21 answers

My Husband Wants to Adopt My Child

I have a 6 yr old daughter and the biological father passed away before she was born. Of course, his name is not on the birth certificate because we were not married and only knew each other for a few months. Needless to say, I was young and naive at the time. I met my husband 4 yrs ago and he has been a father to my child ever since. She calls him daddy and they have an incredible bond; he considers her one of his own. He even has a 6 yr old daughter from a previous relationship and she and my daughter call each other sisters! We recently got married and he would like to adopt her and have his last name. My husband's family supports the idea 100% and considers my daughter part of their family. Unfortunately, my family disapproves, as does the biological father's family. This is something me and husband, as well as my daughter want. Are we wrong for doing so? Where do we begin the process if we do decide? Would we need a lawyer? We live in TX. Thanks for reading. :)

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

Thank you everyone for the helpful and insightful replies! As for the bio's family, my daughter does have a relationship with the grandmother and uncles, so I understand why this decision is difficult because she is the only link to their deceased family. My daughter will always have a relationship with her bio fathers family. The grandmother has had a hard time accepting that I'm married and my hubby is raising her son's daughter. All we can do is be understanding and help her in anyway we can. As for my parents and aunts, they feel the same way the bio family feels because to them it's not right since my hubby is not the actual father. They've seen and heard how my husband is and they do like him, so I don't know about them. Hubby understands how both families feel, but knows in his heart what he wants. I will consider hyphenating the name as some suggested since she does carry her bio father's last name. We will also get an attorney to help us. Thanks again so much for the replies! Me and hubby can't wait! :)

More Answers

I feel like this is decision between your family unit, not extended family. It is what is best for your daughters and I think that is all that should count.

Family will come around, ya know?

Yes you do need an attorney. Family law by the way.

4 moms found this helpful

If you, your husband and daughter all want it then you shouldn't let others deter you. I would recommend hyphenating as well. My cousin had his name changed as a child and it can cause some delays with things like security clearance and passports. Maybe the hyphenation would help with that? I am just guessing of course but I would ask those questions!

2 moms found this helpful

This is really a decision for.the two of you to make. Not your families. If he is raising her as his daughter, it would probably be best for everyone if he adopted her. That way if you two ever split up He would get visitation and you would get child support. You dont owe her fathers family an explanation, its not like you were even married to him, or had a long standing relationship. Im curious why your family objects, seems like they would be supportive.

2 moms found this helpful

it's up to you and your husband. the families will learn to deal.
it sounds like a great idea to me.

2 moms found this helpful

Yes, you need an adoption lawyer. Ask him or her questions. You do not have to have the families' support for him adopting her. You haven't given a reason as to why 2 of the 3 families are against it - only you know what their issue is. If their issue isn't dire or if it's just plain selfishness, then you aren't doing anything wrong.

It is wonderful that your daughter wants to be adopted, but it might be helpful for her to understand that nothing will "change" with him being her legal daddy. Sometimes little kids think that magic happens. You might want to talk to an adoption counselor and make sure you have that issue covered. You also might want to make sure that the counselor is available just in case the deceased father's family is unkind to her. (I would really hope YOUR family wouldn't be unkind.)

Good luck,

2 moms found this helpful

That depends: What are your family's reasons for being against it? They know your husband better than I do.....

2 moms found this helpful

I think it's a great idea and will help your daughter to feel like a true part of the family.

I don't see why your family would be against it but I can understand the bio dad's familie's disapproval. You are, essentially, taking the only grandchild their child is able to give them. You can promise them an active role in her life and you can assure them that she will call them grandma and grandpa or whatever they want.

I would also assure them that you will make sure she understands all of this when she's older and that she knows that they are her true bio grandparents and then I would make sure I followed through and told her about her bio dad when she's older.

I'm so happy that your husband feels that connection with your daughter. That's awesome!

2 moms found this helpful

So, does the biological family see this child? Are they a part of her life?

That would make difference to me.

I imagine if my daghter had a child with someone and she passed away, that would still be our grandchild and I would be totally involved in my grandchild's life, I would not want anyone to adopt her and take away her link to our family.

I would be delighted, someone loved her enough, to want to adopt her, but I would be hurt and distressed.

If they are not involved in her life then I can see that it would be different.

2 moms found this helpful

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