My Daughter Will Not "Poop" on the Potty

It sounds like the few times she did go to the bathroom on the potty, it hurt her. Try giving her some super greens or fiber containing foods. Make sure she is not eating too many carbohydrates and cheese. This can create compacted and difficult to remove stools. My daughter went through a similar period when she was 2 1/2 yrs old. As long as I give her greens and enzymes and also cut back on cheese products, she goes great! Good luck.

My daughter, who just turned 15, was the same way. She was potty trained, and I say that because she knew when she had to go poop. She would tell me when she had to go and we would put on a "diaper panty" or pull up. She would do her business, get cleaned up, and go on about the day. I really don't have any good advise for you only to let you know that she finally grew out of it. I don't remember how long this lasted but it wasn't that long.

My daughter had the same problem. She would not poop on the potty because it hurt one time and she was scared. What worked for us was to make it not an issue. We didn't talk about pooping on the potty, we didn't try to get her to poop on the potty, and didn't say a word when she pooped in her panties. After a few weeks my husband and I started having casual conversations about pooping and would point out when we went poop. We would announce "Oh, I need to poop, I think I will go on the potty" and then would go do so and let our daughter watch if she wanted. We would also talk about the big kids we new ( cousins and other kids at daycare) who could poop on the potty. We didn't make a big deal about it but talked about it once in a while. Eventually our daughter decided to give the potty another try. Hope this helps :)

Hi N., Having been that child you are describing I can speak from personal experience and I have a lot to say on the subject. There are several things that may be going on. At her age there is a feeling of ownership of her bodily "parts", so when she can see it in the potty, and especially if she sees you flush it down the toilet, she feels a part of her has been taken away. However screaming is not acceptable. It’s a tantrum (power) or pain and you need to know which. Check her bowel movements to make sure they are “normal” and she’s not constipated. Give her much more fiber to eat if you suspect the latter. Children who refuse to “potty’ can actually cause a blockage and polyps that is painful. Toilet training is very personal in families and there is NO right way. We made a long drawn out move across country right at my younger son’s 2nd birthday. Potty training stopped and diapers came back on because we were traveling. Once we were settled, it took 2 weeks of consistency and it was done. Your child is at a controlling age and rebellion is in full force. Toileting is not something you want to battle over as forcing potty training can lead to digestive problems and eating disorders. Timing, PATIENCE and some of the professional tips I’ve excerpted here should help. Put the word toilet in the search box at http://www.zerotothree.org and choose the first article.

When children are going through a significant change or several changes at once (see list below) it might be smart to hold off on adventures in potty training. At these times, children often feel overwhelmed and sometimes lose skills they have already learned or were making progress on, like potty training. Not a good time to start training includes:
An upcoming or recent family move or simply a change in parent’s schedule
Beginning new or changing existing child care arrangements.
Switching from crib to bed.
When you are expecting or have recently had a new baby.
A major illness, a recent death, or some other family crisis.

If your child is in the middle of potty training during a stressful time and seems to be having more accidents than usual, know that this is normal. Your child needs all of your patience and support right now. She will return to her previous level of potty training once things have gotten back to normal.

It can be helpful to think of potty training as a process in which both you and your child have your own “jobs” to do.
It is the parent’s responsibility to create a supportive learning environment. This means that you:
Recognize that your child is in control of his or her body
Let your child decide whether to use the potty or a diaper/pull-up each day
Teach your child words for body parts, urine, and bowel movements
Offer your child the tools she needs to be successful at toileting (such as a small potty, potty seat, stool, etc.)
Expect and handle potty accidents without anger
Avoid punishment as well as too much praise around toilet use. (This can make children feel bad when they aren’t successful.)

It is your child’s responsibility to:
Decide whether to use the toilet or a diaper/pull-up
Learn his body’s signals for when he needs to use the toilet
Use the toilet at his own speed
Finding a toilet training method that works for your family is the key. No matter how you do it, remember this is a learning process that takes time, with many accidents along the way. Being patient is the best way you can support your child as she learns.

Toddlers are all about trying to gain some control over their world. They are using their growing physical, thinking, and language skills to gain some power over themselves, their bodies, and their surroundings. This natural and healthy desire for control can lead to power struggles, as children quickly figure out that one way to feel in charge is by refusing to do something they know their parent wants them to do. And for better or worse, learning to use the potty is way up there on most parents’ list of what they really, really, really want their children to do—and children quickly pick up on that. (Just picture mom and dad clapping and jumping up and down when they see their child’s first bowel movement in the potty.) Toilet training is particularly ripe for power struggles because it is so tied up with toddlers wanting to have control over their own bodies.

So it’s important to approach toilet training matter-of-factly and without a lot of emotion. Think of it as just another skill you are helping your child learn. If you show anger or disappointment when it’s not going well, or overwhelming joy when it is, it lets your child know this is something you want him to do badly. Refusing to do it becomes a very powerful way for your child to feel in control. The more emotional you are, the more it shows your child how much it matters to you that he use the potty.

It is also very important not to force your child to use the potty because it can cause intense power struggles. These power struggles sometimes lead to children trying to regain control over their bodies by withholding urine or bowel movements. This can create physical problems, like constipation. So if you are starting to see power struggles developing over potty training, it might help to take the pressure off. Stop talking about potty training or doing anything about it for a little while, until your child shows signs of readiness and interest again.

Many parents wonder about offering rewards for using the potty—a sticker, an extra sweet, or a little toy every time their child is successful on the toilet. While these kinds of rewards may encourage progress in the short run, the concern is that for some children, the pressure of “success” in the form of the reward creates anxiety or feelings of failure when they have a (very normal and even expected) potty accident. The other risk is that the use of rewards for toileting can lead children to expect rewards for doing almost anything—finishing a meal, brushing teeth, etc. When parents are matter-of-fact about potty training and don’t make a big deal about it, children are more likely to follow their own internal desire to reach this important milestone.

Having just read response about the clear substance I had to add this: The clear substance was most likely mineral oil given to children 20 or more years ago. It is still prescribed HOWEVER the mineral oil of today can be a dangerous substance taken internally and it throws the digestive system out of balance. There is a safe herb called slippery elm available in capsule form at your better health food stores (Vitamin Shoppe $6.99 for 100 capsules, Herbal Planet types, NOT GNC or WalMart) that will correct any digestive or elimination problem and is safe for all ages. Her doctor caused my mother's esophagus to be completely ulcerated from Fosamax over several years. He didn't listen to her monthly complaints of pain on swallowing to the point she could not eat. It's the first DANGER sign in the info supplied with the pill. We took her off in her early 80's and it took 2 years of a good organic diet, slippery elm, good immune support, lots of probiotics and pribiotics but her esophagus was healed and she could eat anything with comfort. Slippery elm keeps my 89 year old father regular (he takes 6 capsules daily) and keeps his colon clean and healthy. It will heal any digestive problem from the mouth to the anus and does it safely and comfortably.

I am a little concerned that she is crying when she goes poop. My granddaughter did the same thing. We tried everything.(toy, candy, stickers) and nothing seemed to work. We then realized that she was constipated and it hurt to go to the bathroom that is why she was harder to train. We then took her to her peds and he said that she was allergic to dairy products. Not lactose intoloerant. But she was allergic. Another words the dairy was consipating her. When she pooped it hurt so she would hold it for as long as possible and thus making the problem worse. On the other hand I have never seen an adult that wasn't potty trained so just be patient.

I had a similar problem with my first daughter. She would not go anywhere but in her pants, and I tried cotton pants and everything. Then one day when she was naked and getting ready to get in the tub, I watched her suddenly run to the potty and use it! A lightbulb went off and I realized that she didn't like the feeling of it on her legs or making a mess on the floor. I guess the idea of seeing it was disturbing to her and she couldn't see it in her pants so it didn't bother her. I kept her naked from the waist down for a couple of weeks and that was the end of our potty training issues. Of course I put pants on her before we went out but she had gotten the idea and didn't have any accidents at all.

I also had this trouble and the Dr suggested that she was withholding. I have been giving her Miralax, 1/2 cap full, daily. Then I went to every other day. It makes it easier for them to go. It does NOT make her go right away, just when she goes, it comes out softer.

N.,
It has been a long time since my Daughter learned to poop on the potty, but I will tell you all I can remember. We gave her poop a name- Mr. Poo Poo, and we told her when Mr. Poo Poo needed to come out he needed to go in the potty
to see all his friends. After she pooped we would wave bye bye to Mr. Poo Poo as he went down the toilet, we made a huge deal about it and clapped and yelled hurrah. I think she thought Mr. Poo Poo needed friends, and related that she liked to be around her friends. I did work and she received a treat afterward just like you have been doing. Good luck.
S.

Have you asked your dd why she does not like to poop in her potty? Have you asked her why she cries (does it hurt)? When did this start? Did it get worse with the birth of your son? Do you think she could be doing this to get your attention since she sees that when little brother poops he gets loving attention?

Because there has been so much drama associated with pooping for a while now, I think I would stop talking about it altogher for a while, at least a month. Just make it a non-issue. Make sure the person who cares for her while you are at work is on board with this strategy. You may not be able to figure out why she doesn't like to poop. That's ok. She might not be able to tell you because she might not know. Just tell her you realize that she is not ready to do this right now and that she can try any time she wants to but thaat you are not going to ask her to try again for say a month. Then try again, with no judgment if she fails.

Make sure you and dh sit down with her and explain that you love her, that you know she will go to the potty when she is ready and that you will help her in every way you can.

She many not be ready developmentally, this might be a power struggle, or an attempt to et more attention now that there is a little brother to compete with. Whatever the reason, just try to keep in mind that she will not do this forever. Even little kids feel peer pressure. When she sees all her little friends at school using their potty she will eventually want to do the same. Hope this helps, S.

My son was having a similar problem. He had been constipated previously and began to associate the pain of constipation with having a bm. The doctor recommended using 1tsp of Miralax and adding it to some juice daily. This will ensure that they will not have a constipation problem. You can adjust the amount of Miralax as you need to. It took a week or two of trying this and he is doing very well now! Miralax is available over the counter. He was just holding in everything and was not constipated anymore, but he thought it would hurt again. I hope this helps!

A.

Don't give up my daughter did the same thing. We tried the same tactics nothing seemed to work. I even asked the doctor he said it is totally normal for some children to do this. They feel like it is a part of them. Eventually she will do it ,just keep encouraging it and suggesting that you go on the potty. She will do it! It took us many months and I thought she would be going to kindergarten and still doing this. Don't give up! My daughter was 4yrs. old and I have a 11yr.old daughter who I had no problems with.

Hi N.! Everyone has zeroed in on the fact that it's not supposed to hurt and she may be constipated or something else and so you should ask the doc about that. And you are correct that spanking and anything negative like that (punishing, fussing at her) is the worse thing you could do. Once you make sure all is well physically, Linda M. is right on when she said she'd never seen an adult who didn't know how to use the potty. In other words, back off and let her be. She'll work it out. (and it won't take her 15 years:) TAke away the pressure and stress. Take away the attention she's getting over this. Don't let it get you mad or upset. Put a diaper on her if necessary. She'll eventually decide baby diapers are not for her. And remember, don't sweat the small stuff. I feel ya!

My daughter was hesitant to poop because I was able to find out it was hurting her a little bit. I began to add a little prune juice to her daily drinking, every cup of juice basically I added some. This kept her poop on the softer side, and after a few poops, she realized it was OK. After that she was fine, but I still keep just a little in her diet. Hope that helps!

Kathy R referred to some liquid but that she could not remember what it was. I think it was mineral oil, since that it what a peditrition recommended for my daughter when we had this problem (but she was a lot older, 8, I think). I gave her 1 Tablespoon in the morning and one at night before bed.

I had problems as I was growing up with constipation and holding it until I could not wait any more because it also hurt me. Well, as an adult it now makes sense --When you are constipated the bowel movement is hard and many times can have edges that cut you as it is passing through towards the end. I would be sure that she is getting enough water,fiber and fruit, if she is, maybe add in some prune juice each day. I don't blame her for not wanting to go. I am thinking that possibly going in her panties may provide some pressure so that it does not hurt as much coming out. My guess is that she probably is experiencing some real pain. I remember the pediatrician also had my Mom give me a clear substance each night. I don't remember what it was --- cod liver oil or something like that to coat the inside and help it slide out better. If the prune juice, water, fruit and fiber don't help I would call my pediatrician and find out what the substance might have been that my Mom gave me. The doctor will know. Shot in the dark but it may not be all a behavior kind of issue -- you have nothing to loose to give it a try.

Having a two-year-old help clean up the poop isn't safe because of the contact with germs. And it probably does nothing to make her feel more confident, either.

Lots of kids do this for different reasons. From your post, I can't tell if the screaming she does is because she's hurting (constipated) or more of a tantrum because she's feeling a loss of control (or whatever).

I have mixed feelings about "rewards", but I'll tell you what worked wonders (WONDERS!) for us (at least for pooping). I told my son (he was 3) that if he pooped in the potty JUST ONE TIME, he could watch an entire movie that afternoon. (He rarely watched much TV, so a full-length movie was HUGE!) The very next time he had to go, he made it. Then I started a star-chart, and he would decide on a movie (usually Little Mermaid) or going out for ice cream and we'd draw a picture on the chart. The first chart had 2 stars, then 3, then 4. I think the maximum we had was 7 stars - still about a movie a week.

That same boy (now 4 1/2) took what seemed like forever to handle the urinating part of potty-training. (partly because the younger sibling showed up at just the wrong time). He'd be doing great for weeks then have an accident, then he would be embarrassed and would act out by being "the angry young man" - which made it more difficult to respond with patience, love and support. And once he would have one accident, it would be multiple accidents every day for - sometimes a week.

Whenever I lost my patience and said the wrong thing, it completely backfired and set me back even further. Thankfully, my husband was able to be extremely patient with him, because, as a child, he was an occasional bed-wetter himself until (as he says "puberty came along and resolved the problem - you can't pee with an erection")

Now, your daughter's younger than he was when he even started. You could just put her in pullups and try again in 6 months or whatever. Another mom I know had a 3-year-old girl who, when she needed to poop, asked her mom to put a diaper on her, she'd poop in it, get cleaned up and go back into panties. Not fun, but it passed. Some parents have had success putting a clean diaper in the bottom of the child's potty, and then they'll go. (Sounds crazy - but young kids possess a diffent logic than adults.) Yet another idea (kinda crazy - but it worked for someone) is, right before she sits on the potty, to put a diaper special diaper on that has a large hole cut in it -
so she can still wear a diaper while sitting on the potty, but the poop goes into the potty.

There are lots more ideas here:
http://parents.berkeley.edu/advice/potty/pooppotty.html

But mostly you need patience, patience, patience. And possibly even a Valium. :)

Have you tried using the toilet? She may not like the idea of being so close to the poop.

I think this one is an easy one. I think you are trying way too hard. She is feeling the pressure and so are you. What’s the rush??? She isn’t even three yet. If she has mastered “peeing” in the potty, that is huge for an almost three year old. My daughter was about 3 ½ when she mastered the “poop” in the potty. She is now 5 and still has an issue every once in a while. Another thing you might want to think about is weather or not her poop is soft enough for her to pass. From my experience, if the poop hurts when they do it on the potty; well, their just not going to do it on the potty. With both of my children, I have had a very laid back attitude with potty training and trust me; she won’t go to college wearing diapers… Also if she is wearing panties on weekends and diapers at daycare and during the week at home, this is sending her mixed signals. You have to pick one and stick with it, no matter what she does in them. Hope this helps. Good luck!

N.

My neice went through a problem where she would not go to the bathroom in the potty but still went in her pull up...and knowingly went. After a lot of frustration, my sister heard of a specialist that might help. In the end, my neice had a rectal exam and come to find out, she was EXTREMELY backed up. At some point she never overcame a constipation problem. My sister is giving her mineral oil for so long to "clean" her system out. Perhaps you can call your doctor adn ask if there is anything like this around. My neice had to go to the local Children's hospital on a certain day that the doctor would be scheduled to see them.

Is the poop hard? Maybe change her diet and make it easier for the poop to come out. My daughter didn't care much for pooping in the toilet either when she was that age. Someone mentioned that it is needing to have closure. Say goodbye to the poop and tell it you will see it next time. They have seperation problems and letting go a part of something that came from their body is discerning to them. I explained that we will see it again next time. It will be back and kept reassuring her. We also had a slight diet problem. Her poops were a little hard. She was eating too much soy in her diet for her. I had to change her diet to accomodate her needs and all this helped. She is now a healthy 5+ years old.
Good luck and try hard to be patient. Everyone goes through something in their lives. Breath.

If the daycare cannot honor your wishes as to panties and they don't want a accident so she needs to wear a diaper then I'd consider going somewhere else...I had a daycare well, preschool do that and my youngest child got very confused. It's very difficult for a child if both parties aren't consistant by the way don't do the punishment or spanking first off it won't help and potty training by fear won't stick.

N.,
My memories of this are similar.. I am now 50 and had the same prob w/ both of my 2 children. first of all 3 (years old)was the magic number. Almost to the day of their 3rd birthdays did they finally poop in the potty. The key... it was springtime and I let them run arounf the yard in nothing but a T-shirt. They had no diaper (or pull up) to go in. The did it in the yard.. it was the separation of the poop from them and my saying "wow, look what you did!.. what a big boy!" So, from then on they went in the potty and that was that.. Good luck!
J.

I had the same problem with my little girl. She was approaching three and still would not poop on the potty. She was even at the point of holding it if I tried to make her. Her pediatrician prescribed a laxative (Miralax) that made her unable to hold it and then I just did not put a pull up on her at all. She eventually decided to try because poopie panties were not an option. It really only took one time of using it and she was finished with pull ups. Hand in there and just remember she will eventually use it. Maybe try not to push her and wait a week or two and discuss the issue again. Good Luck.

You have just explained where we were with our daughter not even a month ago!!! I completely understand your frustration! Our daughter is 3 1/2 though...we had already moved her to panties but she got to where she was so frequently pooping in her panties that we took her panties away and put her back in pullups. She actually saw this as somewhat of a punishment, which worked in the end for us. We were also having her clean her panties after pooping in them too, but even with all that she didn't want to poop in the potty. We figured out that most of her problem was that her poop was hard and hurting her enough that she was actually more comfortable going in her pants. So I talked with a nurse and got some ideas about what we needed to change in her diet. We half-heartedly tried this previously, but honestly, looking back, we didn't do it right or consistently. We made a lot of minor adjustments and it was like magic...the first time she went on the potty after that and it didn't hurt, she was ecstatic! Ever since, she has gone to the potty on her own every single time! We were at our wits end with this and were just pulling our hair out about this and I got so tired of hearing "you're just pushing her, back off and she'll do it" and all the usual...which I can see that side of things, but that's not easy to do when you know they're perfectly capable. With our daughter, it just took us figuring out the issue was her poop, not the action. So, if you say yours has cried after pooping, that could be your issue as well. I hope this helps you...and I wish you luck!!!