Neighbors Won't Allow Their Child Not Play with Mine Because We're Not Catholic

I would go and talk to the other mom. Do it in a calm way. Maybe do not even bring up the religion thing, just say you are coming over to invite the friend over for lunch or to play and see what the mom says.

This is not part of the Catholic faith, so I'm hoping there was a miscommunication. Please let us know what happened.

Is this something that the parents actually said or perhaps the girls got into a fight or the other one heard something at school and is just repeating it? I would go over to the other mom and ask what is up. It could have been that they had a Sunday school lesson on how non-Catholics aren't going to heaven and other girl decided that since you are not catholic she shouldn't be friends (I have catholic relatives from my dad side... They always told me that they didn't have to be nice to me because I wasn't going to heave anyway... we were all 7 to 9 at the time so sounds about right). It M. need to be something mom needs to talk to daughter about?

(I like to think that people are over all nice... so I am hoping this is a misunderstanding...)

I know you dont think its funny but I have this vision in my mind and Im laughing. 2 little girls, great friends, neighbors, playing happily for months and then one day Mary's parents stick their heads out the door and say, "Mary its time to come in" Mary whines, " do I have to?" And little Suzy chimes in, "Oh please let her play a while longer". Parent says no, we have to go somewhere. Curious, Suzy says, "Oh where are you going?" And parent says we are going to mass. And then Suzy says "what's that mean?" Parent says "It means we are CATHOLIC so Mary cant play."
So yes please go talk to the parents and clear it up. And just in case it turns out this is their reasoning, then just say its a shame they feel so biased, closed minded and judgemental and walk away. As for being shocked that this could happen..Can you say "HOLY WAR"?

There must be some misunderstanding-ask the parents-away from the kids.

I think (hope) you and your neighbor will be having a good chuckle over this soon. I have never know ANY Catholic family to not allow their children to play with non-Catholic kids of ANY religion (or NO religion).

I would def chat with my neighbor about this. I think there is some confusion.

:)

You definitely need to talk with the parents. This may not be true at all.

Hold onto that sadness and anger until you know you really have reason for it. If you don't, you have wasted a lot of energy on it. Your daughter may have misunderstood. Or the other child may have tossed off a remark in a moment of anger that is not at all related to how her parents feel. Approach them. Either they confirm it and you can tell them that it makes you profoundly sad, or they say, "No way, we don't feel like that!" and you could end up getting to know them and becoming friends. Why not give them the benefit of the doubt for now and find out for yourself, rather than relying on what one child says to another child?

If the kids have already been playing together in the alley, why wouldn't they have banned that already? Or is the alley some religion-free zone where it's OK to play with a non-Catholic, but yards are sacred--? I think the kids got things mixed up somehow. Time for grownups to step in, step up and talk it out like grownups do.

First of all, you need to just ask the parents if this is the case. Kids say things all the time that aren't true. Maybe the little girl just didn't feel like playing with your daughter one day and said, "I can't play with you because you're not Catholic." Who knows. But you've already made this major assumption without really knowing what's up.
Just ask them, you don't need to be confrontational about it. I'd be very surprised if it was true because in my experience with Catholic families the attitude is usually the more the merrier!

You're getting this information via hearsay. I think it weird that everything was fine and dandy until now. Especially if they supported your non-Catholic school financially when you had a fundraiser. If they're that particular about their faith, seems to me this would have been on table from day one. Go next door and talk to mom to get to the bottom of this. It's probably a misunderstanding. Based on what you find out, you can decide what to tell your daughter. But I wouldn't say anything at all until you find out for yourself once and for all.

Have you actually spoken to the mother about this conversation? If not you might want to. Sometimes kids can hear something but what they are hearing is not what is really being said. I know my daughter was 8 when I was pregnant with my second son. She told my mother in law that mommy cries a lot cause daddy won't let her wear underwear. ok so yes I cried but not because he won't let me it was actually because of hormones and lack of funds to buy maternity clothes. the point is that kids don't always understand exactly what is going on. the conversation might concevably have been along the lines of she won't be able to play as we will be at church............... just saying maybe talk to them

Sounds like childish hearsay. I bet it's not the case at all.

Well, you said you have never had a conversation with them about this. Why don't you go over with your daughter and politely talk to them about it? If they do in fact have a problem with your religious beliefs, I would (again, politely) leave and let it go. It does such for your daughter, but some people are crazy. I would not be mean though and take the high road so they seem ridiculous not you.

That sounds really strange, and it's possible there's been a misunderstanding. I agree with Beth, very nicely approach them and hear what they have to say. If they say it's true, then you'll just have to accept their decision, right or wrong. Hopefully, they'll be completely surpised and appologize that the misunderstanding occured. Either way you'll know for sure.

Kindly reach out to them. It will make living near them so much easier now and in the future.

out the mouth of babes-you just might want to check with the mom before getting upset-you know how kids can be.-and if it is true-well look where their headed-you dont have to be confrontational-find a reason to go over an chat-bake her some cookies...bring it up in general conversation.

I grew up Catholic, and my husband grew up conservative Catholic, but (at least in our experiences) it is very rare that Catholic families will outright tell their children that they cannot play with anyone who isn't Catholic. If you feel comfortable with it, you should definitely ask her mom about it sometime. If it turns out to be true, then it's better that you steer clear from them because they sound crazy! If it ends up being a misunderstanding, then it could be a great teaching moment for both her daughter and yours about religious differences and how everyone is different but it doesn't mean they can't be friends. Good luck!

7 yr olds ... I wouldnt take a lot of stock in what your daughter told you. I remember as a little girl going thru the same kind of problems with other little friends of mine. this most likely is not coming from the parents, just your daughters friend making something out of nothing.

Yeah, my first impulse is to guess that the parents have nothing to do with the statement at all. I'm guessing it came straight from the kid - perhaps there was an argument, between your daughter and the neighbor girl, perhaps not. Perhaps it was simply a first-grader power play: "you can't play with us. . . .and here's a reason." Kids do hurtful stuff like this all the time, as they're testing their own boundaries and learning social negotiations - and they do it without any sense of the seriousness with which their words will be taken by adults. I'm guessing she could have just as easily said "you can't play with us because your house is painted yellow" or "because you don't have purple tassels on your bike." You should definitely talk to the parents - and I agree with others who have suggested that you start with "have you noticed some argument or something between the girls?" And go from there. Definitely be honest with them, but tell them the story as if you couldn't possibly believe it was serious - "my daughter said that she heard your daughter say this, and I didn't really know what to say to her, it was so surprising and strange!" Assume that they have no knowledge of it, and that they'll be as taken aback as you are. And be clear that it's not about their daughter doing something "wrong" or being punished for what she said - all you want to do is help the girls figure this out because they have so enjoyed playing with each other.

Good luck!

I would talk to the parents. Not in a confrontational manner, but just ask them, "Are you not comfortable with our girls playing anymore for some reason?"
I hate to say it, but little kids can get things twisted. If you don't hear it from the parents, I wouldn't put 100% stock in what was said. It may be true that the parents think non-Catholics are complete heathens of some kind, in which case although sad, your daughter will have to find another friend.
I wouldn't stew about it and I certainly wouldn't get into a religious debate, but I think you should ask the question so you'll know one way or the other.
If they don't want the girls playing, don't have a pity party for your daughter. There are lots of people in this world who have very different views.
There are people in this world who aren't tolerant, kind, or respectful of others and it is sad.....mostly for them, because they miss out on seeing the beauty in people's differences.
My mother always told me that there's a special place in heaven for narrow minded people....they get stuck with nobody but each other for all eternity.

Best wishes.

I think you should have a nice talk with them and find out what happened. If it turns out that religious differences are really the reason then tell your daughter just that. Let her know that for whatever reason that's how those particular people feel not all Catholics. Best Wishes.

I am just another mom, but I wanted to share that I fully believe you need to go speak to the neighbors. Perhaps there has been a misunderstanding (as often happens with kids) and you might be able to clear it up. I would go to them wide-eyed and just ask if there is an issue with the girls. Tell them that you were really looking forward to the girls playing together over the summer and you want to clear up any misunderstandings. If they come out and say that their daughter can not play with yours due to your not being Catholic, I would ask them (nicely, without getting frustrated, angry or emotional) why they feel that way. I would share the Christ often interacted with non-believers and, in fact, instructed his followers to do the same. Seriously, I doubt that religion has anything to do with this, but if it does, they should realize, by your question, that they are being unreasonable. I have many friends and relatives that are Catholic and I have never heard of any of them prohibiting interaction with kids who are not. I think there's something else brewing here. :-)

Best of luck,
C.

I would talk to the parents and if they say what your DD said is true, then explain to DD that she's not a bad person (and neither is her friend) but her parents have laid down a rule she will have to comply with. My guess is that the girls will run into each other around/at school so they'll have some interaction there. If the kid had no part in it, then I'd leave the door open, so to speak, if the parents change their minds.

Wow! That is terrible! I would have a talk with the Mom. I would make it light hearted. Like your little daughter had this silly notion that she wasn't welcome because she isn't Catholic. Maybe there was a mixup of some sort. Give it the benefit of the doubt until you hear it form a parents mouth.

If that is the case that they don't want there children socializing with non-Catholics, I am very sorry on behalf of Catholics. That is not appropriate. We are called to love everyone. I have children from all different faiths over to my house. I will say I don't change my behavior when non-Catholics are present. We still do our morning prayer, prayer at meals, and evening prayer. I hope this can be worked out because if this is the case that the parents don't want their children socializing with non-Catholics, those parents have their faith seriously wrong!

I know all about religious discrimination all too well. I think it is something else since the girls were playing together for a time before this happened.

When my brother and sister in law lived in Salt Lake, the Morman neighbor kids were not allowed to play with my nephews because they WERE Catholic!

I agree with the others, talk to the parents just to make sure. And agree that this is a teachable moment for your DD. I personally don't understand that in this day and age things like this still go on, but it does. We have a very open house and our kids (now 21 an 17) have friends who are Jewish, Hindu and even Muslim.

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I am not going to read the other answers before responding. Before I had kids, I would have found this offensive and outrageous.

Now that I have my own, I totally understand wanting kids to be close to kids who are being raised with the same beliefs and values. I don't want her turning to someone who sees the world differently.

I am charged with her moral and spiritual development. Even if parents don't think it is a problem, I don't want MY CHILD watching teen shows or adult shows. I don't want my child singing sexual lyrics and shaking what her mama gave her, especially while dressed in short shorts.

If you don't let it go, what do you hope to accomplish? You could ask her if it is true in case your child misunderstood, but you can't make them let their kids play with yours.

I'm a Catholic and this is in no way part of my faith or practices! I am completely non-confrontational about my beliefs and wholly respect and embrace other's for theirs, and it really is part of our catechism to be this way. I am absolutely certain that this is a kid's thing and not from the parents. Please go talk to them.

I really think you at least need to confront them....you don't necessarily have to be 'confrontational' when you do it either. Say "Suzy tells me that you your daughter isn't allowed to play with her because she's not Catholic-is that true?" And then go from there. If it doesn't work out you tell them how disappointed you are that the Catholic religion is so judgmental and non-inclusive.

BTW- I grew up Catholic and never knew anyone to care about this. They sound a little nuts.

I am not sure how you can fix it? You can go over and have a conversation with the parents but don't be surprised if it is true and they do not wish the kids to play any longer.

~Sadly, I have (sort of) dealt with something like this. My husband's (crazy) ex-wife is overly religious (to the point of being an extremist, IMHO) and when my 2 SS's both entered into HS their mother went as far as typing up an 'Approved Friends List' giving each child a copy, then going as far as asking their other LDS (Mormon) friends who they were hanging out with at school who were NOT Mormon then taking each parent a copy of that list and instructing them to ask their children to stop interacting with her children b/c they didn't share their families 'standards'! Can you imagine? My SS's were MORTIFIED to the fullest!

My point being is that some people are really like this...regardless of how sad we think it might be!

I would talk to them about it. Who knows what was said... it's a good teachable moment for your daughter either way, but deserves more dialogue in my opinion. Something happened for them to suddenly decide that they didn't want the kids to play together anymore.

You said, "It's hard for me to believe they actually prohibit two little kids playing together over religious differences." To be honest, I would be prepared to not be shocked by this if it is the case.

Updated

I would talk to them about it. Who knows what was said... it's a good teachable moment for your daughter either way, but deserves more dialogue in my opinion. Something happened for them to suddenly decide that they didn't want the kids to play together anymore.

You said, "It's hard for me to believe they actually prohibit two little kids playing together over religious differences." To be honest, I would be prepared to not be shocked by this if it is the case.

Short and sweet answer. Not much you can do but to be honest to her about what is going on. Life is full of stuff like this. Make the best of it and use it to teach tolerance. It would be lovely if we all could love and accept each other but sadly this is not reality. Teach her that in spite of it being wrong or right we accept it and hold no "ugly" against them. Sad that our children have to learn stuff like this and it hurts but it's part of growing up "(
Best Regards,
C.

I would definitely talk to the parents, and at least give them a chance to tell you if it is true, or if the little girls just made it up or misconstrued something she overheard or something. Catholics are not usually like that, in my experience and I grew up Catholic, went to catholic K-8 and yet was friends with many other kids of many religions and denominations, there were even Methodists, Lutherans, and Hindus that went to our Cathoic Private school.

Go over or even give the parents a call, and have a calm and adult talk without the kids around in earshot, and just tell them "this is what my daughter said, do you have any idea why she would think that?" And see what they have to say. If it is true and they are being "that way" then just write them all off, too bad, but sometimes it happens.

Good luck - hope ti was just a misconstrued kid thing and everything can go back to happy neighbors! Let us know what happens!

Jessie

A.,

I am sorry your daughter is experiencing this! Thats awful! I would first speak with the mother and make sure that this is true. I would say something like---Hi, X I have notice that the girls aren't playing much---and my daughter came in the other day really upset. She said that X told her she isn't allowed to play at our house anymore b/c we aren't catholic. Why do you think she would say this? Is this true? Then wait for her to answer...don't leave without an answer you can tell your daughter. Best wishes...this is a hard one!

Molly

It's sad, but see it as an opportunity and maybe a blessing in disguise. It's an opportunity to teach your child about tolerance and bigotry (and yes, sometimes people in our family or family of a friend are bigots) and it's a blessing because your child will not be exposed to them. They could put all kinds of stuff in her head, they are religious extremists - not a situation I would want my child exposed to... and this way it's not you making the decision they they shouldn't play at their house.
It's tough on your daughter but she will get over it and learn from the situation in the process.

Are they newly Catholic? If they aren't, I don't see why all of a sudden it would matter. I would do what the other posters said and ask if that's what they meant. If it is, just say "ok, thanks, just checking". tell your daughter some people believe differently, so she will not be able to play with the little girl anymore. I'd be a little upset that my daughter got her feelings hurt, but hey, I don't let my daughter go over to a friends house because the little girls dog tried to take my hand off :). So, unfortunately kids get their feelings hurt, but they get over it.

I think I'm repeating some of the advice you've already received, but I would suggest just talking to them. Maybe approach the mom, doesn't have to be confrontational. Just say, "hey, my dd mentioned the kids couldn't play together anymore b/c we're not catholic so I wanted to discuss this with you b/c she really enjoys spending time with your dd and they seem to have such a great time together." It's not accusatory or anything, you're just welcoming an open dialogue. It could have just been on that particular day they had something they were doing (maybe with church) and the other girl had to go. She could have asked her mom if your dd could attend with them to which the parent would have responded, "no, they're not catholic". Who knows?!? Why not ask. You'll feel so much better! If you find that they really don't want their kids playing with "non-catholics" that will be sad for their kiddos. They will miss out on playing with lots of awesome kids with differing religious views thus important lessons in tolerance. Hang in there.

I would let it go....nothing you can do sadly. Sounds like the neighbors have some growing up to do and I wish I knew what to say for your child. :(

If your daughter is hurt by it, then you can talk to your neighbors in a non confrontational way. It sounds like you have a relationship of some sort, so you can just tell them that she mentioned something and you just want clarification. Everyone has a right to what they believe and why even if we don't understand it. Maybe they did say that but maybe something they said was misunderstood. You don't have to be confrontational at all, and don't allow yourself to be offended if that's what they really said (hard I know). Tell her you love her family and feel badly that she doesn't feel comfortable with her daughter playing with yours (if that's in fact what was said). Tell her that you are still her neighbor and will be there if she needs it, but you will respect her wishes. Again if she did say that then it's a great time to teach a life lesson to your sweet daughter. Just explain to her that people have different beliefs. Even within different religions and denominations people have different beliefs (because I know not all Catholics believe that way). Explain to her that her friend still likes her, but you have to respect their wishes even if you don't understand them.

I hope that helps a little. I hope that if you talk to the family you find that it's a misunderstanding because her age is the age where self image and self confidence really begin to make an appearance in a girl's life.

I personally would let it go and tell your daughter there are kooks all over the world and unfortunately we live next to some.

Just another form of discrimination. Sorry it happened to your daughter. I personally think if they were decent Catholics in the first place they would welcome her with open arms. I guess they forgot to read their bible. But whatever you can't change the world right.

Glad things aren't quite what they seemed. This is such a great example of why we shouldn't take *everything* our kids say at face-value!

There's rarely a malicious intent, but children have a knack for hearing bits and pieces of a conversation and filling in the gaps themselves. Likely, the neighbor girl overheard her parents saying something and relayed it to your daughter, who relayed it to you - just like that old telephone game we used to play.....the end statement is often nothing like the true statement.

Glad things are working out and hopefully they'll have a wonderful summer playing together!

You could try talking to them. Other than that, there is nothing you can do.

You tell your daughter that some people are ignorant, and unfortunately these people are bigots, so it's very sad that they won't let their daughter play with her.