Need Advice on Sister-in-Law

Updated on March 14, 2008
B.W. asks from Grenada, MS
18 answers

I need some advice! I have a sister-in-law that is just..... Well, I don't know how to explain her. This is my HUSBAND's Brother's Wife. In the past (approximately 5 years ago), she was sending emails to my home, from a "yahoo" or "Hotmail" account, pretending to be someone else. In these emails, she wrotes poetry type things, with sexually explicit comments in them, about my husband, CLAIMING to have been having an affair with him. Let me remind you, she is pretending to be someone she is not. I don't THINK anything is going on, in that we live 3 hours or so from each other.... and he does not have a job that takes him to traveling like that. I traced this back to her, got an apology, and moved on with my life. It took me a LONG time to even want to be around her again, but I did it for my kids.

NOW, starting in October and through November, I am now getting ECARDS with the same type stuff in them, from made up emails. I did get the IP number, talked to my internet provider, and was told WITH a subpoena, I could find out who this was. I told her about them, and told her of my plans to find out through the courts and press charges on this person. It took her 1 day EXACTLY to come clean with me and admit to doing this.

My questio to you is this.... How am I supposed to deal with this situation? I don't want to keep my kids from family, BUT there is only SO much a person can take! I can't stand to talk to her, see her, much less be around her. Her husband knows, but I don't know HOW MUCH he knows?

ANY help would be GREATLY appreciated!

I wanted to add, that my husband DOES know everything.

What can I do next?

  • Add yourAnswer own comment
  • Ask your own question Add Question
  • Join the Mamapedia community Mamapedia
  • as inappropriate
  • this with your friends

So What Happened?

I took some advice from you guys. I have talked to my husband. We have decided that we will go to his family's for the Holidays, HOWEVER, we will go on a different day than HER FAMILY (husband's brother and wife). I am NOT going to keep my kids from their Grandparents, BUT I am going to keep them from her. I like that someone mentioned that IF this weren't family, I really would not have an issue. I WOULD NOT BE AROUND THEM PERIOD!

My husband's brother called my husband at work and asked if he knew what was going on. My husband told him. He made this comment to my husband, "SO, B. doesn't want to be around her at all right now." He (brother) then stated that he went NO WHERE without his wife. My husband told him her actions and misbehavior had consequenses, and that IF he chose to go now where without her, then it would just hurt him also. He (brother) stated that the ecards were sent a month ago, he didn't know why I was just now getting them. My husband told him it did not matter when they were sent, that they never should have been sent. My brother also told his brother that he did not have the ecards with him to read to him, but that the cards did make it seem like something was going on between my husband and his brother's wife. His brother then stated "OH" and we have not heard from them since.

Thanks for everything! I just wanted other's advice before I took such drastic measures. BUT there is no way I want my children around someone that hates their mother!

OH, and by the way, I do have EVERYTHING printed out! INCLUDING her admitting to sending them.

More Answers

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

E.A.

answers from Chattanooga on

Wow. I am not even sure what to tell you except get away. Fast.

This woman apparently has problems that need dealt with. To be sure that her husband knows the extent of her online activities, you might consider printing out the e-mails and/or e-cards, if you still have them, so he can see them. The two of them probably need to get her a little counseling or something.

I would hate for your kids to lose touch with their uncle, so maybe they cana see him when she's not around... It just seems to me that she's not very stable and I would not want that around my kids for fear that her next outburst might be in real life.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.B.

answers from Memphis on

It will be work for you, but I would suggest changing your e-mail address and then doing your best to make sure she does not get it. Also see if she will do some type of family counseling with you. She obviously has some deep-rooted problem directed toward you (maybe deep down she thinks she married the wrong brother and you have the one she really wants - I know it sounds like the plot from a bad tv show, but anything is possible). You also need to make her understand that charges can be filed if it happens again.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

L.W.

answers from Birmingham on

Okay, she is coo coo!!! Your husband needs to sit down with his brother and talk to him and explain that as long as she is around, you won't be! Did you keep everything she has sent you? Press harrassment charges against her. Has she told you why she keeps doing this? What a dern coo coo!!!! Hopefully things will work out!! Good luck!!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

T.E.

answers from Memphis on

I think you should tell your brother so that he can confront her himself. I would want to know if me husband was doing that to one of my siblings not that he could I only have Brothers

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.F.

answers from Nashville on

I dont blame u for not wanting to be around her , it sounds like she is trying to ruin or break up ur marriage. I think there is something really wrong for her to be doing something like this.. maybe it would be time for the husband to no . I cant imagine going threw that and i wish there was more advise i could give u .. but what does ur husband think of what she is doing and why hasnt he said anything to the brother or in in law.. best wishes let us no how it goes

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

T.B.

answers from New Orleans on

Hey B.,
I feel for you, there is nothing worse than trying to salvage a relationship for the sake of your children, however you are the parent and it is your job to protect them as best you can. In saying that, have you tried speaking to your husband and letting him know everything, then together speaking to his brother ad informing him so the three of you can speak to her and she not feel like you are ganging up on her. You know they say the crazy people dont know that they are crazy, not to sound ugly, but she obviously have a problem and your approach should be well thought out and kind of reversed psychlogy. (if you get what i mean).I dont think that I would threaten her with anything beuase if she really has some kind of a problem your threats means nothing. With all of your patients and lots of prayers try having a family meeting on neutral territory, and see how that works out.. Please keep up updated and i hope with all of this advice you can take what you need from it and handle this situation, before soemthing dangerous comes out of it.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.A.

answers from Chattanooga on

You need to cut all ties now. I would get another email address not to be shared with her & if you have to share it with other family members - make sure they know that it isn't to be shared with her. Fortunately, you live a distance apart or the harrassment could be worse. And don't ever open anymore emails from people you don't know. She needs some sort of help and if a family intervention isn't possible - then I would never be around her or place your kids around her. It seems as though she is obsessed with you and she doesn't need to know anything about you at all. Maybe your husband needs to have a talk with his brother about this. You need some support from him and he could help to put a stop to it. This is harrasment. I would even have an attorney send her a threatening letter. They may be enough - without having a restraining order, causing turmoil in the whole family and being blamed, etc. Perhaps just a threatening letter from an attorney will help to get her fixation off of you. Good Luck - you need everyone's prayers!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.

answers from Nashville on

It sounds like you've really done your homework. But this woman is not only mentally unstable, she's obviously a liar and a fraud. Who knows what other problems she has (stealing? drugs?). I would not want my children around someone like that. What if she lies to them, or does something worse? The other ladies have given great advice - inform everyone involved, and then protect your children.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

C.

answers from Tuscaloosa on

Your sister-in-law by marriage needs some help, or has way toooooo much time on her hands. I think that her husband needs to know everything. There are probably some underling things you don't know about as well.
But you don't want your kids to now know his family.
Even if nothing changes, you should let your children know when they are ready that the things that the sister-in-law says can't be trusted. You don't want her messing with their psyci (sp).

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.F.

answers from Knoxville on

As everyone else has said, this woman obviously has serious pyschological issues. While you want to keep family in your children's life, you also want to keep them safe. When you allow a person with issues like this in your children's life, ask yourself if you will always be able to keep them safe from her problems. Will she ever drag them into her drama? Will she say inappropriate things to them. Even if you find a way to stop the way she is currently harassing you ( by email) she will probably find another way to get to you and the easiest way is probably through your children, even if you think you are supervising them when they are around her. For some reason this woman has focused her negative intentions on you and like a stalker she will probably not just stop without serious intervention. Talk to your husband's brother or have your husband do it and explain that her actions have consequences that are going to hurt him as well as the children who will not get to see there aunt and maybe that will encourage him to address the issue with her. Good Luck!!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.J.

answers from Knoxville on

I agree this woman has something wrong with her.. She seems like she may not be happy with your brother in law so she don't want you to be happy. I would protect my family and marriage if i were you. If she keeps it up or shows any kind of desperation or violence i would get a restraining order against her. This is a shame that she is acting like that. I would tell her husband and if you saved the emails and stuff show them to her. If she is trying to destroy your relationship who knows what she is doing to him behind his back. As far as her i would STAY away and keep my family away from her. Let everyone in your family (INLAWS) what she has done .. well after you tell her husband. So they dont think you are a bad guy. She needs help.....
Good luck hun

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

P.L.

answers from Huntsville on

B. -

Make sure that you have ALL the paperwork and info from the Interest provider as they are able to track whose IP Address the emails came from.

DONT wait another minute - Make sure the Police have the information and that you are thinking of pressing charges. If something did happen they would want to know why you didnt come to them before now.

She is VERY unstable and I would MAKE sure that your family has NO contact w/ her.

There is NO excuse for the second barrage of emails. This is harrasment and needs to be dealt w/ immediately.

Please, please dont wait. Tell the Police and then tell her Husband w/ your husband and the documentation there to back up your statements to him. I think he needs to be informed and NOW!! If he chooses to not act then its his choice but he knows why you and your family have pulled away from him.

Also please let us know how you are doing.

P.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.J.

answers from Nashville on

Personally, I would not want my kids to be to close to some one like this. Who knows when she will start in on them. She definitely has a problem. I feel for you. I would let her know you love her as a person, but dispise her BEHAVIOR. That it is a boundary issue with you and if she crosses the line again, you will take action. Tell her in a "I" message, not a "YOU" message. Tell her you have put up with the two incidents, but for the sake of yourself, husband, children and family, you will not put up with it again. Tell her it is not a threat, it is a promise.
Has she done this to anyone else that you know of? It sounds scary to me.
Good luck

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.O.

answers from Jackson on

You should make copies of everything she sends to your husband and tell her if she doesn't stop you are going to tell her husband the whole deal and also the hard copies of what she has sent. She can't deny it that way and since your husband knows everything he should be with you when you let her know you are going to tell her husband if she doesn't quit. She is trying to break up you marriage and the family it seems like. Also, your husbands brother deserves to know what is going on behind his back before it somehow gets turned around and made out to be that you are the one doing it. People will do and say anything to try to save their own butt. Good Luck B., just keep your husband up on what is happening. I'm sure he wouldn't want his brother to find out something and it not have come from you and your husband. She sounds like she may need some counseling or something. The truth in the open is always the best way. That way her husband will know you have nothing to hide, just her. Take Care, let me know how it goes. J.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

B.

answers from Jackson on

B.,
This woman sounds totally nuts!
If I were you, very calmy and rationally tell your husband everything. Jot down a list with just the facts that you know to be true. Watch his reaction very carefully - could be she's just nuts, could be that she's reacting to something he has done (hopefully not though).
Next thing, I'd go to your brother-in-law and tell him the exact same thing.
And like someone else said - change your email account address. I know it sounds like a pain in the bootie, but it could create some piece of mind.
I am timid to suggest this too, but I'd let the nutjob know that you want to let your children know their aunt, but if you catch wind of anything inappropriate being said to them or around them that for their safety you will stop all of her interaction with your kids.
I hope it works out for you!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

A.W.

answers from Chattanooga on

While reading this, my first thought is WOW... she's nuts! But that WOULD be a 1st "human" response. :) She obviously has an issue or two. Perhaps she is jealous of the relationship you have with your husband and family and that type of loving caring environment is something she longs for. Then again, maybe her attention levels aren't getting met. Regardless of WHY she is doing it her husband has the right to know everything that is and HAS happened. He married her for better along with worse.

Other than you being mad at her for a time, have there been any consequences for her actions? She apparently doesn't respond to embarrassment! Perhaps getting everything out in the open would bring about the cause of her behavior. There is a reason for her doing this. It should be dealt with soon and not outweighed by the actions themselves.

You say you keep in touch with her for your kids... but ask yourself...If this woman was NOT already part of the family and was displaying behavior such as this, Would you want your children around her?

I hope things get better for you whole family!

Take Care

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

L.L.

answers from Nashville on

The husband is your husband's brother, right? I think I would have to sit him down and say look, you're wife is apparently nuts and show him what she has confessed to sending to you. That is ridiculous. She is obviously in need of some kind of psychiatric care if she thinks that is funny. I would probably change my email address and not give it to the family.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

C.M.

answers from Dothan on

She sounds totally crazy! I'm sorry but family or not I just don't think I could keep in contact with her if I was you! That is just my opinion! I hope everything works out though! I just don't understand why someone would want to do something like that! I mean that could have caused ALOT of problems between you and your husband if you didn't trust him!

For Updates and Special Promotions
Follow Us

Related Questions

Related Searches