My Kids 6 and 9 Are Very Dependent. They Show No Interest in Doing Anything by T

these are the same kids that tore down a LEGO set?

You're in Hawaii - get your kids OUTSIDE!!! Take them to the beach. Get them OUTSIDE!!!

Enroll them in sports and see what they like. Find a summer camp that has multiple things for them to do and try and get them out there!!

Stop holding their hands. Tell them to go explore. Give them books to read. Take them to the library and have them find books they are interested in.

Boredom begets creativity and independence. Don't rescue them, don't be their creativity, don't stop the rest of your life to "hold their hand." I'm not saying don't do anything with them, I'm just saying give them time to figure it out on their own.

My kiddos have toys, games, supplies (crayons, scissors, crafty things, wood, tools, etc...), outside to be in, and books to read. If they come to me with "I'm bored" or think that I need to hold their hands all the time then they get extra chores. I'll play a game or read or craft with them some but I also have a household to run, a business to run, and my sanity to stay in tact!
You can do it momma!

Well mama, stop holding their hand and being there every step of the way.

Get them involved. Whether it be a church summer camp or a sports camp that introduces them to several sports? PUT THEM IN THEM.

Tell them to go outside and play.
Get them on their bikes and ride! Come on! They can play independently! DO NOT EVER compare yourself to other moms and their kids. THAT is the WRONG thing to do.

YOU CAN start cutting the apron strings by enrolling them in camps and walking away and letting them find their way. They WILL find their way and they WILL do things independently.

Some great responses below.

Being a SAHM doesn't mean you give in to handholding. They don't need you to do their activities. They just need a few basic choices and some simple but varied supplies/equipment.

My kid could sit on the couch looking at the 4 walls, or he could find something to do. We had some art supplies, we had a bike,we had a table for Legos and other construction projects, and we had stuff he could play with in the dirt. We had a few decks of cards and a book of different card games. We had board games. We did not have video games. He was always playing ball or frisbee with neighborhood kids, making forts indoors and outdoors, digging with a few friends to create an ant farm, or riding bikes to find salamanders in a neighbor's woods. Even if you're on a busy street, your kids are old enough to be outside a lot without you worrying that they'll run into traffic.

You are the parent, and you have a job to do in the home. That doesn't include showing them stuff. And you can't teach them to be creative. You can give them a choice between vacuuming and going outside, between cleaning the bathroom and looking at a book of camp crafts or projects, etc. But nagging you to help them isn't an option. If they can't figure it out, then there are more chores to do, no problem. Mind you, I think they need chores anyway and that must be non-negotiable, but if they want you to supervise everything, then what you are going to supervise is what you are doing: paying bills and cooking and changing sheets. They're welcome to join you.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with a child being bored. Nothing. Down time is important, and if it gets to be too much, they'll get up and do something. You have to model some things too, but you also have to let them be. They will simply not sit on their beds for 4 hours doing nothing - they will get up and figure it out. Maybe not on the first day, but if you don't cave in and give them an iPad or whatever, they will be forced to come up with something. You have to outlast them and not tolerate whining. If they want to have a rational discussion, fine, but you can't use terms like "go be creative" or "go have fun." Use things like "You are bright and you can figure this out if you take your time."

you can tell a kid what to do until the cows come home, but if you're modeling dependent behavior and encouraging it by 'hand holding' it doesn't mean diddly.

kids learn what they live, not what they hear.

this has nothing to do with you being a SAHM. it has everything to do with micro and over-parenting.

the world is full of stuff to do, and modern parenting has done children a HUGE disservice by decreeing that it's the parents' job to figure this out for children.

boredom is the best motivator for creativity in the world. i promise you, if you let your kids sit around in a house where they're not allowed to glue themselves to a screen at will, they will eventually find things to do.

'i'm bored' around here meant unlimited opportunities for me to fill their time with stuff i needed done. if they wanted to fill their own time, they knew it was on them to do it.

let go of their hands and trust them to figure it out. yes, there will be much weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth while they learn that it's on them to entertain themselves. don't show them how to use art supplies. don't make them pick up a book. don't insist they ride a bike, or use sidewalk chalk, or build blanket forts, or play hide and seek, or climb trees, or play dress up or let's pretend, or have a stuffed animal battle, or plant a flower box garden, or form a garage band with pot and pan instruments, or perform a play, or have a tea party. kids have figured out how to play for millennia before adults took the choices away from them.

give it back.

khairete
S.

Well, when I was growing up we had a sandbox, an old sieve and some spoons and when we played outside Mom was not outside with us.
We made castles and mud pies.
We played in puddles, climbed trees, rode bikes - by 7 years old my friend and I got some scrap lumber, a hammer and nails and made ourselves a tree fort in a wooded area just off our back yard.
When we were small we had a box of old buttons, beads, pipe cleaners and old empty wooden spools from thread and we made up animals and people with them.
In the 4th grade a friend taught me how to play cats cradle - with just a bit of string.

You can't really show people how to play creatively.
You have to give them some very basic tools (honestly a few rocks and a brick will work) and then leave them to it - leave the room/yard and check back with them a few hours later.
A certain amount of boredom has to set in before the gears start turning but they'll get it eventually.
My moms rule was - unless it was lightning storm, or a zero visibility blizzard - we spent a minimum of 2 hours outside every day year round.
That meant snow suits in winter, rain jackets and boots in spring and fall, and a lot of sunscreen/bug repellent in summer.

There's a difference between being a stay at home mom and being constantly around your children. Those two things do not have to be connected!

Try to make sure that your children are not "stay at home children". If they are not naturally out playing with friends they should be out doing structured activities - local sports teams, volunteer groups (Boy Scouts etc), summer camp.

Your 9-year-old will be in middle school / junior high school soon and will have to learn to handle more structured individual homework assignments. Your 9-year-old should at least be doing independent book reading this summer.

It's probably partly their personality. Some kids are going to naturally take the initiative, while others are more comfortable being followers. I think this is also quite normal for a 6 year old. It might be time to give your 9 year old a bit of a nudge.

Do you have them signed up for any camps or activities? I'm home with my kids in the summer, but I always break it up with camps here and their or other activities. There are quite a number of camps through the park district, the YMCA and the community college that are just half days and are themed camps. You might also consider sending them to a Vacation Bible School (often free). Some of the churches in our area will have them in the mornings, but most of the churches have them for a couple of hours in the evening.

My husband used to ask me why I signed the kids up for camps and for VBS. Actually, he used to say, "Why are you always trying to get rid of the kids?" I get what he's saying, but the truth is, then need to leave the house a bit. When they are home all the time, they start to drive themselves crazy, they start to drive me crazy ... it's just not healthy. They need some structured activities away from home, and I do appreciate the break. Besides, they actually really enjoy camps! Not every week and not necessarily all day. But they do enjoy going to camps during the summer.

I definitely agree with sunnydays that it might help to give them a little more time to find an activity before coming to the rescue with an idea of your own. If you start giving them even 5 more minutes, they might end up surprising you.

Instead of "telling them to be independent", you have to teach them to be independent by giving them the tools do so: "here are your arts & craft supplies, make a frame from these popsicle sticks or draw on this mug with perm markers
-get them active: kicking a soccer ball in the yard, going on a walk or hike, going on a picnic, take them to a park
-let them have a lemonade stand or cupcake sale
-have them help you make cookies or lunch to have outside
-buy mini canvases & let them paint
-buy little pieces of pottery from craft area at your store for them to paint
-teach them to put away their toys, clothes
-have them pick out their outfits
-make cupcakes together
-give them a few age appropriate chores
-play a board game together
-rent a movie you can watch together
-tell them "you can do it. Mom's not going to do it for you anymore."
-tell them "you need to do some things for yourself." Mom takes care of the basics like making dinner, washing clothes but they can do things like get their clothes, put their dishes in the sink
-keep art stuff out so they can go to a table & do some things. Keep crayons, paper, kid scissors, craft paper, coloring books, pens, foam cut outs, glue out so they can go to it and make something.
-think of things they need to do then think of a way for them to be able to do it themselves (ex. keeping kid cups out on the counter so they can get their own water, fruit on the table so they can get a healthy snack etc.

I read your other question (not showing up on the questions page, I think you need to change your settings on it so others can see it - you must have just set it to your local area) where you say your oldest is really into Minecraft and would play it for hours - and in fact, does.

You also call him an introvert. I'm a parent of introverts - so can relate.

I have been a stay at home mom at times. I can relate to this also.

So the thing is, some kids are more naturally comfortable being at home, and doing quiet things, on their own, or with each other (siblings) now and then - then being active, and out in the world all the time. It's still important (I think) for them to get out now and then and to connect - as you're saying, this concerns you too. You went on a visit with friends the other day (the Lego 'incident') so that's cool.

Some of my kids were not into sports. They just aren't that suited to it - but I would put a badminton net up, or we have a pool (even one of those inflatable ones, or if you're near a pool/ocean..) or even bicycles .. will get them out. It does not have to be a team sport. Throw a ball around. We fill up water balloons and the kids will have a fight on a hot afternoon.

Just break up the Minecraft.

As for being creative - Minecraft can be creative. I've enrolled one of mine in a programing course this summer. Very introverted. Other camps didn't appeal.

Invite kids over they get along with. Introverts can be slow this way - I sometimes have to really take the lead on this. One of my kids basically had to be 'told' to have friends over. Sometimes you have to gently push.

We tried a drama camp - my kid didn't really do acting, more the narrator part of it but enjoyed being a part of the social scene, but was exhausted at the end of the day. If your kids would do a sleep away camp that's fun - even for a 2 night one. If not, there are day camps that are geared towards every kind of interest these days. There are Minecraft ones here. They break them up so there's some kind of physical activity and other things going on, with some social activity too.

I wouldn't worry too much about it - introverts seem like they're not getting enough .. but so long as they are happy, they're ok. If they are bugging you (bored, needing things to do) then supply them with board games, a jar of ideas (you can get them on pinterest), where you have two kids, some things for outside to do (some games), and say they have to leave you alone for an hour (or half hour) to start and they have to entertain themselves.

Give them a simple recipe to make (slime..) something. Good luck :)

Sounds like they don't have any confidence in just being creative and trying things themselves. I have noticed that kids get like this when they are allowed to have a lot of screen time. I would work on building confidence and independence and this might mean getting away from mom! My 9 year old did her first outdoors sleep away camp this summer and it helped make her more independent. I recommend this. Send your kids to go do something without family...there are many camps and classes that stress creativity. My daughter's friend showed her how to make slime when she was 8 with no help from an adult and now she loves getting out the ingredients and doing it herself (has to be kept at the kitchen counter). I gave her a recipe for chocolate chip cookies and put out all the ingredients on the counter and said, have at it and she read the recipe and was amazed she could do it all herself. Now she just starts making cookies on her own. (The rule is an adult has to be home to assist with the oven). I will tell my kids to go play outside and they can come home at dinner and no screens for the day and they have to figure out what to do with the other neighbor kids. They come up with all kinds of ideas. I find with my kids that outside time really helps them think of creative things. I will go out in the woods or a trail for the entire day and bring picnic foods and they always just amuse themselves in some way...we were just at a rocky beach this last week and they found a big pile of bull kelp and ended up cutting it it into rounds to "make cookies" and they found that hitting the ends of the bull kelp with driftwood made different sounds depending on the size of the piece of kelp and put on a nice concert for me. I did nothing...I sat on my blanket, read a little, and took a nap in the sun. At our house we have a little patch of green space all next to our neighborhood and this is where much pretend play, building of forts, "battles" and all kinds of creative play goes on. I do not go with them. They will also do things like set up a lemonade stand with the other neighbor kids. The older kids sort of lead the younger kids. I help zero with these things. Basically, they need time without an adult holding their hands and are not allowed to amuse themselves with screens. I tell my kids it is good to be bored because that is when they can come up with ideas.

In your other question, which isn't showing up on the main page, you state that your 9 year old is addicted to a computer game.

You can start fostering a more independent spirit by setting limits on electronics time (phones, computers, iPads, tablets, tv, game consoles). Set a time when games/tv can be accessed, such as 2 hours in the morning in the summer when there's no school, or 2 oor 3 hours in the afternoon when it's too hot to go outside. Make sure that this electronic time is clearly established, and if the kids won't adhere to it, then there will be clearly established consequences as well. They won't stick to 2 hours? Then the following day the electronics don't go on at all.

If they whine, just go about your business calmly. Pay bills, do laundry, do a hobby or craft of your own choosing. Make sure there's access to bikes, skateboards (and helmets). If your son loves Minecraft, look up Minecraft related craft projects, or Legos.

Staying glued to the computer endlessly pretty much drains any creativity. All the thinking has been done for a kid.

How about just leaving them there with the arts, crafts, etc., and telling them to surprise you with the final result? You can even offer to watch from afar, rather than sitting there or guiding them through it, so they can slowly gain some independence.

I think you should sign them up for sports. My 2 boys are 14 months apart started hockey at 4 1/2 years old. We also tried karate, soccer ( from our township) and gymnastics. We also tried swimming, golf and tennis. It gives kids confidence and teaches them a skill or two.. not to mention a place to make new friends and so many health benefits!
Now they are 13 and soon to be 12 and playing Triple A. Traveled all over US and Canada.

You meet other parents too and they are really amazing at helping with pick ups or drop offs, advice and so on!

Find something that is fun and weather friendly, sign them up if possible with few sports so they have a sample ( prey they like the same sport, lol) and trust me you will not recognize them in few months!