I have a 5 yr old girl who recently asked me how babies get in their mommies bellies. She has watched many birthing shows and knows how they are born. But now she wants to know how they get there. I want to tell her the truth but I am not sure how to go about it. Or how much she really needs to know at this stage. Are there any books out there for someone so young? Any help or suggestions would be great.
My mom bought me "Where Did I Come From" when I was young.
I think the trick is to only answer as much as they're asking for. Do not give them too much information as they won't get it now anyway.
I'd say something to the like of mommy and daddy loved eachother and we made a baby together. If they ask for more-- then tell the truth. My guess is that they don't want all the details!
I've tended towards providing simple but accurate information at any opportunity, wanting to convey a positive message about sexuality and reproduction that I think is sadly lacking in our culture. After all, it is such an amazing process! At really young ages, my kids thought the whole idea seemed kinda silly, but as they've grown, they've been pretty comfortable asking questions, and we've been able to address some of the more ridiculous things that they hear from friends or movies, etc.
When my son wanted more information than the very basics I went to the library, where they had half a shelf of age-appropriate books. I picked a few out and later at home he picked one he wanted to read. I can't remember the name offhand but it had cartoon-style drawings which I preferred to pictures because they are able to be graphic enough to answer the specific questions but not too realistic.
To your other question, I would say yes, she does need to know the basics before she hears something wrong or even scary from another kid. For example, a friend of mine thought when she was a little kid that you could have a baby if you kissed a boy, and you can see how that could lead to unnecessary worries!
Sex can be a difficult topic for us to talk about with our kids. But, I think that honesty is the best route. There are books available to help you. This is the one I used with my daughter: What's the Big Secret?: Talking about Sex with Girls and Boys by Laurie Krasny Brown and Marc Brown. It's age appropriate for young children (4-8 is the recommended age range), and detailed without being very graphic.
My daughter still had questions that weren't in the book. For instance, the book has a drawing of a lady and a man lieing side-by-side under covers and discusses the act. She really had a hard time putting the picture with the description. So it'll be up to you to decide just how much information to provide.
Good luck!
This would be a pretty good start:
http://pregnancy.about.com/cs/secondpregnancy/a/babiescom...
Updated**You can also poke around the SIECUS (sexuality information and education council of the United States) website for lots more information regarding comprehensive sexuality education. You probably don't need a lot of the information now, but it can definitely be helpful as your child grows older. www.siecus.org (also, sexedlibrary.org is a great resource area)
Start really basic with her - you don't have to launch into a clinical discussion regarding conception. Above all, however, be honest with her. Please don't tell her that a seed gets planted into mommy, and avoid telling her that the baby grows in the belly (do you want her to approach men with beer guts to ask them if they are pregnant?). Personally, I prefer using appropriate terminology when it comes to body parts instead of silly made-up names. (Of course if 'uterus' is too much for her right now, just say that girls have a special place that can help babies grow...when they get to a certain age)
Believe it or not, the most important aspect of this discussion will be how you handle it. If you are calm and patient with her, she learns that YOU are a TRUSTWORTHY source of information when it comes to sexuality, that discussing topics of this nature are normal and natural. If you are hesitant, fidgety, and try to shut her down, then she learns that sexuality is a shameful topic not to be discussed. Providing the right type of nurturing environment will pay off greatly in the future, as you are seen as her source of accurate information regarding sexuality and she'll be more likely to follow your family values.
Good luck to you - fortunately my little guy is only 10 weeks old and it will be quite some time before we have to have this conversation!
Let me start by telling you different kids need different explanations. In other words, some needs more explaining than others. You may need to use your disgretion. But what works for many ppl. I know is, mothers and fathers and G-d create a child all together through their love for one another and that one needs all these "players" to create that baby inside of its mother. It then grows inside of her till its ready to come out. I know many ppl. have an issue with using the term stomach or pointing to the lower abdomen where the baby appears to be however I have a masters in early childhood and I taught early childhood and primary grades for 11 years and continue to part time and at this age there is no reason why you have to use the word uterus to explain where a fetus grows. You don't need to get into such details with a 4 or 5 year old. There are many years ahead where they will have no choice but to be exposed to that - why rush it in such detail? They can have a perfectly healthy normal approach and understanding to their bodies and sexuality without getting into such technicalities.
When I had my last child, my daughter wanted to know some of the same things, so I asked her dr. I am a labor doula, so they have heard about labor and birth and pregnancy forever. It is the norm around here. Anyhow, my dr told me to tell her something at her level like for instance that when a man and a woman love eachother, their love can create a baby and it is done with committment and alot of love and snuggling and loving. So, really it is not a lie, but all the major details are left out and that appeased her. I have 3 kids. Lexie is 11, Lauren is 8 and Erik is 4. It is still satisfying for Lauren to know that. At least she has not asked any more. Lexie knows now. But, that was a good suggestion. Also, go to the library and look or ask your dr. I am sure you could find some good things on it.
S. Bailey CLD
Aurora
www.tendermomentsdoula.com
Hello...all I have to add is that since you showed her where babies came from it's only wise to tell her how....you opened the door for her now you need to tell her the rest:)
