My incredibly independent 3 year old came into my bedroom tonight crying, looking for me. I didn't hear him until he had opened the door at the bottom of the stairs (we live in a bungalow, my husband and I sleep upstairs, the kids sleep downstairs). As soon as I heard him, I got out of bed and gave him a big hug, and let him crawl in bed with us for a minute (a routine we have for bad dreams). As we were laying there, he said, "I thought you were outside" and I shockingly asked him, "Did you go outside?" and he replied, telling me he only stuck one toe outside, and it was so dark. I was completely caught off guard! I had no possible inkling that this could happen. He only learned how to open the deadbolt and handle lock a little while ago, and I never would have dreamed he would do this! I'm terrified of what could have happened! (and I did check, thinking, HOPING, that he was confused or dreaming, and the side door was unlocked).
Needless to say, I'm wide awake now, and trying to figure out what to do. I've already gotten out the old baby monitor (the one my husband had been harping on me to get rid of for a year and finally succeeded in having me pack it away several months ago). I talked to my son and stressed that he should always look for me in my bedroom first, then check the rest of the house. I'm "sleeping" on the couch tonight, that is if I close my eyes at all!
Please tell me that someone else has gone through something similar and how you dealt with it? Short of putting the boys upstairs and us sleeping downstairs (which I have mentioned to my husband before and he seems to think is not necessary, but maybe this will change his mind), is there anything else I can do? Please help!
Thanks so much to all who responded! I really appreciate the encouragement and advice. I'm glad several of you brought up fire safety...I didn't even think about that. While my husband and I are figuring out what would be best, I've blocked the door to the basement (to get to the side door) with a heavy garbage can and set up the baby monitor in the kitchen so I'll be able to hear it if he tries to move it.
We have window locks on all our windows and he can't open the front door lock (thankfully), but just to be clear, I don't think he went outside to explore, just to look for me. And I think it freaked him right out! There haven't been any more incidents, but you can trust I will remain vigilant. I think I have a very vivd dreamer over here! Thanks again for all your suggestions!
They have door alarms that you can install easily and when it's engaged it will make a lound chiming noise when the door is opened. My friend had to install one after her 3 year old opened their door and decided to explore their neighborhood.
Good Luck!
Time for door alarms.
http://www.mypreciouskid.com/wireless-door-alarm.html
Or those door knob handles.
Or a very high chain lock.
Actually (and I understand this freaked you out) I admire his bravery!
The baby monitor isn't really going to do anything if you're sleeping....
Good luck!
Alarm system, the monitor, a big dead bolt that he can't reach. That's scary and im so glad he didn't go all the way out! Lock that boy in!!
A deadbolt lock that has no handle and needs a key can be used overnight only. My 4 1/2 year old when we had just moved to another city went down the block and ate breakfast at a neighbor boys house early one Saturday morning. Fortunately it was a nice family and she made a friend and so did I.
I did the lock thing on the back door which was her exit of choice. The downstairs exit required two doors to open and one made noise.
My nephew used to leave their 3rd story apartment in the middle of the night ALL the time as a toddler <picture me'self and his mum just crossedeyed>. He was found playing in the parkinglot at 3am. He was found a couple streets over. He was found... each time... thank god... by a decent human being and not the bumper of a car going 30 or someone who hurts kids. He snuck out in the middle of the night over a half dozen times!!!
Fliplocks along the top will stop some kids. HE just drug a chair over and undid the flip lock. (Apt., so no alarm could be installed). Baby gate he just shimmied over. So my SIL installed a lock on his bedroom door. She was sighing with relief with some neighbors who were asking about her escape artist son that it wouldn't happen again. That night CPS came over, and insisted that she take the lock of the bedroom door or lose her kids right then and there. She cried for hours. Stayed up all night, he was up. And the next. He was up. She had to quit her job, because she had to stay up all night watching for him. (And yes, she both disciplined and punished him for leaving the house, to no avail). Of course, leaving the house was only PART of the dangerous things he was doing in the middle of the night. Homes are full of 'instant death' hazards in the form of drowning, crushing, knives, poisons, electrocuting... and maiming items like disposals, non-lethal crushing, stoves, etc.
Oy. That was a month of heart-attack-making.
We finally spent a couple hundred dollars on two great dane dog gates and stacked them vertically on top of each other across the door. THAT finally kept him in his room at night.
They make these door knob covers, I got mine at walmart. They just snap on over the door knob and it is a cheap way to make the house more secure. My son can open them on small door knobs in the house but not on the larger door knobs that are on the doors that go outside. So I have them on all our doors that lead to the outside world. Here is a link: http://www.walmart.com/ip/Safety-1st-Grip-n-Twist-Door-Kn... Good luck!!
We just got an alarm system for this very reason! My just turned 3 yrs old can open the sliding deck door as well as the front door. We have it set to instant alarm when we go to bed. so if we hear it, we know- either Dallas is outside, or a burglar is inside! :) But it has allowed me to sleep much better knowing he isn't sleep walking around outside. It also sounds an alert during the day, so I know if he is going outside.
Sounds as if your little one had a *really* vivid bad dream.
But it also sounds as if you handled it well. No matter what the dream says, Mama and Daddy will always be IN the house in the middle of the night.
If your son is so adventurous that you really think he might go outside, then you want to make it harder for that to happen. How about checking with your fire department about the safest way to do that? In the middle of the night, you might have to get everybody out of the house some time, not just keep everybody in.
One of my granddaughters went through a get-up-in-the-middle-of-the-night phase when she was three or four years old. Her parents were worried that she'd go outside (she didn't), but she just wandered upstairs and down. I asked her why, and she said, "I like to see what everything looks like in the dark." After a short while she got tired of it and decided sleeping was better.
(3boyzl8tr, I also remember stories of putting things in places where they will make noise if the door opens! It can work if you're a light sleeper - I do that in hotel rooms. I don't use butter knives, though.)
We just recently had an alarm system put in. Not a week later, my 3 year old decided to get up before us and open the front door. Thankfully, the house alarm was blaring and it woke us up! The sound alone totally freaked her out and I know that she won't do it again, but just in case, thank GOD we have that alarm! They sell those alarms that go on the door for pool safety. They are very cheap too. I'd get one of those. Or two. ;) Glad your little one is ok.
We moved downstairs and put our kids upstairs and hung some loud bells from India (bought at Pier One) on both doors. They were handy when they became teens too! I had a child go outside in just a diaper and undershirt, barefoot in the snow, looking for me while I was sewing in the basement and it was her naptime. A neighbor brought her back and you can imagine that one of my fears was what a bad mother I must've appeared to be and who did she tell? She's got 4 kids of her own right now and is getting her PhD. I think the really smart ones think of things we can't imagine, like looking outside. Meantime, the monitor is a good interim measure. I'd switch floors with them.
That is so scary!! My kids are 2 and 3 and have been able to manipulate any lock since the age of one! I had my husband put a chain lock on our front door (out of their reach) which has helped a lot. It sounds like it really spooked your son, so I doubt he will try that again anytime soon.
HTH,
A.
dont forget the windows!
my brother went out when he was little thru my bedroom window, completely freaking us all out... he was found around the corner playing with a neighbors dogs... i slept in front of my bedroom door for awhile after that til my mom got key locks for the windows
You definitely need better locks. Gate him in his room - double gate like a dutch door, and yes, you should put the children upstairs. They should not be downstairs where the doors and the stove are when you are upstairs and not able to hear them. Don't tell him to check around the rest of the house for you. If you want to allow him in your room, fine but he should not be wandering around at all. If he has the thought to look for you outside in the middle of the night, he is not mature enough to be trusted downstairs alone.
Install a lock at the top of the door that he can't open. It can just be a security chain. You can also buy a gadget that fits over the knob that an adult can work but a child can't. You can also put an inexpensive alarm on his bedroom door or the outside door. I've seen them at Radio Shack that can be installed on a rental door.
I would feel more comfortable with the kids sleeping upstairs.
Time to get a little chain or hook and eye lock for each outside door.
We have one of those alarms but also we have a hook on our screen door at the very top and we hook it at night. My daughters are both special needs and they really don't get it that you are not suppose to go outside in the middle of the night and watch the birds or stars. This has solved a lot of problems in our house. Good luck.
I haven't delt with this yet but now that my son is figuring out the door knob I have thought about it. Lowes sells these little alarms (for around $15) that go off if your door is opened. I thought about getting one of these so I will know if my son opens the door.
Sounds like he scared himself when he opened the door and saw how dark it was, so hopefully he won't do it again :)
However, if you are concerned, you can get a slide lock and put it at the very top of your door where he can't possibly reach it. We have one & my 8 year old can't get out without our opening it for her in the morning.
My aunts and grandma stuck butter knives in the tops of the doors. I guess it made a loud sound if the door opened and they fell??? My cousin (who's now in her 40's) was an escape ARTIST. I am surprised my Aunt survived lol, no joke. She climbed a FENCE at 4, and knocked on the neighbors door...at 3 A.M., asking for sugar!!!!!!
Definately install locks at the top of of the door, and DON'T tell him they're there!
They make dead bolts that use a key on both sides
My Dad installed a slider lock at the top of our front and back screen doors.. That only adults can reach.
Definately tell your son that that's an absolute NO NO!!! Even if you were outside, he needs to wait for you but definately tell him to NEVER unlock that door!!! At night, you can put a chair in front of the door or books or a towel at the bottom so it would be hard for him to open it. Or you can put a baby gate at his door at night time. I'd be freaked out too!
My son slept walk in to our garage when he was around 4 yrs old! He walked into our room and got in bed with us, and said he was in our car. I didn't believe him until I saw he had my cell phone in his hand, which I kept in the car then. It was so sad, he was so scared. He said he was trying to call me, even though he didn't know our number! After that I put a baby gate at the top of our stairs and I got a door alarm from bed bath and beyond and attached it to the gate and wall.
That happened to my son just before he turned 3 but it was because he was sleep walking and it was a friends friend that found him at 1 something in the morning. It was so scary because my friend came into my room and she thought something happened to me and my other son because the door was wide open.
I installed a chain high on the door and that has worked for us.
my roommate at the time was "watching" the kids while i took a shower before work.. i came downstairs and found him sleeping on the couch and my 1 and 2 yr old no where to be seen.. searched the house and finally opened the front door in a state of panic and there they were on the front porch, just sitting there... we lived on a busy street with a very short driveway.. how and why they ended up on the porch i will never know. roommate never watched them again either, even for a 20 min shower.
freaks you right out doesnt it!! your mind whirlwinds in a million dirrections what if what if.... well im glad he climbed into bed with you vs looking in the wilderness for you :) take a nap later!
We had a dead bolt lock installed that needs a key to open. I was always afraid that could happen too. We also have an alarm system. It has a motion detector so we would know if the kids went down stairs or if a burglar tried to come up the stairs.
We have the hotel locks on our doors. They are at the top of the door, tall enough that even if the kids push a chair up to the door, they still have trouble reaching them to unlock. My kids didn't go out at night, but they did let themselves out while I was putting away laundry, going to the bathroom, or doing anything that required taking my eyes off of them for more than a minute.
buy the cheap, stick on, alarms that when you open the door it makes an incredibly loud noise!! A lock he can not reach or a deadbolt that requires a key would both be a hazard in case of a fire. My kids know if they see fire to run to the mail box and wait for everyone.. do not look for me or dad... do not stop to get a toy...and so on. if you kid came to a door they could not get out of in an emergency, you would forever be regretful! Sounds like he got scared so he prob wont be doing it again but just in case, those alarms will for sure wake you so you can go gather him up! heck, the sound of it alone would prob terrify him!!
I would NOT do a deadbolt that requires a key for this reason: If there is a fire or other emergency and your whole family has to get out of the house instantly, if you cannot lay hands on that key and get it into the lock in the few seconds you may have to do so, or if you drop the key and it bounces away in the dark and smoke -- you cannot get out the door. If you leave the key IN the lock all the time, figuring that's how you'd get out in an emergency...well, that defeats the purpose of keeping your child inside and safe.
Instead, get a good chain and put it very high up on the door where he cannot reach it; also add a simple door alarm that has two parts: One mounts on the door, the other on the frame, and when the door opens the two parts separate and that sets off the alarm. These are cheap, stick on (so no fancy mounting equipment is required) and can be turned off during the day if you want.
Do this on EVERY exterior door of your house. Also, what about windows? They can eventually figure out that it would be interesting to climb out those. You need to secure them as well. There are window "stops" you can buy but I'd ask at Home Depot or another such store. Not sure how high up your first floor windows are but they likely are high enough that a fall from one of them could seriously hurt a child.
