His adult son (24 years old) lives with us and he wants to only work part time at night at a grocery stock boy. My boyfriend doesn't require much of him and only asks per month "what you can give" which is sometimes only 20.00 a month! I have a great job and contribute $1225.00 per month, which is HALF of the rent. His son was asked by our landlord to put his name on the lease simply because he's over 18. But he does not contribute much at all. He doesn't clean up after himself and leaves the GAS BURNER ON and forgets it.
Boyfriend keeps saying..."well what can I do? Beat him?" same stupid excuse every time..And when he DOES confront his son with this...he just mumbles "can't do that"....and walks off.
Well now it's come to a head. The boyfriend rails on ME because I complain that leaving the burner on or not shutting it off all the way is a recipe for disaster. And to remember..it's NOT OUR HOUSE! It's the landlords!
Also, the boyfriend figures because HIS SON is also on the lease...he (the son) can move his girlfriend in (who only works 10 hours a week and keeps it that way) and she's VERY rude and mouthy when HIS dad tells him to do something like take out the trash or move his truck. for instance, when I asked the son to move his truck because it's blocking the neighbors driveway..he mumbled and staggered outside..and the GIRLFRIEND said "why can't they just go around his truck?"
My boyfriend did NOTHING and I shot back at her and said: "look, our house...our rules!"
I'm the one who has to be the Pitbull here!
Sorry I'm rambling. It's just really getting to me that the NON CONTRIBUTING 24 year old slacker wants his girlfriend to move in! Without asking us! Yes I know he's on the lease, but that does this give him the right to go behind our backs and mover her in thinking "oh it'll be okay, my dad is cool"?
Thank you all in advance, and once again...sorry for the angry rambling. :(
Okay so here's the scoop.
BF and I sat down with the son and told him he is NOT to move in his girlfriend. Maybe she can stay over two nights a week NO MORE.........but as long has SHE UNDERSTANDS THE RULES! Clean up after herself and do NOT eat on the pricey couch we just bought 5 months ago! And, that he contributes AT LEAST 400 towards monthly expenses/utilities & buy his own food.
He just said: "Okay" and left to his room. . LO AND BEHOLD THE BF BAKED ME UP! I think I'm STILL in shock after that.
Son went all "long faced" and told his girlfriend (I asked that she wait in the other room) that she cannot move in.
She..(lol) took A LOT OF STUFF from his room and loaded up his truck and they both left. Guess she had plans? (shrugs) She hasn't been back since.
As for the boyfriend and the coddled son situation? He (BF) "promised" me that his son would contribute MORE money in exchange of living there. Yeah, I gave him the benefit. BTW, this son is the one who takes the other 2 sons to school and picks them up after school, so that my BF does NOT have to miss any hours of work to make the bills,,,,so I suppose that's why the BF only lets his son pay a small amount for rent. I don't know....Weird situation. THE KIDS ARE WITHIN WALKING DISTANCE FOR GOD'S SAKE!!!!
Hell we BOTH get up at 4am as we both work within the Construction business we cannot take the extra hours off to make sure they get to school on time!
As for WHY I'm with this man? I see a good man underneath all this other crap. A REAL good man. The CODDLING, however, of these boys are the BF and his Ex's doings.
Example: The ex wife wanted the older son to quit his job because he was sick with A COLD.
OH poor baby! (grrrr) She called HIS work and told them her son has a cold and he needs to be off of work for 2 weeks. They fired him.
Yes I KNEW this was the situation at the old house, but now I'm seeing it will never change no matter how much I try to improve the situation here in the new house.
Yes, the BF knows I have a problem with the oldest only contributing a paltry amount, so that's why he said he's going to push his son to contribute more. I'll believe it when I see it ACTUALLY happening.
Also, the rent is paid up for the year up front. The BF wants to get a joint account so we can sock away each month what we WOULD have to pay in rent, in order to either extend the lease another year...or put a down payment on a house.
Well, I'm not comfortable with that! And for everything I'm putting in money wise......I'm having a receipt written...STARTING NOW! :)
But in order to NOT start World War 3 I'm wondering how I would explain the receipt thing to him? He WILL tell me " don't you trust me? We're supposed to be a team, why are you wanting receipts???
Not sure why you're even living with this guy (great sex I guess?) but anywhoo, I would just let him know that you will only be paying one third of the rent from now on, or one fourth if the girlfriend moves in.
Personally I'd start looking for a new place, all of these people sound lame and super immature.
I have no idea why you moved in with a man you knew so little about. Did you really have no clue about the son and his lazy, useless attitude? How much contact had you had with the son over the years you dated your bf before moving in? Did you have any idea that your bf was such a spineless parent and so dismissive of you?
Is your name on the lease? If not, get out. Now. You have a great job and can support yourself. Get a room short term with a friend or find someone on Craigslist or something similar.If you are on the lease, work with the landlord or an attorney to get out of it or at least move out and send 1/4 of the rent directly to the landlord.
Your bf is ranting at you and unable to parent his grown son, who did not get this way overnight. He was raised this way. By your bf. And your bf is using you for subsidizing his son and the son's girlfriend. You're not the pitbull and it's not "our house, our rules" if the son is on the lease. There's nothing you can say to fix 3 other people. You're being played.
Sounds like you need a new place. And a new boyfriend.
Well, to be honest, looking from the outside into your situation, the fix is easy. Leave. You are not married, so you are free to go. You have only been with him for two years, so it's not like you have been married for decades. How long is the lease? Start looking for your own place you can move to when the lease is up. Look, this is not going to get better. Your boyfriend is not going to change and the son sure isn't since he's got it made living in a place with a pushover dad, his girlfriend, and only paying $20 per month with no responsibilities. I'd consider this over and be looking to get out.
So why are you with this guy? He will not stand up to his son. He not allow the son to grow up. and now he wants the lazy girlfriend to move in. Why?
As I see it you have 2 choices .. toss out the son and girlfriend or ... get your own place.
When I see this kind of drama, I thank god and say "not my circus, not my monkeys." But here, you've chosen this to be your circus and your monkeys. Why are you choosing this?
Why are you allowing this? Why are you letting your boyfriend do this? You need to tell him that the girlfriend is NOT moving in.
Honestly, this is an untenable relationship and you should move out. Let HIM live with these two slackers. Why do you want to be in a relationship with a man like this?
Tell the landlord that you refuse to be on a lease with your boyfriend's son. Tell the landlord you will not be renewing the lease yourself. Get everything of yours that is sentimental or worth money OUT of the house and put it somewhere else. I hope you don't share a bank account with your boyfriend. If you do, open a new one at another bank and withdraw your part of the money and put it in your own separate account. Cancel any jointly held credit cards. Do it without telling him first. After it's done, you tell him that you are managing your own money. Walk out on him fussing about it.
If you continue down the path you have, you will be absolutely miserable. Get a backbone and don't accept this treatment.
i have little sympathy. you moved knowing that you had this giant manbaby to contend with. why are you now so suddenly shocked that the manbaby is behaving like a manbaby, enabled by his daddy who has coddled him all along?
what on earth made you think you would suddenly be granted pitbull rights?
there is not one surprising thing in this scenario.
khairete
S.
Well since there are going to be 4 people living in the house I would let your boyfriend know that starting next month you will be contributing 25% of the rent since you are only 1 person living there. He, his son, and son's girlfriend can pony up the rest of the money. Then do it. Once boyfriend is on the hook for $1800+ a month he'll either put pressure on his son and girlfriend to kick in money or not. You keep giving, they keep taking and nothing will change until you change it.
Either the son goes, you go or you live miserably for ever more. If I were you, I would move. Your BF isn’t very respectful of your feelings, you’re not married and now the GF will be moving in if the son has his way. Break your lease and move on.
What's that expression - when someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time?
Your boyfriend is showing you who he is - it might be an indirect way (by putting his son's needs above your own) but his son is 24 and not a child, and this is disrespectful to you.
It's just warped. It's not healthy.
So you have a boyfriend who has an unhealthy, dysfunctional kind of weird relationship wit his son (where he enables him) and he's not listening to you.
You are staying with him. So you think you don't deserve better.
The problem is - you think this is all you deserve.
The person who can change this is you.
You can't change them. If they had wanted to by now, they would have.
I would vamoose. You've put two years in - that sucks I know, and you have feelings invested I get it - but sounds like right now they are negative feelings - you deserve positive feelings.
These people all sound like duds. Repeat - I deserve better than duds.
What would your mother tell you? What would your best friend tell you? You deserve better. Tell yourself that. Best to you.
Easy, only pay 1/4 of the rent, or move out. Your boyfriend sounds like a dope.
EDIT: Make sure your other financial business is unencumbered. Hopefully, you don't have any other joint debt with the boyfriend. If you do, work on separating these things, so you don't find yourself on the hook when your boyfriend decides he wants to buy things on credit for his lazy adult child.
For the time you are in the house, do not financially support these other people in any way. Pay only your portion of the rent and utilities. I'd think about cutting things like cable and internet now, and if it's so important to your boyfriend, let him have these things put in his name only.
Do not buy groceries or cook for these people. They should be doing that for themselves. Do not buy household supplies for them. Clean common areas only as much as necessary for your own sanity. Do not enable them in any way. If you do, you'll be supporting them forever, and probably in a very short time, you'll find yourself supporting a baby, too.
Take your valuables (cash, jewelry, important financial and legal papers) with you when you leave or get a safe deposit box. I would not trust this adult child or his new girlfriend having access to such things when you're not around.
I know this isn't what you want to hear, but you have to accept that this situation is NOT going to change. Save yourself now before it gets any worse.
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Is THIS how you really want to live? If the answer is "No," then you have to find out how to get out of this lease. It may even take some legal help to do it, but it would be well worth your peace of mind.
They---your boyfriend, his son, and the girlfriend---are comfortable living like this. You are not. They are NOT going to change, so you have to change the situation to save yourself and your peace of mind.
Start searching for affordable places to live. I don't know how much longer you're on the hook for the lease if you can't legally get out of it anytime soon, but get a plan together so you can get out as soon as possible.
If you still want to date your boyfriend from the comfort of your own place, that's your decision, but you would do well to ask yourself why you'd put up with this kind of treatment.
Run like the wind!
Just a note about paying 1/4 of the rent directly to the landlord: we lived in an apartment complex awhile ago, and we happened to know 2 of our neighbors. They were college guys sharing the apartment, both were on the lease, and each was pitching in for half of everything (rent, food, etc). One guy went and paid his half directly to the management and told the office staff that the 2nd guy would be along soon to pay his half. Well, the 2nd guy didn't and they both got evicted after the warnings, etc. Many landlords, especially if it's a company (not just a private person renting out rooms), will not accept part of the rent from one of the tenants.
Now back to your problem: it's not the adult son, or the son's girlfriend, although they sound like miserable people. The problem is your boyfriend. You're contributing a hefty amount of money for the "privilege" of living with rude, lazy, and mean roommates. You shouldn't be a pitbull, you should be a valued part of the relationship. Your boyfriend is showing his true colors. And you should be much more concerned about this man, the father of an adult son, who has no standards, and no parenting judgment. Think about what the relationship means to you, how you're treated, and then solve your housing situation after that.
I hope you can move away - from the boyfriend, from his son, and from that house, and that you can start fresh in a healthy environment.
What J.C. and ReverendRuby said. I can't imagine that house is going to be a homey place for you to live while the adult son is living there, or that your relationship with your boyfriend really has good long-term prospects. It's hard to let go when you've invested 2 years of your life in a person who probably has some great qualities, however this situation has revealed some deal-breaker-sized problems. Wishing you good luck and strength to take care of yourself.
I would get out of there. Since you are not married you don't have a reason to stay in that mess. The son is taking advantage and your boyfriend doesn't want to deal with it. As soon as the contract on the lease has expired I would leave and let them have each other.
I would be out of there so fast it would make everyone’s head spin. Get out now.
You have a choice to make. Live with this situation or not. Meaning you might need to let the boyfriend go and find a new place to live and new folks to socialize with. Boyfriend has made his choice - his child and not you...
Take the time to have a heart to heart with your boyfriend and set boundaries. Whatever those boundaries are set consequences...and be willing to go through with them. You might have to leave, so start planning for a place to go.
It is time for you to find a new place to live, let your BF deal with his disaster of a son on his own. It doesn't mean you have to break up, but you should not be expected to put up with his adult son doing dangerous things and not even paying his fair share of the rent. No need for the stress, for $1200 a month you should be able to find a cute little one or two bedroom apartment and have some peace.
You are being used and played at the same time. I don't care if you are both in construction, I would not have him in my home any longer.
Since there is no marriage between the two of you, I would cut my losses and move on. There are much better men out there in the world who would like to have a woman. Relationships are partnerships with goals.
Sorry to be coming to the table late on this post but this is a train wreck ready to run off the rails with you being burned financially and emotionally.
the other S.
