be needing this, and may need to see this side of you. My daughter is 6, and sometimes I feel like it's all a struggle, fight, or discipline all day, every day. It's extremely important for them to get this, but it's also important to see the other side too.

Don't get me wrong -- I am NOT suggesting you compete for your daughters affection with this woman. I am saying, read what your daughter is telling you - read between the lines.

Good luck and you are being a good mama!

Is this what puberty will be like? Nah.

But I'm sure you're going to hear some other hurtful things from her before she's 18.

Like the song says:
Keep on smilin' thru the rain
Laughin' at the pain
Just flowin' with the changes
Till the sun comes out again...