Not Sure How to Handle These Feelings.....

Can you rent your house out, downsize to a smaller home (don't buy, just rent for awhile until the market changes and you can sell your big house) and sell a bunch of your toys so that even if you can't make any money at all, you won't have to file bankruptcy? The extra car, maybe some of your nicer stuff that you don't really need like flat screen tvs and iphones or things like that that you could sell on Ebay? Some of your more expensive career clothes? I know a lot of people in my area that bought before the housing slump can't sell their homes but it is easy to rent if they find a rental company and they can get most if not all of their mortgage payment out of it.

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It's pretty much impossible to do self-employment/marketing type work without a consistently good mental/emotional outlook. You are already stressed which makes you less effective at what you do which lessens your productivity which makes you stressed. That exact downward spiral you described is a vicious cycle, huh?

I'd say that if you can't take some time off for something really fun (a trip or cruise, visit with someone you love, etc), then start doing something completely different -- at least part-time! Variety is the spice of life, and yours has turned to drudgery (I know. I'm there, too, right now. See my current question on Mamapedia -- the first one I ever wrote on here).

Let's go on a vacation TOGETHER! LOL

You can probably refinance your house right now while the interest is at a VERY low rate. Or downsize, but then you have to sell the house you have -- probably at a lower price than you bought it for...

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I know the place you are in. If you have no hope in your outlook on things you will live out the way you think about life. So what do you have at your disposal? Can you get some additional training or teach what you already know? How can you offer your services at a better price to your clientelle? Have you exhausted all of the ways to get clients or have you just exhausted what you know? Would it be possible instead of just doing web design you offer some additional services which would make the sights more entertaining.

I heard an interesting factoid just the other day about the internet moving from an information super highway to an entertainment superhighway. How can you use that to your benefit.

I think you really need a change of thought process. How can you drive forward when you keep looking backward?

Get up about 30 minutes early, throw on some clothes and go for a walk or get 30 minutes of fitness and thought into the beginning of your day. Begin with counting the things you are grateful for and as you try this watch things change. Our individual thoughts are limited unless we do something different. Try something different and see what happens. When one door closes another door may open but so may a window. What are you looking for the open door or the open window. If you choose an open door you may just be walking but if you choose the window you may need to fly?

Expand you thinking and your life will change. Stop thinking and focusing on the negative. I really hope this helps coming from a person that used to suffer from chronic depression and had a serious case of post partum depression.

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I am sorry you are going through this anxiety.

Unfotunately, so many families are in the same boat. I was laid off 2 yrs ago and was job seeking for an entire year. Unlike you, I am the sole provider.

My advice to you would be to sit down with your husband and put out on paper all the absolute must pay bills. Then list the extras. Can you live with basic cable, no cleaning lady if you have one, cut down on eating out, movies etc. All the little things that add up and cost money you could be saving or putting on mortgage and the must pay bills.

Hang in with your job. EVERYONE is cuttng back and looking for the best deals so if someone who thinks they are a webdesigner is offering a lower price and doing a fairly good job, they will get the business over a professional doing a superb job at a higher cost...its just the way things are right now and not an indicator of you as a person.

Good luck to you.

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MamaMegan,

I'm so sorry you're going through this. You're a wonderful, successful woman, even though it seems like everything outside of you (ie. the #$%&^#$ economy!) is telling you otherwise.

It WILL get better, but it may mean taking a big step "backwards" (whatever that means to you, whether it's moving to a new living situation or not having your car or whatever.) AND THAT DOESN'T MAKE YOU A FAILURE.

I agree with the poster who said please talk to a doctor or counselor.

Hang in there.

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can you find a new job?

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Great advice below, so I will add some thoughts:
1. Can you teach what you know? you sound like an expert. Run a workshop. Teach at a local college?

2. Can you expand the services you offer to keep up with all the new technologies and social media?

HTH. J.

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I think you should talk with a doctor or counselor about these feelings so that you can get some help. You are having serious anxiety, and it's probably interfering with your health and other parts of your life. Please get some help. You've been through a lot of stress with your job situation, so it's not unusual you would feel this way. Much empathy to you.

Hi
I can certainly appreciate where you are coming from. I have always been the "bread winner" in our household and in 2006 (after 19 years) the company I thought I would retire from closed. Oh, yeah, and I was 4 months pregnant with my first child. I didn't find anything until jan 2008. It was in the same industry but a lower (25%) pay rate. The end of 2009, that company closed as well. I am still unemployed (which isn't even close to the income level I'm used to). However, what I did do after having my daughter was to start my own direct sales company. Sounds like you have the drive and dedication to make yourself work or yourself! I became a Pampered Chef Independent Consultant in April 2007 and at the time, I was not collecting. It gave me flexibility to be with my new-born and still contribute to the household finances.
You may want to consider this route yourself. You could work it part time around your current job with your family owned company. It may help alleviate some of the stress your feeling that you may be out of work soon. At least you'd have your own business as a fall back...and you could very well make your own business, your only business!
I'd be happy to answer any questions you may have.
my email is ____@____.com.
Wishing you the best.
A.

Ugh - those feelings are terrible. Please make sure that you're taking care of your mental well-being, first and foremost. This time will pass.

Perhaps you could teach small business owners how to optimize their web presence? Maybe it's a day-long workshop that you could market through a local small biz organization. Teach them the steps of planning a website, how to optimize messaging, about various web platforms and social media, how to market on the web. Don't give away all the family secrets, but provide valuable basic information that position you and your company as a leader and innovator in your field. When they get frustrated being their own designers they'll know where to turn. I'm sure you have valuable knowledge to share, and even if the pay is minimal, it will be a new professional activity, a network/resume builder, and self-esteem booster. Best luck!

What about getting into search marketing on the web-that is where it is at right now. If you became knowledgeable in this you could add it as a service for your existing clients and use it to recruit new ones. Same with social media.

I'm so sorry! I have a few ideas that may help your business end of the problem. I am a small business owner who recently had our site rebuilt and these links were brought to my attention.

http://websitegrader.com

http://validator.w3.org/check?uri=http://www.mamapedia/&a... a site on a 1% - 100% on a bunch of different variables.

Really cool! Our site was a 23% before the rebuild and now at 80% in the first week. A vendor we use frequently has a Vista Print hosted site for example, her score is a 29% and she pays $20 per month for hosting and can't change anything other than templates. Her score will never improve and she pays to much. You could find small businesses in your area & plug their site domain to the grader. Present it to them, suggest implementing seo, site rebuild, etc to improve their rankings. Offer monthly payments and free hosting if you don't already. I know Go Daddy is about $140 ish a year. Present it in a way that you can "Save them $" in the long run. Cost is probably 50% of the reason they decline. The other half of them probably think their sites are fine. I pulled up 5 different sites for businesses we use frequently and was surprised to see HORRIBLE grades on 4 out of 5 of them.

Just a thought!

Good Luck!

Wow you are really going through turmoil. This economy has hurt so many people and in addition to the financial woes it is so damaging for your self esteem and confidence! Try not to lose sight of the fact that you have a history of success. There are many people in your shoes right now - it's not something you did wrong. It does sound like you have anxiety which can be treated and you'll get some much needed sleep. It also sounds like you need to address your financial status head on. You might even have to consider a short sale on your house - if it's between the house and your health - choose health! It also sounds like you need to differentiate yourself with the business. Maybe in addition to website development, you can sell a "web presence" product where you can, in addition to building the website, put the company on Facebook and maintain their Facebook page with regular marketing updates and create/participate in blogs that are impactive in their industry. A lot of companies are hiring professional bloggers right now as part of their marketing efforts. I mean, it's great to have a website but now there's so much on the internet, how are do they get people to visit that website after they made the investment in it? This would give you more ongoing revenue off the same client and strengthen your web development product into something more robust. Good luck!

It sounds like you just need a new job, I know, easier said than done. I was also laid off 6 months ago and I'm still looking. But, sales is the toughest out there, it's either feast or famine, and it seems the famine has got you in an emotional pit. Sales is not for everyone, just for that reason. They say it's easier to get a job when you have a job. It certainly wouldn't hurt to put your feelers out. Good luck to you.

If hubbie also works for the family biz then maybe you are better off trying to find a new job? That way if bussiness is not good, you are not both getting let go. The economy is slightly better now (I see you are in MA) so perhaps that is the way to go. A very good friend of mine has been laid off 4x in the last 6 years, he is in sales where it is not uncommon. He is now with a great little company very near his house where before he was travelling to Connecticut to go to work! Perhaps this is an opportunity to get back to your own "thing". As far as making ends meet, can you sell anything, refinance, rent out a room, downsize the house or car? Finally, being afraid of getting fired and worrying will not help anything, it may just make you more moody/tired and likely to do worse at work. I would discuss these feelings openly with your husband, and then together come up with a game plan. My husband is an entrepreneur and what you are describing would also scare the dickens out of me, but he sees it as "unlimited horizons". Being in a large company in a cube with the same thing happening every day is like death to him. So it TOTALLY depends on your outlook. Hang in there and tackle this together with hubbie.

MamaMegan,

I understand your anxiety, but you are letting your past dictate your future. Stay focused, write down your current expenses and plan what you would be able to live on should you lose your job here. Then save as much as you can from the little you do make now for that "rainy day" See if you can cut some of the expenses you now have and pay down any debt so that when and if you should be out of a job, you won't drown. If you have a good education and background, you will find another job - Web design and development is always in demand. Don't let the past experience make you stay up late at night. Work with what you have now, because what you fear will come to pass if you don't stop the mental games. Good luck