My Daughter Humiliated My Husband in the Gym This Week - What Do I Do?

Oh my goodness tell him to suck it up! If btw can't get over that she's stronger than him he's got a problem.

He needs to get over this. He should be proud of his daughter, not ashamed of himself! I agree...if it were his son it would be a different story.

Like most distance runners, your husband uses certain muscles a whole lot, and others not at all. For marathoners, having a lot of bulk in the upper body is a no-no.

He's got to be enough of a grown-up that he doesn't let a teenager tell him what to do. If he's upset because a teen girl can lift more than he can, he's go an ego problem and has been woefully removed from his daughter's training over the past year at least.

Your daughter needs to get over thinking that she's qualified to instruct someone. She's not. She does her own thing (and dear God, I hope she does it with a qualified phys ed teacher or trainer). That does not make her an expert on anyone else's training and she can really cause damage to someone by thinking she is qualified to judge or teach.

What they have in common is that they are dedicated to fitness, and they are truly one-dimensional, knowing only about their own sport and thinking that makes them experts on everything. So they both need to put their egos aside here and stop this silly competition. They are in different sports. A shot put athlete is not built like a high jumper or a sprinter, and a running back is not built like a marathoner.

You - get out of the middle of it. You're not the referee. You encourage your daughter to stop being a bossy teenager and thinking there is one fitness program for everyone, and you encourage your husband to work with a qualified personal trainer at the gym (this is what my husband did to learn the right techniques) or to join a running club with a qualified coach who specializes in distance runners (this is what my son does). But DO NOT make this about embarrassment but about their mutual lack of knowledge about sports other than their own.

He's humiliated by his own daughter's strength? Wow, I would think most dads would be proud! I'm sorry I have no advice. If he's that insecure maybe he needs to see a therapist or something. That just doesn't sound normal for a grown man. Sorry :-(

She DID NOT "humiliate" him. He is CHOOSING to feel humiliated instead of proud. He is a strong runner and could probably outrun her, right? Would he consider doing what he does best humiliating her if he asked her to run with him?

His daughter is a strong, competent young woman who does completely different physical things. He needs to adjust his attitude. You do NOT hurt her to make him feel better. He's an adult. He needs to take a deep breath and deal.

Now if she's teasing him every day, then, sure, she should stop cause extended teasing can become hurtful. But THAT needs to be the reason, not your husband's mortification. Again, he's choosing to feel this way.

Now, there may be a deeper body image issue your husband has, being short and male. If this is the case, support him through this BUT not at her expense. Her strength is not his weakness. They are independently, individually strong in their own ways.

You are in the middle because you put yourself there. Somehow you feel that its up to you to solve problems that really have nothing to do with you.

I think this is a learning lesson for them both. Dad needs to realize that his little girl has different talents and is excelling in her own path. He was probably taken off guard by her ability to lift but seeing as its something she does all the time its not shock that she's good at it. He needs to recognize that she's worked hard to reach the level she's at and see it as something to celebrate for her instead of seeing it as something he's lacking.

I think your daughter has more lessons to learn from this. She needs to know that she isn't qualified to teach or train anyone. And her ability to do something better than someone else doesn't make her superior to anyone. Everybody has different skills and the faster she is able to see that other's skills makes everyone unique will serve her well

"he is mortified by this".
Um, why?
If your daughter was a son - would your husbands ego be as bruised?
He should be proud that he's raising Wonder Woman!

Everybody has their strengths and weaknesses.
Some people run, others lift weights, some swim, play soccer, ride horses, etc.
Your daughter might not run marathons - your husband does.
She lifts weights - your husband not so much.
WHO CARES?
Nobody does it all.

As far as your daughter and husband go - it's not a competition.
Help husband to get a sense of humor and some pride in his daughter.
And ask daughter to lay off the teasing of Daddy till he's over his hissy fit.
Maybe some more father/daughter time together would be a good thing - they could use some bonding.
Then go have a glass of wine and relax.

Your husband has no reason to feel humiliated. He should be proud! He can look at his daughter lifting weights like a pro and say "hey, I helped create this strong, capable young woman!".

Your daughter should not back off, or only lift the little pastel dumbbells that they sell in the dollar store. However, this would be a nice time to have a talk with her about being supportive and respectful of others who are less physically capable, whether it's due to disability, genetics, a general dislike of sports, or because the other person spends all of his or her free time over a microscope trying to cure diseases with little time for the gym.

She's certainly old enough to be able to say encouraging words. She doesn't have to offer to be her dad's trainer, or to gloat, or to teach him how to lift weights. He runs marathons. I am NOT an athlete, but I'm fairly certain that long distance runners don't lift weights routinely. I've watched the Boston Marathon many many times, and the runners are lean and very different from the people who devote their time to being body builders.

A gracious attitude is as important as being proficient at your sport of choice. And just tell your husband the same thing: he should praise his daughter for her devotion to practicing, to lifting weights properly, and tell her he's proud of her. And then he can tell her that he prefers running, and that will be where his efforts will be concentrated. Thank her for her offer to train him, but tell her that he'll do his training with another runner. And make room in your family, through your own efforts, to embrace a runner and a weightlifter/kickboxer.

For heavens sakes, she is your CHILD! Your husband should act like a mature parent and be proud of his daughter!!

And I'm not sure what "back off" means to you...? Are you suggesting you would tell your daughter to pretend to be weak because men - even her own father - feel emasculated by physically strong women?

I don't know why you are in the middle in the first place. What does this have to do with you? This is your husband's problem - no one else's. Not your daughter's. Not yours. If your husband has a problem with it - then he can deal with it.

If your husband has a problem with his daughter being stronger than him - then he can either get over it (not sure why that is a problem, my husband would be proud of his kid), or he can work out at home (if he's so insecure).

This reminds me a bit of the question about the mom who felt she had to intervene last week about the high heeled shoes and the dad who couldn't handle his daughter being taller than him.

I really think men should be able to handle their daughters being strong and tall.

Not sure why moms feel they have to protect their husband's feelings. No offense - I just think that your husband is a big boy. It's not your job (it sounds kind of motherly ... and not in a good way). I don't mean that to be judgey - it's just how this post read to me.

Both of our 20 yr olds could kick hubby's butt 6 ways until Tuesday - and that has been the case for YEARS. One is a black belt, both played 3 sports a year for 6 years, both are currently in the military. There has been some good-natured "wrestling" with dad (he loses) and some good-natured ribbing about who is the strongest (obviously the kids). My husband is so damn proud of both of those kids for being stronger than him! And why not? They worked really hard and they have youth and stamina on their side. And guess what, they STILL call him when they need something (especially our 20 yr old son).

He should be jumping up and down to have his daughter "train" him. How many dad's have a 15 yr old daughter willing to show him anything? How is she supposed to respect someone who gets buttsore over something so stupid? So, if he tries to show HER something, she should just shut up and listen, even though her dad couldn't do the same.

I'd tell him to buck the He** up and be grateful for a healthy daughter who can even do what she is doing.

Let them bond! Your hubby is going to the gym to improve, isn't he? A little healthy competition may be good for them both! cheers xx

Updated

Let them bond! Your hubby is going to the gym to improve, isn't he? A little healthy competition may be good for them both! cheers xx

I suppose this should be expected since it's a site of moms, but it feels like we're h*** o* dads. Obviously he needs to be mature about it and he needs to treat your daughter the same way, but I understand why he's shaken. Obviously strength is a pretty "primal" measuring stick and it won't actually earn you success in life, but it is (like it or not) still something that men tie pretty directly with their masculinity and their adequacy when it comes to being a father for his child.

I agree with Bonnie that perhaps this could be something they could bond over - even if it doesn't mean competition or him going to lift with her. He clearly enjoys running/marathons and she clearly enjoys weight lifting, so maybe they continue doing what they like, and you encourage him to embrace. He can embrace it with some self deprecating humor and he could also start asking her for help with lifting a heavy box or loosening a lid.

I do understand why he's struggling though. Men can have body image issues just like girls and women can. It's a fact. Finding out that your 15 year old daughter is "much, much" stronger...I'd say that could qualify as a legitimate body image issue for a grown man and father.

Eager to hear how it all pans out.

You need to have a lesson with your daughter about strengths and weaknesses. How some people are strong in some areas while being weaker in others and vice versa.

She is strong in lifting weights. I am not, I can barely press weights with my upper body but I can leg press more than I weigh by far. So my arms and torso muscles are weaker but my leg muscles kick butt.

Can your daughter run a marathon? Can she swim lap after lap after lap? Can she outdo him in every field? Try to help her understand that some people aren't the same in all areas. Maybe an empathy lesson.

I would tell him he should be proud of his child and not worry so much about what anyone thinks.

I suggest that he feels inferior to most everyone at the gym and was having a hard time not being able to lift as much as the others around him to begin with and now she's pointed out how much weaker he is. So I'm sure he doesn't feel great about this.

Perhaps getting him in a race soon where he can excel would be a good move to build his self confidence, self worth, and self image again.

Just ignore it. You don't need to be in the middle of anything. Dad should be proud of his daughter. If your husband is actually going to be that immature that he is embarrassed by this, that is silly. He needs to get over it and be proud of his strong daughter.

Yes you do tell him to buck it up and get over it. You do NOT tell her to back off. Maybe she should help your hubby condition. That said, could she keep up with him running? Probably not. There you go.

Welcome to mamapedia.

Tell your husband to man-up. It's really that simple. Adults CAN learn from children.

There's nothing complicated about it. Your husband might be suffering from short-man syndrome. Tell him to get over it. Learn from her. It might be beneficial to them both.

Your daughter needs to stop. She needs to put up or shut up.

You are only in the middle if you put yourself in the middle.
This is an issue for your husband to talk about...if he wants to.

Hi,
I think reframing the words in your question may help to reframe the issue. I don't think your daughter humiliated your husband. She may have tried, I don't know because I didn't hear how she stated her offer to train him. Your husband's mortification is his own emotional response and he is responsible for that. Not you. Not your daughter. If he chooses to share with her that he found her being tickled by her own superior skills as a bit of a challenge, that's ok. It's a growth conversation for each of them.
Take care.