Need Advice for Bottles and Pacifiers

my daughter is 27 months she still has her paci.. but they are in hr bed only. Soon your son will be able to talk and understand more .. then you can try to get the paci back to bed only.. that is the first step. My duaghter loves her paci.

Bottles... your son will eventually lose interest in them.. there were several times when my daughter lost interest in the bottle and we could have gotten rid of them.

We finally got rid of the bottle at just over 2 years. It was not a big deal.. we stopped offering the bottle,, if she asked I gave it to her. the last couple of bottles she only took about an ounce and then she said she was all done.

there is no big hurry.. some kids enjoy being the baby and want the bottles and cuddling longer.. my son has no interest in being a baby.. He is using cups much earlier than his sister.

My kids never used a bottle or pacifier but isn't 13 months still young enough where using a bottle and pacifier is ok? That is still so young. I wouldn't want to take it away before they are ready...that's how oral issues start. But I'm no expert..

Hello,
It does become a trying time when people tell you spoiled your child. Here is some things I learned when I was trying to resolve the same issues.

1st- The cuddling thing is bs. You cannot spoil an infant whose only thing in life is to be fed,and to feel secure. The study that was the grounds was also done on monkeys and when a researcher took the research a little longer stated it was for a means of security not spoiling.

2nd- My daughters peditrician, when asked when I should get rid of the pacifier, told me it is used at this age as a soother. Sucking is a soothing action. It will not hurt them.

My advice to you is to do what you and your husband feel is right. As you know everyone wants to tell you that your wrong when it comes to raising a child. If you go with your instinct it is probably right.

Hello. I completely understand your frustration. My son now almost 3 had his bottle and pacifier until he was a little over 2. The more I tried to take away his bottle and pacifier the worse he seemed to be attatched to them. Anyway, my mother kept telling me its okay when he is ready he will give them up. Some children need that security. When my son had his 2nd birthday I told him that now that he was getting to be a big boy he should try to drink out of a cup. He actully wanted to sometimes drink out of a cup. He bottle just seemed to slowly fade to a nighttime thing, then he didn't want it. He threw it away himself. His pacifer lasted a little longer. We actually went on a camping trip to cedar point and we told him we must have left it there. He was a little upset, but then that night he went to sleep without it.
So out of that long winded info, I guess I'm tring to say he will give up his attachment to his bottle and pacifier on his time. And that is okay. Don't let anybody else make you feel that he shouldn't have them. And as far as him not holding his own bottle, my son didn't either until he was almost 2. I asked the Dr. he said that children develop coordination for things a different rates, that it was okay. If by the time he was 2 he wasn't holding it, then he said maybe he would need to see a specialist, for slow development, fortunatly his coordination got better just before he turned 2.
Just a little more info, I used to compare my daughter now 5 to my son, not a good thing, my daughter was holding her bottle by 5 to 6 months old, done drinking a bottle by the time she was 9 months old. So when I would compare them, I couldn't understand, she did this so early, and he is just so slow. But now with him being almost 3 he is now at about where my daughter was at 3.
So just take a deep breath and know you did not doom yourself. He will get there, he just needs a little more time.

Sincerely, A.

The only kind of sippy cup that my daughter would use for the longest time were made by Nuby. They were not the ones that look like a bottle, but they are short and round with handles on the sides. The top is basically a soft spot that is very similar to a bottle nipple. My daughter also did not hold her bottle (our pediatrician was adamant that she not hold her own bottle), but she would use this cup on her own. Here is a link so you can see what they look like. I think both Target and Walmart used to carry them (handles were slightly different, but tops were the same) http://www.babybungalow.com/nunosp7ozcup.html.

As for the pacifier, again we were told by our Dr. that it was OK that she have it until she was 5 if she needed it. As long as she was still sucking on it, she still needed it. If she was chewing, etc on it, then we could get rid of it. She still sucks it when she sleeps and she is 2 1/2. There have been nights that she wakes up and can't find it and just cries until she gets it back.

Hope this helps.

J.

When one of my daughters was little I had trouble getting her to eat a variety of foods. My pediatrician taught me a wonderful lesson. His advice was very simple. He said to me "Your job is to provide nutricious, delicious food for your children. It's their job to eat it. You cannot do their job. You cannot make them do their job. Hunger will eventually drive them to do their job IF YOU DO NOT GIVE IN!" That same lesson applies to most of childrearing- THEY WILL ONLY DO WHAT YOU REQUIRE OF THEM IF YOU DO NOT GIVE IN. It is TERRIBLE to listen to your child cry, however you have set up the situation to end the same way every time- you give him the cup, he cries, you give him the bottle he wants. The only way to get him to switch is if you put up with crying and do not give him the bottle. Better yet- give all of your bottles away, then you aren't torn with whether or not to give it to him. I would bet you alot of money that if you will do this it will only be a couple of days and it will be done. Yes, it will a few difficult days but if you don't do this, this behaviour will spill over into the next growth step he needs to make. If you take the pacifier away (and get rid of them too- that's what I had to do with both of my girls) after one or two nights he won't even ask for it anymore. By the way- you cannot EVER spoil a child with cuddling, a child becomes spoiled by giving in to their demands all the time.

Your son is capable at 13 mos of holding his own bottle or cup-- you just need to convince him to do it! I would simply take away his bottles and give him a sippy cup. He may cry for a few days, but he will drink from it. The transition will be shorter and easier by going cold turkey.

My son slept with a pacifier until he was 2 1/2. Try clipping it to his jammies so he can find it at night when it falls out.

I run a daycare too. It is just easier on a provider if a child holds their own bottle. However I remember my ped telling me that a child should not hold their own bottle so you are doing fine. I have one of each in my care right now. I just realize while reading your note that I am more attached to the child that I need to feed. Have you tried cuddling your son while using the sipper cup? A sipper has a different sucking motion too which could be what he doesn't like. I used Avent as a baby/toddler mom. That brand had a sipper top that attached to the bottle that didn't have a valve to suck against. Maybe that conversion would be easier for him?

I am on the band wagon that motherhood is trial and error, you can't spoil them by snuggling them, one thing at a time, and it goes too darn fast so savor it while you have it.

I used to be a out the house working mom and it is hard so enjoy every moment you get to have. He will grow up and out of this stage soon enough.

My son was VERY attached to his bottle, but after a day or two of crying, he was DONE with bottles and onto sippys. Now he's moving to real cups and sometimes straws. Trust me, if you completely take the bottles away, your child will NOT starve. He won't like it at first and you'll have to put up with a couple days of hell listening to him whine and cry, but it will be well worth it. He'll give in and drink. You may have to try a couple types of sippys. You just have to stick to your guns and be the adult. As harsh as it may sound, you can't let your little one run the household. If it starts with letting him get his way with one thing, it will eventually be another and then another and so on. Too much cuddling? I don't think so. Maybe she means you give into his 'demands' more often than not. Good luck and hang in there!

I had this same problem with my daughter a month or so ago and I totally feel for you! It was not easy for her or for me but what eventually worked was giving her no other option.

It was especially hard when it first started as she has had health and development issues since birth and had even lost weight around 3 months of age so I was very reluctant to let her go without eating even for one feeding. I tried to transition her to the cup many times with no success, as I would let my fears about her health (under control by this time) cause me to back down, which, of course, only made it worse the next time I tried.

When I finally got her to accept sippy cup (the 3rd type I tried, btw), it was after she had turned one and I had weaned her off the formula. She put up a huge fight for days; throwing the cup, screaming as soon as she saw it. I had seen her drink juice from the cup before so I know she knew how. I tried holding her and making her put the cup in her mouth and she would drink eventually and then she couldn't help herself and she would drink on her own. It was touch and go for a few days after that, but she finally took to the cup, albeit begrudgingly for about a week.

It's tough but I found it's the best way. Every time you give in and hand over the bottle it will make it that much more difficult the next time. They will not starve themselves and when they realize you mean business, they'll drink up.

God speed in your quest!

Throw the bottles away. If he knows that he will get one if he crys then he is going to continue to do it. If he is thirsty enough he will drink out of a cup. As far as the pacifier, only for bed time. Nothing worse then seeing a toddler or older trying to talk with a plug in their month. At my daycare they loose the bottle at age 1 and pacifier only at nap time.

You didn't spoil him with cuddling and you haven't doomed yourself. but, you need to stop responding to his demands. YOU decide whether he drinks from a bottle or a cup and YOU decide when he stops using the pacifier; the baby does not make these decisions. I know it's heart-breaking and nerve-wracking but you've got to stop giving in to him. It won't hurt him to go without a bottle or pacifier. that little guy needs to know that you make the decisions because you know what's best for him. that way you'll have a shot at convincing him to not play with matches, not run into the street, not drive drunk, etc. later on. Kids do not feel safe when they are allowed to make the rules, help him feel safe by laying down the law about these two things right now. You'll have way more trouble than you can ever imagine if you don't let him know that you love him enough to help him do what is best for him right away. You didn't spoil him by cuddling him and you are not doomed but I am afraid for you and him if you don't start making your rules stick.

Two resources: "Love and Logic:Parenting the one to five year old" (or something close to that title) and "Toddlerwise" written by the guy(s) that wrote the "Babywise" books
Great stuff, quick reads and mostly very practical info.
Good luck and God bless!

I'm a high school teacher and I'm mom to four kids from 17months to 19years of age.

I understand, it was hard to break my 15 mth old grandson, I started introducing him to a cup first because he didn't like the sippee cup. (I packed away all the bottles and put them out of sight so he wouldn't scream for it if he saw the bottles) and he liked drinking out of a cup since everyone else did and he wanted to be big like us he was then about 13 months also. I then got one of those sippee spill proof cups, I would take a sip and then he would we would share at first he wouldn't he would throw it down, but he eventually gave in and drank from the sippee.
As far as the pacifier he still takes one, and we are trying to ween him from that and I try only to give it to him when it is time for bed or a nap, but once in awhile there is a slip and he finds one! And I just take it away and distract him with a toy. I much rather him have a pacifier than use his thumb my youngest daughter ended up with a overbite from thumb sucking and $5000 later for braces!
Good Luck

Hi B..
I can relate to your story. I have a 3 and 5 year old. You are not doomed. If you ask your doctor he will tell you that having the bottle till 15 months is what they recommend. So you still have a few months. My first started sippy cups at 12 months and my second was 18 months. And yes it was a fight, but the parent always comes out on top. Just put your foot down and let him know you are not going to give. And as for the pacifier, we just took it away cold turkey. It was ruff for about a week with both boys, alot to crying at bedtime. But after that week passed it was sure good to have it done with. Good luck to you!

Have you tried getting rid of the bottles/nipples that he loves and replacing them with a different brand/shape nipple that he doesn't love? Maybe that would work, take him and let him pick out the cup and put that on the table (always, even if he doesn't use it) and give him the different bottle/nipple and he might switch on his own. As far as the paci, you may want to get rid of one thing at a time. They have both become comfort objects. Maybe both would be too much at a time. If you are tired of waking up at night with him crying to find it, then buy 6 more and put them in the bed until he has adjusted to being without the bottle. then you can get rid of the paci. We got rid of the paci by being gone all day and the kids were so tired, and we forgot it (unplanned) He fell asleep in the car on the way home, without it. We just never gave it to him again (he also had a cuddly-his blanket) Now he relys on his blanket(get 2 so you can replace the cuddle, whatever it is). Good luck.

I hope he has been exposed to a sippy cup long before????? if he hasn't he now will have to learn to like a sippy cup and after that you'll have to eventually wean him from the bottle b\c the AAP and all docs reccommend they be off a bottle by 18 months b\c of their teeth. With that said you also have the problem with the pacifier. That too with have to be gone soon. I would pick one thing you know you really want to change. Whether its him holding his own bottle or having him start to hold his own or my personal opinion, get rid of the bottle all together. Throw them all away so your not going to give in and grab one when things get rough. I got rid of all bottles in my house when she turned 13 months b\c I didn't want any problems later on . It worked liked the doc said it would. Actually, he said it would be hard for a week and surpisingly she didn't even miss it. We got a "special big girl" sippy cup with a straw. We built it up like it was the best thing ever and it worked in our favor. Don't be so afraid to be more stern with all the changes that you'll have to face. It could work to your benefit. Good Luck

If you get your son to use the Avent brand, the bottles and cups have handles that can be used on both. Maybe you can start by putting the handles on his bottle , then move on to the sippy cup. I am not sure if the top of the cup fits onto the bottle, but that may be a way for him to see what is inside. Good luck!

I had this issue also with my daugher and with everything else we try to stop or break we have done it cold turkey. It's rough for a few days but then it's forgotten. When I stopped giving her the bottle I remember she walked over to the cupboard where we kept them and pointed and cried, it was heartbreaking but after 2 days she had forgotten all about it. I know it's easier said then done b/c right now I'm dealing with issues with my 11 month old and going cold turkey with him doesn't even seem possible. I also work full-time and hubby is gone a lot for work and at times with 2 kids it's just easier to give in.

Once your child realizes you wont give him a bottle the sippy cup will have to do.

good luck!

Hi B.,

Here's a bit of tough love you won't like but it will work, and you have to be patient.

You son WILL NOT die of thirst if you don't give him the bottle and just keep offering a sippy cup. Be nice about it.

"No sweetie, you're a big boy now, and big boys don't drink from baby bottles. This is your own special cup."

Like that. When he throws it, retrieve it, and put it in sight but away from him and tell him he can have something to drink when he acts like a big boy and doesn't throw his cup. Offer it back every five minutes or so. Don't hold it for him.

It works.

My suggestion for you would be this: you need to consistently give the sippy cup at every sit down meal (no bottle) - he may throw them on the floor at first and for a while after but believe me, once he realizes that they are his only option, he will drink out of them. The key is to be consistent and stand your ground. He whines for the bottle because every time he does, you give it to him. Only offer the bottle at normal "bottle feeding" times. Let's say he typically has 3 feedings a day - start by getting rid of the morning feeding. However much you give him at each feeding (lets say 8oz.) lessen that amount by 2oz. every week until you are down to 4oz. feedings. Do the 4oz. for one week and the following week, no more morning feeding. Continue on with this schedule until there is no more afternoon feeding and lastly, eliminate the night time feeding (this is last because it will probably be the most difficult to eliminate due to the fact that it is a great comfort for them right before bedtime). Be sure that before you eliminate the night time feeding, you establish a bedtime routine... ex: brush teeth, sip of water (from sippy cup), read a couple stories and off to bed. Now is a good time for you to start all of this as children should be off of the bottle by around 15 months. This is what we did with both of our boys and it really worked very well! By the way, neither of our boys ever really held their own bottle either. For us that was a positive thing because neither of them were ever able to get too attached to the bottle and therefore eliminating the bottle for us was not as difficult as one would assume. Also, they never carried it around all day, decaying their teeth. Once we introduced sippy cups, we had one with water available to them all throughout the day which I believe also helped to sell them on the sippy cup idea. I hope this helps you in your transition! Good luck!!

K. :)

Hi there. I have 2 boys, 9 and 4 who both loved their pacifiars and bottles. I think 13 months is still pretty young, both mine had pacifiars until about 3 years old(but only allowed at nap/bedtimes) and neither had trouble giving them up at that age(and their teeth are fine). My younger son had a bedtime bottle until ~ 2 and 1/2, it was just our bedtime ritual, but he has not really drank milk since giving up the bottle, but he eats a lot of other dairy products and takes kids vitamins, so I am not concerned.
I would just put a few pacifiars in his bed so that if one falls out, he will be able to find another one himself. When my boys were around 3, we put them in envelopes and pretended to mail them to another baby(because they were big boys now). I would see if you can at least get him to hold his own bottle and still offer a sippy cup at each meal. Try again at 18months to wean him from it and do not stress out too much about it(it sounds like you have enough to worry about). Also, remember that you are his mom and ultimately know what is best for him and do not worry about what anyone else thinks or says(I truly belive you can never give too much cuddling!).
J. S.(mom of 2 crazy boys and registered dietitan)

I think you might have to take some well needed time off work and teach him bug boy things granted the first child learns by himself he should be learning from the kids at daycare. About the binki It is a little odd that he wakes up when it falls out of his mouth. He should at least reach for it to soothe himself. try not running in there when he cries for a couple nights unless it is unbareable screaming

Are you saying he is still on bottle and no other food??? Both of my daughters and both of my grandchildren were off of bottles and pacifiers by 12 months and starting to eat soft/semisoft foods. They liked the sippy cups because they got more milk than with the bottles. You just need to stick it out for a few days and not give in. He will tire out sooner or later. Maybe you need someone else to help you during his crying sessions to help you be strong and not give in. He's not going to let himself starve to death. He's screaming to get what he wants because it always works. It may be a few awful (and loud) days but that's not long compared to the rest of your lives. Remember....you're the boss. It's hard to be tough but they will appreciate it in the end. But cuddling is something that is great and hopefully they will never outgrow cuz you sure won't. I know you feel very frustrated right now but take a deep breath. Be tough and cuddle and tomorrow will be another day. God Bless

I know many have covered this, but to add another success story, I have 4 boys as examples. The twin boys stopped at 18 months on their own because I put milk in the bottle and juice in the cup and slowly just water in the bottle and everything good in the cup. My next son stopped at one year because he was biting nipples off (thank goodness I wasn't breast feeding!), and I just got rid of all bottles. He refused the cup for a while but saw his brothers drinking from them and chose to join the crowd. My last one, I just quit giving him bottles when he was about 15 months old. Got tired of cleaning them. He too wondered where they went but was fine about it. Out of sight, out of mind. There's a pretty mess proof cup with a straw inside at Walmart and a similar one that sells at Family Dollar, I prefer the one at Family Dollar. I looked at our cups for the names but they weren't on them.

First of all I don't belive you can ever over cuddle your kids, thay take what thay need and it wont be long before thay don't want it. But thay also need some discipline, and that might mean he will be a little unhappy for a couple days, but I found out that is all it takes. Start on a wekend, take all bttles and pacifiers let him watch you through them away. COLD TURKEY!!! It may seem a little harsh but it works. Well God be with you because it will be harder on you then him.

Trial and error is another name for parenting. If there is a wanted result its all about finding out what works with that specific baby at that specific time. :-)Have you tried the cups that have the drinking straws. He may be uncomfortable with his head cocked up at the weird angle new cup drinkers use. My youngest is gonna be a year old in 12 days!!!! (wow) I just want to tell you that you cannot spoil a child by showing them attention and affection. You spoil them by not being consistant and showing/teaching them self-discipline... So you have my permission to ignore your sister on that and just cuddle away the day... Enjoy it, cause too soon they are active 3 yr olds or mouthy 6 yr olds... (I've got one of each and oh, do I look back fondly on the cuddly days when they were smaller.)
Oh, and this just jumped into my head... If you "spoil" a child by showing them attention and fulfilling their emotional needs, what is it called when you ignore your kids and they grow up in loveless houses... "preserving them"?

Some kids are self soothers, some need external forces to sooth them. He's a bit young to understand anything other than the extreme of not having them at all any more... Only you know your munchkin. With our kids the bottles and paci's just dissappeared at about 1 yr... But were replaced with a new fangled interesting cup (favorite character, they picked out), or a teddy for bed time. Our daughter is very logical and it was easy at a young age to reason with her. If there was a reason, then she accepted it. Our 3 yr old is more emotional. He still accepts things that are explaned to him but he'll cry about it for a couple minutes in a loud wailing cry. Sort of like he's mourning a dead idea... Baby seems to be easy going and loves being in the midst of everything... So we'll see how he is... As your guy grows monthly his ability to reason, accept and impliment grows. So patience and trying different stuff can one day just click and he's got the idea...
Good luck!!!! And hug the baby...

You will have to tough it out. Once you get rid of the bottles the crying will only last a few days until he gets really thirsty. As for the pacifier. My 20 month old still uses it to sleep. Our solution was to put 5 pacifiers in his bed, and we do not go in his room at night. He has to find the pacifier. We did put a night light in his room so that he could find them easier. Good luck!

B.

I have a 6 and 7 year old, and a 4 month old.

First of all, your son will not suffer any developmental delays or have rotten teeth if he is not off the bottle and pacifier by 18 months. And I certainly would not worry about daycare staff being "appalled" that he does not hold the bottle himself. You need to make the decisions that are best for your child and your family and shrug off other's judgements.

That being said...from my own experience and just plain common sense, the earlier you get a child on a sippy cup/off a pacifier, the better (though I don't mean to make that sound like they go hand-in-hand). The strong will of your 13 month old will most likely be a force-to-be-reckoned-with by the time he is 18 months. i would tackle one issue at a time.

I would start with the sippy cup. Personally, I would still offer him his bottle...but with water in it. I would offer him his sippy at the same time (right in front of him on his tray/table) but filled with his milk. It may not happen right away, and there may be a few tantrums involved, but eventually he should come to make HIS own decision. Shrug the tantrums off (calmly!)and show him that they don't bother you. Also, take the opportunity with the bottle and the sippy to show him how to hold/feed himself. He wants his bottle, but he also wants control. He should begin to like the independent feel of holding his bottle/sippy on his own. And HOPEFULLY...he will not like the water and will begin to choose the sippy. Don't worry if he goes a couple days without his milk, because it will be a great thing if he feels HE can choose instead of thinking you are choosing for him. If he doesn't mind the water (yikes), try putting chammomile tea(or another safe variety) in his bottle....in other words, something he wouldn't like.

I did allow my kids to use the pacifier up to 2 1/2ish, but only for sleeping. The zombie walk can be brutal, so I made them cry it out. In other words, they could use it to fall asleep but I was not going to go in there every time they woke up. In hindsight, I should have had the "pacifier fairy" come earlier, but when they were old enough to understand.
So...what you may want to try is first keeping the pacifier for bedtime only/when he first falls asleep. Then, when you feel he is old enough to understand, tell him the pacifier/binky fairy sent him a note (make/decorate a note attached to a large envelope) that she needs his pacifier for a new baby who needs it. She will ask him to put it in the envelope and put it in the mailbox himself before he goes to bed that night. And her note will explain that a special gift will be left for him in return. Put a small toy in another large envelope addressed to him...decorated and sprinkled with fairy dust and left in the mailbox for him to retrieve the next morning. He may have to cry that night, and when he does...go in to explain/remind him but let him cry it out if necessary.

Good luck with whatever you choose, and remember that all maternal advice is usually easier said than done. Hang in there and never stop cuddling!

I would not worry or try to force it...I think both my boys had their bottles till about 17 or 18 months old. My older son did tranistion to the sippy cup at that time but my younger one never drank milk again because he refused to drink it out of a sippy cup. In the daycare we used, it was common to see kids with bottles for much longer than 13 months....I would tell your day care providers just to keep giving him the bottle for now, because that is best for him.

First, you can NEVER "spoil" a baby by cuddling. If he is having a bottle when he is in the highchair with meals, I would for sure give him the sippy cup and put up with the tantrum for a bit.
At night with the pacifier, does he have a nightlight? Maybe if he could see it he would put it back himself. Or even add a few to his bed so he can find one. He is still truely a baby...don't let the daycare intimidate you.
Good job "spoiling" him...I am all for that!! You can't ever give too much cuddling.

My son is 16 mo old and did the same thing. If he drank a sip of milk from a sippy cup, he'd throw it. The thing was that he didn't cry for a bottle, so it was easy to take away, but then he would get NO milk which concerned me. Now, we still try- I even put Nestle in it for flavor but he only sips it- so instead I give him a lot of cheese! As for the pacifier, we're in the same situation. My older son never took one, but my younger one does and seems more addicted every day. Not sure what to do there, but I know you shouldn't worry about them both at the same time. Deal with the bottle first and put a lot of pacifiers in his crib at night!

What kind of sippy cups are you using? I highly suggest the Nuby cup if you aren't using these already. They have a rubber nipple as opposed to a plastic one, so it's more comparable to a bottle. My daughter won't drink out of any other cup besides these and I know a few others who won't either.

Don't worry about your son not taking a sippy cup, my daughter did the same thing. She just turned 16 months and has now finally started taking the sippy cup. I attached the sippy cup handles to her avent bottles at first and then changed out the top to a sippy cup but she'd just throw it on the floor and cry. I continued to offer the sippy cup at breakfast, but really, she had to make the decision. A few weeks ago, she grabbed it and used it at breakfast and lunch - I quickly put away all bottles and havn't looked back! My son was similar - he finally took a sippy cup at 15months/ he's now 5.

As for the pacifier, my pediatrician said you should get rid of them before 1 year, otherwise it becomes an attachment issue. My son did great and finished at 11months, but my daughter still needs it at 16 months(especially with getting in teeth so late - it's nice for her to ease the pain with) I try to limit it to bed only or in the car. Could you keep a few in his crib, so if it falls out at night he can find one to put back in his mouth? And don't be afraid to let him cry it out. It's torture I know, but after 3 days of it or so, kids typically catch on. Best Wishes! Everything is a phase, and before you know it, he'll be off to school - so enjoy!

Patience and consistency. And a teaspoon of tough love. I know it sounds harsh, but if this cycle isn't broken now you'll be trying to solve the same problem later, only it'll be bigger and seem even more insurmountable.