My 7Yo Is Throwing Tantrums like a 2Yo.....

Based on the fact that you have a 2 year old in the house, she is probably trying to compete with her for attention. In her mind she is probably thinking that if she acts like her then she will get the attention. I don't know though... never witnessed anything. Try setting aside special time for her. Take just HER some place so that she knows that she is still special and not the forgotten middle child.

My six year old granddaughter whom I am raising did the same thing ONE TIME. I immediately took her to her room and she stayed there for 2 days. And I mean, stayed there. She was not allowed out for any reason other than to use the bathroom. At the end of the two days, I explained to her how ugly people are when they act like that and that people don't want to be around someone who is acting ugly like that. I also told her I could not imagine that a young girl as pretty as she is would want ANYONE to see her act like that. I told her if she EVER did that again she would immediately go back to her room and she would stay there for three days next time. It has been several months now and we haven't had even the slightest hint of a trantrum. She may be trying to get attention or trying to act like the baby - doesn't matter. What matters is that she knows that that sort of behavior won't be tolerated under any circumstances. I know some people say don't give her any attention and explain to her to use her words, etc. but as I see it, when you're doing all this explaining, you're giving her the attention she wanted. Doesn't matter what you're saying - she's getting attention! I think all the explanations/talking should come AFTER the punishment so she doesn't get the attention she's trying to get while she's having the tantrum. I would simply take her by her arm lead her to her room, tell her not to come out for any reason and close the door. Period.

I think maybe at that age she would be able to draw a picture or write some kind of a story. If she shuts down like that maybe the best thing would be to teach her a way to handle it by herself instead of talking it out, some people do that better. As long as she can get the feelings out, even on paper, it is better than nothing I would think.

Your 7 year old sounds a lot like my 6 year old! We consulted a psychiatrist and his OT who highly recommended the How Does Your Engine Run program. If you go to www.alertprogram.com you can see more about it. We ordered the book Take 5 and it is fabulous. It helps kids be able to identify what is going on for them using their engine as an analogy for their body and emotions. the book gives lots of suggestions of ways to help kids keep their engine at the place it needs to be.
Good luck...
these kids are a challenge I know

Has she always had trouble expressing her feelings or just since the new child? You may want to take her for therapy and or get her evaluated for speech and language problems. You can ask her teachers what they think. If the teachers agree with you, you can get the school district to evaluate her. If you want to do it sooner, you can look up private speech and language pathologists.

I HIGHLY recommend the book, The Explosive Child. It has turned our family around! It challenges the assumption that a child who throws tantrums knows better. Rather, explosions (or tantrums) are because a child has a skill deficit! Their techniques have totally changed our lives! Someone recommended it to us and found it in stock at Barnes and Noble. It's the best $15 I ever spent. Tantrums in my two 8 year olds are almost gone after just a few months.

I'd have to agree with a couple things that have been said. Drop the labels, even if they are true.

Also realize that not everyone is a "talker". For some, they just want to work it out on their own. I'm one of those who isn't always a talker when things are bothering me. Sometimes I just want to be left alone to deal with it. It doesn't mean I'm "shutting down" or "burying my feelings", it just means I deal with it differently.

As for the temper tantrums, send her to her room and ignore her. She's old enough to already know that's not acceptible behavior. I don't think an explanation is needed (as one other poster said).

One other thing on the "silent treatment" ... she clearly understands that it bothers you that she's not talking, and if you think she's not using that to get your attention, think again. Once again I recommend sending her to her room if she's going to be unsociable and just let her stew. She'll get over it eventually. And I bet it won't take long before she's expressing herself in more approriate ways.

First, try to avoid labels like dramatic, drama queen, middle child. Instead try to focus on ONLY her POSITIVE qualities. Think hard about these and put them in the forefront.
I would advise her to use her big girl first grade (or 2ndgrade) words.
And I would tell her calmly that she wont get attention from me until she does cuz you like that big 7 yr old girl so much better. Just say, when you are ready to talk to me with your big girl words, I will be ready to listen. Just ignore the bad behavior, any attention to it will compound it. Be sure to LISTEN carefully silently when she eventually approaches you.She will. AFter the first time it will get easier. Most of us, even kids, want validation, even if we dont get our way, it is nice to be heard and understood. Also provide art materials, this is a good way for her to express and you
to sense her feelings until she can safely verbalize them again.

My seven year old son does the same thing!!!!
What I do is send him to his room when he starts acting out. He pulled the tantrum thing on me once this summer. First I sent him to his room (with the door open) so that he could calm down, and I told him to come and get me when he is ready to talk about it. Every time he would come out, I would look at him straight in the face, and ask, "Are you ready to talk to me so that I can help you?", if not I would ask him to go back to his room and think about it, and when he is ready to come and talk to me.
The trick is though, you need to talk to him/her when they are ready, and not in the ignoring stage or "clamming up". So, if he walked out of the room and did not answer me, he would have to go back to his room. I tried to set the timer for how long he would have to stay in his room, but sometimes he was still not ready to talk, or he was ready to talk, but the timer had not gone off. That and he would yell "no, not the timer!" over and over again every time I set it, so it seems to work best when I allow him to come out when he is ready to talk. That and usually by the time he gets into his room, he is quiet, which is a lot better than him yelling about how much he hates the timer.
When he was done thinking about it, or calming down, we had a discussion about how that is not the way to act. We talked about talking to people that we trust (Example: family and close friends) instead of throwing a fit. I also told him why it is important to talk to people when there is a problem so that we can figure out what to do about it, instead of getting overly emotional and causing more distress to everyone.
Now, when my son gets upset, he gets real quiet, and says, "I need to go to my room and think for a minute", and when he is ready, he comes and talks to me or whoever is there with him.

But now I got to figure out how to help him deal with this at school because at school, he cannot go to his room to think about things and calm down. For that, I have been working on meditation, and "yoga breathing". But he did that once in class, and got into trouble for not "looking" at the teacher, and making "breathing sounds". ugh.....

Well, good luck!

M. *~

Have you ever watched Supper Nanny? She will have your answer. I know its a show and my children are raised but I see with the information she give her clients what I could have done differently. The show is also working with some children that run the house and how to turn that around. Very informative with very positive, loving way to raise children.
Understanding your children's individuality will make a happy home eventually. Have FUN!!!

Temper tantrums mean it's time for a time-out. These should be carried out dispassionately, with a clear statement that as soon as your daughter has calmed herself down, you will listen to her *talk* about whatever is on her mind. At 7, she is probably going through a phase where she feels she can act like your two-year-old daughter and get the attention she craves. Set aside a little special time that is just for your seven-year-old daughter and you, if you can possibly work that into your schedule. The time alone should be unconditional-- even if she has had temper tantrums that day. She clearly needs more, positive attention, even though you may already be giving her plenty.