Nap Difficulties.

My oldest child never napped after the age of two. She would get exhausted in the afternoon and we would have some quiet time of her playing alone, or me reading books or rubbing her back or feet. If you don't make it a battle, no one wins or loses. That's one of the great things about being the parent: we get to choose what's a battle and what isn't.

Several of my friends have had the same problems after the pacifier "goes away" or "breaks", but stick firm (always loving, but firm). From what they've said, it usually takes a few exhausting days until their children make the adjustment. Good Luck!

My first son used a pacifier until he was 3. We worked up toward giving it up by only using it for naps and bedtime like you have done and then we gave him a choice about what we would do with them when he turned 3. We could give them to the dentist when we went for his next appt. or save them for his new baby brother. He got to choose and we talked about it a lot. He chose to give them to the dentist, so we put them all in a bag and took them with us. Of course, when we were there, he decided to save them for his brother. But he never took one again. He asked a few times, but I reminded him of his decision. The upside is the dentist said that his teeth would move back into their normal space within 6 months if the pacifier had done any pushing. The downside is getting rid of the pacifier ended naps.

I have a new baby at home, too. Honestly, I would try one more day and then give him the pacifier back at naptime only (if that will work) until you are getting a good night's sleep. Don't stress yourself and your toddler when there is a new baby in the house. Sleep is too important!!

I have a somewhat similar situation. My 3 year old wants me to lay on the floor with him for him to take his naps. He has no problem at bedtime, but likes me there for the naps. So, there I am, on the floor nursing the new one while he falls asleep. It's totally worth it to get a few quiet hours. If the baby sleeps at the same time, I get a nap too!

There is so much change in the house to your two year old. What's another few months with the binkie?
Good luck with whatever you decide.
B.

You are right in knowing you need to be the one in charge (with your husband). A 2 year old does not know what is best for him or what he needs. A child ruled but what he wants is set up for disaster, not to mention unpleasant for everyone to be around.
However, given the context of a new baby in the house, his world has already seen some drastic changes. If he has had the pacifier his whole life, it would be a big shock to be without it all of a sudden and may not be a battle you want to jump into right now.
It is important to be on the same page with your husband on this though, perhaps you could talk it through and come up with some solutions. A few that come to my mind are setting a date and telling your son know that in a month he will be too big for a pacifier and will no longer be using it (while he will not understand the time thing, it will give him a chance to come to grips with what will happen). And /or you may have him go to the store and pick out a new "security" item to replace the pacifier. You probably do not want to get into the habit of bribing, thus entering into another issue and putting a 2 year old in charge of a 29 year old! If you are consistent with whatever you decide, you and Jesse will be glad you did. He is looking to you to guide him through these first years and he will feel secure knowing you and Jon are doing just that. Keep on being the best mom to those little ones!

I don't have advice of how to take it away from a 2 yr old. But if your baby girl has one right now as well, have her's gone before she turns a yr. I have 2 kids, 5 1/2 yr old & almost 9 month old baby girl.

My son had it when he was a baby, mostly for sleeping but thank god for our babysitter, we had it gone by 9 months. So w/my daughter I was determined to have it gone by then too if not before she turned a yr. We were worried because she seemed really hooked to the pacificer more then my son did.

As she got more baby rather then newborn, little by little I would try not to have it in her mouth if not needed. Even if she fell asleep & it was still in her mouth, i would take it out because I didn't want her to depend having to suck on something while she was sleeping. Eventually she was not using them no more @ home but @ the daycare she was. As she came home w/the ones we kept there, I would throw them away. Now she doesn't have any! They are all gone. I was so happy because I thought for sure we were going to have a hard time getting it away from her since she was way more hooked to it then my son. But nope I got it away from her.

oh & my thing is having it away before they turn 1 years old is because they don't know or won't remember yet. They can't tell or ask u for it. They will forget sooner then a 2 yr old.

Good luck w/your 2 yr old. I am sure that will be a challenge. I wish u the best. =)

I have a 3 year old who had a "bubbie" at night and naps till he was three, his doctor said it would not ruin his teeth so long as he was done by 2 and 1/2. Well at that age we had just adopted a new born and life was turned upside down so we let him go a little more. We figured it would be total chaos to just take it away from him cold turkey but that is what happened... Actually we went to the mall and my son fell in love with the new T-Rex from build a bear so I promised him that if he gave up his bubbie we would get him the stuffed animal, that weekend we went back to the mall bubbie in hand and got the T-Rex and as we were stuffing him Nathan gave the bub last kiss good bye and into the dino it went. We have since made a huge move to another state and have had lots of other changes and he has not asked for his bub once. If you ask him where it is he will tell you "inside the dino". I thought he might want his baby sisters bub but he doesnt seem to as a matter of fact he helps up it in for her if it falls out. I hope that helps a little!
Good luck!

Hi D.,

I can certainly sympathize with you. It may take until he is 2 1/2 to get rid of the pacifier, especially since you have your hands full with a new baby.

Our youngest was full of energy and we would relish those naptimes.

You know your son the best. Does he like recognition (rewards, etc) for jobs well done. If so, go to the dollar store and every time he has a nap and goes without his pacifier, he gets a goody. Another idea is create a chart that he receives a star for going without the pacifier at naptimes, at the end of each week, if he has 5 - 7 stars, take him to his favorite park, or restaurant, etc.

When we relocated to Arizona, on the flight when he was 2 1/2, (he was also a big boy) I let him have it since my husband was not flying with us but staying behind for a few days. Once we got into the terminal, I found the nearest receptacle, casually dropped it in. He was too excited to see his new house, new pool, new room, he collapse in sheer exhaustion and didn't ask for it for days. When he did, we told him it was back at our old house, he didn't ask again. Sometimes, it all comes down to the type of personality of the child. Your son may also still be adjusting to the new baby and want to be like the baby. Good Luck! It's all trial and error sometimes! Take Care.

Well, I don't really have any insight on the binkie since my oldest never took to them. However, I am in a similar situation sleep-wise with a 2-year-old and a 4-month-old. Our older daughter was doing just fine with naps until the baby came along and she decided she didn't want to sleep. It was so frustrating! You're so tired having a new baby that you really need a break from the older one. I instituted a "you don't have to sleep, but you have to rest quietly" rule. I just gave up on expecting that she was going to actually sleep, but I still got a much-needed break. We're still doing this, and sometimes she sleeps and sometimes not. I think it took a lot of pressure off of her, though, to know that she didn't *have* to sleep. Our two rules for "rest time" are: 1)she has to stay in her bed, and 2)it needs to be quiet. She'll lay in there and whisper to her stuffed animals or sing quietly.

The pacifier may be a necessary part of the nap time ritual for your son. Without it, he feels unloved and uncherished. Why was the decision made? - if the dentist is threatening dire consequences, that is one thing, but if he has a younger sibling who is now taking much of the attention which was formerly his, he may need a crutch for awhile. Hope it helps- S.

Be encouraged, D., he does need a nap. Don't give in, cuz then he will see what else you will give in on. He needs it and you need him to need it. Try to find something else that will soothe him, a stuft animal or maybe a blanket? You will probably have a couple of days where he fights you, it is just him trying to find another way to sleep. It will get better. Soon you will look back and think it wasnt that bad.

Hi D.,

Jesse is having to adjust to a lot right now with having a new sister and having to share mom and dad.

When my daughter was 25 months I had another baby and the eldest was still using her pacifier. My hubby thought I should take it away. I said no way, not right now she's going through too much (we were also potty training.) Well in June (she was 31 mo.) I put her in dance class, I told her dancers didn't use binkies so if she wanted to dance it had to go bye bye. Well, it took three hard days and she was done.

Maybe once Jesse has gotten used to his sister and sharing your time you could put him in some kind of activity and use that as your backup.

Maybe you shouldn't have taken it away so suddenly. You didn't say how old your son is (the older the worse it gets I imagine). When my daughter turned two I decided that she should be weaned. First it was just bedtimes and then I just put it out of sight and if she asked for it, I gave it, but if she didn't ask, she didn't get it. Eventually she didn't ask for it anymore and there were no tears. Hope this helps!

I know it is difficult listening to your child cry but it was the best thing I ever did. I would put my son down, give him lots of kisses and tell him how lucky he was to be going to bed and then leave the room. Yes, he cried for about a half an hour for the first few nights but then he got over it. Now he has no trouble. I also didn't make a big production about getting rid of the pacifier, one day it was there and the next it wasn't and he didn't even ask about it. Out of site out of mind.

Another thing you can try for nap time is telling him that he has to stay in bed but doesn't have to sleep. Give him lots of books and tell him to stay in bed and often times just the inactivity will put them to sleep.

Congrats on the new baby. Maybe you do not want to make a battle over pacifier and sleep with your older one. What is so bad about the pacifier? Being that you probably were the first to provide it ( I apologize if you were not) you my want to have a more merciful attitude about taking such a comforting things away. Especially suddenly, with no replacement comforter.
I am a special education teacher...behaviors we see in students usually have a function. Just because we decide we do not like the habit, does not take away the need.
Maybe look at it with out the need to control so much....(the win-lose thing in parenting/teaching turns kids into adversaries...is this really what we want?) Kids thinking they are "in charge"...oh yes... every parent's nightmare! We want our children to follow our lead. Toddlers are esp demanding...but it is TYPICAL that they only follow 40% of the directions they are given. That is normal. The solution is to have a strong loving relationship with your child. You are more likely to get that 40%...if the relationship/bond weakens...you will get less. (Things will get better with age)
Look at this more as an opportunity to shape a new behavior in your older child...and prevent the same issue with your newest one...if it is very bothersome. (My daughter never got into the pacifier thing..we did co-sleep though...so I guess I am the pacifier! Ha!)

Sorry you're having so much trouble. But you need to think about your sanity and you have a little one to take care of also. Don't fight him on it - if he won't go down for a nap, don't let him take one. My daughter completely stopped taking naps when she turned two, so I just kept her up. End of story. There was no "winning" or "losing" - I just didn't get engaged in a power struggle about it. The more you struggle and fight, the worse it gets. And yeah, you can get some stuff done when he takes a nap, but you're wasting more time fighting about it, aren't you?