Need Help Getting Son to Sleep in His Bed

Consistency is the key. I am a sleep trainer and I would be happy to talk with you. We deal with children like Deven all the time. Please feel free to write me at ____@____.com
We have some really cool hints that may work wonders for you. Just let me know you are from this board.
N. H

When we transitioned my daughter to her toddler bed she did the same thing. She would even open the door and walk out of her room and start playing again. We eventually got a baby gate for her door way. That way we could leave the door open but she would know she had to stay in her room. She eventually went back to her bed after calling to us and being really funny and cute. We would just stay out of her line of vision until she gave up and went to bed.

Hi C.,

When my second was this age advice from a friend worked brilliantly. We gave him board books to look at and gave him only a little bit of light to see by. He would look at all his books and get sleepy and fall asleep on his own. So basically if you can get them to sit still long enough they will fall asleep. I think this worked because he loves books.
My third is far more high energy and not so interested in books. We tried everything and nothing worked except staying right with him, some days he just didn't sleep. So, we gave up naps at about 2 1/2 yrs. Like the others say, he goes to bed a lot earlier and without the hassle. But when we can see that he is tired, we give him a nap, about 1 or 2 times a week. The downside to this is that if they are too still after about 3 o'clock, like driving in the car, they will fall asleep. I find that it's very difficult to wake him, he rarely wakes up happy from a nap like that and of course now bedtime can be more difficult.
Now I realize that we had a discipline issue (meaning he doesn't want to obey and we weren't making him). We are working on that with timeouts and keeping him close, basically being more consistent throughout the day, giving him play areas (boundaries that he has to stay inside) where ever I am working.
One key that I know of to nap time is that there is a good window of time (about 15 minutes, usually happens around the same time everyday, if they have a regular bedtime and waketime) when they are getting tired and showing signs. You have to grab them and get them to bed then, that will be the easiest time to get them to sleep even if you have to stay with them.
We've gotten a lot of good info from the Babywise series by Gary Ezzo, for this age it's called Toddlerwise. The main idea is that you're the parent, you get to decide what's best for the child, while considering the family, so not letting the child run the show. I found that just having this confidence helped to put my child at ease and trust me more easily. So, it doesn't become a battle, it's just a matter of I'm the parent and you're the child. I love you, so I'm going to take care of you and do what's best for you.
The other thing that they say for this age of child is that if we haven't trained them in first time obedience (like do not touch, stay in bed, etc.) that we will have trouble with potty training. I guess that's when I realized that I had a problem, when I started with the potty training and had so much trouble.
Hope this helps. All the best.

He may not be ready to be in a regular bed. They do have screen canopy crib covers that keep kids in cribs. Or, they have the covers for the Portable Cribs (Pack and Play) that we used with our son.

We went through the same issue with him (he's 3) and he was sharing a bunk bed with his older brother (who is 4 years older). He wouldn't stay on his bottom bunk for naps. So, using my mommmy ingenuity (and determination not to be outwitted by a 3 yo - LOL!) I went to the hardware store and got plastic netting that looks like green chicken wire. I wrapped the bottom bunk with it and used zip ties to secure all areas. So, it's like a crib - but a larger version.

It's worked like a charm!!! My son takes his naps in his "fort" and he wakes up in a good mood. He's actually excited about getting into his bed now, and because he's getting the rest he needs, he's been doing so much better in preschool, at home, and is back to being a bright, smiling little boy. YEAH!!!!

-C.

Dear C.: If you have done any research on this issue, you know that there are many schools of thought on this and very strong opinions. The two main camps are leave him in his room and don't back down so he will learn to sleep alone. The other is to let him sleep with you. I would recommend thinking about all the possible options and trying to get all the outside voices and "shoulds" out of your head and find what you believe is right for your child. If you really believe in him learning to sleep alone, perhaps you could try soothing music or other gadgets. Perhaps he would be more comfortable if you stay with him while he falls asleep. Yes, that may mean that you will start a habit and he will expect you to always stay with him while he falls asleep. You will need to decide how you feel about that. Some parents do that until their children are near puberty and are comfortable with it. Some are not. Perhaps, at night, he would be more comfortable if he could have his bed in your room. Yes, that may mean you have to wean him from that eventually.

Another question is whether he needs a nap right now or whether he needs a nap at a different time of day. Maybe he needs a different schedule. Maybe he doesn't need a schedule at all, meaning maybe he gets tired for a nap at a little bit different time each day. That's naother thing to think about. The scheduling issue. There are different schools of thought on that, as well.

If you feel really strongly about keeping your son on a schedule and having him fall asleep by himself and sleep in his own room, I would go look at the websites and books that support that apporach. They will have loads of ideas about what to do when there are problems like hte ones you are describing. Likewise, if you decide you want to try a different approach, there are tons of books and websites on that approach.

I had this same problem with my first daughter. What I did was pretty much the same as you. I would make sure that she had a consistent nap time every day (usually right after lunch) and read her a story and try to get her settle down. Then I would bring my own book to read and sit in a rocking chair in her room and read it. I wouldn't talk to her, and every time she got out of bed I would silently put her back in. The first couple of days it took like 45 minutes, but then it was less and less. It got to the point where it was such a normal thing to her that I was able to just tuck her in and she would fall right to sleep with out me even in there. Luckily he's your only baby and you can focus that much attention on him. It is frusterating, but he'll get the hang of it.

I am worried about the same thing with my son! He's 20 months right now and we have a new baby due immediately so he'll be transitioning in the next few months to his toddler bed. Right now he thinks it's a place to play and he pretends to sleep on it but that's it. I know it will be hard getting him to take naps. Our daughter transitioned really easily but I don't think it will be the same in this case. You might try a pack-n-play for awhile. Those are harder to climb out of and might be a good thing for naptimes only. Then if he chooses to play in there, he's still confined. Good luck and let us know how things work out!

I have a similar issue with my daughter except only at night. I read somewhere that playing make-believe house with a doll and pretending nap/bedtime with your child could help. You would have the doll refuse to sleep in the bed and have your child help the doll make the trasition to the bed. Not sure if it will work, i'm gonna try this week... Good luck :)

You can try both of my ideas or one,
1st: He has lots of energy so make sure the tv is off and he is playing hard. Take his to a park in the morning. If they don't run off their energy they will fight a nap.
2nd: You can try moving his nap time an hour later after lunch.
Hope this helps. I have 2 kids boy 26 months and girl 4yrs. I have learned they always nap best after playing hard.

You may want to read the book "Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems" by Richard Ferber. I liked this author's approach to getting kids to sleep in their own beds. I am not the kind of mom who can just put a kid in his/her bedroom and let him/her cry to sleep. I used the technique in this book to get my daughter (at the time she was 3) to sleep in her own bed. Good luck!

I don't think there is any easy way other than being consistent because they eventually understand that they don't get a choice. naps are important.
I am a single mom of a 2 and 3 year old. very trying especially when it comes to bedtime and naps. it comes in cycles and phases. they fight bedtime and then they chill out for a while and its not a fight, currently they are fighting nap/bedtime.
it is frustrating but hang in there- it will pass. remain consistent and calm. I know that it all works out better when I can keep my temper gentle.

This is what I do with my son when he doesnt want to go to bed every time he gets you pick up and keep putting him in his bed you have to be consistent no matter how many times he gets up eventually he will stay on the bed. One other thing this is a realy good option get a baby gate they really work get the taller ones so he cant climb over it. These things im telling u does work its just a little bit hard at times.

You may want to transition him. I put daughters toddler bed on the floor, when we where getting out of the terrible habit of sleeping with us. Each night we would move it just a little closer to where she or in this case he should be sleeping. Try putting in front of the door to get him used to it. And take small steps back to the bed frame. Good luck.

I have 3 children, 5, 3, and 1, and once the older two were out of the crib we used to put a baby gate up across the door at naptime or at night time and also we would pat their back and snuggle up next to them on the bed. It takes a long time to get them to sleep on their own at night without a baby gate across the door, and if we didnt stay in the room we eventually would go in there and move them back to bed from wherever they would fall asleep. My 5 year old finally stopped fighting bedtime when he was about 4 and now the older two both go to sleep on their own without any arguments. However, they no longer take naps so bedtime is super easy at night. I hope this helps.
M. M.

how old is your son now maybe you need to sleep near him when fall sleep you could try to leave the room that what i do with my nicece and nephews their ages are 4,5,6, and now they sleep in their own bed
K. reeves
tucson az

Let him sleep on the floor. If he's in warm jammies, and his room is childproofed, this will not hurt him. Eventually he'll discover that you are not putting him to bed and if he wants to be comfortable and cozy, he will need to get back in his bed himself. As for the nap, my kids all gave up their naps around 2 years old. I was so sad, because I really missed that break I had in the afternoon, but I found I could put them to bed earlier (like 6:30 or 7:00 pm) ad they would sleep through the night. It was a trade off, but you can't force a child to sleep. Best of luck.

Have you tried laying down with him until he falls asleep?

My 2 year old does the same thing. I let him sleep on the floor for his nap but at night I move him to his bed before I go to sleep. When he is really tired he stays in his bed. I figure he will eventually grow out of it.

I have to say i like the idea of going to bed a little bit later. He might just need a few more minutes of play before crashing. But whenever my kids transitioned to a big boy bed we always slept with them till they fell asleep. I know this might be a pain especially if your someone like me (my kids always fell asleep on their own in their cribs so I always feel like I am stepping backward). But in the end (it could take weeks or months) they are sleeping beautifully on their own.

Some kids stop taking naps around that age. Why not get a gate, and call it "quiet time" instead of naptime? They usually don't resist looking at books, or listening to music.
If he's tired, he'll probably fall asleep.

Try sitting with hime for a little while. My daughter likes to have her feet rubbed before bed every night. I used to fight with her EVERY night to get her to go to sleep, now she sits on the couch with me and falls asleep in about 20 minutes.

Hi C.. Well, I am a mother of three older girls but I have a grandaughter now (1 yr old). My experience and from listening to experts now is the same thing......be consistent, be patient and firm, and he will come around even if it takes a week or two. It does work to be firm. EveN if he sleeps on the floor make it a comfortable floor with a blanket maybe by the door. But the main thing is that you stick to your guns as the "momma" and you know what is best for him and that is that he needs a nap! As long as the room is safe, he will be fine!! Little boys are funny that way! Always be loving and it will work out!
T.

My two year old son got so much better with naps when I sent him to a toddler-age Montessori school. There it is a matter of fact to lay down and everyone else does it and so there is no problem. The socialization aspect has been very good for us both.