Neighbor Etiquette

I'd feel ogled at if you came to me and admitted you watch my house...okay???

I'd be visiting with them at some point and if they mention they're going out of town ask them if you'd like for them to gather their papers and mail for them, or water plants and take care of animals. No charge at all since it makes the neighborhood less of a target.

If the opportunity doesn't come up then don't bother their stuff.

I would just say, "hey, it looked like you guys were gone over the holidays since I noticed your newspapers piling up. Next time you go, if you'd like me to pick them up and check on the house for you, I would be happy to do that, just let me know." Good luck.

I have done this for neighbors for the exact reasons you list. It is easy to do and all about the approach. Hey how was your trip? Then they tell you about the trip and then generally they ask you how you know they were away. The convo goes from there with you offering to pick up their stuff next time they go away so no one else will know their secret that they are gone.

People are funny: one elderly neighbor was SO worried about leaving her house empty that she refused to tell anyone she was going to be gone - even to refusing to stop her mail..... I think she was sure her kids would pick up her mail - but they sure weren't coming daily and of course her mailbox was overflowing, her newspapers piled up and she was broken into. Telling a trusted neighbor and having them collect your things and holding it all until you come back is way safer. And it does not involve you needing a key to their house.

Maybe since they were new they were reluctant to ask for the help. Go ahead and offer!

Tell them about your concern, suggest they can get the post office/ newsman to hold their mail, offer to pick it up yourself if they would like it.

I alert my neighbors and super if I am out of town. Being in an apt, they might need to access it in case there is a fire/ water incident in an adjacent unit. My neighbors do the same. Also, they ask that if I see any fliers etc tucked under their door that I just push them into their apt. so that the build up doesn't alert would be thieves.

Best,
F. B.

We have a neighbor that travels for business from time to time. He lives alone, so when we see newspapers start to pile up, we pick them up for him and put them in a discrete location on his porch. That way, you can't see from the street that the papers have piled up.

I usually give him one day and then I start picking them up. We have never asked him if he wants us to do this- we just did it and it turns out, he was really grateful.

We don't hesitate to let our neighbors know when we are out of town. I love having a "Mrs. Kravitz" looking out for my home when we are gone!

My advice is to approach your neighbor in a friendly way, just as osohapi suggested. Some of our neighbors keep a plastic tub on their back deck/porch and we put their papers there, so that's a thought, too.

Please don't stop watching over your neighbors! You are good to do that!

This is a topic I'd bring up casually. I suggest you be on casual friendly terms with them so your offer is a part of a casual conversation.

Everyone on my block knows each other. We wave hello to each other when coming and going. I have seen papers pile up and have either put them inside the screen door. If I didn't know them I would leave a note saying I was concerned about burglars and have their papers and mail. But I'd only do this if I had at least a passing relationship with them.

I suggest you find ways of making their aqaintance. When I was new to the neighborhood neighbors made a point of welcoming me. One neighbor brought me a desert. We chatted on the street. For quite some time now we watch out for each other. We have each other's phone numbers. I think that got started when I had a Block Party put on by the police departments Crime Prevention Department. You might consider seeing if your police department does this.

Another idea. If you do not know these neighbors casually enough to be comfortable talking with them. You could have a belated welcome to the neighborhood and include your observation about the papers and suggest you could take them in. Or use this opportunity to get to know them. Next time you see them out greet them and say you'd like to get to know them. Tell them a bit about your family. If they seem friendly then mention the papers.

Because all of my neighbors and I have built up casual friendships we tell at least one neighbor when we're out of town. A couple of summers ago a neighbor noticed an open window. He called the police who then called me because he had my phone number. Since then I've given him a key. This event helped us get started on a good friendship.

A neighbor has called me twice when an ambulance was in front of my house. Once when I wasn't home. We tell each other about suspicious happenings. We look out for each other in a non-intrusive way. Mostly info is exchanged on the street as we come and go.

We've had block parties in the summer. The city puts up baricades and we have a potluck dinner. Those have help build a cohesive neighborhood in which I feel safe.

It's good you notice what is happening. Every neighborhood needs at least one person like you. The more eyes the better in preventing crime.

I'm all for taking care of my neighborhood. I would probably picked them up off the ground and moved them to a spot where they could not be so obviously seen. Then when the return, I would make mention to them that you did this in hopes they did not mind, just trying to help type thing.

Thieves like nice neighborhoods.

We all pick up each other's mail and newspapers - we usually arrange it ahead of time, but if not, someone steps up and does it. It's actually a lot of kids' first "job" in the neighborhood before they are old enough to mow lawns and so on. We are careful to put everything right in a box or large shopping bag so it's clear that we don't look through it. Yes, accumulated mail/papers is the first sign of an unoccupied house.

My only concern is that you have to be much clearer about your nosiness - if you like to check out houses and say anything along those lines, you will trigger their suspicions if you say you want to pick up their mail. People have credit card bills, IRS mailings & 1099 forms, and the like coming into their mailboxes so they are not going to think kindly of someone who says she's looking out the windows like Mrs. Kravitz.

So I'd say, "You know, I was driving home and passed your house of course, and I notice the accumulated mail. I don't want to intrude, but if it would be helpful, I'd be more than happy to pick up your deliveries if you're going to be away. I could either keep it in my house, or if you have a side door to your garage and want me to drop it in there, I'd be happy to help out." If you have a child from the age of 9 up, you could see if the child wants to make up flyers for all the houses offering to pick up all deliveries (including UPS/FedEx packages), take in trash cans after pick-ups, etc. Then you're not singling out one neighbor.

Don't fret about being Mrs. Kravitz.....I'd be glad to have you as my neighbor! I am home a lot during the day so I'm that one with a feel for the street and what's normal. I would want to know if my stuff piled up or if a neighbor saw someone hanging around our basement door etc. You are absolutely right: Your local police would be pretty concerned about a house that let papers and mail pile up. It's basically a neon sign saying "Break in here."

I agree with the other posts: Talk with them and offer to pick things up. It'll be good if you can establish a casual relationship with them so you and they can be comfortable picking up mail, etc. You might find they are very willing to get to know you at least enough for that!

Also, they might be unaware that the post office will hold your mail if you are away at least three days. You can pick it up when you return or even have the mail carrier just deliver the accumulated mail to your house on a return date that you specify. This is a huge help and saves having to have neighbors pick stuff up. Offer to get their mail next time but also mention that the post office has this service and it's free....

Another reason to establish at least that kind of acquaintance is that if something seems wrong or "off" you can approach them, and they can approach you. I'm thinking here about the time when there were some weird power outages at our house in daytime so I couldn't see if it was just us or the whole neighborhood -- I went to the house across the street to ask if they too had had power going up and down (they had).

We lost our great neighbors with whom we had a very cordial "Hey, how are things!" relationship and who picked up packages or mail for us (and we did the same). Just the hello-in-the-driveway relationship really made me feel confident that they kept an eye on our house as we did with theirs. I believe what changed the dynamic is that we have three new-built homes now surrounding our house, and they are all different from the rest of the street's houses: They have garages and back yards with high, "solid" fences. So all these new families seem to be invisible! We don't see them come and go unless we hit the few seconds they are exiting the garage in cars, and then they're on their way and locked inside their vehicles....So it's been tough to establish even a "hello in the driveway" kind of acquaintance though we've stopped by to introduce ourselves in person, etc.

I would feel creepy if one of my neighbors approached me and seemed to know my routine other than seeing me run errands or what not every day.

That said, we have a good relationship with most of our neighbors (nextdoor people are from hell but that is another post). We have 2 neighbors we alert when we head out of town so they know the car they see here will be our house/pet sitter. At the same time, they alert us when they will be away and we keep a lookout for any packages, flyers and papers that might be left around and roll out the trash bins on designated days. They stop their mail altogether when they are away. Our sitter gets our mail and puts trash out.

Instead of approaching your neighbor with this issue, how about just getting to know them socially so that you all know that you look out for each other.

I'd love the offer. And I'd also MAKE the offer. I'd have no problem walking right up to their door, introducing myself as their neighbor and saying "And of course, I'd be happy to collect your mail for you if you ever go on a trip!" Hopefully, they'd take me up on my offer.

I would LOVE to have someone offer to help as I would be willing to help another neighbor in this situation.

I would want the offer. I'd probably have done as JustNeed did and put a note in their mail slot (or better yet, talk to them) that you would be happy to pick up their papers and keep an eye on their house the next time they take a trip. We often do that for each other here, and will call our near neighbors if we see anything odd. Those of us with pet sitters generally don't need mail help, but we do appreciate someone looking out for our house and cars.