Need Advice with 2 Year Old Tantrums During Car Rides

What I've found with my kids is setting expectations makes a huge difference in good behavior. I let my kids know what the plan is for the day, everyday. I also tell them, ahead of time, where we are going, what we'll be doing there, and what I expect from them. This does not have to be negative. In fact, when I present shopping & errands in a positive manner & tell them if they're good & we get things done quickly we'll be able to get back home and do what they want...etc.

By the way, I think that this is pretty typical for this stage, 2-3yrs for kids to start to know what they want and be very upset when things don't go their way--being consistent helps.

J.
www.workngfrmhome.com

My son is in tantrum mode, too. It's hard to stay calm in the car because it gets SO LOUD in there when he's screaming. I turn the radio up a little bit and sing along to stay calm. This doesn't usually help my son at all (I'm not a good singer), but it makes me feel good. How can you yell when you are singing your favorite song?

Hi M..

I just want to say how awesome you are to notice the "Why" he threw the tantrum in the car.
If rarely I can spot the "why" with my little one, I take a moment and repeat to him what I hear him saying then he understands that I get it and usually after the 3rd of 4th time of me repeating his feelings to him he often calms down then I just tell him what we will be doing.
The hard part is staying calm and understanding the trigger for the tantrum.
My 4 year old throws tantrums more now then ever, he really wants to be independent and I know it is frustrating when things don't go the way we want them or expect them to.

here's what worked for us...
ensure they are strapped in, tell them it's unacceptable to act that way, decide on a consequence (for us it was easy to say "no dresses for a week" - it worked!), and do NOT give in.
After doing this 3 times, our daughter got the message and pretty muched stopped with tantrums.
I am not a very patient person and it took a while to get 3 consistent tantrums like that.
How did I stay calm? I either turned off the radio and focused on the road or i turned on a cd and sang along in my head.
The key for me for all of the tantrum issues was to NOT give in to what they wanted and to ALWAYS ensure there was a consequence.
Best of luck!

Making sure you don't drive places when your child is tired or hungry is a good start, but beyond that, I'm mystified. Wait it out, is all I can think of. It's the age.

You did the right thing by returning home and not rewarding him with a family visit. Next time, try starting with the positive, like "Daddy's going to see us soon and play fun games with us, just soon after we visit _______". I always have lolipops with me too. That always calms my son down as well as a Raffi CD. I had a friend with me one day in the car and her son was just screaming. She didn't know what to do, she wanted me to take her home. I put in the Raffi CD and he stopped crying, immediately. You can get Raffi at Target, Walmart or the Library. Trying to reason with a 2 year old is next to impossible.

My almost two year old has always hated riding in the car - she is alright for about the first 15 minutes, but even if we are going somewhere she likes, she still puts up a fuss. In fact, shes thrown such huge tantrums in the car that she's made herself throw up a few times (talk about drama!). As a mother dealing with the TERRIBLE TERRIBLE twos, there doesn't always need to be a reason for the tantrum.

As long as you know your son is dry, fed, and doesn't physically need anything, try to stay calm and ignore the tantrum as much as possible. I have a whole mess of toys that I keep in a mesh bag in the car that are toys ONLY for the car that my daughter gets to play with only in the car (books, musical toys, stuffed animals, cooking utensils, etc). I also always bring a sippy cup of water for her - sometimes, thats all it takes to head off a big meltdown. I discovered that my daughter was very sensitive to the sun on her while driving - and because of her destructiveness, we couldn't use one of those pulldown shades as she would take them apart - so now she has special sunglasses she gets to wear in the car too. I know several mothers that started bringing a portable DVD player in the car on longer trips, and while I don't use one myself, I don't see anything wrong with a kid watching an episode of sesame street instead of throwing a giant of a tantrum.

Know that you cant really prevent the tantrums, but you CAN try to turn the car ride situation into a more pleasureable experience with toys, drinks, and maybe a special song cd just for your child. Have your son help you pick out some special car toys so that you know he will enjoy the toys you give him.

Dear M.,

You cannot prevent him altogether, but you can begin to warn him before you leave - be sure he understands that you two are going and tell him where ever it is...also explain that Dad isn't going, but that you two are going to come back and see Dad soon. Just a few words and not too much. You might repeat it a couple of times separately. then when it is time to go... just say we are going to leave in 2 minutes, or something like that. Then, it is time to go, pick him up and take him no matter what his reaction is. It does not hurt to let him cry in the car. My gr grandchildren did and they are still alive and happy and getting on with their lives. Sometimes they both were crying at the same time. Cute - to me, but not to Momma.

Now, as to stopping his crying. Just let him do that. You don't like to have someone tell you to stop crying, do you? Well, he doesn't either.

Good Luck, C. N.