Not My Kind of Vacation . . . Traveling with the In-Laws

Why do you think you should be the one setting any ground rules, are you paying for their way too? I think you pretty much have a bad attitude about this and are sulking. I think if you change your attitude, you may actually enjoy this vacation. Think of the joy your husband is getting out of it, that alone would make me enjoy my trip. 90% attitude...10% problem!!!!

If you are determined to be miserable - you will be. Look at it as an opportunity to discover about your father-in-laws, husbands (and your children's) heritage. For 10 days, you have a chance to have an amazing adventure. Look for small presents for your kids. Get a cookbook of local recipes. Try some of the local food. You don't mention which country you are visiting. Keep a book handy in case you have trouble sleeping, but during the day take pictures and absorb the scenery. People who research their family trees often travel to research birth records, marriage records, baptismal/christening records and visit graveyards to find ancestors grave stones. If you keep an open mind, and put your best foot forward, you will have a vacation of a lifetime!

Maybe you could talk to your inlaws while your husband is not around and see how they feel about you and your husband doing your own thing for a day or two and surprise him with it. Some guys are just not romantic and very clueless. But if you could plan something for just the two of you the rest of the time might not be as bad as you think. If you usually get along with your inlaws I am sure they will understand what you are trying to do for you and your husband. Good luck and enjoy your vacation!!!

Wow.....your a good women because I would rather stick a fork in my eye!!

With that said I think you will have plenty of time to run, read, do what you please. In-between them napping and taking a break I see no problem.

I also think if you get along with them that this is a great opportunity for your husband to see where his dad grew up, not many of us have both parents around to do this with.

You really might be surprised at what a great time you will have. It might not be what you wanted but its time spent with older family.

I would keep my thoughts to myself on this one because I believe you will have the time for romance and to do what you please. OLder folks do not like big meals every night so I bet you will have a few chances to go to dinner alone and sneak off to rekindle those sparks!

Good luck!!

Hi K.,

I have traveled annually with ALL of my husbands family: parents, siblings + their spouses and kids. We go at the same time of year with the big family, and have additionally gone on separate trips just with his parents.

To make the most of it, we do 1-2 group activities for the week. We meet daily for breakfast and dinner. Then the rest of the day is spent how you and your family like. It works beautifully!

The "fire" can easily be rekindled at night...or during the morning...or at lunch...LOL. That's up to you. And I promise it has nothing to do with his parents being around.

Just remember, how you enjoy your trip (making memories) is all up to you.

Embrace it and have a great time!

Well, since the in-laws are in their 70's they probably won't be running you guys around trying to see and do everything. They probably will be in bed by 7:00 P.M. or just want to get back to the hotel and watch TV. After all his dad grew up there, after you guys see where he grew up he will probably be done with it. Is there any family around that the in-laws might want to visit without you.
Meanwhile this will be your time to rekindle the romance with your husband. Plan a nice evening for just the two of you. Maybe search online now for events or a nice restaurant in the town you will be visiting and make a plans (I'm sure the inlaws will understand). Get up extra early and have breakfast alone with your husband.
You can still make this a romantic trip without the kids.

Is there any way that you and your hubby can steal away for a day or two to your own romantic destination (nearby to where they are going)? Are they expecting to do everything with you, or will you be making some excursions on your own? I don't think it's rude to bring a book and read when you are in a car or whatever, but keep in mind that by doing so you will be squandering some of the time you could be spending with your hubby as well. Going for a run, or at least a romantic walk with just your hubby would probably be a great way to cope with it all.

I kind of agree with B, you will choose what attitude you will have.

I LOVE traveling with my in laws! Funny, they were the ones who set the ground rules WAY back when. . . Basically we do whatever we want during the day, but we all come together for dinner. And the first time we traveled together was to Hawaii when my kids were just 1 and 5! They're now 16 and 20!
And to be perfectly honest, they are golfers so almost every vacation has revolved around some sort of golf. I don't golf and use that as my down time to exercise/read/relax etc.
I also found I got to know my in much more during that time. You are able to just have fun and be adults without the distraction of the kids around. We have a ton of fun together!
Keep an open mind, go with the flow and just enjoy the time with your family.

ps. we have been "overseas" with the in-laws several times and I still love it. We are now working on an An-Artic Cruise.

If the in-laws have to rest or slow down simple suggest/ask (have hubby ask) would you like to relax at the hotel for awhile while we hit one or two more things... or do you want to stay at the restaurant or cafe longer while we quick see 'whatever site you want to see in the area.'

Also plan out your 10 days, give time to travel to each locations, as well as eating. Ask the in-laws how much they would like to see in a day (maybe 2 big things a day) and what they REALLY want to see. Then starting planing the days with everything they want to make sure they see. Then ask (hubby ask again) if they would be ok with you guys see more sights (or hiking) without them. Morethenlikely they will realize they can only do so much and that you two are younger and can do more. As long as you for sure see what they want, in a timely planned fashion and then you and hubby break away while the take a break (nap, eating longer lunch, tea/coffee break, they walk through a market, whatever) most would see that as reasonable. Also if you want an hour or two by yourself, have hubby take them to a place that you are fine with missing out on (yet another castle, or another flea market). That will give you the needed break... when we did family vacations we all got along time at some point to just nap, have coffee, sun outside whatever we enjoyed and that really helps keep everyone sane on a longer vacation.

If this is a for sure thing I would make the most of it... maybe find a romantic place or two that JUST you and hubby can go to (dinner whatever you find romantic). Find a few things that you REALLY would like to see, seriously ANYONE can find at least 2-4 things in another country that they would LOVE to see. It seems that your in-laws are saying you guys are in charge and just thankful they do not have to do the whole trip by themselves.

Get up early for your hour run so you don't make the others sit around and wait for you.

As for calling the shots. Research and decide some of the plans ahead of time. MAKE time for just you and your husband! Pick 2 or 3 days where you will split up after lunch and then you and your hubby can have a romantic afternoon and evening to yourselves! I would definitely let EVERYONE have input on the time that you spend together as a group though.

Yes it would be rude to read your own books the whole time! This is a vacation. Get out and ENJOY your time.

10 days isn't too long. I think it's more that you don't want to be away from the kids so long, I completly get that. My son is 7 we haven't left him for that long either. With that said this also could be a romantic vacay with the hubs because you are without children. I'm not sure where you will be overseas but I bet you and your hubs can take an evening stroll alone and maybe pick a day to do something just for yourselves, the in-laws shouldn't mind. You could also get up earlier than everyone else and get your run in, There is no reason you can't do your usual routine because you are on vacay with the family. 10 days will go by fast, you already made the committment so bring reading if you wish and you won't always be on the go you'll have time for you and still make you husband happy that you participated in this trip with his parents.

You "like your in-laws" and "For the most part, in-laws will let hubs and me 'call the shots' in terms of what we see, where we stay and eat" So what's the problem? Maybe just your attitude. You might really get to know them better in a different light...more like 2 couples vacationing together. Not sure where you're going but even Transylvania could be romantic if you want it to be!
When we do a family vacation (my side) our rule is "It's everyone's vacation. No O. has to do anything they don't want to do and if you want to do something--DO IT!" It works well. Read when you can, run every morning or evening....don't sabotage this whole trip before you've even left.
From what you've written, I like my in laws a whole lot less than you do and when we do weekends at their cottage, I find that if I have a positive attitude, I have a better time.
Also for all the previous comments about the 'rents needing naps and rest...my mother is 73, watches my son and play baseball, football and hockey with him, AND she can outlet shop me under the table--hands down! Sheesh people!

I actually think you're being a great trooper about this. It sounds like it's an important trip for the in-laws and your husband so just your going will probably mean a whole lot. If you can suck it up and not say much about all the things you're worrying about, I think you can start out the trip with a clean slate and a happy outlook. I normally wouldn't advocate bottling up feelings but this time...I do agree with other posters that your attitude is going to play a big role in how much fun you have. Try to be positive, hold your husband's hand a lot and initiate some contact whenever you get time alone. Ask for what you need though along the way. If you need a run each day I don't think that's asking too much. It's your vacation too. As for the reading, try to be engaged with your family this trip. My husband gets a little resentful of my burying myself in a book the entire time we're on vacation.

Have fun! Try to enjoy not having kids around for a week and a half, seeing new things, eating different food, maybe drinking a little too much wine, etc.

I just have to ask - where are you going?

I understand that you aren't thrilled to have the first child-free vacation be with in-laws (and my MIL HATES me*, so I don't think this will be in my future) but it's possible that your husband is thinking of this as a "now or never" trip with his parents. Have you asked him how he imagines it going?

*She would have hated ANYONE who married the son I married. I wish I had inlaws I could travel with!