Need Help Coping with 2 Year Old - Desperate!

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Sounds like you need some time to yourself. Do you have anyone that can take him of your hands for a little while? Maybe some counciling just to learn some relaxation techniques and get things off your chest. 2 is hard when your in your 20s and 30s. At 43 (me) I couldn't imagine trying to keep up with a toddler 24/7. Just know that you're not alone. Take a deep breath. You can get through this. e-mail me if you just need to talk ____@____.com.

C.

2 moms found this helpful

Understandable... Some babies just need mama a bit more than most..It's normal when you want time to yourself... If you're financially able, why not try to find a good daycare, just 1/2 day or so and you could get everything done in the mornings while he's wearing himself out in a place where there are no litterboxes.. When my youngest was that age she needed mommy constantly, but I had older kids to entertain her at times... other times I invested in a podegai I bought online and just straped her to my back.. I tell ya, after a couple hours in that sling she was ready for some time to herself..
A podegai is a japaneese style sling for babies worn on the back.. It's adjustable to the child's size/weight and sometimes I still use it, as my then 2 YO is now a 4 YO and we go hiking a lot.
Just a couple ideas here and I hope you find something that works,
A.
P.S. Try talking in a low voice.. I used to yell all the time, then one day I had laryngitis ( sp?) and could only whisper.. I found that the kids stayed quiet so they could hear what I was saying to them... ever since, I rarely yell... ever.. The quieter I talk, the quieter they get..

1 mom found this helpful

You have gotten a lot of wonderful advice, but I just want to add my two cents. I am also a SAHM of one with an almost 17 month old little girl and she runs from 0-60 and back again ALL day long. I've learned that as she gets older that I HAVE to set boundaries for her or else she'll walk all over me!! I also try to have play time with her for an hour or so at a time. We play HARD! I want her tuckered out for her naps. Usually, I don't even realize how much time has gone by. The other day we were having so much fun, when I looked at the clock it was 3 hours later! I know that you want your house to be neat and tidy, but it's just not going to happen right now. I've learned to kind of ignore the mess. I do the basic cleaning as often as I can, but if the dishes don't get done tonight...they'll be there tomorrow. If the vacuuming doesn't get done...it'll be there tomorrow. Try to give your little one all the time you can during the day. These times will go by so fast. When he's 5 and starting school, you'll be wondering where your little guy went.

I know that this is a little late but I only have e-mail at work. Just wanted you to know that you are not alone in feeling this way. I have an 8 year old with ADHD and a 7 month old baby girl. There are times that I sooo feel like "everybody just leave me alone"!!! That is completely normal. The worst thing you can do is feel guilty about it. It is completely normal to feel that way sometimes and guilt will only compile the issue. You may want to talk to your doctor about post partum depression. I know your little one is two but if you have felt like this alot since he was born that could be one source. (Yes, it can last for a couple of years...or at least that is what I was told). Also, you sound like you miss your career. I can understand. I tried the SAHM thing once and my son drove me nuts! I enjoy my career. It is what I do for myself. It gives me time away and a sense of accomplishment. When I go home at night I am so much more grateful for the time I have with my kids. I choose to work 4 ten hour days so then I have 3 days at home with them. It works great for me. Don't feel bad if you choose to go back or if you don't choose to go back don't feel bad about thinking about going back. Last but certainly not least. As a praying woman, you need to load yourself up with scripture. I am not sure if you are a Christian or not but if you are look up scripture that fits your situation and begin saying it to yourself. Write it on post it notes and put it where you will be constantly reminded not only of who you are but whose you are! Remember: You have not been given a spirit of fear but of POWER, LOVE, and a SOUND MIND! Children are a heritage from the Lord and the fruit of the womb is your REWARD! You can do this!!!

Hi K.. I'm a 49 yo grandma who lives with them all.Daughter ,son,inlaws,and grand kids.11 of us. My daughter ,who works full time, learned early to use all that energy for her benefit . She has three who are right up her behind from the minute she gets home so .She puts them to work helping out.They help pick up the floor they help do laundry and they help do dishes. Notice I say help. the house isn't perfectly clean but it is safe and the laundry gets done .evetually as do the dishes but she has a wonderful time with them because the are learning to take care of things and they are spending time together. That leaves them time to have fun together then too. good luck and may God bless you

Hi,
I just wanted to let you know that I feel for you. I am a stay at home mom of a 3 and 5 year old and I keep a 20 month old and a six year old through the week. My husband also travels and is usually gone from Wed through Sun every week. It can get very overwhelming and when you don't have daily support from your husband it can seem even more overwhelming. We were considering moving so that my husband could be home every night, but that would have put him home after the kids were in bed, so it wouldn't have been much different. That is one of the reasons that I didn't want to move is because I would have been leaving all of my support behind.
It is crazy how much you can crave adult contact when you stay at home with kids and your husband is gone. I have friends that I think would avoid my phone calls because I would just jabber on when I got ahold of one of them. I am so glad that you have found some things that have worked for you, and I think it is just finding a balance. You know he is going to be there with you, but when you are not used to having to hawk over someone it can drain you. If you need an understanding ear I would love to listen. Good luck to you.

M.O.P.S. is a great program for moms in your situation. It's something to check into.

I am wondering how you will ever get through all these emails! LOL

mddhf

K.,
YOU ARE SOOOO NORMAL!!!! I have three 14,9,4 and I went through the same things. I know you feel so overwhelmed and feel like your fighting a never ending battle but it will change!! Keep your head up and look towards the bright side. It could always be worse!!! Good luck.

I have 3 little ones at home (4 yr old girl and 1 & 3 yr old boys), the 3 yr old has so much energy that I think you could light the city of Akron with it... but I understand loving them to pieces. He is also very hard headed... we have found that he understand "sad". When he is really acting up we tell him "he is making us "sad"." He was in "time-outs" so much that he started asking us if it was ok to get down from the couch even when he wasn't in a time-out. Which broke my heart!

I understand we all would love to have clean houses, but with little ones it's almost impossible. I'm trying to teach my little ones to clean-up, but I get an "I'll get it" from hubby and then it ends up me cleaning it up because he forgets. But that's another issue... he is good with the kids, he is a stay at home dad, and he is stuck with them for quite a bit since I work full time and am a full time student. I try to give him his break on the weekends... and I was home with the crew most of last year. I just returned to work in Jan and school in Feb.

But on the weekends it is my job to get the laundry done from the week before, care for the kids, cook (and bake cookies or cake), clean, homework for school, tend to the garden or can when the time comes, do the groucery shopping and all the other mom/wife things. But Saturday and Sunday are the days I look forward to the most - even though I have 3 little ones running around and getting into everything. Just being home with them is a blessing!

If you are able to find a way to "calm" him down - please let me know. I love my kids with all my heart... and they are the reason I went back to school - I need a job/career I can count on to help me raise them... and the manufacturing industry in the US just isn't going to keep cutting it.

Sorry - guess I wasn't much help... I hope you are able to find some peace time. Good luck!

Although this is already after the update, I want you to know I understand every word you wrote. Thank you for having the guts to say it.

If you can afford it, put him into daycare 5 days a week. You don't necessarily have to have him there from open to close, but I am a firm believer that the Mommy needs to have her own sense of sanity before she can be the best mom for a feisty toddler. If that means structuring the days so that you can do what you need to while he is being well-cared for by someone else, then do it. Then you can have the real quality time alone with him when he is home. You will feel better and he may be better off. Daycares provide early education, social interaction, and structure - all positive things! So don't ever feel guilty about it.

Also,just in case, don't be afraid to look into Post-Partum Depression - it can last a lot longer than women realize and some never seek a diagnosis. It never hurts to find out.

Your little boy will be 2 only for a short time, you have the rest of your life to keep your house clean.

K.-

I completely understand where you are coming from- our two year old is a hand full too. It sounds like you may need a break to recharge yourself. I work parttime, so a couple days a week he is in a structured daycare where a new activity starts every half hour. I try to keep on a schedule at home too, but to be honest sometimes I just have to remind myself to let go and roll with whatever happens. We don't go out often since he is so unpredictable at this stage, but I have to rely a quick story for you. A couple months ago we were flying with Aidan to visit my parents and he was being diffucult (I will not be flying with him again for a couple of years!). I suspect many people around us were just praying we were not on their flight when a woman came up to me and said 'that fiesty colts make the best horses'. I think about that comment often- even though Aidan gets into a lot, he is a curious little guy and has a fun personality. I can see where these qualities will grow with him. I pay attention when my parents and friends parents tell stories of their more challanging kids and have found that those kids have grown into truly interesting adults. These thoughts sustain me when I have a rough day and I look forward to seeing what sort of person he will grow into.

i know i'm a lil late but you should join our mommies group. if you are interested go to
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Mommiesandbabiesgroup/
we're a great support system!!!! i think all of us SAHM's are in quite similar situations. we gotta be here for each other too:)

Hi K.,
I have 3 children ages 8, 6, and 3. My 8 yr old has always been high energy, high maitenance and completely exhausting physically, emotionally and mentally. Recently, I found a book called, A New Kid by Friday by Kevin Leman. It is a must read for every mom. Our kids must know that there are consequences for every behaviour good and bad. It has been extremely helpful for us and I would suggest it to anyone. Hope this helps and hang in there. ____@____.com should you want to talk more. L.

glad things are better

BREATHE - that is the best advise. It is a phase and soon he will settle down. Some people don't agree - but have you tried videos. My favorites are the Baby Einsteins. We have been working on sign language in my house so their video is always welcomed to put in for a little while. He is also at a good age for social interaction, or the beginnings of it. Have you got a play group?

I am a working mom of 4 boys - 8, 7, 2 and 1 so I understand because when I am home it is all about them and I stay up late to get the laundry done. The house isn't as clean as I want but I figure a little dirt never hurt anyone.

Dont cry, just remember they only stay this little for a short time.

If he's getting into rooms where he shouldn't be, I would suggest doorknob protectors and also hook and eye locks strategically places so even you can't reach it without standing on tiptoe(lol). Do you have a Gymboree where you live? Its a great way to blow off steam. Sometimes, I needed to just walk away from the situation when my kids really got on my nerves (yes, its ok)Sometimes all I needed was to go and de-fuse for a few minutes, and the kids were safe. I also look forward to bed time so I can have a second to form an ADULT thought. I read the Bible, watch tv and sometimes vent to another Mommie!!!

K.,
Everything that you are feeling is normal. Please don't be hard on yourself. Keep praying and asking God for guidance in raising this precious child. Mothering is one of the hardest jobs that there is!
Make sure that you do allow yourself some time to recharge and refresh, this makes you a better parent!
If you need some encouragement as far as your home and establishing routines that work for you, check out Flylady.net
She has a free mentoring website that sends you reminders throughout the day and there is all types of encouragement for all stages of life (finding her site changed my life)
I found that when I felt like I had nobody to talk to that it helped to journal and get my feelings down on paper.
Always remember, this too shall pass. Before you know it your little guy will be all grown up and you will be missing (sort of) these times :) I can't remember where I heard this quote so I can't give credit to the correct person- "The days are long but the years are short." Anyone with kids that are grown knows what I mean.
In closing, if you have feelings of depression that are severe or that last longer than 2 weeks you should really go to your family doc and get some help. There is no shame in asking for help but it is a real shame if you suffer in silence. I experienced some hard times after the birth of my second child and I didn't recognize the symptoms of my severe depression. It affected my parenting to the point that I felt like a poor parent. I got down so low that I didn't feel like there was help for me. It took a while but I got help and now my life is great.
Good luck to you and God Bless you and your family
remember Flylady.net :)

Hello I am a SAHM as well and have a 9yr, 2 1/2 and a 4month old. I can certainly relate to AHHHHHHH:) Relax and know that it will get better this is just a stage. Also know that this time of their life is when they learn the most. They are taking everything in to their lil minds right now. 2 year olds generally want all of moms attention rather it be good or bad. Try not to yell and scream at the child because it will likely work against you. Instead find a discipline plan. The biggest thing at this age is to follow through I can not stress that enough if you say if you do that one more time you are going to bed than if he does it you have to put him in bed. If you do not follow through than the rest of thE kids life will be spent ignoring your request. Myself I do timeouts whatever the age is how many minutes they spend in timeout. You will be surprised how much it hurts a two year old to sit for 2 minutes. Good luck hope I helped someway.
May God Bless You!!!

Hello there. DEAR you are NOT ALONE. I have 2 JUST like that. Avery my daughter is 4 in Sept and Quentin is 11 mo. I feel teh same way with the naps BUT Avery does not do naps that much anymore. She is NON stop from 7-8 am to 10 at night. I take Zoloft and IF I forget it I am WORSE. We do a quite time with Avery well TRY to when Q takes his nap it seems to help some IF she is quite... I will tell you to give him this stuff called Chamomille Calm I get it from Vitacost.com it is alittle over $7 and it does help ALOT with her. I really feel for you. Do you get help from your husband?????? That is a BIG one there. I had to talk to mine to have him help more. He is an AWSOME dad and plays with the kids alot but with the house he does not do much BUT since I did the talk he has been cooking and cleaning up some. He was not happy when I did the talk BUT I think he saw how bad it was for me. He works 2nd shift and gets home at 2 am and goes to bed and up at 10 or so sometimes sooner. we have had him home for the last 2 weeks from shut down at work and it has been SO NICE I hate to see him go back lol.... I hope things get better for you but just know you are NOT ALONE I am there with you times 2 lol.... I am 37 a SAHM as well. I get that way with wanting 10 min to myself. I just get my shoes on and say HUN I will be right back and I go outside for a walk and come back somewhat refreshed. Hope things get better for you.....

Hi K.,
I have 2 boys ages 5 & 8. When my 8 yr. old was 2 I felt the same way. He was a whirling dervish. He climbed things,crashed into things, jumped off of things, stomped things like Godzilla going through an Asian city, and (what got me in the most trouble at church) threw things. He wasn't being a lunatic or a brat. He was simply being a boy. It really upset me until I visited another mom w/ a boy. The mom was a bit over protective and wouldn't really let her her son do much of anything physical. And she would yell at my son for doing all of those things I mentioned. I also had other moms with a crazy boys like mine to relate to. This really helped me to relax a little. And as he matured, he calmed down a little. I'm glad for this b/c he's broken me in for my 5 yr. old. He's active and fearless, but he too has calmed down. They say that boys are physically challenging when they're little and girls are emotionally challenging when they're older. I'm not sure how true that is but it helped. My only advice would be to find other moms w/ boys and hang in there.
Hope this helps,
D.

google Mothers and More, and you will find their map. Click on your state, and all the chapters in that state will be listed. I don't know where you live, but hopefully there is a chapter in your community. Have you looked into your church? Sometimes there are groups at churches. Also, MOPS, Mothers of Preschoolers has a website you can look for a local group. Another group to look at is MOMS Club, at www.momsclub.org
I hope you find this helpful, to meet other moms in your area who can understand how you feel. Good luck. I understand about being an older mom. I am currently 45, and have a 5 yr. old. It feels like everyone else is lots younger than you. You will find you are not the only one.
R.

Raising children at your age can be rough.But you really have to get a grip on yourself and STOP yelling at your son.You can do terrible damage to his spirit and developmental growth.You must be firm in your discipline but at the same time with lots of love.It is very hard during the toddler years. It is more important to have a happy child than a messy house. The house will always be there but your son will only be two once.Personally I think all the gates are wrong, kids need to explore, put all your treasures where he can not get them and let him explore. Be sure all house cleaning products and such are out of reach. Exploring his own home is not being bad it is natural.If he is too much at times put him in his room and close the door, put a nanny cam in there and you can watch him that way.I grew up with being told "NO" and listened but most two year olds are not so obediant.But I was the first grandchild who had Aunts only 2 and 5 years older than myself.My Mom was only 17 when I was born, Dad was 19 and very responsible and took me every where but work.Even after my sister was born I was still daddy's little girl, and at 48 I'm still his baby. You will survive just forget about having to clean the house and enjoy your son.

Hey, K.! It sounds like what you need is a shoulder to cry on, a pat on the back, and a mommy's night out! Because...psst...that two year old and his antics ain't goin' nowhere fast, so get used to it! ;) I have a TWO and THREE year old, so I know exactly what you mean.

Also, have you ever considered getting Nolan into some activities at maybe a local YMCA like art class or swimming or tumbling or whatever else they have for kids his age (it's not a lot like karate and soccer...always gotta be 3 for that kind of stuff)? And yes, that stuff is costly, but your sanity has no price. I think that Nolan is probably just super active and needs more stimulating ways to release his good old 2-year-old energy! In other words, TIRE HIM OUT! ;) I know you need to do housework and all the other one million things us mommies and daddies have to do, but I would spend at least 2-3 hours a day getting old buddy boy pooped out so that he's fulfilled and not getting into each and every little thing all the time.

Hello K.!

Gosh - I can sympathize! I had my one and only son when I was 35...what a culture shock it was particularly between 2-4 - up until then I wanted 2-3 kids but I do babies much better than toddlers. My son is now 13 and my pride and joy but here is what I did...around the same age I was going crazy...and by the end of the day when my husband came home I was very sad because I felt I had nothing to talk about...so one day I first decided both my son and I needed something to do -- so he could find playmates and I could see big people. I started a home based business and my first customer had 4 glorious children and she didn't mind the fact I needed out of the house and he needed socialized. This greatly reduced stress. Once I started making some pocket money (make a lot now with the same business but at the time that was not my objective)...I started paying a "mommy's helper" to come in and entertain my son for 4 hours a week. I was still home but I could go to my room and read a book or clean the house good, or work on my business. She turned out being a powerful influence on him as she was very young but quite the artist. He loved to see her coming with her art supplies. Today he draws and sketches extremely well and wants to be a movie director. Finally, while I played small amounts on other days - I made it clear I had work to do but in exchange I would dedicate one day a week to playing exclusively with him - what he wanted and where he wanted if we would let me get everything else I needed to do done the rest of the week. I would just set his toys up in the kitchen if I was cooking, by my desk if I was working, etc. But his job was to play and mine was to take care of the house and work except on play day when it was his special day. I wouldn't say I would want to do the toddler thing again --- but it truly helped to have the business to talk to my husband about and what happened during the day, and to have the helper in was a great experience for him(just be sure you really really like them as they do end up highly influencing your child), and of course he felt like a king everyday with "Play Day". Best Wishes - it only gets better - he is now looking for his dream car for when he turns 16.....- A., The Avon Lady

Hi, K.,

I certainly feel for you here. My daughter is 2. Not only does she like to be under-foot constantly, she also likes to get into EVERYTHING. It doesn't matter how many times we say no to her, she does things she knows she shouldn't do anyway.

One thing that I've found to work occasionally is for me to ask her to draw me a picture. She has no idea what she's doing, but it keeps her busy for a few minutes. Most of the time, I end up showering with her and we have bath crayons. Having her draw a picture of a puppy (which, of course, is nothing but scribbles) keeps her occupied for a few minutes. It allows her to use her imagination and then allows me a way to communicate with her (joining her on her own level and asking her things about the picture she just drew).

It'll take time, but it will pass. Hang in there. You're a great mama!

God bless,
A.

P.S. If you ever need someone to talk to, feel free to contact me. I'm a SAHMama as well (I have two munchkins.)

I can remember when my children were that age and when I knew they were in bed for the night ( and ASLEEP!) I felt like an elephant had been lifted from my chest. I would call my sister, who is younger and didn't have children at the time, and she would comment but I don't think she really understood how stressful some days could be. That is until she had a two year old a couple years later. Then I remember her calling me one night and telling me "SHE GOT IT!"
I don't think any of us understand how challenging it can be to stay at home and raise children until you do it!
You trully are doing the hardest job on earth, but it will pay off.
I think it definitly helps to set boundaries for you and your child. Tell him "no" when you need to and enforce it. Give him an alternative activity so he has something to do right next to you if he wants to be beside you all the time. I think it is hard at first but after awhile he will catch on. Every day is different and you have to learn you need to go with it.
I also definitly agree with a mommy's night out. Take time for yourself and you will be a better parent and spouse. If you have a dog walk the dog "by yourself" you need time to clear your head.
Invite some girls over for an evening of fun. I have a mobile spa business and I pamper moms who need a night like that. I feature products from BeautiControl and you and your friends deserve a night of pampering. Lots of fun!
Call me today to schedule your spa and receive FREE product,too!
Hope these ideas help!

Jennifer Friedl
###-###-####
____@____.com

You need to relax about things. Can you take a few days away and just think about it? Maybe put him in a pre-school for 1/2 a day or a couple of days a week?
The first thing to remember is the life style you were used to living is over for awhile. You had a schedule of some sort, your house was neat, and you had a lot of time to do whatever you wanted to do. Now there is a child there who takes up a lot of time, messes things up constantly, and requires a lot of attention.
Yelling isn't helping either one of you!!! Keeps your blood pressure up and you aren't liking yourself at all!! The good thing here is that you realize it and don't like it!!
He is interested in everything. Checking it all out. Underfoot, yes, messy, yes, busy, yes, active, yes, and just being a boy, yes. You aren't allowing yourself the peace of mind to enjoy it, you are fighting it tooth and toe nail and wanting the peace and quiet and the neatness you had put in place.
You need to relax and find a way to accept the fact the terrible twos are just that, terrible!!! From there you will move on to the even more terrible threes, the frustrating fours, the frightening fives etc. up the line!!
Have him help you clean up the mess, he isn't to young to start learning to pick up and put things away when he is done with them, make it a game.
I am not condemning you or trying to make light of the situation, believe me. I was pretty set in my ways when I had the first one at 28 and then next one 23 months later. Believe me, the mess never ended. My husband and I took on our foster daughter's child when I was 42 and I was still dealing with the teenagers and started all over with a baby. I still have the mess, I still have him getting into things he shouldn't be, and I still have him moving non-stop from morning until bed every night, the difference is I am now a widow and have to cope all by myself. Frankly I couldn't vacuum the playroom for 3 months because we were waging a war about whether or not he was ever going to clean it up. I finally boxed up everything that wasn't put away and we are still sorting out the boxes two weeks later and now I can't vacuum the livingroom completely until we finish!!! He still spills things, won't leave me alone to go to the bathroom or take a phone call, and he moves from thing to thing like lightening!!!
I learned to relax about it. It wasn't easy, I don't like the mess (and this is 28 years later), but I have learned to just sigh, take a long bath and step over part of the mess. If it isn't all cleaned up tonight I will finish in the morning or tomorrow evening. Playing with the building blocks or legos for an hour is more important than vacuuming up the cat hair. He will go to bed and I can vacuum then, take my bath and read for half an hour. If the dishes don't get washed tonight they will wait they aren't going anywhere.
You need a night out/day out with the girls.
Take a deep breath, think about how much you love this little person, how long you waited to have him, and remember how wonderful it is when he hugs you, smiles at you, and how nice it is to cuddle with him.
Join a support group, other mother's with small children who are going through the same frustrations you are enjoying (LOL) and discuss how they cope.
I will pray for you.

This too shall pass. This age is hard because they want to explore EVERYTHING they can get their little hands on. I to find myself excited sometimes for my youngest to go down for a nap or to bed for the night. It's normal. We love our kids. But it is hard and if anyone say's it's easy.....they lie...lol
Maybe try getting him into a play group. That way it gets both of you out of the house for a while. I always feel better leaving and coming back. Maybe try a part time daycare. That way he gets interaction with other kids and you get free time. He too gets frustrated and needs an outlet. It would do him good to play with other kids in another setting other then the same old walls he's used to looking at.

Hope this helps....

K.,
It sounds like you need a break! You didn't mention his dad. Are you a single mom? You need someone to take Nolan for a couple hours, so you can re-charge your battery. Try it a couple times, see if it helps with how you react to him. If you still find yourself with a short temper, talk to your doc. Good luck to you!

I know it is very hard to deal with an active child. One thing you might try is letting him "help" you with the laundry, dishes, dusting, etc. It might take a little longer to get done but he won't be making other messes in the meantime. He can help put the clothes in the washer or dryer, that you hand him, he could pretend to dust if you give him a rag to do it with and he can "wash" some of the dishes with your guidance. I know this sounds like more work but it can help you keep your sanity. I have cried myself to sleep also and it can make you wonder "what were you thinking creating this child."
As far as getting time to yourself someone else HAS to take over for a while and let you have time to yourself. This may only be taking a bubble bath while he is still awake so you can do other things while he is asleep, taking a walk alone or just going out for a soda with some friends but you have to do it or you will be very unhappy.
So tonight make plans ahead of time, hand the boy over to someone else and tell them you'll be back in an hour or so. Yes, you do have to come back. :)
Hang in there!! God will bless you in this most important job in the whole world.

Dear K.,

I'll make this quick cause I've got to go wake upmy son for camp soon (unless he wakes up on his own hopefully...)

I just have a few thoughts..one is, I think that mother's who are "thrown into this" in thier 20's, before they really have a life/ career, etc. of their own, are sometimes better off because they don't know what they missed!! I had my son at 32 (just turning 33) and boy has it been an eye opener! He is now 4--and it DOES get so so much easier, so hang in there, you are at a rough phase. We are thinking about another baby and boy--do I know what I'm in for this time around (yikes!) But age 4 seems so so much easier.

My suggestions to you for now, to get through/ enjoy your life and your son more:

-schedule a sitter, at least for a few hours a week, and use the time to do the following: talk therapy!!, exercise by yourself (sans stoller)--I suggest yoga and cardio, get a mani-pedi, get your hair cut and colored, go out to lunch with a friend (leave the kids behind for once),etc. take care of you, "Cause if Moma aint happy, ain nobody happy!"

-join a mother's club in your commuinty. this will hook you up with other moms, help you find activities, and perhaps you and your son can join a playgroup. I think connecting is key. you don't feel so alone and stressed!

-last, take Nolan to the local library once a week at least. it's free, he can play at the train table or with the toys while you can sit and read (barnes & noble works too) together you can check out books and read them together before bedtime at night. you'll be helping him and you!

-last, what did you do before you had him (career?) can you do that slightly part time/ on the side? I personally find that working a little, even if it's volunteering or part-time/ somthing you can do from home helps you gain some sanity and independence! read "The Feminine Mistake" about these types of choices.

Good luck and I hope you start feeling better--I truly do. I think this website is great for supporting other women! C.

Hi K.....
You mentioned that you haven't found a mommy group yet....I just noticed in the little Maineville magazine that I get that there is a Moms Group Chapter in the Maineville/Loveland area. Open house is August 14th I believe at around 10:30am at the Methodist (oh gosh I hope this is right)church on 22&3 near the Loveland Kroger! I'm am only working part-time and thinking of joining! My step-daughter's mom is in a Mom's Group and it is UNBELIEVABLE what all that they do! The support in her chapter is amazing!....think about it!!!

Take care! and take a deep breath and be thankful that your child is normal and healthy!

I just had to say OMG!!! I am SOOOO RIGHT THERE WITH YOU!

"I have been told he is strong-willed, very active and very curious. I tell myself it will serve him well later. " I have heard this sooo many times! Maddox is a loving and sweet kid, but I am at wits end. He goes to my mother's 3 days a week and is literally a PERFECT ANGEL there! Then at home he is what we call the tazmanian devil. He is SUPER whiny and such a pain most of the evening. I just can't take it! And he throws food and everything else! Not at grandma's thow. She says... it is just not allowed here... like I allow him to do it! I say no, do time out, take away what he is throwing, ignore the tantrums, get at eye level and try to talk, EVERYTHING!!! And none of it works! I am holding on to the prayer that this is a phase and will be over before I crack. I know that NONE of this helps, but I wanted you to know that I am SOOOO right there with you!!!

Hi K.,
I just wanted to tell you that you're NOT a failure. I think perhaps a lot of your frustration comes from leaving your career to stay home. When you work outside the home, you come expect a sense of accomplishment in your work. You see a completed product and earn praise and accolades from your employer. Staying at home isn't quite the same. I think many women see maintaining the condition of their home as their job. They want that sense of accomplishment from keeping the house clean and orderly. In the meantime, as you're cleaning and organizing, you have this destructive little person following right behind you undoing all you have just done. No one in the outside workforce has that to contend with! I mention all this because maybe, if you can get to the root of your frustration, you'll have an easier time coping. I, personally, had deal with this as well. I had to let go of my need for cleanliness. It wasn't easy, but I just kept telling myself that keeping the house clean isn't my primary job - raising a happy little girl is. I clean when she is napping (knowing that she will get up and make a mess again, but at least I have a couple hours of order!)Now, I look at my house with crayon marks on the wall and yogurt stains on the carpet and say with pride, "Anyone who visits will surely know that a toddler lives here!"

I'll keep you in my prayers that this will get easier for you. In the meantime, don't beat yourself up. You're human! You're not perfect. But you're Nolan's mommy and he LOVES you! You are doing the best you can; no one can expect more than that. :)

All my best!
A.

FYI...my now four-year-old was the exact same way at 2...I thought I would lose my mind!! He wouldn't EVER just 'play' with anything...he was constantly in trouble! Well, as he turned 3 he got SO much easier...and although he will always be my 'challenge' (he is one of my 5 kids), he is easier to deal with at each birthday. So, just hang in there! Hopefully he will outgrow it a little! =) Good luck!!!

I understand how you feel! It's amazing how angry, quickly and easily, these little "angels" can push your buttons and make you extremely hostile and then the guilt after gettign upset with them whe nthey are just being cute, funny playful... But we see it as making more messes, the danger they put themselves in... I am getting ready to have baby #5. I don't know the solution, sorry, but the only thing I do that can inastantly turn my anger into love is to grab my 18 mo old or 3 yr old is to hold them and give them lots of kisses. It's better than the alternative of losiong cool and it helps to remind me how little they are. I save picking up toys for nap time and bed time. When my 3 yr old and teens were about 2 I would asdk them if they could pick up 10 toys, we'd count how many toys they were picking up. Usually by the time they got to 10 they were having so much fun they wanted to keep counting.

It can be very hard with how clingy little ones can be. It's alost as if the dr forgot to cut the cord after delivery! One day YOU WILL miss how much they cling to you though! If they house is a wreck really who cares? Save the clean up for when you little guy can't go back and destroy it right away! It will help to relieve some of your stress!
Goodluck and know that you are not alone!

Have you considered a mother's helper? I have hired at 14 year old girl to come 8:30-12:30 during the week. I have 8, 5, and 2 year old girls. I am also 30 weeks pregnant. I found it really helps to have some time to myself in the mornings. I can sleep in, exercise, do some laundry, read email, etc while she is here. We pay her $100/week. I am usually home while she is here unless I run an errand.

Honey, I am a 45 year old mother of a five year old and I have two older ( teens ) as well. They grow up so fast!!! I used to be just the way you are with your little one with my oldest daughter. I thought being the perfect mom was keeping her clean, and having a spotless house. I focused so much on that that I didn't even enjoy her toddler years. Then I had my baby at 40,,, Big Difference,,, I just sit on the pile of dirty laundry with her and we read books and just have a relaxed atmosphere and I throughly enjoy her.. Every little mess, every little misbehavior... I soak it all up, because I know that she will soon grow up quick like my other children have and I will never ever get that moment back. When she is up, I spend every moment with her.. I include her in my simple cleaning chores... I never yell at her,,,Think about it, when someone yells at you? Do you actually listen? No,,, To a 2 year old it sounds like blah, blah, blah,,, and he might think,,,Oh mom's mad... I don't know... just Enjoy Whatever You Are Doing

I used to hate reading books to my daughters, because I was so overwhelmed with other responsibilities . I finally changed my mind. It is amazing what happens when you decide to enjoy God every day. It is easy to get so caught up in all your responsibilities that you forget to enjoy what you are doing.
You can get so busy raising your children that you forget to enjoy them. You can get so caught up in cleaning your house, trying to pay for it, and remodeling it, that you forget to enjoy it. But you can learn to enjoy God so much that no matter what you do today, you can truly say, “I enjoyed it.”
I hope this helps a little bit.

okay, seriously you need to take a deep breathe and ask for help from your husband. Two year olds get into to things when there are no routines and no boundaries. you need to set a routine, you need to make sure he has activities that are keeping him busy both physically and mentally. Use the time out chair or step or corner, he can sit there for 2 minutes, get down to his level, eye to eye and tell him why he is in trouble, yelling does not work, it only stimulates him more and makes him want your attention more. You should consider yourself lucky that a little boy wants to follow you around all day, you are his mother his hero, his everything, relax K., noone ever said motherhood is easy but it is worth every minute of every day to see them grow and develop.
IF none of this works for you, you should consider parenting classes, that will teach you some coping skills

Also read the book Positive Discipline and watch the supernanny, she has some really good advise

Two year olds are curious little fellows.
My grandson is two now. My daughter tells him no very firmly, no yelling. THen, if he continues, "you're going in time out if you don't stop". Then, she puts him in bed or playpen with toys, books, etc.
Yelling is one of the worst things you can do. Soon he will yell back at you. You need to talk firmly, sternly when you mean business.
Two is a great age to start discipline. Also, make him your helper. When I have my grandson over, I let him help me put the wash into the dryer and take it out and put it on the bed. He loves it. I also have one kitchen cabinet that has plastic, tupperware, etc that he is allowed to play with when I am in the kitchen. Then, when he is done, I throw it all back into the cabinet.
If he has too many toys being strewn around the house, put most of them in the closet. Let him have 5-10 toys on a shelf he can reach. THis is what my daughter has done also. HE still gets the toys all over the house, but at least it is not so many.
Hope this helps. Remember, nothing lasts forever.

I feel the same way a lot of times.i try not to yell.

Let me know the advice you get .. Good luck

Hello K.,

I totally agree with the others, YOU are definately NOT alone! My 4 are pretty much grown or on their way to it. I started at 19 and am now almost 42. My oldest daughter is living with us for awhile, she is almost 23 and has a 2 1/2 yr old and a 5 weeks old (lil Boys). I watch my grandson Cameron and wonder how I ever lived through mine lol.

We have doorknob protectors on ALL the doors so he can't get in, now if I can get my 15 and 17 yr old girls to remember to SHUT the doors all will be fine there. I keep telling myself that I DID my job but I am forever chasing him out of things along with his mother.

Cameron watches Dora the Explorer which gives us all a break, along with his favorite - Sponge Bob! lol I go to my room on occasion just to get away from all the noise and watch my TV progrmas and Cameron will eventually come to my room and want up in my bed. I absolutely love this child to death! But I find I LOCK my door to keep him out with his mommy sometimes. What's funny, is he has learned how to unlock my bedroom door (gives that constipated look) lol. Thats when the doorknob protectors came in lol.

I wish you the best and if you ever need a ear, drop me a message. I will be glad to listen and offer whatever advice I can. It's just nice to know you have someone there who will listen when you need it. One other thing I wanted to leave with you... A long time ago a lady who runs a parenting class told me something that stuck with me. When dealing with your kids and you find yourself yelling alot. *Think* "Would you talk to your friends that way?" Most would say NO!, then why would you talk to your child that way. Makes sense huh.. Still hard at times to remember it lol.

T.

K., I know I'm a little late in responding, but, just wanted to add something as well. I have an In-Home daycare center. I've been in business for 15 yrs. & have taken courses for my trade in Early Childhood Development. All experts say boundaries are the key & consequences. A child from age 18 mos. completely understands cause & effect. So, don't for a minute think that your son doesn't know that he is pushing your buttons, HE KNOWS ! This child, like most of my toddlers need immediate consequences & then an explanation after their timeout as to why you put them in timeout & get down to his level & MAKE him look you in the eyes when you say: "Mommy WILL NOT tolerate your behavior (be specific: touching the kitty litter, touching the whatever). Be consistent & immediate. After a week or two, depending on how strong willed he is, you'll see a different child. He needs to know that you are in charge b/c you are the adult and that he needs to abide by "rules" b/c he is the child. If a child doesn't have rules, boundaries & structure they feel very insecure & unsettled in their environment and therefore use bad behaviors. By not setting boudaries, rules and telling him that you WILL NOT tolerate it, parents are doing their child a grave injustice. I have to admit I run a very tight ship, but, it totally works. Otherwise, they'd have me duct-taped to the rocking chair all day ! Your son knows more than you'll ever know, and he will eventually respect the fact that you are the adult & he is the child who is expected to abide by the "house rules". Period ! Once he realizes all of these things, and HE WILL, you both will be much happier and even closer than before. Good Luck and keep us posted as to his progress. Hugs-Hugs-Hugs.

Welcome to ANY two year olds mothers nighmare....lol. I watch a friend of mines son and he is almost 3 and I can't get much done when he is here because you never know what he might get into. When he is quiet you know he is into something....lol. Its a faze that all mothers go through. I have had 3 children and they all went through that faze. He is just curious about everything. You'll make it. Is there someone that can watch him once a week or maybe put in a day care for a day or two a week. That will help a bit. I'm not sure what age group but there is also Head Start. Tehy come out to your house once a week and then he goes to there class once a week. That might be something to look into.

You're not alone with your feelings. 2 year olds are busy little ones! I have a 5 and 2 year old and I will say she sounds a lot like your son. She really needs to stay busy and when she's bored, she comes out with marker all over her or torments her brother. she escapes from the house, therefore I have to keep an eye on her constantly. I've learned that if I sit down with her for 30 min. intervals and actually play with her with and give her my undivided attention throughout the day then she cuts me some slack! :) She really enjoys playdough, painting, little people. Yes, it's a mess at times, but this has saved me some headaches and tears!! Just know you're not alone on this one. I feel your pain.

Hi K. first off don't yell at him, he make think that yelling is the only way to get your attention and he does. Check on the internet or talk to your pediatrition and see what they come up with. Good Luck

oh boy! take a deep breath. i know how you feel. this phase will pass over time. Have you tried any playgroups or time for yourself? Maybe that would help. Sometimes I relax with a cup of tea, or a really long shower. gosh I remember the terrible two's, just when I thought I couldn't take anymore... the phase passed (she's now 5 and headstrong!!) Hang in there!

S.
www.SuccessAtHome.info

Hang in there K.. It will get easier. He is just curious. Try to find toys that stimulate his curiosity. It sounds like you need help watching him so you can get a break. If it is financially possible for you, hire a Mommy's helper. A young girl would love to babysit, you can be home, but she would watch him. This would allow you to get some work done, plus alone time. I too am older. I am 47 and have a 3 1/2 year old son. It does get overwhelming sometimes and because we are older, we are more used to having order and things done a certain way. I had to lower my standards a little on how orderly the house is etc. Good luck to you and hang in there.

Hi,
I am a 45 year old with a 3 year (yes i got a late start also).I wouldn't give my daughter Lola up for anything and it does get easier as she gets closer to her 3rd BD(this Sautrday)I also work a few days a week as a nurse and she goes to a baysitter which I love. I still try to go golf with my firends or dinner once a week it gives her and daddy time to bond. And I have just taken a" me "day every now and then and gone for a spa day with a girlfriend. Make sure you keep him on a scheudule I think that really helps, have you tried movies he might like, so you can get some housework done, I get them at the Lobrary and don't buy them untill I'm sure she likes them (we are into Dora now)Best of luck!!!!!!

Hey K., hang in there! This mommy thing is great isn't it!?I have 4 boys ages 5 and under and I stay at home too. Nap time is my favorite! Amyway, I've read a couple of parenting books that gave me a few new ideas, some encouragement, and reinforced some things that I've believed in already. "The New Strong -Willed Child", "Dare to Discipline","Bringing up Boys" all by Dr. James Dobson and "Family Building" and "New Parent Power" both by John Rosemond. I found them all at my local library.

K.,
I live in the Pickerington/ Canal Winchester area. I do child care. If you would like i could take him for you just for a few hours or what ever your comfortable with. I have two other two year olds I watch. Maybe being with other kids might help. Let me know....Im willing to help.
A.
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I have had a lot of health problems but the doctors haven't found any real problems...I think much of it is due to stress. Stress can wreak havoc on us mentally, physically and emotionally. It also can cause us to overreact to daily events...you may feel overwhelmed and it comes out as anger towards others. When I start my day purposefully to be calm and in control I do much better. I struggle with having too high of expectations for myself and when I stumble I feel terribly guilty. Just know that you are not alone but you are too strong and too smart to fail.

I know you have gotten tons of great advice, but I wanted to comment on the daycare. Daycare is not only a positive for you but for him as well. He gets to have a set routine, interact with others and be in a situation where the person in charge is not also "mommy". He will get to see how his actions affect others besides you. I work full time and both of my kids are in daycare and when we have long weekends or vacation if very visible the change in behavior and mood, because they are out of thier routine. They like being are other kids (thier friends) and I think it definately helps them develope alot of social interaction skills. Besides I think most momswill agree with me in saying small kids are always better for the babysitter than mommy!!!! Use daycare as a resource...it is not a cop-out!!!!

Hi, K. --

You know what your problem is...? Same as mine, I think -- you became a Mom after you already knew who you were as a person! My Mom had me in her 20s, before she ever got the chance to really taste any kind of freedom or control over her own life, so having a little maniac to control her life didn't feel so extreme.

Flash forward 33 years, and I with my own small maniac, got my world ROCKED! When you've been used to some personal space and some spontaneity and ability to keep things in their place, having a child can feel like running into the eye of a hurricane!

It sounds like you're doing all the right things! My encouragement is this -- try NOT to yell at him because it's not good for him or for you, and it will make communicating with him more difficult down the road if he learns early on to tune you out, even when you're at top volume. I say this because this has been something I have had to REALLY struggle to keep in check. I've been successful, and I give myself a lot of props for this, because my daughter has the very strongest of wills. Sometimes, I've thought some of our "darkest hours" would never come into the light.

But she's 3.5 now, going on 12 ;), and she's terrific! In fact, I've had to scale back on some of my formerly very stringent discipline because she no longer behaves like a wild pony on a rampage. She's calmed down so much that usually a good talk and some reasoning brings her around and corrects her behavior. THAT is the way I want it... much better than yelling and pulling my hair out -- which I did internally, if not externally, when she was at her worst.

I think 2 years old is a hard age... they are exploring everything, so curious, really testing their boundaries, wanting to show you all they can do, wanting to learn what else they can do, dependent on you and also indignant at the things you won't give them independence on! Whew! I feel ya!

I feel like the most important thing is love and discipline. The two have to be in balance. And, as a mom who works from home at my "virtual" desk, I ALWAYS have to remind myself that my stress from work is NOT my daughter's fault and she never deserves to be the recipient of my bad day at the office. We did bring these little people here, intentionally, so we've got to step back, take a breath, remind ourselves that they are not little us's but their own, small, inexperienced people, and we've got to get down to their level.

I received some very good advice recently -- which I REALLY didn't want to hear because I wanted to be told I was doing everything right ;)! Nevertheless, the advice was - once you've told your kid the rules, don't keep hammering on Don't and Stop, but, instead on redirection into Do's and Try's and challenges to channel them into the things you WANT them to do. That, for me, was some tough medicine, for whatever reason -- maybe because I always feel I'm trying so hard to do the right thing. But it's become my new mantra, and I'll tell ya, it's working!

So, I wish you luck and comfort in the knowledge that your feelings are SO normal and you are right to want a break for you! I hope you find just the right situation to give you some peace of mind.

Take care,
H.

K.;
Besides incubating and delivering a baby - raising our babies is the very hardest job there is, BUT also the most rewarding.
When our little ones hugs us and tells us they love us and want to be just like us - well it makes me feel about 10 feet tall.
It's really a full time job - 24 hours a day. No one knows our children better than we do. Some parents refuse to see the little ones faults and thats the pity - because these children has a strike against them from square one.
No set of rules or how to comes with our children - they are a lot alike in many ways but they also are complete opposits.I think they are our little miracles - they start out so small and grow into big sized adults.
If you want to see what kind of parents we are - just watch our children - we have the first 5 years to form their personalty. Then everyone they meet becomes their teachers. But the foundation starts in the home.
I'm not trying to be critical - I think your son is very fortunate to have a mama that sees problems and is willing to do something to correct them.
The key is patience and in the process we teach our children patience. They are bright and much smarter than they are given credit for. They know which of our buttons to push to get their way. So hang in there and learn from your son.
I wish you the best for you and your son.
D. Y.