New Sleep Issues with My 3 Year Old!

C.!!!!

You guys are being run down by a 3 year old. Time to put your parent pants on. She is playing you like a fiddle. Have you ever watched SuperNanny!
First off let her go hungry! You have to be strong, let go with out dinner. Dinner is at 5, you eat now or go hungry. Do not give in to her or you will be owned! She will not starve. She will eat when she is supposed to.
Second she goes to bed, in her bed at what ever bed time is. She will get up the first few nights a ton, cry, whale, have a fit. Be strong!! But she will get the message. And by no means get a 3 year old a tv for her room because you have spoiled her.

If you do not start acting like a Mom and in charge you will have two out of control children. Time for you and your husband to parent. Sorry if I sound hard but come on. You and your husband are the parents and should be running your household, not a 3 year old.

D.

1 mom found this helpful

just please before you do any of this (all good advice), please tell her kindly and lovingly what the new rules are going to be and why (because you care about her and want her to be happy and healthy - in your own words). and try to be patient and loving as she adjusts. remember, you allowed her to go this far, she was asking for boundaries and you didn't give them, so it's going to be confusing for her at first. good luck! (my 3 year old does the same thing, by the way).
best,
E.

C.,

It is clear that your 3 year old "rules the roost" here. I really think that 9pm is too late for bedtime for a 3 year old and that you may be missing your "window" and that could be the problem. I know even for myself I will get tired around 10pm but if I stay up past then I get a 2nd wind and can stay up later. This may be what is happening. I am not sure what time you make dinner for the family but a good time to aim for for bedtime is around 7pm. I definitely do not think putting a TV in a 3 year olds room is the answer, it is only giving her what she wants and not what she needs which is clearly sleep. As for playing the santa card, who cares if Santa doesn't bring you presents, you need to put your foot down. If she doesn't eat dinner with the family at 6 then she goes to bed at 7 with no dinner. You may have to do the Cry it out method with her but in the end you will be thankful. If she is still fighting sleep then give her books to read, IN HER BED, not the TV.

Good luck! Hold your ground and don't give in.

A.

Ok....not to sound disrespectful but it sounds as if she is running the house! I also have a 3 year old and he is in bed by 7:00-7:30. He also is not a big eater at dinner and lots of times doesn't eat it at all but when that happens my husband and I tell him that's all he's getting and he has nothing else until breakfast. You are letting her make all the rules....she knows that if she doesn't eat dinner you will give her something else anyways.

When it's time for bed make sure she stays there....I would not let her come out and watch tv until midnight! And I would not get a tv for her room....she is only 3 years old.
I don't think there is anything wrong with her medically she just know how to work you.

My opinion is if you don't fix this now you will have problems when she gets older.
Good luck.

Hello, I mostly agree with the other posts but not the one that advocates forced eating. Offer dinner and let her know that that is the final offer for food. You are letting her have her own way and it works...why would she change her ways? She gets snacks when she wants, extra tv and snuggle time with dad, and does not have to eat dinner if she does not want to!! WHY would anyone change a sweet deal like that? NO TV in her own room...you are catering to her!! There is nothing medical wrong, it is behavioral and it is your behavior that will mold hers. Pick one battle first..either bed time or dinner and then work out a plan of action that both parents can agree on. And then stick with it, no caving because it is convenient, it will be hard now that she will loose her mastery of the situation, but hang in there.

No more Santa guilt trips, just stick to your guns and make a routine that works for you not her.

Good Luck, Nat

ok, stop rewarding her!! getting a tv is a huge reward, don't do it. giving her food at 9pm is a reward, stop... give her an option - eat what I put in front of you, or a peanut butter sandwich. period. if you don't eat, you will go to bed hungry. and make her go to bed hungry! she'll live and eventually figure it out to better to eat. Is she getting snacks? cut those out. and when she plays the Santa card, say "oh well, I guess I lose". don't react, don't fight, don't scream. It's a major control thing for her. Eating is the only thing in her life she can control. good luck

do not put a tv in her room, that would only make your bedtime issues more difficult. If all she wants to eat right now is eggs, make her eggs for supper. Tell her she has to eat with the rest of the family, because after ______ p.m., the kitchen is closed. Why is she going to bed so late? How about you have story time in her bed starting at 7:00 or 7:30? She would love this one on one time, and I'll bet before too long she'll be asleep. You and your husband will enjoy this too! You'll have more evening together. Don't let her manipulate you, you're the adult. I know how persuasive they can be, but she's playing you like a fiddle. You have to nip this in the bud or it will only get worse. Good luck!

No one said that being a Parent would be easy. But I do know from experience that children at a very young age learn what they can get their Parents to do in any situation. Stand firm Mom! She will not starve herself to death. As soon as she has figured out that after dinner there will be NO food until breakfast ( and this may take few days) she will eat dinner. As far as Santa goes....tell her Santa makes the rules and he encourages Parents to feed their children at meal times. A small snack is like a reward if dinner has been eaten. It's not easy but nothing worthwhile is.
TV in her room? Only my opinion but you would be rewarding here for not doing things as they should be done. My children had books in their bedroom but no toys or tv.
Again Parenthood does not come with a manual but rule of thumb "pay now or pay later". It will only get more demanding and harder from her end. Good luck!

Defintely some control issues here - she is taking over! And please, please please don't fall into the tv in the bedroom trap. I read a study that the tv stimulates kids, not the other way around so it isn't going to solve your sleeping issues.

I recommend keeping a hard line on the eating. She eats at dinner or not at all. She will not starve from missing a meal - she will eat when she is hungry, which will be at breakfast the next day! You will probably have to do this for a while, but eventually she will figure out that you mean business. Fighting over food has negative effects down the road, so I recommend not fighting. If she isn't going to eat, fine, but she'll be hungry later - that is the consequence.

Also, if 9pm is her bedtime, that seems pretty late for a 3 year old. You may want to pick up a copy of Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. One of the things in there is that children are mostly over tired all the time, and need earlier bedtimes. Sleep creates more sleep. it was a book that REALLY helped me. If she refuses to sleep, you can always enforce that she doesn't have to sleep, but she has to stay in her room - maybe with a book in bed.

Good luck, and remember - YOU are in charge. You don't care if Santa doesn't bring you a toy, you knw what is best for your daughter. And, she won't die from missing a meal if that is what it takes for you to gain back a little control.

I didnt read every post so this might be a repeat but I sometimes save my kids dinner if they dont eat and if they got hungry before bed then they can eat that.

I agree whole heartedly with Diane B. You are the adult and need to enforce that, be strong. Good luck!

Other posters have offered good advice. My 3 year old (and 2 year old) often don't eat much at dinner, but they do not get snacks before bedtime if they haven't eaten dinner. I also second the reccommendation of making your daughter stay in bed once you put her there. She should not be allowed to get up once she's gone to bed unless she needs to use the toilet or has an emergency of some sort. Get one of those doorknob locks (the kind only parents can open) if you have to. Or threaten to take something from her. My 3 year old still uses a pacifier at night, so we can threaten to take that away if he gets out of bed, and it works. My 2 year old never used a pacifier, but if we threaten to take away one of the toys or stuffed animals in his bed, that is effective. Also, 9:00 seems like too late for bedtime to me. She might not be showing signs of needing sleep, but she probably could do with more of it anyway. And you and your husband could probably do with a break, too!

As another poster said, stick to your guns! Don't let her get in the habit of falling asleep with the TV on -- she needs to learn to put herself to sleep. It's a skill she'll be very glad she has when she's grown up, even if she won't thank you for it now :)

Protein doesn't give you energy - carbs do. Protein helps you build/retain muscle, but carbs are simple or complex sugars that the body then turns into its energy source, ATP (sorry for the scientific explanation).

As a parent, I'd recommend you not excuse her from the table. We have the same problem with our 3 year old. Some nights, I have to put him on my lap, and he'll eat. Other nights, we literally threaten to give all his toys to charity including his favorite baby blanket.

But, he is never excused from the table until he eats what deem to be an acceptable amount.

From your message, it sounds like she's mastered manipulating you because, as working parents (and I'm completely guilty of this, too), sometimes it's easier to give in than to lose sleep over it. But, I'd recommend NOT getting her a TV for her room. She doesn't need it, and you should really be monitoring how much and what she watches anyhow.

I wish I had better advice, but I'd really start laying down the law and letting her know you are the parents, and she is the kid.

Good luck!

You absolutely have it right when you say she is exercising her authority. The problem is, a 3 year old doesn't have any authority to exercise! You and your husband set the rules. So what I would do is put her dinner out. If, after a certain amount of time, she doesn't eat, the food gets put away and dinner is over. You are right not to let her do anything else until the others are done eating. If she is hungry a reasonable amount of time later (say 30 minutes), then she goes back to the table WITH THE SAME FOOD. No eggs, no something new. Period. If she just pushes it around, she's done in 2 minutes. After the 2nd try, she is done for the evening. If she goes to bed hungry, so what? She'll make up for it in the next day or so, for sure. The next morning, you can even give her last night's dinner if you want to. "We don't waste food in our house" you know? She doesn't choose the food either. If you want to give her a choice of 2 things, fine. But that's it. You are not a short order cook working for a fussy customer - you are the mom.

You have to stop feeding her at 9 PM even if it's something you didn't cook. Your husband is right about that, but I think he's wrong to sleep on the couch with her. This is just enabling her behavior and rewarding her for being stubborn. And I agree with you - I don't think she's getting enough sleep - it kind of shows in her behavior!

I would nip this Santa thing in the bud. Santa also doesn't bring things to naughty children who are rude to their parents. Neither does Cupid on Valentine's Day or the Easter Bunny.

At 9 PM, she goes to bed and turns off the light. She can scream if she wants to, but she does not get to sleep on the couch and watch TV. Put a childproof doorknob cover on the inside of her door so she cannot get out. Explain that it is time for sleep and no amount of screaming will change that. Then stick to it. If she tends to have tantrums, I would remove anything precious from her room just in case. Put a white noise machine in your room if you have to so that you can sleep. I hope you are absolutely kidding about getting her a TV for her room - this will be a problem now and an absolute nightmare going forward. What's next? DVD player and XBox and Wii? I know it's frustrating for you, and it does seem like a TV will solve things - and it will in the very short run. But you will just embolden her for future demands. Then what happens with your little one? What will she learn from this? In fact, instead of adding things to her room, you can start taking them away. With my son, we left his favorite stuffed animals and his special blanket (security items) and books, but all the toys (luxuries) went into the attic. It only took 2 days to get the behavior right. As soon as he straightened out, the toys came back. When he refused to wear a helmet while riding his bike, the bike got hung from the garage rafters - where he could see it - for a week until he figured out that bikes and helmets go together. Period.

Now, a very wise friend of mine told me that "You don't have to go to every fight you're invited to." So stop fighting with your child. Don't raise your voice, don't argue, don't explain until you are blue in the face. Just be firm, this is the rule, and try try try to ignore the screaming. Tell her you don't talk to screaming people, and walk away. It's going to be very hard to control your temper, but when she doesn't get a rise out of you and starts losing privileges, she'll learn very fast that she's not in charge.

You ask how to make it clear to her - just by doing it! Don't talk about it and then give her string cheese at 9 and TV until midnight. Everyone goes to bed, the lights go off, and that's it.

Good luck - find a plan you and your husband can agree on too. That's a very powerful message for a child - Mom and Dad are in charge together.

C., hold to your guns!! No TV for bed, (a very bad habit your right)and don't cook another meal for her. If she goes to bed hungry a few nights it won't hurt her and she'll figure out your the boss. The other thing is I've noticed with my daughter that she only eats two big meals a day- usually breakfast and lunch and just nibbles at dinner. Perhaps offer her a small portion of the regular dinner along with the cheese stick. Maybe all she'll eat is the stick and some veges, but that may be all she needs. Lastly, if your really opposed to sending her to bed with no dinner, excuse her and tell her if she'd hungry later she can have whats left over and nothing else. Then give her a warning maybe 30 min before bed that if she's going to eat, nows the time to do it. We do this with our daughter who often isn't hungry when we are. That way I don't cook extra and she does not think of me as a short order cook!! Good luck! I know food battles are the hardest sometimes since we want to make sure they are healthy!

What I would do (and have done when my kids don't eat dinner (unless they're ill or there's some other reason for it) is tell them while they're still at the table that they don't have to eat, but there's nothing else except water until breakfast, and make sure that they understand that, then let them go. And then stick to it. Yes, she'll be hungry, but it won't really hurt her. If she pulls the santa card, tell her something like well, that will make me sad, but I still need to be a good parent, and sometimes that means doing things you don't like. Don't get mad about it, but stay firm. If she asks for food, remind her of what you said at dinner, and say you're sorry she's hungry -- she should have eaten at dinner. You might have to do it a couple of times, but she'll learn.

Boy is she testing you. Remember you are the adult. She will not starve to death if she misses a meal. Don't give in when she is 3 or it will be real hard when she is 13 & does not listen. Play Santa right back at her. " Santa is watching you" put her to bed- let her scream - she will get in a couple days. Don't reward her with a TV. Good luck. I know it is easier for me to type then to actually do it. So I wish you lots of Strength. M.

As far as the Santa threats go (and I can't believe this is happening the opposite way it should...lol), start threatening HER. Tell her that Santa knows when little girls are good little girls and good little girls listen to Mommy and Daddy, eat when they are supposed to eat and go to bed when Mommy and Daddy say it's time to go to bed. PERIOD. Honestly, I can't believe you are letting this kid control the house. She is 3! If you indulge her now, can you imagine what she's going to be like at 13??

Get a grip Mom, you need to take control of the house back.

Hi C.- this may sound crass, but you've got to stop catering to your child. She's 3, you're the parent. You make the rules, not her. You decide what's for dinner and when. She's expected to be at the table for dinner. If she chooses not to eat, that's her choice. When dinner's over, it's over. Nothing more until breakfast-no matter how hard she cries, or threatens you with no gifts from Santa. Santa knows you're just being a good parent making rules for the house that everyone follows.
Same for bed time. You decide when. NO TV!!! in her room. No sleeping on the couch in front of the TV with Dad-terrible sleeping habits. Your job as parents is to teach good sleeping and eating habits, teach her saftey. Tell her you need to do your job as a mom by teaching her to sleep in her bed at night.
This will be hard. Very hard. She will put up a huge fuss, especially since she's learned that if she threatens and complains enough, you'll give in. Don't. If you do you'll have no authority. That's why you're getting the back talk now from her.
I imagine that soon your 18 month old will also start to exhibit the same behavior and expect the same treatment. Then you'll have to deal with two problem children.
You gotta be tough, and it feels mean and cruel. But after a day, or two, or three, she'll eat at dinner, she'll sleep in her own bed if you're consistent in following the rules.
Maybe as a minor "compromise" she can have a mini sleep over with Dad on the couch for her birthday, or New Year's eve, etc.
Don't let her wear you down. It will be tempting, but if you fight these battles now, you won't have to later. I'm a mom of 10 year old twins, who's fought battles in the past to have an easier time now. My two girls I know I mean what I say, and don't test me, or talk back. Their experience with me is that I make the rules, for good reasons, and they've got to follow them. I'm not a dictator, either. We have picnics in the living room, "dessert first" dinners, etc. But those are fun exceptions so we don't have battles every night over dinner or bed time.
Kids-especially toddlers, need to know what to expect. They need rules and structure. Your daughter is testing you. It's best to respond by giving her what she needs, not what she wants.
Sorry to have been so wordy. I hope this helps. Best of luck!

I think what the other posters have said is basically spot on, but here's two things that stuck out to me.

1. Maybe she isn't really hungry at dinnertime. Have you considered having dinner later in the evening and/or cutting out afternoon snack?

2. She's threatening you with no presents from Santa. Isn't it supposed to be the other way around? She clearly has the upper hand in this relationship, which isn't good for anyone.

In summary, I would check to make sure that her needs are being addressed (eating when she's hungry, getting a little snuggle time before bed) but not that her demands are driving your household. Good luck. I think that changing this behavior is going to be hard on everyone, but it can be done.