B.W. asks from Grenada, MS on November 30, 2006
Need Advice on Sister-in-Law
I need some advice! I have a sister-in-law that is just..... Well, I don't know how to explain her. This is my HUSBAND's Brother's Wife. In the past (approximately 5 years ago), she was sending emails to my home, from a "yahoo" or "Hotmail" account, pretending to be someone else. In these emails, she wrotes poetry type things, with sexually explicit comments in them, about my husband, CLAIMING to have been having an affair with him. Let me remind you, she is pretending to be someone she is not. I don't THINK anything is going on, in that we live 3 hours or so from each other.... and he does not have a job that takes him to traveling like that. I traced this back to her, got an apology, and moved on with my life. It took me a LONG time to even want to be around her again, but I did it for my kids.
NOW, starting in October and through November, I am now getting ECARDS with the same type stuff in them, from made up emails. I did get the IP number, talked to my internet provider, and was told WITH a subpoena, I could find out who this was. I told her about them, and told her of my plans to find out through the courts and press charges on this person. It took her 1 day EXACTLY to come clean with me and admit to doing this.
My questio to you is this.... How am I supposed to deal with this situation? I don't want to keep my kids from family, BUT there is only SO much a person can take! I can't stand to talk to her, see her, much less be around her. Her husband knows, but I don't know HOW MUCH he knows?
ANY help would be GREATLY appreciated!
I wanted to add, that my husband DOES know everything.
So What Happened?™
I took some advice from you guys. I have talked to my husband. We have decided that we will go to his family's for the Holidays, HOWEVER, we will go on a different day than HER FAMILY (husband's brother and wife). I am NOT going to keep my kids from their Grandparents, BUT I am going to keep them from her. I like that someone mentioned that IF this weren't family, I really would not have an issue. I WOULD NOT BE AROUND THEM PERIOD!
My husband's brother called my husband at work and asked if he knew what was going on. My husband told him. He made this comment to my husband, "SO, B. doesn't want to be around her at all right now." He (brother) then stated that he went NO WHERE without his wife. My husband told him her actions and misbehavior had consequenses, and that IF he chose to go now where without her, then it would just hurt him also. He (brother) stated that the ecards were sent a month ago, he didn't know why I was just now getting them. My husband told him it did not matter when they were sent, that they never should have been sent. My brother also told his brother that he did not have the ecards with him to read to him, but that the cards did make it seem like something was going on between my husband and his brother's wife. His brother then stated "OH" and we have not heard from them since.
Thanks for everything! I just wanted other's advice before I took such drastic measures. BUT there is no way I want my children around someone that hates their mother!
OH, and by the way, I do have EVERYTHING printed out! INCLUDING her admitting to sending them.
More Answers
C.M. answers from Dothan on November 30, 2006
She sounds totally crazy! I'm sorry but family or not I just don't think I could keep in contact with her if I was you! That is just my opinion! I hope everything works out though! I just don't understand why someone would want to do something like that! I mean that could have caused ALOT of problems between you and your husband if you didn't trust him!
L.L. answers from Nashville on November 30, 2006
The husband is your husband's brother, right? I think I would have to sit him down and say look, you're wife is apparently nuts and show him what she has confessed to sending to you. That is ridiculous. She is obviously in need of some kind of psychiatric care if she thinks that is funny. I would probably change my email address and not give it to the family.
A.W. answers from Chattanooga on December 01, 2006
While reading this, my first thought is WOW... she's nuts! But that WOULD be a 1st "human" response. :) She obviously has an issue or two. Perhaps she is jealous of the relationship you have with your husband and family and that type of loving caring environment is something she longs for. Then again, maybe her attention levels aren't getting met. Regardless of WHY she is doing it her husband has the right to know everything that is and HAS happened. He married her for better along with worse.
Other than you being mad at her for a time, have there been any consequences for her actions? She apparently doesn't respond to embarrassment! Perhaps getting everything out in the open would bring about the cause of her behavior. There is a reason for her doing this. It should be dealt with soon and not outweighed by the actions themselves.
You say you keep in touch with her for your kids... but ask yourself...If this woman was NOT already part of the family and was displaying behavior such as this, Would you want your children around her?
I hope things get better for you whole family!
Take Care
B. answers from Jackson on November 30, 2006
B.,
This woman sounds totally nuts!
If I were you, very calmy and rationally tell your husband everything. Jot down a list with just the facts that you know to be true. Watch his reaction very carefully - could be she's just nuts, could be that she's reacting to something he has done (hopefully not though).
Next thing, I'd go to your brother-in-law and tell him the exact same thing.
And like someone else said - change your email account address. I know it sounds like a pain in the bootie, but it could create some piece of mind.
I am timid to suggest this too, but I'd let the nutjob know that you want to let your children know their aunt, but if you catch wind of anything inappropriate being said to them or around them that for their safety you will stop all of her interaction with your kids.
I hope it works out for you!
J.O. answers from Jackson on January 06, 2007
You should make copies of everything she sends to your husband and tell her if she doesn't stop you are going to tell her husband the whole deal and also the hard copies of what she has sent. She can't deny it that way and since your husband knows everything he should be with you when you let her know you are going to tell her husband if she doesn't quit. She is trying to break up you marriage and the family it seems like. Also, your husbands brother deserves to know what is going on behind his back before it somehow gets turned around and made out to be that you are the one doing it. People will do and say anything to try to save their own butt. Good Luck B., just keep your husband up on what is happening. I'm sure he wouldn't want his brother to find out something and it not have come from you and your husband. She sounds like she may need some counseling or something. The truth in the open is always the best way. That way her husband will know you have nothing to hide, just her. Take Care, let me know how it goes. J.
M.J. answers from Nashville on March 14, 2008
Personally, I would not want my kids to be to close to some one like this. Who knows when she will start in on them. She definitely has a problem. I feel for you. I would let her know you love her as a person, but dispise her BEHAVIOR. That it is a boundary issue with you and if she crosses the line again, you will take action. Tell her in a "I" message, not a "YOU" message. Tell her you have put up with the two incidents, but for the sake of yourself, husband, children and family, you will not put up with it again. Tell her it is not a threat, it is a promise.
Has she done this to anyone else that you know of? It sounds scary to me.
Good luck
P.L. answers from Huntsville on December 01, 2006
B. -
Make sure that you have ALL the paperwork and info from the Interest provider as they are able to track whose IP Address the emails came from.
DONT wait another minute - Make sure the Police have the information and that you are thinking of pressing charges. If something did happen they would want to know why you didnt come to them before now.
She is VERY unstable and I would MAKE sure that your family has NO contact w/ her.
There is NO excuse for the second barrage of emails. This is harrasment and needs to be dealt w/ immediately.
Please, please dont wait. Tell the Police and then tell her Husband w/ your husband and the documentation there to back up your statements to him. I think he needs to be informed and NOW!! If he chooses to not act then its his choice but he knows why you and your family have pulled away from him.
Also please let us know how you are doing.
P.
S.J. answers from Knoxville on December 01, 2006
I agree this woman has something wrong with her.. She seems like she may not be happy with your brother in law so she don't want you to be happy. I would protect my family and marriage if i were you. If she keeps it up or shows any kind of desperation or violence i would get a restraining order against her. This is a shame that she is acting like that. I would tell her husband and if you saved the emails and stuff show them to her. If she is trying to destroy your relationship who knows what she is doing to him behind his back. As far as her i would STAY away and keep my family away from her. Let everyone in your family (INLAWS) what she has done .. well after you tell her husband. So they dont think you are a bad guy. She needs help.....
Good luck hun
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