My Daughter's Snotty Friends

Hi B.,

You are not overreacting, and you are not doing anything wrong, and this is not just the way it is these days. Your rules are your rules, and visitors in your house need to obey them.

At the start of the next sleepover/playdate, go over your rules with your daughter and her friends. Tell them that if they decide they don't want to follow the rules, they will be brought home, plain and simple.

If they make a mess, have them clean it up before they leave. Stand there and watch if you must.

I would not put up with some 7 year old girl insulting me to my face. She would be brought home IMMEDIATELY--better yet, I would call the parents and tell them she was waiting on the porch--and I would tell her parents what she said, and make it clear to that she was not allowed back until she changed her attitude.

Please reconsider your daughters choice in friends and who she socializes with. This does not sound like a good bunch. Children who behave this way--what kind of home life do they have? Do you really want her at their houses, either?

Good luck to you.

I don't think it's today's society. It has always been like this. Start just having them over for a few hours before you embark on a sleepover. Your best bet is to not invite these rude girls back. I had one come to our house and was shocked when she told me, "NO!" when I asked her to stay down stairs. EEK! Her parents are going to have fun when she hits the teen years. Good luck. :-)

All I can say is sometimes it's better to have only one or two good friends than a whole gaggle of rude ones. Keep in mind as you go forward, as long as you encourage or allow your daughter to associate with these types of people, she will eventually become like them... it's the law of nature...adaptation for survival.

There is nothing wrong with being selective...and teaching your daughter to be so also isn't a bad idea. She'll be happier if she learns to not be one of the pack and is more discerning in deciding who she wants to spend her time with.

For me, one way I've been able to cut through the "garbage" is to get to know the parents. If I don't get along with them, or agree with their parenting style, I pretty much encourage my kids to find someone else to hang with.

The benefit here is you can better collaborate with the parents on how to deal with back-talk, bad behavior etc. because you can be a unified front. Sleepovers and get togethers will go alot smoother if you and your sleepover guest's parents are on the same page before the party begins. The kids will also be less likely to act up knowing they won't get far since their parents and you have an agreement. Likewise, you can relax a bit knowing you'll know the parents' expectations for conduct are the same as yours should your child spend the night at a friend's house.

Last but not least, I'm not big on sleepovers at all. I just think there's too much to worry about these days...including the very concerns you have voiced here. If they're causing you this much stress, there is nothing wrong with not doing them. Playdates are better because they're shorter and the kids eventually have to go home! That's usually about the time they start to be a pain you know where!

I think Cassandra had some really great advice. There is no reason you should put up with such rude children. Setting down rules for EVERYONE to follow and give them the consequences that will happen if they are not followed. It would be easier if you start with having just one or two of these girls over at a time to really get the rules down before you start gathering a whole bunch of them.

Dont be afraid to tell them they are not allowed to speak to you in the matter they are or make them clean up after themselves or they can go.