Not Wanting to Go Potty at School

I don't know much about autistic kids so I may be way off the mark on this but I think your son is experiencing a lot of pressure about going potty. That seems like it would make things worse, not better. I think the teacher should lay off and let him not go potty if that's what he wants to do. If he can't concentrate at the end of the day, so be it.

Is is one of those communal or "open" bathrooms? that might bother him---or just having different people there, not is parents...
My first thought was that the teacher could try bribing him---he could have a favored activity or item AFTER he used the bathroom (and only after). But if he doesn't go for that, then he just isn't ready!
One of my boys used to be terrified of doctors, and he needed an eye exam, but wouldn't cooperate. We tried bribing him with a new bike which he really wanted. He tried very hard to convince himself he could do it, and cried because he wanted the bike so much, but he was just too scared. It took another year before he could bring himself to sit through the exam, and I was very proud of his bravery that day.

There is nothing wrong with a child who won't use the restroom except at home UNLESS it's causing health problems. My almost-30 year old daughter STILL will only pee in some public restrooms but will NOT do anything else. Just doesn't dig going in most public restrooms. Either something is "not right" to him about this bathroom or he's just one of those people that prefer to be at home doing their "thing".

Something about that bathroom is scaring him. As long as he can stay dry, just don't push him to use it. He just has negative associations with that bathroom and forcing him will just make it worse. If he is not pressured and if he has a chance to see other kids going into the bathroom he will probably come around after a while. Wouldn't hurt to cut back on fluids during the school day, too.
I'm a pediatrician, father of 3, and grandfather of 2 delightful girls.

J.,
I am a special education teacher. I think you should ask his teacher to write a "social story" about using the potty at school. Social Stories are commonly used in Autism programs, his teacher should be familiar with how to write and implement one. Also, the use of a visual schedule might be helpful. You can use "icons" that picture the order of events that happen at school. Preparing him ahead of time might reduce his stress level and make him feel more comfortable using the potty at school.
Good luck!

Have you tried taking him into the bathroom yourself before class? Don't take him to the toilet at home before you leave the house (and take a change of clothes) and plan on spending some time in the classroom until he's peed in their toilet. My preschooler would pee at home and then say "no" when the class routine came to potty time... which they let him get away with. Then the moment he'd see me through the window at pickup time he'd start crying and have a mini-accident because his bladder was so full. He went pee with me two days in a row, then with the teacher and I and after that the teacher took him first thing for two days. Now they don't "ask" him if he needs to go when it's time for everyone to take a turn... he just expects to go too... phew! Their bathroom is just a big room with a few toilets and a few sinks and windowed doors on either side to two classrooms... very different from his experience at home. Let him sense that you'r not bothered by the setup or the idea of the teacher taking him. If smells are an issue I can't help you with that one... my kindergartner hates the bathroom and even I can't stand the combination of PeeInTheGrout and disinfectant :<

Have you checked out the school bathroom? Also have you been able to just sit in the class and observe? I agree with the man who says something about it is uncomfortable for him. Either there is something about the bathroom itself that is bothering him, or other children may be disturbing him while he's in there... or possibly it's just the fact that he is having a good time with the other children during the day and doesn't want to interrupt that good time for something so mundane as going to the toilet.
I'm glad you mentioned that he is in a special school for autism, because when you mentioned how he said "no potty at school" I was relating to a non-autistic four year old and wondering why he spoke in that way. My minimal experience with autistic children also tells me that he just may have something going on with this potty issue that is related to the normal fears and reluctance of autistic children. A lot of love and encouragement, but not pushing the issue, is what I found most helpful when working with autistic children. I'm sure, as his mother, you already know that, and his teachers must know that to be working in that type of school, but sometimes we are so intent on one aspect for the good of the child that we lose sight of the whole picture. I tend to think that 3 - 4 hours of him holding it isn't going to be as harmful as you and the teachers pushing him too hard to go.

My 7 yr old doesn't use the restroom very frequently. She never has accidents, but sometimes only goes 2-3 times a day. I try to remind her to go before we leave the house if we'll be in the car for awhile, but otherwise I leave her alone.

Hi J.,

I too have a special needs/autistic child (well, she will be 20 in November but is at a 27 mo developmental level) and I had (and occasionally still have) the same problem. All I can tell you is to have the school keep trying. Meghan is on a 1 1/2 hour potty schedule and is taken to the toilet on schedule whether she wants to or not. Make sure that the teacher is doing this, schedule is SOOOOOO IMPORTANT for kids like ours. The more comfortable he gets in the bathroom, the more likely he is finally going to be able to go. Be prepared, this could take weeks or even months but perserverance is the name of the game. I also found that distraction also helped when Meghan was little. She is INCREDIBLY into magazines. They are her "thing" so we would give her her magazines to look at while she was sitting on the potty and the distraction sometimes helped. Good luck.

T.

Hi J.!
My daughter refused to use the bathroom at school or anywhere, but home for that matter. It was very hard in the transition from kinder to 1st(the longer day). We were always at the doctor checking her for bladder infections. She is now a sophmore in high school, and still refuses to go anywhere else. I know of another boy in the same grade that will not go at school either.
She and her Dad go fishing quite often and she will not go when they are out. It doesn't seem to bother her at all. They are usually gone before daylight to after dark...
I don't think it is as uncommon as you would think. I would just let it go. There is no use fighting over it...
My husband was the same way, until one day he wet his pants on the bus... After that he went at school.
Thinking about it, she doesn't drink or eat much when she is out. I will bet it is because of that.
Just let it go... it's just not worth the fight.
Good luck!
M.

My daughter is in 6th grade and still does NOT like to use the bathrooms at school. She will use public bathrooms (at the mall, on an airplane, etc), she just doesn't like the school bathrooms.

Perhaps he doesn't care for the smell of the cleaner they use(or perhaps there have been accidents and he can smell them?) I wouldn't make a big deal about it, as long as he doesn't have accidents and will go to the bathroom when he truly needs to. Or, are they open / communal toilets for all to see?

My son would not go to the bathroom at ALL during his entire first year at preschool. I was potty trained about 6 months before school even started but just would not go at school. I just tried to let it go, though I know where you are coming from. It was hard and I would try to encourage him to go, but he would just refuse and it would turn into a big to-do. So I let it go (hard for me!) and he honestly just never went. This is now his second year at the same preschool and he is FINALLY going at school. It all started when he had to go poop in the middle of the school day and there he was - kind of stuck going. It seemed like that was all it took and now he just goes. I agree with the dad that wrote - hang in there and just let it go, even if it interrupts concentration at the end of the day. Eventually he will go when he needs to, but until then it is not worth the fight. Good luck!