Need Help Getting Daughters Out of My Bed

We were able to transition our daughter at about 18 months out of our bed by converting her crib into a full size bed. We made a big deal about her having her own bed just like Mommy and Daddy. We never talked to her about the fact we wanted to sleep alone. I would lie down with her, read books, and act like I was falling sleep with her. Once she was completely asleep I would leave the room. At first she had a lot of wake ups during the night and I would go in her room and lie back down with her. Sometimes I would fall asleep for a few hours even until the next morning or I would just get up and go back to my own bed once she feel asleep.

We still lie down with her to fall asleep at bedtime (she is now 29 months) and she typically sleeps through the night until early morning. When she usually still ends up in our bed once my husband gets up for work. It was a slow transition - we worked on it for several months. But we never had a child who was scared or upset about leaving our bed.

I now have a three month old who is attached to me nursing all night. Wish me luck to transition this one in about a year! :-)

A one year old does not need to nurse during the night. You have created a bad habit for her and turned yourself into a pacifier. Your husband sleeping on the couch every night could not be good for your relationship. Put the girls into their own beds and stick to it. It will be a lot harder for them to adjust since they aren't babies anymore, but they will soon learn that they can't sleep in Mom and Dad's bed and be content in their own. If they come in your room in the middle of the night immediately take them back to their own bed. If they are scared, let them occasionally sleep with a pillow and blanket on the floor, but don't let them back into the bed, or you'll have to start over.

If they need a short transition, you could start by putting them on the floor next to your bed and not letting them get on your bed at all. Otherwise, I would put them in their own bed and shut the door. They will cry for while, and it may take a while to get them to stay there, but unless they are extremely worked up, let them cry them selves to sleep. You could turn on some soothing music to help calm them down.
My son was like this. I would put him to bed and he would keep coming back in my room, so I actually used two baby gates stacked on top of each other(he would climb over just one) to keep him in his own room the first couple of nights. He would fall asleep by the door. Eventually, he got the idea and now sleeps in his own bed.
As far as the nursing issue, you'll probably have to just cut her off cold turkey. Yet another unpleasant thing, but with time and consistency circumstances should get better.
If it helps, you could have your husband put them to bed. Sometimes it helps to have daddy do it.
I hope this helps. Good luck!

I had a problem with that when my daughter was little we just had firm rules about our room and her room It's best to set these rules early and stick to them.

So I assume your kids do have their own beds. I nursed both of my children too. I co-slept in the beginning... but then, I transitioned them to a floor futon bed in our room... then transitioned them to their own beds...nursed there, then left. They get used to it. It's the "routine" you instill in them.
Just have to keep at it. It's a transition... remember that. You are not alone.... and don't beat yourself up over it. Kids WILL adapt, but it may take time. Just be consistent. It may not be easy in the beginning... but they will adapt. Otherwise, you and Hubby may never get your own bed back to yourselves. It's great you are breastfeeding, and it's your own personal choice how to continue or not. Perhaps pump, and transition your 1 year old to a bottle? That is another way.
No matter what method you take, the children will need to adapt to a new routine and it takes consistency. BOTH parents will need to encourage and reinforce it. Make it fun for them etc. so it' seems enticing for them to sleep in their own bed.
It will happen.. .eventually. I don't have a silver-bullet answer for you... but this is what happened with my kids and just wanted to share my experience.
Good luck,
~Susan
www.cafepress.com/littlegooogo

i have three kids and i have been thru all that. my kids are now 11,12 and 14. my sons who are 12 and 14 just recently moved out of my bedroom into their own rooms on theri own. my 11 year old daughter still sleeps in my room in her own twin bed. my advice. you better get used to it.

I have a 27 mth old who is still breastfeeding. We co-slept for the first 25 months. Here's the trick to get them out of your bed: Sleep with them in their room and leave after they fall asleep. The first few weeks they might find themselves back in your room in the middle of the night, but that's okay. Just be consistent about putting them to bed in their room. They need to feel safe and comfortable in their room, which is why you need to lay down with them when they go to sleep. By co-sleeping and breastfeeding, it takes longer to ween the babe off the boob and often leads to sleeplessness for you and babe. When you stop co-sleeping, the breastfeeding will be less frequent, naturally. But be sure to fill baby's tummy before bed with something filling. Lastly, if you want to get your baby off your boob, you can dab a little alum (white powder found in the spice section at grocery store) on your nipple. It tastes really disgusting and the baby won't like it, which will lead to no more breastfeeding. Then use cabbage on your breasts to help the milk dry up. I know it sounds wierd, but it's a good natural and cheap approach. Best of luck to you! Just remember, consistency at all times. Babies and children need to know what to expect. They don't like surprises, just like we don't.

Hi T.,

You may want to look at the book "No cry sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley. She describes multiple gentle methods that require more time and patience on your part if you want to avoid the cry-it-out method. There are tips that fit your situation with your soon to be one and two-year old. Also includes a good description of the fundamentals of infant sleep and sleep associations (like your daughter sucking to sleep). This book has helped me understand and have hope about my situation which is similar to yours but only involves one child.

Best Wishes
-J.

Hey T., When my son started coming to our bed everynight, my husband and I were in the same situation. Either he or I would sleep in the other room, or on the floor. We ended buying him a little car bed to kind of motivate him and explain to him that he was a big boy, and big boys sleep in "cool" beds. He was about 2 then, he just turned 5 last week and only sleeps in our bed when he's sick. My daughter is 2 1/2 and there are nights when she wants to sleep with us, but we explain to her that just like her brother sleeps in his bed, she's gotta sleep in her bed. I nursed her as well and as soon as she was done, back to her bed.

Dear T.,

Well, you and your husband need to get your minds together and make a plan and stick to it. You husband will probably want to be more , let's say, forceful, and you need to involve him in your plan for sure.

Your husband needs lots more private time with you. You guys will just have to tell your darling girls that they have to sleep in their own beds - and that is that. Just listen to them cry and cry and cry and cry.

Good Luck, C. N.

my oldest children both had to be asleep when they were laid down and cant exactly remember when they were able to go to bed on there own. but at some point you just have to start. it might be a little rough for a few nights but will get better. my oldest 2 were close in age and the younger of them seemed to get security from being in the same room with his sister. they are now 12 and 13 and i now have a 3 yr old that i recently took out of her crib and into a toddler bed. i think setting a routine is most important and then sticking with it. try a little supernanny with the not talking and putting them back in bed, stay close so they know they arent alone. maybe try getting the oldest into a routine first. praise her for being a big girl. it will be h*** o* you for a few nights but they will be ok and it does work.

Its going to be hard at first but you just have to be really really firm about taking them and putting them back into their own beds. When they cry for you check on them but do NOT allow them to come to your bed. If the older one shows up take her/him to the room put them back to bed and leave. Repeat as need. No need for conversation because that only encourages them. As for the younger one if its more of a pacifer she needs switch her to a nuk or some other brand. I never did the full breastfeeding myself and always incorporated formula. Good luck!

You must be firm in your decisions. The obvious problem is you are not yet willing to make the decision stick. That is your bed, right? They have their beds right? Where is the problem? Only in your inability to discipline everyone.

Time to take the one year old off the breast, do not give her a pacifier, something else to break her of later, but give her good nourishing food and juices. Be firm, a week and you will be through the worst of it.

Warm regards, E. H