Need Help with Adjusting to a New House

Dear T. A

I have a little different situation, but maybe what we have learned can help you just the same. We built a new house, which came with a lot of changing, including moving into a motor home on site for 2 months because we closed on our old house, but were still working on our new one. My son is 6 years old. He started having problems in school, being disrespectful to teachers, cranky at home, into everything. He is normally a very good child so I was suprised and didn't really know what to do, especially since we had never had problems with him being disrespectful. Finally after a conversation with the Vice-Principal of his school, we tried a new tactic. Instead of so much discipline, which we had been previously trying, we worked on spending addtional time with our son and giving out rewards for good behavior. We made a point to have a special talk with him each day. We reassured him that the new house would be better for all of us because now we could get a dog, we were closer to grandparents, etc. Anything positive we could think of to make him feel more comfortable. Also, we made extra time despite the work of moving in, to give him special attention just for him during the day. We also found he was scared of sleeping in his new bedroom, much the way you describe as your son doesn't want to go into his playroom, ours did not want to go to his own bedroom. We started spending time with him in that room everyday. We also invited friends over for playdates and encouraged them to play in there. After about a month, he began to like his room and did not argue with being in there at night.

Basically, we started to realize that he was scared and frustrated with all the changing and just trying to explore and get used to his new surroundings. Also, the frustration had to manifest itself somewhere so the bad behavior was a result of that. Our extra time with him seemed to help the frustration and the bad behavior began to go away. After a time of extra attention and reassurance, he settled right in and is doing great now, at school and home.

I hope relating our experience will help you. What I have learned is that mostly time will take care of these phases and issues that drive you crazy if you just stick it out. Congratulations on your new home and good luck.

First of all congrats on the new house!

Secondly, switch out the door knobs for the ones you use to have. This for a safety reason more than anything.

Thirdly, with everything all new and all he may feel he's on 'vacation' and is just acting out. Keep putting him back in the bed until he realizes you're there to stay and I think he'll come around and go back to the way he was before. Also, they do make locks for toilets, LOL.

Right now with all the move, unpacking, organizing, your schedule is probably way off from what it use to be despite your best effort to keep things as normal as possible. Meal times were always the most interrupted event whenever we moved, because I was so exhausted we ate out more than normal and that in itself messed us up. Try & get him involved in the unpacking and organizing of your home as best you can. Recruit him to be the 'big boy' and help mommy.

I think once things are done and life calms down a bit, because we all know how unsettling moving can be even if it's a great move, he'll be back to taking naps & sleeping better for you.

Get latches, excercise them, relax and enjoy, they grow up fast!

Hey T., I am with the other moms too! Congrats on the house! Try a baby gate. When you are in a room, just put up the gate and keep him in there with you. You are the mommy and he needs to learn. It just comes with the age. Just have to help him out sometimes! :)

T.
Helping moms work from home!
www.EnhancingYourWayOfLife.oom

Do you have a baby gate that you could put on his bedroom door to keep him from escaping? That would at least keep him in the room!

Not sure about the nap times (my almost 2 yr old still fights naps at home!), but waking in the middle of the night might be because he is hearing a noise that he is not used to. He might be afraid of his new room. Perhaps you could sleep in there with him for a night, see if that helps him. Maybe you could figure out what is waking him.

The extra naughtyness could be because he isn't getting enough good sleep and he doesn't know how to deal with it. Maybe once he is settled and gets more rest he will calm down.

Hope this helps some! Good luck!

Hey Sweetie,
Take a momment and breath. It does get better. We just moved down south after living up north my babies whole lives and being around family. We are still adjusting. We have those levers too. I will never know what possed them to do that. Around here we have kids escaping the houses and the parents never knowing. Be sensitive to what he is saying by acting out. He might not understand why you moved. Did you move away from frineds and family? Little ones cannot express their feelings like the older ones. So listen to him but stay firm. It might take about three weeks to get into your new schedual but if you stay firm you will start to see your hard work paying off by the second week. Play with the toys with him. If you are in the kitchen busy with unpacking give him a plastic bowl and a mixing spoon. Put some music on and dance. Have fun with them and the transition.
Our children pick up on our feelings and their acting out could be a sign of what we are sending out to them. So be strong. You can do this and you will be just fine. You will get sleep. Start a bed time ritual. Read a story and say prayers if that works for you and remind him how much everyone loves him and praise him alot with all of the postive things he does. It will encourage him to do the things you would like him to do instead of acting out.

I hope this helps, and if it makes you feel any better, we are still adjusting and it has been 5 months. My best advice it get involved in what ever they have going on in your area. If you have moved into a different area there is a websites called meetup.com and you could see where there is a mom's group in you area so you get out of the house and meet new people and make new friends.

Jen

I'm not sure why an 18 month old can come out of the room. Is he not in a crib? All three of my children stayed in the crib until 2 1/2 yrs. of age. If you don't have a crib, or if he can climb out, get a pack-n-play. You are doing the right thing taking him right back to bed, but at 18 months, I am not sure that will work. That works more with children around 2 to 2 1/2. You also might want to put him to bed earlier. Studies have proven that children who go to bed earlier, will sleep longer. So, if his bedtime is later than 8:00, you might want to move it up to 7:00. I have given this advice many times, and it worked most of the times. The key, too, is consistency. That will also help with his nap. My brother insists on keeping his daughter up to all hours, and she is miserable and crying everytime I see her. Getting good consistent sleep is also key to good brain development. You might have to let him cry a little, but at this age, he can handle it. It will be worth it in the end. Because if you are anything like me, a mommy without sleep is not such a good mommy. (-:

sounds to me like your son is tey way mine was boys tend to be one of two ways eiter really good or hit them terrible twos way to fast. it sounds like your son has hit the T.T.'s early new house new setting new challenges for him to defeat..

just lock down what you can and wear him out during the day.. for mental tiredness get puzzles and coloring books tings e as to do wit his hands and for naps put im to sleep before 12 and allow him to only sleep an hour... after noon physical and mental tiredness outside toys hide and seek learning time schedualed late evening mine was dinner at 630 bath at 7 bed at 8 tey would be asleep by 830 every night i have a 5 year old and a 4 year old they are 19 monts apart i know exactly what you are going thru i feel for ya :) good luck

as for the not being in a crib we had to put my son in a toddler bed by the time he was 14 months old becuz he was climbing out of his crib and falling on the floor when he got to the top it was safer for him to be out of the crib then in my daughter was put in a toddler bed by 16 months old for the same reasons thanks to my son :) wait till he figures out how to unlock doors we got up one morning to both of our dogs being let out and the back door standing wide open my son got out of his crib pulled a chair to the back door unlocked it pushed the garage door opener and was playing in the front yard at 3 am talk about scared to death anyway boys are tend to be adventurous then te girls my daguther has never done te things my son has as for sleep scheduals and wearing him out during te after abut two weeks of tat e will be back on routin studies say tat it takes 21 days for a routin to be set but every child is different mine it takes about 2 weeks good luck and lots of patience

I think htis indeed is alot to beinga boy. My daughter too was content with playing with me, toys and alone. but my 22 month old has been into everything sense he could walk. Just keep him safe from dangerous stuff and repetitive actions of no no is needed.
It is a new place and new adventures it's difficult but he will adjust.
As for bed, mine is still in a crib. Knock on wood he hasn't tried to climb out yet. which really surprises me cuz he climbs on everything else.
Do you by chance have a bunk bed? IF so put him on the bottom of course and then between head board & ladder put in a baby gate. He'll think he's locked in but in reality he could get out at the end. We had to do this for one of my foster children he kept rolling out of the bed. So we had the gate and we gave it a try and it worked. He would roll and hit it then turn back over on the bed. But, in the morning he knew he could crawl out at the end.
This might work who knows.
He's just pushing his limits to see with all the new going on how far he can go.
Good luck, it's tiresome but he'll get it in the end.

Hi T. :)

The new door handles you speak of sound like french door handles--in which case, they do have child-proofing devices for those. :) I was really happy when I first discovered that. I can't remember where I got them-- www.onestepahead.com maybe?
As far as the mischief goes, keep in mind that kids are smarter than we give them credit for (not to mention manipulative little things! lol) They love making a game out seeing what their parents will let them get away with. If you havn't already, it might be time to start in with some dicipline. 18 months was about the age both of my kids started really trying to take control of the house and me. They will too--IF you let them. Mean it when you say No and be consistant with the chosen form of punishment. Kids need boundaries and limitations and will benefit self-esteem wise from it. :)
Best of luck!
M.

Honestly, instead of childproofing things and what not, he is big enough now to learn what to do and what not to. Anything that has something dangerous I would child proof, but everything else just enforce. He will learn. Just like with hitting and and all other little people behaviors, it's more about teaching them right from wrong than just making sure they can do harm. Give it time. I know it is exhausting, my son has been doing the same thine, but it does get better once they learn they can't get away with things. As far as the nap time thing, just make it clear that there are some reasons he can come out for and some he cannot. If he chooses to ignore that, then it just leads to a longer nap time and some form of mild punishment. Good luck and I hope all goes well!

There is some tyupe of lock for just about any type of cabionet. If nothing else, you can use the tot lock which requires a strong magnet to open. Check out www.onestepahead.com for different locks and gates that might be hard to find elsewhere. Babies R Us should have the tot locks. One step ahead also has a great toilet lock. They are more expensive but well worth it because they don't break as easily. It attaches where the toilet seat/lide attach to the rest of the toilet. It looks like an arm. You push a button and then at the same time move the arm out of the way to open it. The great thing is that when you close the lid on the toilet the lock automatically moves into place. If your dgt is potty training, you could probably show her how to do it but he won't be able to figure it out.

It sounds like he just wants to explore his new house and figure out where everything is. He may be a little afraid at night because everything is still so new. Maybe you could take the kids to Build-a-Bear and let them each make a new friend for their new house. They could sleep with their friends at night and might feel more secure. There are coupons for Build-a-Bear in the Kids First coupon books if you have those.

Hope this helps. Good luck.

The waking up could just be a change in his sleep pattern that would have occurred regardless, and just happened to coincide with the move. Is he teething? Somtimes teething pangs wil wake them up.
As for the cabinets, there are all sorts of cabinet locks - surely there is one that will work.

As for him not playing the way your daughter did, boy brains and girl brains are different. While I don't agree with the idea of "boy toys" and "girl toys," boys and girls do play differently.

Congratulations on your new house!

I think that part of your sons problem is his age. I have a nephew who is around the same age and he does just about everything you described at home also. I also remember my son at that age into everything and anything he could get his hands on. My suggestion would be to let him explore when you feel like chasing him around, and barracade the place up when you don't.

As far as his room goes, maybe change the doornob so that he can't open it. Does his room look pretty much the same as it did in the old house? You may want to arrange his room to look the same as it did if not. Either way eventually he will get used to it. You just have to stay consistant. My son who is now 3, gets up every morning between 5-6. He has been like this for as long as I can remember. Unfortunately everything I have tried to get him to sleep longer doesn't work, so I am not help on that.

Don't know about the rest, but the sleeping issue may have nothing to do with the move. 18 months is a classic age for the dreaded "sleep regression."

http://moxie.blogs.com/askmoxie/2006/04/qa_18month_slee.html