My Son Likes His Daddy More than Me

It is such an age thing ... my son was just the same at that age. Plus, for daddys this is the prime age for them to bond stronger -- think about it we have the first year where we tend to have a stronger attachment to each other around 1 or 2 is when daddy really comes into play for kids. This too shall pass.

my son is the same way and same age, i just learned to roll it off my back and take all the free time I can get! It's just a phase that will pass. Try not to take it so personally. He just sees you as competition for Daddy's attention. I know when my husband gets home from work (i stay home with the kids) my son will ask me to please stop talking to his daddy if they're in the middle of something and i'm trying to talk to him. Dads just know how to do all the fun and cool stuff I guess.

It is just a stage that all children go through. You are competition for Daddy's attention. He loves you and just does not see how his words hurt you.

I would suggest (and it will be hard) that you just ignore it. No more time outs, no more extra attention from daddy to make him be nice to you because what he probably sees is that when mommy comes home daddy stops playing with him and then he has to go to time out.

Spend some quality time alone with him, even if it means that you are reading a book aloud and he is doing his own thing. He needs to start seeing you are fun too and not be pressured until "liking" you.

He will grow out of this and pretty soon he will probably only want "mommy".

Hang in there <3

You and daddy need to share a big kiss when you get home. He needs to see that YOU are Daddy's main squeeze.
My 3 yo daughter hated me for months because I told her she couldn't marry Daddy, he was already married to me. She got over it.
When you are coming home Daddy could say things like Mommy is almost here, let's get this done or make a cake or do this or that.

And quite honestly I encourage the relationship between my kids and husband. When their reationship is strong then they are better behaved, are more respectful, more even tempered. Daddy and I do share moments in front of the kids.

First of all, DON'T tell him you are sad and ask him to apologize. He is ONLY 2. His brain isn't formed yet. You have to be the adult, and don't take personally the comments of a baby.

Second, my guess is that the reason he says that is that he is punishing you for being away all day. He misses you, whether he shows it or not. Stop taking it personally, run to him, say, "No I won't go away!," pick him up and smother him with kisses.

You are the adult, and it is your job to love him up and make him feel secure, NOT the other way around.

You are his one and only mom. He loves you, you don't have to worry about that. You are not in competition with his one and only dad.

You have to let the heartbreak go.
First of all, little kids see THEMSELVES as the center of the entire universe.
They don't think in terms of who they love more because they are selfish little creatures by nature. Some little kids get ticked when mommy and daddy show affection because mommy and daddy belong to only them.
I wouldn't get upset or worked up. Your son can start trying to push you away....thats when you make a bee-line for your husband and place a big kiss on his lips and a hug and I'm so happy to see you.
Little kids can get jealous of attention that isn't theirs. It's normal.
It's also normal for little kids to act out when they transition from one thing to another. "We've had fun playing with blocks, but it's time to put them away and have dinner now".
I did daycare and a little kid who never fussed once all day can have a melt down when mom shows up. It's not that they don't love mom or aren't happy to see her. It's the transition. The main thing is to not get upset, don't let it phase you, go about your business chatting or engaging others involved in the situation.
I've said this before. Moms miss their kids so much during the day. All we can think about is getting home to our kids. We have this image in our minds, like slow motion in a movie, where our little angels run to us with arms outstretched for a hug and a kiss. It doesn't always work the way we picture it. But that's okay.
I wouldn't focus on trying to get him to apologize or even putting him in time out. It's YOUR house! Go in, ignore the child's comments, hug and kiss your husband, go and change your clothes into something comfy, go about your business. If your son is still being mean, put him in time out. Sit down, have a glass of iced tea or something with your husband and let it all roll off.
If you don't get worked up about your son's behavior, he will come to you for a hug and a kiss.
Like I said, doing daycare, I saw this dynamic often. Once mom acted like she was coming to see me and have a chat and some tea as opposed to chasing the kid around for a hug, the kid comes to mom and all is well. The kid didn't like me more than mom. It was just a matter of switching up the transition.
Try it.

Best wishes.

Total phase thing. My daughter was a total daddy's girl until a few months ago. Now she only wants me. It hurt my feelings too, but now I kinda wish that she would go back to being a daddy's girl, that way I can take a bath in peace.

I second what rosebud wrote,
and add,
Wow, think of all the attention he is getting from his actions - albiet negative actions. But, when he tries to push you back out the house, you get upset, Daddy comes running, etc. WOW. How empowering to a little guy.

So, next time he does it, do what rosebud said - smother him in kisses, set him down, and go about your "business".

Aslo, get Daddy to hype it up before you come home..."Oh, wow, Mommy will be home soon, I just can't wait until she gets here" things like that.

Ultimately, he will outgrow it. He loves you, you are his Mommy. He is has just found a wonderful way to push everyone's buttons right now.

God Bless

You've gotten a lot of good responses....you have to let it go. It'll pass. Treasure the times that he does give you hugs/kisses.

My daughter was like this with me for a long time. She would tell her daddy "no, daddy. go away!" when he would give her hugs. We told her that "go away" is not nice to say, and that she could say "down please" or something else in a "nice" way.

Funny enough, she is ALL about her daddy now. She runs to him when he gets home from work. She HAS to go "show daddy" as soon as she puts her clothes on for the day. The first time she responded to "I love you" with a "me too!" was to her daddy.

It all evens out in the end. :)

Well its the other way around here usualy , my son seems to like me more than daddy just because daddy don't do that much with him, but I know when I was little I liked daddy more than mommy just because he knew how to play all the games, do all the funny voices and what not, but I of course grew out of it.. Trying doing a game night with board games.. well hes 2 so maybe to young, or do some group activity and try to bring out your own inner child. I think he will eventualy get over it, a phase kids go though, and he be wanting mommy around just as much as daddy. I know though it hurts, it hurts anytime a kid tells you something like that. I was sad for a week when my son started cuddling and loving on his daddy more than me for a time, but he soon came back to loving and cuddling with mommy just as well. Its hard not to feel that way though I know. Many hugs to You.

Things like this happens, developmentally and per phases.
But, you need to teach your son, that that is RUDE.
He should not be screaming at you to "go away."

Your Husband, should also reiterate this to him. Beyond just making him apologize.

It is also about manners.
And about feelings.

But yes, kids do go back and forth between parents.

Oh...I feel your pain...but it is not a forever thing I assure you.
Do not make a big deal about it. Be a consistent mom, and be a loving mom. Kids will say things that hurt our feelings and they have no idea the depth of pain that the words they say can cause...all you have to do is ignore it for now, or tell him something along the lines that I will always be your mom and i will always love you no matter what. Find something that sounds natural for you and always say it. For us, my mom told us she loved us "as high as the sky goes high"
Do try and find times to spend with him when he is amicable, reading books...or letting him help you in the kitchen. Every moment that you have together has the potential to be fun and a great bonding experience if you try. Drives in the car are a great time to talk or sing silly songs together.
My daughter is a daddy's girl...but that does not mean she does not love me as well.
Do away with the time outs...focus on positive and praising the good behavior. Also try and incorporate some fun stuff for the 3 of you to do all together...a walk, a picnic, a trip to the park...

A couple of thoughts come to mind as I read this:

Your son is going through a completely normal stage. Lots of kids have periods of liking one parent more than the other. They are simply being honest about their feelings, and at 2.5, your little guy is only on the leading edge of learning what empathy is. So I wouldn't punish for this, and I wouldn't make him apologize for something that is simply true for him in the moment he says it.

Trust that he NEEDS you, and knows he needs and loves you, on some deep, undeniable level. He simply doesn't have access to those feelings all the time. This level will emerge more and more in coming years, but if you start gaming him, manipulating or wheedling for more positive feedback, showing how much power he has to "hurt" you, you'll actually be giving him a very powerful emotional weapon to use against you when he IS able to be more devious (think adolescence). And if you punish for his expression of honest feelings, he'll eventually start repressing his feelings or simply shutting you out.

2. Take some time every day to play with him. If you need help imagining how to do this, get the lovely book Playful Parenting by Lawrence J. Cohen, PhD. This is a worthwhile investment in your future relationship with your little boy. I'll bet you can even get Daddy on board to give you time together while perhaps he picks up a chore or two that you would normally do.

3. You can allow him his honest feelings and still work on the messages he sends. Daddy will be able to help with this. When they anticipate your arrival, your husband would do well, at least some of the time, to key down the play and help plan a welcome home for mommy. I had to do this with my grandson when he was about 3.5 and acting rejecting or bored of his daddy. I'd shift him to a more "guy" oriented game, like soccer, that his dad could just join in as soon as he got home. After a few minutes of active play, my grandson was ready to welcome Daddy home without any sign of rejection.

At any rate, start giving him calm and consistent messages about what it's okay to say, and what is simply rude. "I would rather play with Daddy now" is fine. "Go away!" is not good manners. He needs to have alternative language, rather than just being told what not to say.

I hope this season passes quickly, J.. It is terribly hard to hear your child not wanting you after you have sacrificed and worked so hard for his happiness and wellbeing. He WILL understand what you give him better as he grows up. And he will probably have seasons where he wants to be with you more than his daddy (I'll bet that already happened when he was a tiny).

I am going through the same thing...All three were like that...My Daughter now 5 doesn't remember doing this to me...My 3 1/2 year old is more even now but will tease me and run to Daddy and now number three...who is 17 months shows preference to Daddy!!! Frustrating..I feel bad but it is just a phase that will pass :)

I haven't read all of the replies below, but it is a very normal developmental thing. Somewhere between 18 month and 3 years little boys should normally begin to identify with Dad more and separate from Mom. It may not feel good, but it doesn't mean that he doesn't like you, need you, etc. It is an appropriate developmental stage. I agree with discipline for the disrespect. He can want to keep playing with Daddy without disrespecting you. Hang-in there.

Chances are, your son does this because it makes him the center of attention. You and your husband are both focused intently on this behavior, which reinforces it. Insisting that he apologize also puts him center stage. Kids would rather get in trouble than feel that they're being ignored. Tell him that if he does this, he'll have to go to his room until you come and get him out. Then, when he does it again, since he undoubtedly won't go willingly, gently and silently pick him up, carry him to his room and, especially if he can hear you, you and your husband need to be completely absorbed in each other, talking about your day, joking, laughing - without your son. Chances are, very soon he'll give this behavior up, because he won't want to feel left out.

Ironically, your son actually loves YOU more .... that's why he feels the need to "punish you" for leaving him. He KNOWS it hurts you when he tells you to go away, that's why he does it! Try ignoring him completely when he acts up. When you get home, hug your husband and pretend you can't hear your child at all. Give YOURSELF a "time out" - have a cup of tea, have a bath, whatever. As soon as your little boy has calmed down give him a hug and your undivided attention for a little while. Once he realises that you will only interact with him when he's calm he'll stop his nasty behaviour. Good luck and best wishes to you all.

you are totally not alone - just try and not let it get to you. my daughter (will be three next month) does it too. "go away mommy, I'm playing with Daddy now." I just make her say please, and tell her 'Ok - come and play with me later, i'll be in the living room' (or wherever)
then the next day she tells me things like 'Mommy, I like you sometimes." and gives me a big hug. then other days she'll be brushing off Dad - becasue she's busy... and then other days she's yelling all over the house "I love you, I love you, I love you" to her stuffed animals. go figure.

Don't feel about this at all. Both my husband and I experience it with our son on any given day. What we've found is that whomever he starts playing with, that is the person he wants to be with - he just doesn't want to have to share his time. Basically, he knows that when the other adult comes into the room, he won't be the center of attention and the adults will start talking and his playmate will be side-tracked from him.

So, I wake up with my son in the morning - the mornings are all about me and him. I'm not the super fun parent who plays fun games with dinosaurs, but we do other things together (even if it's doing dishes together - he plays in the water while I clean) and when Daddy comes in, our son wants to push him away - he wants only me.

However, Daddy usually picks our son up from daycare, so when I come home from work, they are in the thick of some fun game. I will come in and try to say hello or get a hug from him and I will get a similar response as you get from your son. Instead of time out, we will say something like, "it's okay if you don't want me to play with you right now. Just say hello to me and then I'll leave you alone." Or something like that. It's more about acknowledging his feelings - don't worry, I won't take Daddy away from playing with you, I just wanted to say hello. It's polite to say hello... That sort of thing. Our son just turned 3, and this started around 2 years old, so we're in the same age range.

The hardest thing is to not let it effect you, but the more he sees it effecting you, the more he will realize he has a very effective tool in his arsenal with which to manipulate you. Be calm and non-chalant about it, but also teach him the appropriate (polite) way to respond along with letting him know you understand him.

Good luck;)

Darlin, please don't feel bad. Consider the source. He's 2 1/2. He knows that when you come home Daddy's attention is shifted from him to you. The most appropriate response is loving detachment. Children love to exhibit behaviors that prompt an intense reaction. If you response is a calm, "I understand, but it's mommy's turn to play with you and daddy now" and then just go on and do what you normally go and do when you get home from work. Don't take it to heart, it is just a phase....

J.,

Kids do this all the time, your boy will do an about face in the next couple years and act like he loves mommy more then daddy. Hang in there mom, enjoy your free/me time while you can.

Blessings.....

little man may have a hard time with transitions. My daughter was like that. She would be playing with her dolls and I would say "time to go to the playground!" or something totally fun that she loves and she would cry and throw a fit, because she was not prepared for that to happen. Call your family when you are on your way home and have daddy and your son prepare for your homecoming. Daddy can say "maybe we can collect some flowers from outside right now so that when mommy comes you can show her!" or some other thing that you will be welcomed to be a part of. He probably just does not want to be interrupted from doing whatever he and daddy are doing. If you get the interruption part out of the way with the phone call, by the time you get home, he will be anticipating your arrival rather than being interrupted by it.