My 6Th Grader

Well, you have options. My suggestion would to see a doctor and try to determine that, although he can do his work, maybe he is having memory problems. It is easy to assume that a child is being careless and lazy, but sometimes that is not the case.

I'm having a similar problem with my son, he doesn't bring home his homework. He keeps saying that he's lost the work. I've tried everything you have and we are still having problems getting him to bring home his work. Please let me know if you find something that does work. My son is in 3rd grade.

It sounds like you've given him more than enough chances to take responsibility on his own. At this point I would create a daily spreadsheet where each teacher can write down assignments, due dates, and a place where the teacher can sign-off once they are turned in. I would make him present it to each teacher every day & then give it to you at the end of the day. I would contact each teacher in advance, so they can expect it from him.

If he continuously "forgets" then I would start picking him up from school & demand to see it before you leave. If any class is skipped you can send him right back in to get it.

I think the behavior is very common at this age. I think their hormones are starting to go a bit crazy & it leads to laziness & flakiness. However, just because it's normal does not mean it should not be addressed. Good luck!

Wow....my son did the same thing starting in 4th grade through 6th grade. I am just relieved my son isn't the only one that does this. I tried talking to his teachers, doing the daily schedule sheet, planners and then there were serious consequences which didn't phase him other than make him angry. I talked to him about it and he said that school was boring and he hated it. He would finish his work and have nothing to do so he would stare at the walls. Then his teachers would tell him to hang on to the work until the next day to turn it in and he would lose it in the meantime. I came to the conclusion that he wasn't being challenged enough and needed to be able to work at his own pace. Not all kids can learn in the public school environment so I started homeschooling him for 7th grade and now 8th grade. I break up the work into daily increments and he can't do anything else until it's done. There is times when he don't get done until 7pm or later but it gets done. If you want more info on homeschooling or anything else feel free to contact me anytime!! We moms have to stick together!! Hope this helps and take care.

Before becoming a stay at home mom I was a teacher. My suggestion to you would be to go to school with him one day. Stay the entire day,(make sure to speak with his teachers first) attending each of his classes with him, making sure he turns in his completed assignments. The embaressment of having your mom at school should show him you are serious about his grades and his future. Do not sit back and let him fail. He is at to critical of an age to be getting behind, besides, that just tells him you've given up. The responsibility needs to be on him. Not his teachers, and not on you. That worked in elementary school, but will not work in junior high and on.

My name is Shanda and I have a 6th grader as well and I kind of went through the same thing and what I did was I asked the school is there some type of daily log that I can have my daughter take to each class that she has to give to the teacher for the teachers to sign letting me know that she was in class and she turned in all work including homework that was needed for each class for each day of the week. Kind of like a daliy progress report. Some how some way the school has to get involved as well.

Your exactly right. U need to make him. When u pick him up from school go inside every day find out if he turned in his homework if he didn't, make him, then find out what homework he has that night. Tell him that u want to see his homework when he's done so u can go over it with him. Even though u say he understands, u need to make sure. The next day do the same thing. I would even ask the teacher to call me if he didn't turn in his homework. I don't see how he keeps getting away with it. I know when I was in school we got kicked out of class if our homework wan't done. If the teachers don't care anymore than u have to, double time!

Hi A.,
What you're describing is very similiar to what my nephew has been doing and he started this in third grade, and continues to do it this year as well, my brother is at his wits end as I'm sure you are too! I am a stay at home Mom and began homeschooling my son when I withdrew him from 6th grade in a Pennsylvannia school. I had dealings and frustrations with the school principal and had just had enough. My son did well academically, but socially he just wasn't at the same level, he simply did things his way. I'd like to suggest a book to you by Cynthia Ulrich Tobias, " the way they learn" copyright 1994, by Tyndale House Publishers,Inc.It's so hard to say what underlying reasons your son has for doing this but perhaps it's simply the environment that he's learning and working in. My only regret to homeschooling is that I didn't start sooner, I hope you enjoy this book,and should you ever consider homeschooling as an option to allowing him to fail in public school, know that anyone can do it, you just have to love your children and be commited to taking control of their education. Good Luck and God Bless.

Good Morning A.~
You have gotten some good advice. I have a should be 8th grader this year. However due to his lack of turning in homework and not caring, he failed the 7th grade last year. My husband and we refused to send him to 8th grade if he couldnt pass the 7th grade. We have a close relationship via email with each of teachers. They let us know if he turns the work in or not. We also have a Homework folder: one side for TO DO and the other for TURN IN, along with a sign off sheet. He has to get his teachers to sign off each day. We also sign off so the teachers see that we have seen the homework and know its in the folder to be returned. This is really working for us. He is doing much better. We let him know that it does no good to do the work if you are going to turn it in.
I was advised to go to a day of school with him too. I am not able to do this. I do daycare for a couple of friends so I am not able to.
Take all of this advice you have been given and try it. I think you will find it really does work.
Good Luck I hope this helps~
A.

Hi A.,

I am a 59 year old woman that have raised 5 children, my baby girl is not grown yet, she's 17 and will be 18 on the 28th of January. A. my heart goes out to you because I can feel your frustration and can also remember me as a young mom trying to make the best out of my children. At that time I was not a praying mother neither was I going to church and didn't think that it mattered at all, but believe it does make all the different in the world. Now as for what you said about your son, It seems like he needs a lot of attention and is a little spoiled.

I don't know anything about you but from a mother's experience it seem like maybe you are a little too easy on him or if that's not the case my suggestion to you if you are not already a praying mother that you start praying for your son and do all you can to help him get over himself and start being concerned about others.

I'm praying for you and your son,

S.

My daughter is a 6th grader and she wont turn in her work unless i'm on her about it all the time. I believe they are transferring the elementary school habits.They don't feel like turning it in. For what reasons is beyond me. But i think has something to do with way to much to remember and then they are all about trying to make new friends and sometimes at first they are made fun of. My daughter went through all of this in the begining of this year. Now i hand it in and online i make sure all teachers are with me online with e-mails. That way i can keep my eye on my daughters assignments. I am trying my best and thats all we can do. Is our best and as long as we work with the teachers for our children. I believe we can make them remember to turn in the homework.

I am having the same issue with my 5th grade step daughter. We spend countless hours on homework and find out she is missing 10 writing assignments. We have also taken eveything, threatened, followed through - and no response. We have developed a better relationships with her teacher, who e-mails us when things are not turned in. What has worked the best is to set short-term goals and achievements - and immediate and long term rewards! She gets a small reward at the end of each week if we don't get reports of missing assignments. The longer she goes - the bigger the reward! This quarter, it is basketball camp! Find out something new and fun that your son wants to do and get him to invest in it! It is an age-related behavior but it can be changed!

Hi A.. I'm sorry your having to deal with this. You've been given some really good suggestions thus far. I wonder though, if perhaps he is needing the attention that hes getting for not turning in the work. I imagine that you must be VERY busy with 3 children under the age of three. Would it be possible for you and your husband to plan a date with your son to go out just the three of you to do something he likes? An activity that lets you communicate as opposed to something like a movie where there is little or no talking. Perhaps during the outting you can all stop by the store and let HIM pick out something the he feels will help him to stay organized and remeber to turn in his work. Its much more likely that he if picks it out, he will make the connection and remeber to turn it in. While your out with him you can talk about whatever he needs to talk about. You can let him know that you know its probably difficult to be the oldest of 4 kids in the house and that you are always there for him when he needs you.....and if he's feeling like he needs a little extra attention, that he can ask for it. Maybe 1 day a week you can sit down, mom, dad and son, and have a game night when the other kids are asleep. (I was the oldest so these are just my suggestions from my experience) My mom, every once in a while (or dad) would come in my room, super early (before everyone else was awake) and wake me up and we would sneak out and have an early morning breakfast together. It always made me feel SOOO special. I also believe in the reward system. I know you said you have tried that, but I would try again. I would help him to design a chart of some kind or get a fish bowl that you can put poker chips or pennies or something into. For each piece of homework he turns in,(not just for the day) He can mark the chart or put something in the bowl. If you do it by each piece turned in, its more enticing and more of a short term reward for him to see how much he's doing. You can take him to the store and give him a camera and let him take a picture of something he really, really wants. Hang the picture above the "homework tracker" so he remebers what hes working towards. Once he decides what he wants, sit down and figure out how many "turned in homeworks" it will take to get what he wants. It can't take TOO long or he wont feel like hes making any progress....and, let him know that for each piece of homework he dosent turn in, HE has to take out a chip/coin. You may want to give him 1 days worth of turned in homework chips to put in his bowl to get him started... and as a show of good faith and that you believe in him. I, personally, would start fresh. I know you said that you have taken all of his privileges and its not usually recommended to go back on that, but take the oppertunity to teach him about grace and forgiveness and mercy. Tell him your starting over, ONCE, and that IF his bowl ever ends up empty, he looses one privilege, and it takes X amount of chips to earn it back. I definitely think you should be in contact with his teachers and find out what homework he has turned in. It would be a waste of your breath at this age to try to explain to him how important good grades are and how important school is and that once hes in highschool, its gonna be a REALLY big deal. This is not something that means anything to him at this age. You have to speak to him in a way he understands..... Through stuff and privileges. I hope some of this helps...my little ones awake....Have a great day and good luck!

Have you tried a reward system? As a teacher I find that a little incentive goes a long way with most kids. Letting him earn a weekly reward by turning in his work may help. It doesn't have to be anything huge or expensive. Let me know, I'm very interested.
D.

This was in the "Spotlight" section on mammasource and caught my eye. I was wondering if you were still struggling with your son. While it sounds like it may be the suggested hormones/lazyness/attention-getter it really struck me as being a typical ADD problem. My family all struggles with it, and the not turning in the work is what nearly failed my sister and caused my brothers to be homeschooled. If he was lazy he wouldnt do the work at all....Just thought if you were still having struggles you might look into the possibility (ADD doesnt often have the hyperactivity)

YOu have gotten some really good advice already. and I agrre you should go to school with him for a day. Also I would consider a tutor. I will confess, I was "this kid" all through my years of school. I did my work but never turned it in, and then eventually I just stopped doing it. I'm not sure what the motivation (or lack there of) is for your son but for me, it was lack of organization, ( a folder won't cut it). Also something that got over looked until I was actually a Mom myself was that I was a perfectionist about silly things, and it would stop me from turning it in. I"m not OCD or anythign but if my home work did'nt look just how I thought it should I would scrap the whole thing.... I know that sounds strange but hey, aren't we all when we were teens... It's easy at taht age to get distracted by simple things... Stay with him, you guys will figure it out.

H.

hey sweetie ctay calm i do have a similar problem debating the same things. Maybe talking to you will help us both. Ok as for advice is he into sports because if he is in order to participate you must have at least a 2.0 and it might provide the motivation to have some self discipline. also as for the di let him fail that is a big ? but a good idea because that will let him know his actions have consequences in a major way! well good luck! :}

Oh A., you are so NOT alone in this. I have a 16 year old that I have fought with for a long time with this and nothing has helped. He is so disorganized and has not a clue half the time what is going on or what he is suppose to be doing.
I finally had him evaluated and was told thathe was ADHD. I was not going to just take their word forit so I took him to Seattle children's Hospital to see if there were any tests that they ran to confirm this because i thoughtthis diagnosis was thrown around very freely. They gave him a few testsandevaluated him. They also had me add a vitamin with a significantamount of vitamin B's and calcium/magnesium and Omega 3 tohis diet. They sent me back to his behavioral therapist and doctor where we are having him treated and counseled for ADHD.
He is a sophomore in HS and it is very hard to help him. Right now he has D's andf's and one "A"...in Ram Prep. LOL
But since they have been treating him with concerta he is doing better...everything that he has turned in has been done well. Buthe came home Friday and still had forgotten to turn in some papers for language arts that were make-up.
I am really hoping that this helps him.
I know how frustrating it is and how nothing seems to help.He is obcessed with staying active and running with his friends and fishing. He can tell you every bait touse and where but not study and remember his vocabulary. I wish I could tell you that your punishment is going to work, but I had no success with that. It seemed to just stay the same. Have you ever talked to his physician aboutthis? I would. He is at the age where it peaks in boys.
Are you having problems in other areas with him? Is he defiant? Does he get real angry? If you want to email me there are a couple of books I have read that are very good. They have helped me to understand and give me the tools to deal with him.L.

A.,

I just caught this post in the Spotlight. I don't think he's a sixth grader anymore, but reading your frustrations you could have been my dad complaining about me when I was that age.

For me all through school I'd do some of the homework, but not turn it in. It wasn't me being lazy, like my dad thought, it was that I was completely and totally bored in school and not challenged enough. I went to a private kindergarten/daycare that had a 12:1 ratio. For 1st grade I went to the local public school with a 30:1 ratio. Since then I've been bored in school.

Have you considered Kumon, or Sylvan, or another learning/tutoring center? Often they can set up programs to challenge kids that are bore in their classes.

Hope this helps,
Melissa

Ask your son how he feels at school like exciting, eager, unhappy, dislike teacher or students? You, your husband need to communicate more open with your son. Maybe your son might tell you if he dislike or not excitng. Also Try to urge him to help his homework everyday. try to offer him the award or treat. Example, your son wants ice cream or dessert as treat, need to finish the homework what the goal to urge him to develop. or really want toy or something so badly, he really wants. Important to develop his trust to relate with you, folks. So can show him proof and develop trust and feel confidence and more communicate open.
Same thing as our daughter, she dislike homeworks, What I offered her treat something. She was willing to do homework for a week to complete and gave her a treat. She did good in school since.

K.

You know, I am having that same problem. I even went as far as making him REPEAT the sixth grade, and he still is doing the same things. I finally told his Dad what was going on.....I am divorced, by the way, and his only response was, well send him to me....which is out of the question, but thats a whole other story!! Anyway, my mother finally suggested this program for my boy, called the MVP Program. Its as close to boot camp as can be, but in a nurturing environment. This program originally started to help homeless kids, whose parents just don't care about them, and give them a place to call home. But these wonderful people have turned this into a nurturing program thats only goal is to change our childrens views and make them understand that school is THEIR JOB! And that they need to do it. Along with that, it teaches them moral values, respect and is Catholic based. For me it was a blessing!! And I have only had my child there for a couple of days. I already notice him being motivated. Anyway, it might be something you may be interested in. Also, does your school have the EXCEL program? This is great as well, its one on one afterschool tutoring for your child.

Anyway, I hope my ongoing babbling has been a help to you....Good luck.

Hi A.
My children are in high school in South AfricA. I would suggest that you make your son aware that you are going to speak to his teachers and have him on a daily report for a week or so and this way instill in him the need to take responsibility for his own grades.He needs to learn that there are consequences for his behaviour and that quite likely he will have to repeat the grade if he doesn't comply.Hope you have an idea about how important his own realisation and awareness of the issues are.All this through daily monitoring. God bless hope this helps you.

I happened to notice your request in the spot light, I know that your son isn't in the 6th grade anymore but I just wanted to give my two cents if you didn't mind.
my daughter had the same problem, it wasn't till the spring of her second grade year that my husband and I got a not from school her school stating that she had spent too many recesses in to complete her homework. They were afraid that she wasn't getting enough exercise, you'd think they'd be more concerned with the homework.
What it turned out to be was a bully, mostly just teasing went on but a few times the boys and girls were pulling her down and dragging her, I even heard of kicking on the bus. She wasn't bringing the homework home so that she'd be forced to stay in from recess to complete it the next day. There were times where I'd drive her back to the school just to get the homework and make her complete it, and even then she refused to turn it in. with fibs that she left it at home.
She did tell the teacher about the bullies, the problem was that he watched those children grow up in his school and their siblings so he didn't think that there was a real problem. My daughter was new to that school, and apparently no matter how friendly your kid can be not every kid has to like your kid.
How we dealt with the bulling is for another story, once we found out the cause (and we spoke with her everyday, our communication was good she didn't want to disappoint us)we dealt with it right away.
My daughter is now on her way to the sixth grade, and hasn't had many problems since. in fact she is now a advocate for those who have been bullied, she won't stand for it.
I hope this helps, I really hope that other people responded sooner.
~J.