Not Adding a Child to Life Insurance. Should I Be Upset?

Sometimes, when it's an area or subject we don't know a great deal about, we make errors. I wonder if he knew you could put down more than one person as a secondary beneficiary? Honestly, I didn't know.

Talk it out -- but assume it's an error or oversight, not an intentional snubbing. And talk wills and trusts, if you haven't already. And the longer you wait, the bigger deal it will be and the more difficult the conversation.

I think it has to do more with how guys think or what they are supposed to do legally. Troy is in the process of changing stuff over. Me as the primary and my trust as the secondary instead of directing it to my kids. It is the same thing, my trust goes to my kids, but to do it with the trust feels different. Strange I know. I think it is just how guys are.

I don't think you should be upset but I think you need to translate his thoughts into woman so you need to discuss it.

My husband and I have 4 kids between us, he two, me two. Our life insurance includes ALL of the kids, I think you should talk to him about it.

You do need to discuss it. She is as much as part of his family as your daughter together is, especially since he calls her his daughter. It will be a very difficult discussion, so talk to him when you two are alone. Don't put him on the defensive (talk will turn into argument if you do), while both of you are happy and relaxed tell him you have a question. Then ask him if he assumed you put her on. Good luck.

You could both make a better decision and really should set up a revocable living trust so that the trust is the beneficiary of the insurance policy if you both die while your children are minors. A trustee of your choosing (can be a relative or friend who you trust and is good with money, could be a financial professional who you hire) would then control the funds on behalf of your children and make funds available as you dictate in your trust. Usually, the trust reimburses the children's guardians for routine living expenses and education and then anything left over can be dispersed at set ages (such as 25, 30 and 35). He's right to not list your daughter as a beneficiary, because at age 14 if you both died tomorrow she cannot inherit as a minor so her other biological parent would control that money. Probably not what you planned, right?

I would research wills and trusts and approach it from that standpoint. Just say that the current beneficiaries don't make much sense and that a better plan would be to have an attorney draw up a proper will and trust. Then you have your insurance agent change the beneficiary names to the name of the trust after it's set up.

I wouldn't take it personally - he probably didn't think about it and had no idea what the right answer was. A trust will solve this problem and cut the other bio parent out of the loop, at least financially.

My trust actually contains a clause that my trustees (my parents) can use up to $50K of insurance immediately to fight for custody of my oldest son if I were to die and my son's father were to ever crop up looking for custody because he smells $. Hope that helps!

I think that if you don't talk with him about it, this will continue to gnaw on you. You'll be watching his behavior with your older daughter and looking for differences. You may come to resent him. If your older daughter had an involved father, this may not be as big an issue, since her bio-father would likely be including her as a beneficiary. But since this is the only dad she has, I understand your need for him to step up in every way and provide for her.

This will be a tricky discussion, but I think it needs to be had. The issue is bigger than a name on an insurance policy. The issue at hand is does your husband want to be this girl's father, in every way. If so, then you can explain why you feel her name should be on an insurance policy. If not, can the two of you come to an understanding of his role in her life that will work for all of you, with no resentment or unmet expectations.

I've been a stepmom for 25 years to two young people. They do have an involved bio-mother, who has not always been a competent mother. My role has evolved over time and circumstances to meet their needs. I have worked to financially support them when they lived with us. They are not in need of my estate, however, since they have very wealthy elderly grandparents on their bio-mother's side. I also have a 9 year-old daughter. She is my sole beneficiary on all my accounts.

Some of the answers triggered another thought - this would be a good time to talk about all the finances/wills etc. Do you two agree and what is to happen if you both die, is it in writing, do you have a living will. You know, all the stuff we'd rather avoid talking about! :-)

Note to self: check my will, write living will....

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If you feel the need for a conversation about it, have one. It'll bug you and you'll get riled up inside and then likely BLOW UP when you do talk about it. So talk about it sooner than later, so you can be more calm and collected. "Hey honey. I've been thinking about the other day. I really think that Suzie needs to be on that list of secondary people. I mean, she's our family and if something happened to us, Jane isn't the only one who'd need the money. Why did you not put Suzie's name on the list?"

Thank you for asking this question!!

My hubby just filled out his life insurance he is now getting from his work. I just asked him who he put. He only put his two. I asked what about the oldest. He said well your mom put him down on hers. I told him but that is if something happens to her... He said I don't know I didn't think of it since he is on his dad's insurance. I told him health insurance and life is two different things. Now he feels really bad and said he is going to change it on Tuesday.

My oldest hasn't had any contact with his "dad" for over 4 years now. And yes I am kinda upset still even though I know he "messed up" that he wouldn't think about him. As there has been many talks about my hubby adopting him.

I would be upset too. Especially since she has been in his life this long and he calls her his daughter and she considers him her dad. I would talk to him about it....perhaps it was just an innocent oversight on his part.

Another poster suggested that it's not a problem because she isn't his biological child, so it's ok. Would you say that if she was adopted??

Sharing the same blood line isn't the only thing that makes you a parent.

I don't think you should be upset at all. If and when he dies if he goes before you, you will get the insurance as the primary beneficiary and you will get it all. If you are not around because you have died first and then he dies, it will go to the child he has designated. If that child is raised well and a caring person they won't mind doing the right thing with the money which would be possibly to share.

When people die, others may loose their mind and be taken over by greed. Often there are fights and squabbles over the money and the stuff of the deceased.

He has every right to make the decisions he has made. There is nothing for you to be upset or angry about. If you have wills, I would check and see what the story is with his. With the will I think both kids should receive an inheritance.

Also anything he has done can be changed or altered and you could do the same. Talk with him but I don't see a problem.

My son is from my 1st marriage. He was 2 when we met my current husband. So on our life insurance my hubby has all three of our children on there.

Actually, if the children are minors, your advisor should not have them as beneficiaries. I don't believe they can receive the money until they are of age. It needs to be put in a trust for the kids, not to the kids directly.

All of the children should be protectected, and I understand that he feels that he needs to protect the bio daughter. I think you should coordinate your insurances so that your bio-kids and non-bio kids are equally protected and cared for.

Have you considered letting him adopt her? Perhaps that will give him more comfort since she will then be "his."

I would FEEL like you do, but I would DO what your husband did.

Would he be open to adopting her? Would you be open to him adopting her? That's something to consider, then he is her father in every legal way. Good luck.

i personally dont know what i would do, but i get where he is coming from, about him only putting his bio child on his life insurance because that child IS his biologicly and not the other, I see no problem with it because he is still her dad but as long as SHE knows that he is her step dad not her BIO dad everything will be okay